Gnarly

by Mickie B. Ashling

  “It’ll depend on his mood,” Patxi said, answering one question.

  “Excuse me?” Ed asked, certain he misunderstood.

  “My son has been a recluse for the last year.”

  “What happened?” Ed asked.

  “You’ll see for yourself,” Patxi answered despondently.

  “When can I see him?”

  “How about now?” Patxi replied.

  “Yes,” Ed said. “If you think this is a good time.”

  Patxi nodded. “Come on, Edu. Let’s hope he thinks it’s a nice surprise instead of an intrusion.”

  Chapter 2

  ED DIDN’T know what to expect as he followed Patxi through the busy streets of Gros. It was early by Spanish standards, barely seven o’clock in the evening, yet the bars were beginning to fill up with customers, overflowing to the sidewalk tables and chairs. When he asked why there was a crowd, Patxi said this was normal for the month of August. Semana Grande, a local festival that kicked off on the fifteenth and lasted ten days, attracted tourists from all over the world. Celebrations included free concerts, marching bands, street entertainment, food kiosks, and nightly fireworks.

  There was a definite party atmosphere in the air and it might be exactly what Ed needed to snap out of his lethargy. He was pleased that his Spanish hadn’t been entirely forgotten. It was obvious he needed to hone his skills, but at least he wouldn’t be starting from zero. Maybe he’d strike up a conversation with some people so he could practice. Being forced to speak a foreign language was the best and fastest way to learn.

  Patxi continued his conversation in Spanish interspersed with Euskara, the Basque language, fully expecting Ed to understand every word. In truth, Ed was still processing the information he’d received about Javi and was barely listening. What in hell could have caused the gregarious and friendly surfer he’d known to turn into a recluse?

  He slipped into doctor mode automatically and went down the list of possible scenarios. Midlife crisis? Love affair gone wrong? Job issues? There were any number of reasons that could result in Javi’s condition, and Ed couldn’t wait to find out the particulars. He hoped it was something simple so he might help.

  They stopped in front of an unfamiliar building, and Patxi fumbled with his key to the portal. Ed could see the old man’s hand trembling slightly, and he assumed it had to do with age, not the fact that he was showing up at his son’s doorstep with a ghost from his past. Ed hoped Javi would react favorably to his unexpected visit. Was he married? Who was taking care of him? All of a sudden Ed hesitated, unsure of his next move. Reaching for Patxi, he stopped him just as he was about to turn the lock.

  “Are you sure I’m not intruding?”

  “Of course not,” Patxi insisted.

  “What about his wife?”

  Patxi blinked at him owlishly. “Wife? You’re joking, right?”

  Ed shrugged. “I haven’t had any contact with Javi in thirty years. I don’t know anything about him.”

  “People don’t change, Edu. The only women in Javi’s life are his sisters. My wife, Teresita, passed last year.”

  Ed vaguely remembered the lovely woman who’d been Javi’s mother. “I’m sorry for your loss,” he said woodenly. “What did she die of?”

  “Cancer.”

  Ed nodded. “My wife also passed away five years ago of brain cancer.”

  Patxi stared. “You were married?”

  “Yes,” Ed replied. “I have twin sons who are just finishing college.”

  “Huh… how strange. I didn’t think people like you could do that.”

  Like me? Great, Ed thought. Patxi’s image of him was one-sided. But what else had he expected? Back in the day, he and Javi were draped around each other like Spanish shawls. Ed should have taken the time to explain that his attraction to Javi was unforeseen, albeit enjoyable, but definitely an isolated incident. Right then, though, he wasn’t in the mood to dissect his life. Not when he was a few steps away from the man who’d turned his world upside down.

  “Well, we’re here,” Patxi said, swinging the door of the flat open. “Follow me.”

  The apartment was dark, lit by a solitary lamp in the living room. The overall atmosphere was starkly uninviting.

  “Javier,” Patxi called out in a loud voice.

  “I’m in my room,” Javi replied.

  “I brought you a visitor.”

  “Who?”

  “Are you decent?” Patxi asked.

  “Why? Did you bring the king to visit?”

  “No,” Patxi replied, chuckling. “I brought someone better.”

  “Aita, stop kidding around.”

  “I’m serious,” Patxi said. “Edu is with me.”

  The silence was telling, and for one awful moment, Ed wanted to turn around and walk away, but then Javi called out in halting English.

  “Is it really you, my friend?”

  Ed’s throat burned, and for some inexplicable reason, tears flooded his eyes. He coughed and replied in what he hoped was a normal tone of voice. “Yup, it’s me. Can I come in?”

  “At your own risk,” Javi said, reverting to Spanish.

  Well, shit. It wasn’t the most enthusiastic reply, but it was better than an outright refusal. Ed headed toward the bedroom, grateful that Patxi didn’t follow. He didn’t want an audience for this homecoming, not when he didn’t know how they’d both react.

  At this time of the year, sunset didn’t start until well past eight o’clock in the evening, and the room was in shadows as waning daylight filtered in through the paned window. Javi sat on a chaise facing the door, his legs covered with a light cotton throw. He was wearing a white T-shirt that depicted an aging hipster hanging ten on a surfboard, gray hair tied back in a ponytail, a goofy look on his face, and the caption Surf Till U Check Out in big block letters. Years of sun worship had left its toll, Ed noticed. Tiny crow’s feet radiated from Javi’s limpid hazel eyes and deep commas bracketed his generous mouth. Fortunately, he hadn’t gone bald, and the reddish-brown hair, tucked behind his ears and curled around his neck, made him look younger than his years. Ed had loved finger-combing through the strands, tugging on the thick mass at the height of passion, and helping Javi tie it back when it got in the way of his sport. He’d begged him to keep it long whenever Javi had threatened to buzz it off, and from his spot near the door, Ed felt ridiculously pleased that one thing hadn’t changed. An unexpected surge of tenderness clogged his throat, and he blinked back the tears as he stood there soaking up the sight of his former lover.

  “Come closer,” Javi said softly. “I won’t bite.”

  “Promise?” Ed croaked, trying for some levity.

  Javi smiled and the years dropped away in a flash. “Acércate, cariño.”

  Ed quickly crossed the room and knelt on the floor beside the chaise. Slowly, he wrapped his arm around Javi’s shoulders and drew him close, kissing him softly on the cheek.

  “Hey,” he said gruffly. “I’m so glad to see you.”

  Javi traced Ed’s mouth, eyes, nose, and cheekbones with shaky fingers, sighing as he traversed his face. Ed knew he wasn’t a handsome man by modern standards, but there was strength in the set of his jaw that set him apart. He had a patrician forehead and wore his silver-blond hair combed back in a severe style, adding to his unapproachable mystique. It worked well in a clinical setting.

  A barely there kiss landed on Ed’s lips before Javi drew back. “You look good, Edu.”

  “Thanks, so do you.”

  Javi snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous; I’m a wreck.”

  “You’re a little worn around the edges, but you’re still a striking man, Javi.”

  “Liar.”

  “No lies,” Ed said sincerely. “Why are you being negative?”

  “This isn’t the way I envisioned our grand reunion,” Javi said brokenly.

  “Do you want to talk about whatever has you so down?”

  Javi yanked off the cotton blanket and let it drop to
the floor. Ed’s normally controlled façade slipped when he saw that Javi’s right foot was missing. His leg ended midcalf. “What in the hell happened?”

  “Great white.”

  “A fucking shark!” Ed exclaimed in English.

  Javi nodded.

  “When and where?” Ed asked, adding, “Ditch the Spanish if you can. I want to make sure I understand.”

  “Sure,” Javi agreed, slipping into accented English. “It was in Australia, eight months ago. I was at a surfing tournament and the bastard came out of nowhere. I was able to get away, but not before he did some major damage.”

  “Jesus,” Ed breathed. “You’re lucky you got away at all.”

  Javi shrugged. “Sometimes I wish he’d swallowed me whole. Instead I ended up in a coma for six weeks, and when I finally emerged, I was blind in one eye and minus a foot. Apparently I detached my retina while we were struggling.”

  “Christ almighty.”

  “It’s okay, cariño, I don’t remember much about the incident. All I can tell you is what I was told. There was an outcropping within reach and I almost made it, but the big bastard rammed into me and I crashed headfirst into the rocks. That’s when I hurt my eye, but I was too busy scrambling away to notice the pain or the blood. I can’t even remember what it felt like when he bit off my foot—it’s all a blur. My mind is deliberately burying the memories.”

  “It’s a wonderful coping mechanism we all have.”

  “Except I often forget about my missing limb. Standing in the middle of the night to pee usually means kissing the floor. It’s always such a shock.”

  “Understandable,” Ed said soothingly. “It hasn’t even been a year. Aren’t you planning on getting a prosthesis?”

  Javi shook his head. “I have one, but don’t like how it feels. They say I can upgrade, but huge amounts of money are involved for a bionic foot and necessary rehab.”

  “What about medical insurance?”

  “It only covers the basics. Not ideal for a self-employed wave chaser who’s also a part-time bartender.”

  “Shit,” Ed muttered. “There must be something we can do.”

  Javi waved off the suggestion with a chopping motion and irritated frown. “Enough talk about me, Edu. Tell me what you’ve been up to since I last saw you. Did you become a doctor like you planned?”

  “Yes,” Ed replied. “I’m an anesthesiologist.”

  “Married?”

  “I was. Carol died five years ago. I’ve got two boys who are graduating college next May and I’m feeling my age.”

  “At least you’re in one piece.” Javi’s voice broke at the end of his sentence, and Ed’s training kicked in. Having gone through the different stages of grief himself after Carol’s diagnosis and subsequent death, he could see that Javi was still in denial and angry about his current predicament. Cautiously, he attempted to broach the subject.

  “Come on, buddy,” he said slowly. “I don’t mean to make light of your injuries, but they could have been much worse. Statistically, you’re one in a million. Surviving an attack by a great white is as remarkable as winning the lotto. Let me see what I can do to get you a better prosthesis. With my connections, it shouldn’t be too hard to find someone who’d do it for free. Then you can get back to the sport you love.”

  Javi retreated like a wounded animal, his demeanor completely shifting. The friendly camaraderie was gone and in its place was suspicion and resentment. “Forget about it,” he sneered. “Between the eye and the foot, I’ll be lucky if I can walk a straight line. Getting on a surfboard again is out of the question.”

  “Things will improve once you have the right equipment,” Ed persisted.

  “How would you know?” Javi said irritably. “Your life has been nothing but perfect.”

  “I’m a doctor,” Ed said patiently. “I know how this works. It’s only natural to feel angry at the moment, but once you have free range of motion and don’t feel so helpless, you’ll be more optimistic. I promise you things will get better.”

  “Yeah, right. You were always good at bullshitting. Except this time I’m not buying into it. Leave me alone and go back to your cushy life.”

  “Look, Javi,” Ed said. “I’m not sure why you’re so angry at me, but that’s probably a conversation we need to have on some other day. Right now, I’d like to help you get back in the saddle, or in your case, the surfboard. Please, let me help.”

  “No.”

  “I’ll be in town for six weeks and I plan on bugging you daily whether you like it or not.”

  “I can refuse to see you,” Javi said, glaring. “You can’t force your way in here if I don’t want your help.”

  “When I tell your father what I’m offering, he’ll be on my side. I’m sure he’d rather deal with your bad temper than watch you holed up feeling sorry for yourself.”

  Javi’s tentative grasp on control broke, and he yelled, “Go to hell! You have no right to say anything.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong,” Ed said coldly. “I’m a physician, and I have a moral obligation to make sure I do everything in my power to put you back together.”

  “Really? Where the hell have you been for the last three decades?” Javi asked. “You don’t get to walk in here and run things like I belong to you.”

  “Javi, don’t—”

  “Didn’t you think it was only fair to call or send a card? No, you were too busy getting on with your life. You forgot about me the moment you got on that fucking plane. Well, you’re not wanted here, Dr. Hollingsworth. Shove me out of your thoughts like you did years ago, and go sit on the beach and check out the eye candy. I’m sure you’ll find something to entertain you again. There’s no shortage of hot guys out there, or are you strictly hetero these days? Women are topless all over the beach if that’s what gets you going. Forget about me and everything you’ve seen tonight. You’re not my doctor, and you’re under no obligation to fix me.”

  Ed was taken aback by Javi’s tirade. Obviously he’d missed something crucial. He wished Javi would settle down long enough for them to have a decent conversation. Instead, he was looking at a guy on the verge of a coronary whose anger ran deep.

  Reluctantly—and against his better judgment—Ed gave in. “I’m going, but I’ll be back when you’ve calmed down. We should talk.”

  “Talking is overrated,” Javi snapped. “Get out!”

  Chapter 3

  PATXI’S PROFUSE apology following Javi’s rude behavior faded, along with the sound of footsteps on the hardwood floor, as he and Ed exited the apartment. When the door slammed shut, Javi fell back on the chaise, covering his face with both hands to push away the stony visage of the man who’d materialized like a ghost.

  It was useless, of course. He’d been obsessed with Ed for years, and seeing him walk into his apartment had been a shock, but not entirely unwelcome. The joy had been quickly replaced by irritation as Ed’s attitude regarding Javi’s injuries began rubbing him the wrong way. Where did Ed get off telling him how to feel? Or what sort of treatment he should seek? Suddenly, Javi was back in time and old resentments surged. He’d let Edu go without a fight, hadn’t even tried to convince him to stay in Spain or make plans to meet up in the future. He’d been waiting—and hoping—for some sign that their relationship had been more than a casual fuck, but the stupid bastard had walked away without a backward glance.

  Weeks later, Javi realized he’d been a fool to hope that Ed would be willing to risk his future for a penniless surfer. It had been nothing but a summer fling, an enjoyable experiment, but undeniably forgettable. The aftereffect had been a severe blow to Javi’s ego and had tainted all future relationships. No more hookups with guys who were bi-curious, bored, or drunk out of their minds. Going forward, it was bona fide queers or nothing at all.

  And now the infuriating man was back and questioning his decisions when he had absolutely no rights whatsoever. Who the hell put him in charge? Javi didn’t give a damn if Ed was a docto
r and had connections. There was no such thing as free. Somewhere along the line, there would be payback, and Javi sure as hell didn’t want to owe that coldhearted bastard a goddamn thing. More importantly, he couldn’t risk getting emotionally tangled up again. Not when he was at his lowest.

  He reached for the crutches leaning against his chaise and struggled to get up. Upright, he headed toward the window and looked out, hoping to catch a glimpse of Ed’s departing figure. After all this time he was still dangerously attractive—if you liked silver foxes with an air of entitlement. Edu didn’t have a gut or a receding hairline and easily passed for a much younger man. Javi wondered if he’d kept up his interest in surfing or if his wiry musculature was thanks to a personal trainer and a lifetime gym membership. Considering his profession, it was probably the latter that kept the pounds off.

  Even if Javi’s natural inclination was to push Ed away, his cock, which had been on hiatus since the shark attack, perked up like he was eighteen again. Javi stared at the unmistakable tent in his boxers and shook his head in disgust. There was no way in hell he’d fall down that rabbit hole again. Not when the outcome was so predictable. Maybe, if he were the same man he’d been a couple of years ago, he might have transcended the hurt and entertained a rematch for shits and giggles, but that wasn’t the case. The Javi Elizalde who’d lost parts of himself out in the Great Barrier Reef wasn’t strong enough to face more rejection.

  And yet….

  He headed toward the bathroom. For the first time in a very long time, Javi looked in the mirror and actually gave a damn. He contemplated his scraggly beard and reached for the scissors. Mati, his sister, had been shaving him since his accident. Growing a beard to avoid the daily chore had been the easier option, but it grew wild, and he didn’t object when she offered to give him a hand with his personal grooming. It had been several days, though, and he felt grungy, especially after seeing Ed, who looked remarkably presentable after hours of traveling.

  It was tricky with only one working eye, and his perception was skewed, but he took his time, and when he was finally trimmed and shaped to his satisfaction, he appraised the image staring back at him. His damaged eye wasn’t much different in appearance from the good one unless you looked close. A discerning observer would notice the vacant look. Nonetheless, it didn’t detract from his overall appearance. It was the lack of sunshine and exercise that made him look like the walking dead.