No Exchanges, No Returns

by Laurie Kellogg

  “I’m glad to hear it. Although, I’m not sure you should be speaking for more than yourself.” Judy arched a knowing eyebrow at Casey.

  Okay, so she still felt guilty about wanting David. Casey lifted her chin and met his mother’s gaze. “My conscience would bother me a whole lot less if you would stop insinuating I’ve done something immoral. I, unfortunately, was not blessed with the gift of being able to choose who I care for. My feelings aren’t something I can turn off and on.”

  “If anyone should understand that,”—David pointed to Judy—“it should be you, Mom.”

  “Why me? I’ve never—”

  “James?”

  His mother’s gaze turned wary. “What’re you saying?”

  “You really don’t know, huh? I’ll spell it out for you. If human beings could control their feelings, you wouldn’t still be grieving for my brother after twenty years.”

  Judy’s eyes glassed over. “You don’t know what it’s like to lose a child.”

  “And I pray to God I never find out. But if I do, I swear I’ll never make the kids I still have feel like they’re not enough for me.”

  As David’s words hung in the air, Casey could practically hear her heart pounding in the tense silence. Despite that his mother had never given her a reason to like her, Casey couldn’t help but wince at the pain twisting Judy’s features.

  ~*~

  “Damn, it,” David muttered under his breath as he watched his mother’s face crumple. He had no call to light into her like that. Whether it was the truth or not.

  Sure, he would’ve preferred if she hadn’t simply dropped in and caught him kissing Casey, but it was probably for the best. At some point, he had to tell his parents his relationship with Brianna’s sister had changed.

  If he were totally honest with himself, his conscience wasn’t as clear as he claimed. The more time he spent with Casey, the clearer it became that he’d enjoyed goading her so much because he’d had repressed feelings for her.

  His mother stared at him as if he’d just slapped her.

  “Mom, I’m sorry.” He reached out to her. “I didn’t mean—”

  “Yes, you did.” Casey stepped between them and prevented him from hugging his mother. “It’s about time you told your mom how you feel. Your parents need to know how much it hurts you, wondering if it would’ve been easier for them if you’d died, instead of your brother.”

  “Oh, God, no.” Judy shook her head and shoved her way past Casey. His mother flung herself into his arms and held him tight. “It would’ve been much, much harder to lose you. Jamie never needed me the way you did.”

  No, she had that straight. James had always had it all together. His brother had never forgotten his lunch or hurt himself so often their parents joked about being on a first name basis with the emergency room staff.

  James hadn’t slept with a night light or been afraid his friends would find out he sucked his thumb until he was nine and liked baking Christmas cookies with his mother.

  “I’m sorry. I know losing Jamie was almost as hard for you as it was for me.” She sniffled and wiped her eyes. “And when you needed me the most, I was too wrapped up in my grief to comfort you.”

  David tightened his embrace and rocked her. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I—”

  No, damn it. Casey was right. He didn’t regret spouting off. It had felt good to vent his resentment and hurt. He pressed a kiss to his mother’s damp cheek. “I love you. It’s all in the past. Let’s forget about it and just start over.”

  “Forget about it?” Casey slammed one of the open cabinets shut. “No way! You do this all the time, David. Every time things get a little uncomfortable, you avoid the issue. Ignoring what’s happened in your relationship with your parents doesn’t resolve anything. Your mom and you need to talk about how you feel.”

  “I think Casey’s on to us, Davey.” His mom smiled, using his childhood nickname. “We’ve both bottled things up for too many years because it hurt to talk about it.”

  A lump formed in his stomach. “Sometimes I....” He swallowed hard and started again. “I feel like maybe you blame me.”

  “Never. If I’d been behind the wheel that night it still could’ve happened. The only people I blame is that drunk, for hitting you and James, and myself for sending you boys out for the pizza. If your dad or I had gone instead....” She sighed, shaking her head.

  His throat closed at the thought of losing one of them. “It’s just,”—he cleared the hoarseness from his voice—“when you and dad constantly talk about what a great kid Jamie was and what a success he would’ve been if he’d lived, I feel like maybe I’ve let you down. Like I’m a—a disappointment to you.”

  “No, sweetheart.” His mom wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest. “We’ve just had trouble forgiving ourselves. Remembering your brother’s accomplishments is how we keep him alive for ourselves.” She drew back and looked up at him, tears shimmering in her eyes. “You’re the best son any parent could ask for. You could never be a disappointment.”

  “I love you.” He pressed a kiss to his mom’s cheek. All at once, his appetite charged back, and his stomach growled like a pack of wild dogs, reminding him he hadn’t had lunch again. “Let’s have dinner. I’m starving.”

  Surrounded by a cloud of steam from the water boiling on the stove, Casey smiled at him, obviously pleased by their conversation. “Yes, let’s. Your mom dressed the salad exactly the way you like it.”

  He glanced between them and frowned. He liked a lot of different salad dressings. Although, Casey’s homemade ranch was about the best he’d ever had.

  A sharp jab in his rib from her elbow made it dawn on him she was attempting to pander to his mom’s ego.

  “Fantastic.” He rubbed his hands together. “I love her dressing. What’s for dinner?”

  “Ravioli in pesto.”

  Oh, no. The last time she’d made ravioli for him, he’d eaten so many he’d popped the button on his jeans. An intelligent man would suggest going out to dinner rather than let his mother taste Casey’s incredible cooking.

  Unfortunately, the score in the contest between his belly and his brain was, Stomach-10, Gray matter-0

  ~*~

  “So what do you think?” Casey straightened the ruffled curtains in the baby’s nursery a week later and glanced back at Mattie who was studying the Mother Goose mural Casey had sketched.

  During the previous weekend, David had painted all of the pictures, meticulously filling each space in the mural according to her color-coding as if it were a paint-by-number set.

  “It’s adorable.”

  “Not quite ready for the Louvre, though, is it?”

  “I wouldn’t call it a masterpiece.” Mattie chuckled. “But it’s certainly professional enough that you could do this as a part-time job if you need extra money.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.” Casey kissed the older woman’s wrinkled cheek. “Fortunately, enrollment for September is totally full. I’ve even put a couple of families on a waiting list.”

  “I never doubted the school would be a raging success.”

  “Thanks. You’re part of the reason it is.” She tugged on Mattie’s arm and led her toward the back staircase. “Come on. We’ll filch some of those cookies you baked for David and take them out to the pool. Holly’s been waiting long enough to go swimming.”

  Casey had turned Nickelodeon on the TV for the child while she showed Mattie the nursery.

  “She’s such a patient little dear.” Mattie sighed. “She sits so still while I fix her hair every day. These old fingers of mine aren’t as nimble as they used to be, so sometimes it takes forever.”

  Their tortoise-like pace on the steps was well-matched. Apparently pregnant women and senior citizens moved at the same rate.

  “How are you and Innes getting along?” Casey asked at the bottom of the stairs.

  Mattie released a disgruntled humph. “If it weren’t for the child,
I’d lock the old fool out in the cold and let him freeze.”

  Casey chuckled. “It’s the end of August, Mattie.”

  “It won’t be hot forever.”

  “What’s the problem?” She took three glasses out of the cupboard and set them on the counter. “Is he still leaving the leftovers uncovered in the fridge?”

  “Yes. And when I scolded him, do you know what that idiot had the nerve to do? He kissed me.”

  “No-o.” Casey clamped her hand over her mouth in mock surprise.

  “Right smack on the lips.”

  “What’d you do?”

  “I socked him in that beer belly of his, of course.”

  “You punched him?” Casey sputtered, trying not to laugh.

  Mattie flexed her gnarled hand into a tight fist. “I’ll do it all again if he gets fresh with me a second time.”

  “Oh, cut the poor man a break, Mattie. It was just a little kiss.”

  “Yes, well....Walter always did that, too.” Her bright blue eyes turned misty. “Every time I got up a full head of steam, he’d try to romance his way out of trouble.”

  “It doesn’t sound as if Innes’s kiss bothered you as much as the fact it reminded you of your husband.”

  Turning away, Mattie transferred several cookies from the tin to a plate and promptly changed the subject. “Tell me what’s happening with David.”

  “He’s thrilled Holly hasn’t been in to visit since she and Innes moved in with you.” Casey pulled the ice cold jug of milk from the fridge and poured three large glasses.

  “You know I meant between the two of you.”

  “Oh.” She wanted to say things were wonderful because in all honesty she’d never been happier. Even her relationship with Judy was less strained. His mother had actually swallowed her pride the night she’d been there for dinner and complimented Casey on the meal.

  Unfortunately, Casey couldn’t help wondering how much of David’s tenderness was actually directed toward her personally. He was so excited about becoming a father, he’d probably show just as much affection to Cruella De Vil if she were carrying his child.

  After loading the plate of cookies and the glasses of milk onto a tray, she called into the family room. “Come on, Holly, let’s go swimming.”

  “Yea!” The little girl squealed and dashed for the French doors leading out to the deck.

  Casey turned off the television and followed Mattie out with their snack. Holly didn’t even wait to eat her cookies before running down to the pool and doing a cannonball into the water.

  “Now that’s what I call eager.” Casey laughed. She sank into one of chairs at the table and bit into a chocolate chip cookie, groaning at its sweetness and chewy texture. “These are incredible.”

  “So, you didn’t answer my question,” Mattie reminded her. “How are you and David doing?”

  After washing down her mouthful with a swallow of cold milk, Casey spent the next ten minutes unloading all her fears and suspicions on Mattie.

  The old woman patted her hand. “Oddly enough, honey, I understand about you feeling like you’re just convenient. I think that’s why Innes’s blarney irks me.”

  Mentally vowing to have just grilled chicken and salad for dinner, Casey grabbed another cookie. “Are you saying you feel the same way I do? Like he just appreciates everything you’re doing for him?”

  “I suppose so.” Mattie swallowed the rest of her milk. “If Innes had some other ladies in his life and didn’t need my help so much, I might be able to take his sweet-talk more seriously.”

  Exactly.

  Maybe the answer to her problem was to encourage David to start dating again. Perhaps if he had other female companionship, she could stop worrying he’d turned to her out of pure convenience. Except, she wasn’t sure she had the guts to push him into other women’s arms.

  He might just fall in love with someone else.

  ~*~

  A light breeze ruffled Casey’s hair while she stood on the porch and waved goodbye to Mattie and Holly at four-thirty.

  Rather than return inside, she strolled around the exterior of the house, pulling weeds and deadheading the plants in the flower beds.

  After only a few minutes, she arched her throbbing back. She really should go take a shower and change her clothes. That morning, David had told her he would try to get home early so he could take her out to dinner.

  She wandered through the French doors in the family room and noticed the message light flashing on the phone. She accessed the voicemail, but there was so much background noise on the recording it was difficult to understand the message from the ER desk clerk. The only thing Casey heard was something about David and an accident on his way home and surgery.

  Oh, God, no.

  Her heart pounded in her chest as she listened to the message again, trying to catch more of it. The only new words she managed to make out were critically injured.

  No. She closed her eyes and tried not to panic. She stabbed out David’s cell phone number and got his voice mail.

  She had to call his parents. She punched the speed dial for the Lamberts’ house and found her purse while the phone rang.

  “Judy?” Casey struggled to remain calm and coherent after his mother answered. “David was in a car accident on the way home tonight. The ER clerk said he’s going into surgery.”

  “Oh, my God, no,” Judy sobbed. “Not again.”

  “Calm down. He’s obviously alive. They have a topnotch team of trauma surgeons at that hospital. He’s gonna be all right.” He had to be. They were having a baby. “I’m on my way over there.”

  “Okay.” Judy sniffled. “I’ll meet you there.”

  Casey blinked back her tears and prayed the entire twenty-minute drive to the hospital. A few seconds after she spun the SUV into the emergency parking lot, Gerald and Judy pulled in and parked a few spaces away.

  Trembling, Casey met them at the ER’s door and hugged David’s mom who looked as shell-shocked as Casey felt. Gerald’s face had aged ten years.

  Judy sobbed into her shoulder. “I can’t do this again.”

  “Shhh....” Casey held her and rocked her. “Let’s find out how bad it is before we all get too upset.”

  “She’s right, honey.” Gerald took his wife’s hand. “Let’s not bury our son quite yet, okay?” He led them inside to the triage desk and asked about David’s condition.

  The plump receptionist looked at the three of them as if they’d all been smoking something illegal. “Dr. Lambert isn’t registered as a patient.”

  “But someone from the ER left a message saying he’d had an accident and was going into surgery,” Casey explained.

  “That was me,” the woman said. “But I never said he’d been in an accident. I told you he encountered a serious accident on his way home. One of his patients was involved and was critically injured. My message was that he was going into surgery with him.”

  “Oh, thank God.” Gerald exhaled, his shoulders sagging.

  Casey felt like Henny Penny running around screaming the sky was falling.

  Gerald hugged Judy and glared at Casey. “Young lady, do you have any idea of the needless upset you’ve caused my wife and me?”

  “I-I’m sorry.” Tears welled in her eyes. “The message was sort of garbled. And David usually calls me himself about things like this. I just assumed—”

  “Well, you assumed wrong. Obviously his hands were too full saving someone’s life to be making phone—”

  “Stop it, Gerald!” Judy stepped between them. “Would you rather she wait to call us the next time she thinks David’s been hurt?” She turned and gathered Casey in her arms. “Can’t you see how much she loves him?” She stroked Casey’s hair and kissed her forehead. “It’s okay, darling.”

  Gerald stared at his wife as if he were looking at a total stranger. Casey knew exactly how he felt.

  Judy led her to a chair and helped her into it. “You need to sit down.” Judy spun back to
her husband. “This girl is giving us our grandchild. She understands our son far better than we ever have. Don’t you think she deserves our gratitude, instead of our contempt?”

  Casey did a double take. She had to be hallucinating.

  Gerald hung his head and gazed down at his shoes. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” He hunkered down next to Casey’s chair. “I was just so relieved I—”

  “It’s okay.” She smiled. “I understand.”

  His burst of rage had been just like when one of her students did something careless and hurt themselves. She wanted to hug and comfort them, and at the same time had the urge to yell at them for scaring her.

  “Thank you.” Gerald took her hand. “We’d be proud to have you as our daughter-in-law.”

  “Whoa.” Casey yanked her hand back and raised both of them as if she were being held at gunpoint. “You’re getting way ahead of things. As much as I would love to be a part of your family, David isn’t sure how he feels about me. He’s vulnerable right now. Brianna left less than four months ago. He doesn’t know what he wants.”

  Judy sank into the chair next to her. “No matter what our son feels, you’re still family—even if it’s just as our grandchild’s mother.”

  A lump the size of Philadelphia lodged in Casey’s throat, making it difficult to speak. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Having no mother of my own, I always envied Brianna’s relationship with you.”

  “Well, you can call me mom any time you want.”

  ~*~

  David rubbed his neck as he shoved his way through the OR doors. It had been touch and go for a while, but with any luck Aiden would be fine. He wandered down the hall to the family waiting room where the seven-year-old’s pale mother, Jennifer Hanson, clutched the arm of her husband, Keith, who held their newborn daughter.

  “Hi Dr. Lambert.” Aiden’s twin brother, Austin, waved from the seat beside his mother.

  “Hey, Austin. Mr. and Mrs. Hanson.” David nodded to the couple. “They’ve stopped your son’s internal bleeding and have given him a couple of units of blood. Aiden’s going to be fine.”