Firefighter's Virgin

by Claire Adams

  “Why?” she demanded. “Because you have better things to do?”

  “Yes.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like get drunk,” I said. “I have to go.”

  “Wait,” Sophie said. “Please, Chance, this isn’t right…”

  “People break up all the time, Soph,” I reminded her. “Didn’t you and Tony break up for a while there right before you got married?”

  “The point is that we got back together,” she reminded me.

  “Uh-huh,” I said, with disinterest. “What happened there?”

  “You’re trying to change the subject, aren’t you?”

  “I know how much you enjoy talking about yourself.”

  “Ha-ha,” Sophie said sarcastically. “You’re funny when you’re depressed.”

  “What makes you think I’m depressed?”

  “Oh, I don’t know… The fact that you won’t come to dinner or talk about the breakup,” she reeled off. “The fact that you get all prickly every time I mention Natalie’s name. The fact that you sound like a broken man right now.”

  “I’m not broken—"

  Sophie snorted. “Please… I know you, little brother,” she said. “And I also observed how you were with Natalie. You looked at her like…”

  She trailed off, and that piqued my attention more than her words did. “What?” I demanded.

  “Nothing.”

  “No, tell me,” I insisted.

  Sophie sighed. “You looked at Natalie the way Dad used to look at Mom,” she replied.

  I remembered that look well. Still, to this day, I maintained that my father always looked the happiest when he was glancing over at Mom. It was like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time; it was transformative, if you paid enough attention to notice.

  “That was another love story that ended in tragedy,” I pointed out.

  “But yours doesn’t have to,” Sophie said firmly. “Because I happen to believe that Natalie loves you just as much as you love her. It was different for Mom and Dad. Mom…if she ever loved Dad, it faded over the years. She wanted other things in life, and he wasn’t one of them. But you and Natalie… It’s meant to be.”

  “And you know all this because?”

  “Because she told me.”

  “Who told you what?” I demanded.

  “Natalie,” Sophie replied. “She told me how much she loved you. She admitted to me that you were the love of her life, her first love, and…”

  “And?” I asked, desperately clinging to the words as though I would suffocate without them.

  “She hoped you would be her last.”

  I breathed out slowly. “Oh.”

  “She made me promise not to tell you that,” Sophie said. “She thought it might freak you out.”

  “Oh,” I said again, not knowing what else to say.

  “Is that what happened?” she asked. “She wanted to take things to the next level, and you freaked out?”

  “No,” I said firmly. “That’s not what happened.”

  Sophie sighed. “Tommy misses you,” she said. “He misses Natalie, too.”

  “Tell him I’ll see him soon,” I said.

  “You’re different without Natalie… You know that, right?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “She softens you,” Sophie explained. “She makes you nicer than you really are.”

  I frowned. “Gee thanks.”

  She made no apologies. “You’re my brother, and I love you. But I also have to be honest with you. As a person, Chance, you can be…cold. There’s a distance you create with people that keeps them at arm’s length. You’ve been doing it since Mom left.

  “But with Natalie, she bridges that distance you’ve created. She makes you…more accessible, warmer. You realize that you’d barely had a conversation with your nephew before Natalie entered the picture, right?”

  She was right, and I knew it. Which made the reality of my situation that much harder. Natalie was perfect for me. She was the yin to my yang, and that had never made much sense to me until just now. She made up for all my flaws, she covered up my weaknesses, and she made up for all the qualities I lacked. She was my soul mate, and I had been forced to break her heart and drive her away.

  “I have to go.”

  “Oh, Chance,” Sophie sighed. “I wish you would just talk to me.”

  “I will one day,” I promised. “But right now…there’s an empty barstool out there with my name on it.”

  Before Sophie could interject, I said goodbye and hung up. Then I grabbed my coat and headed to Oasis. I wasn’t exactly sure why I was going there of all places. It was where I had first met Natalie, but then again maybe that was precisely why I wanted to go there. I wanted to bask in my memories of her because apparently, I was a sucker for pain.

  As usual, the bar was crawling with people when I arrived. Luckily, I managed to find an empty stool because everyone was dancing. I ordered a couple of beers and sipped moodily, trying to drown out the laughter and chatter that choked the air around me. I had just started on my second beer when I felt someone tap at my shoulder.

  “Well, well,” Lindsey smiled. “Fancy running into you here.”

  “Lindsey.” I nodded.

  She sat down on the stool next to me and regarded me carefully. She was dressed to kill in a tight dress with a neckline that was cut so low that it fell between her breasts.

  “You look good,” I said, without feeling.

  “Do I?” Lindsey asked, and she leaned in towards me. “Well, you look…pretty scruffy at the moment, actually.”

  I gave her a half-hearted smile. “I haven’t shaved in a few days.”

  “I can see that.” She nodded. “But lucky for you, I find the caveman look extremely attractive.”

  I smirked. “Can I buy you a drink?”

  “Not necessary,” she said. “There’s a tall drink of water that I prefer to dip myself in.” She leaned in a little further and caressed my arm suggestively.

  I gave her a polite smile and withdrew my arm. “I don’t think I’ll be much fun tonight.”

  “Maybe you need me to show you how,” she suggested. “Fair warning, though: it doesn’t involve any clothes.”

  I looked up at her, wondering what her end goal was. I was fairly sure she wasn’t really interested in me. “We’re friends,” I pointed out.

  “So?” Lindsey said. “Friends can still have sex and not have it mean anything.”

  “A year ago, I would have agreed,” I nodded. “In fact, that would have been my ideal situation. But now…it doesn’t make sense to me anymore.”

  “Because of Natalie?”

  I tried not to let the sound of her name bother me. “Yes.”

  “A good fuck might help get your mind off her,” Lindsey pointed out.

  “I can’t even imagine looking at another woman that way, let alone sleeping with someone else,” I said. “And to be completely honest, pity sex isn’t a huge turn on.”

  “What makes you think I’m offering you pity sex?”

  I gave her a pointed look and Lindsey smiled. “You really do love her, don’t you?”

  “I do,” I said, with confidence. It was the first time in a long time that I’d been completely sure of something.

  “And you’ve heard nothing from the little shit who orchestrated this whole thing?”

  “Nothing,” I said. “He knows to stay out of my way now. I’m not beyond punching him in the face.”

  “Hmm… Well, it doesn’t seem right that he gets away with this.”

  “No, it’s not,” I agreed. “But such is life.”

  “Fuck that,” Lindsey said, shaking her head. “Life is what you make of it. And you’re no victim, even though you’re acting like one right now.”

  “What am I supposed to do?” I demanded. “I have no alternatives.”

  “There’s always an alternative,” she said. “You just have to find the right one.”


  I turned back to my beer and took a big swing out of it. “My alternative right now is getting drunk and sleeping through this weekend.”

  “I was suggesting something a little more…proactive.”

  “Like what?”

  Lindsey looked at me carefully and then shook her head. “Sometimes men can be a little hopeless,” she said. “I suppose it’s up to the women to save the day.”

  I frowned. “Are you drunk already?”

  “Sober as the day I was born.”

  I smiled. “Then what are you talking about?”

  She smiled. “You don’t have to worry your pretty little head about it. Why don’t you continue with your original plan and get drunk? I’ll talk to you later.”

  “You’re leaving?”

  “I’m just leaving the bar, darling,” Lindsey winked at me. “And heading to the dance floor. I see a few old friends that I want to reacquaint myself with.”

  I glanced over and noticed two guys standing on a corner, smiling at her. She waved at them, and they gestured her over. They looked a little young, but then Lindsey was popular with the students.

  “Old friends?” I asked. “Or old fucks?”

  “Don’t be crude,” she said. “You might need to thank them later.”

  I frowned. “What?”

  Lindsey laughed, and I could tell that she wasn’t telling me something. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

  “Lindsey… Wait—”

  But she had already started walking away from me. I watched her receding figure and could admire from a detached stance how attractive she was. Another lifetime ago, she would have been exactly my type, and yet, nothing about her turned me on anymore. It was as though Natalie had robbed me of every sexual feeling towards any other woman.

  I kept glancing around, spying all the women coming and going, drinking and dancing. There were beauties in the bar all around me, but I couldn’t muster up a single iota of interest. When I thought about sleeping with someone other than Natalie, my insides churched uncomfortably, and I knew that wasn’t an option for me right now. The breakup was still too fresh and the scars still too deep. I needed to get some distance before I could approach another woman.

  I wondered how Natalie was doing. I hadn’t seen her since that night in the restaurant when I had ended things. I had been tempted to text and ask how she was, but then I figured a clean break might be best for both of us. Once I was finished with my fifth beer, I paid my tab and headed back to my place. I was at the door when I noticed Lindsey. She was not on the dance floor.

  Instead, she was huddled in a corner with the same two men, and they were talking with some urgency. I frowned, unsure of what she was up to. On another night, I might have approached her and asked point blank what she was planning, but today, I was too drunk to care.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Natalie

  It was such a beautiful day that I couldn’t help but feel as though life was mocking me.

  I was huddled in with a group of seniors, none of whom I was very familiar with. Graduation was fully underway and the atmosphere was excited, but I couldn’t find it in me to be anything but melancholy.

  Missy was all the way on the other side of the huge arched ballroom that served as the setting for graduation. And without her, my mood had dropped considerably. She was the only reason I looked presentable. I was wearing a body-fitting cream dress with intricately worked sleeves and a modest hemline. My hair had been arranged into a messy yet elegant topknot, and my makeup was subtle and sophisticated. Missy really knew what she was doing when it came to makeovers.

  Given that I was sitting beside a bunch of girls I didn’t know, I looked around, trying to distract myself from their conversation. If I stood a little, I could see my parents sitting off in the section delegated for family members. Dad was wearing his best jacket and Mom was in her favorite jade green dress. Both of them looked proud and happy. I caught Mom’s eye and waved to them, forcing a smile on my face.

  Seconds later, I spied Chance walking onto the stage to sit with all the other professors. He was in his academic robes, but I could see the dark blue suit he wore underneath. He looked incredibly handsome, and I felt my heart shiver at the sight of him. I forced myself to turn away from him, but my attention focused inevitably on the conversation the two girls beside me were having.

  “What are your plans after graduation?” the blonde one asked.

  “I have an internship lined up,” the redhead replied. “At Saxon and Banks. It’s unpaid for the moment, but if I do well, I’ll be put on the payroll within the first three months.”

  “Saxon and Banks, huh?”

  “Pretty good, right?”

  “Please, that’s incredible.”

  “I had to pull a few strings to get in, though…”

  “You’d have to, wouldn’t you? Saxon and Banks takes interns on recommendations alone.”

  “What about you?” the redhead asked. “What are your plans?”

  The blonde gave a delighted smile and popped her left hand up to show the large ring that sat on her ring finger. I felt my insides squirm as burning hot jealousy washed over me. I was surprised and ashamed of myself. Am I really so petty that I can’t be happy for someone else’s happiness if it means that I myself am not happy? I wondered. I tried not to listen anymore, but somehow, I was now completely invested in the conversation.

  “No way!” screamed her friend.

  “He proposed last week, just after finals.”

  “Oh my God, the ring! How did he afford it?”

  “It’s been in the family for generations. Apparently, it’s passed down to the oldest child to the oldest child forever, family tradition. Luckily, Trevor’s the oldest, which means I got the ring. It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

  “It’s spectacular.”

  “He caught me completely off-guard, too. I wasn’t expecting a proposal. I just thought he was going to ask me to move in with him. I mean we had talked about it a little bit…”

  “Marriage?”

  “No, moving in together. So I was wondering why he was making such a big deal about actually asking me…officially, at least. But then he popped out the ring, and I freaked out.”

  “Where did he do it?” the redhead asked.

  He took me to the restaurant where we had our first date. Except he requested a table on the balcony, and he had even hired musicians. Then just before the dessert came out, he dropped down on one knee in front of everyone and proposed. It was the most magical night. We told our parents the next day.”

  “They must have been thrilled.”

  “Oh yeah, Mom’s been sending me wedding magazines all week. She can’t wait to start planning – neither can I, for that matter.”

  “What are you thinking?” the redhead asked. “What kind of wedding do you want?”

  “I’m thinking beach wedding,” the blonde replied. “Trevor’s family has this spectacular beach house in Malibu. That might be the perfect location. There’s an exclusive club that holds private functions for its members. Trevor’s father’s a member, so…”

  “You’re set. Wow, you are so lucky.”

  “I’m thinking smaller guest list though, maybe two hundred people tops.”

  “That’s small?”

  The blonde laughed. “We both have a huge family…my family alone is like eighty people.”

  “Have you given any thought to what kind of dress you’ll be wearing?”

  “Oh my God, that’s all I’ve been thinking about since Trevor proposed. I’m actually planning the wedding around the dress. I’m thinking dramatic mermaid for the actual ceremony, but I want a detachable skirt so that I can dance at the reception.”

  “This wedding is going to be incredible.”

  “I’m excited.”

  “Have you discussed dates?”

  “I’m going to need at least a year to plan the wedding. So I’m thinking end of summer next year.”

  “Ex
citing.”

  “As excited as I am about the wedding, I’m really looking forward to the honeymoon.”

  “I’m sure… Do you know what you want to do?”

  “There’s no question. We’re going to spend a few weeks in Paris.”

  And that was my limit. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. It was stupid and silly of me. I was being petty and childish, but hearing about her wedding and her honeymoon was hard enough. Then to hear about Paris, that just pushed me over the edge. It reminded me of everything I had just lost, and it reminded me of all the plans I had wanted to make. Now they were all fallen dreams that I was forced to throw to the wayside.

  Tears started slipping down my cheeks, and I tried like hell to cover them up. I could feel little droplets fall to my hands and I tried surreptitiously to brush them away. The moment I wiped my face clean, more tears materialized, and I knew there was no way I could hide my puffy eyes and my red nose.

  “Oh my God, are you all right?” It was the blonde girl. She was turned towards me, and her expression was one of concern.

  “Yes, of course.” I nodded, trying to smile through the tears. “I’m just being silly.”

  “Is something wrong?” the redhead asked.

  “No… It’s just I’m a little emotional today, that’s all, what with graduation…”

  I hoped that was a convincing enough lie. They exchanged a glance, but neither one questioned me, and I felt completely ridiculous.

  “I’m sorry,” I sniffed. “I’m being so silly.”

  “No, don’t say that,” the blonde said, patting my arm. “Graduation is emotional. We’ve all worked out butts off for four years to get here. This is a big deal. You have no reason to be embarrassed.”

  “Thank you,” I said. “You’re nice.”

  “Nice is my middle name.” She laughed. “But the name on my birth certificate reads Martha. It’s nice to meet you. And this is Abigail.”

  I smiled through my tears and shook her hand. “Nice to meet you both. I’m Natalie.”

  “I’ve seen you around, Natalie,” Abigail said. “You took sociology, didn’t you?”

  “I did,” I nodded.

  “We were in the same lecture for two semesters.”

  “Really?” I said, amazed that I didn’t recognize Abigail at all. “I’m sorry, I can’t say that I remember you.”