It takes a while for him to latch on, but he gets the hang of it quickly. I watch in amazement as his little mouth works hard to try to extract milk from me. “This is crazy,â€� I say. The nurse laughs. “Yep. Don’t worry if it takes a day or two for your milk supply to come in. Just breastfeed him as often as possible.â€� I look up at her and shake my head. “This is crazy,â€� I repeat. “All of it.â€� She looks at me curiously but says nothing, and I turn back towards the baby. For the next few hours I’m in a daze. I’m wheeled back to my hospital room and fall asleep immediately. When I wake up, Lucas is sitting in the chair next to me reading a magazine. I groan and turn around. “What time is it?â€� He looks at his watch. “6:15pm.â€� “Where’s the baby?â€� My heart starts beating faster as my eyes try to adjust to the light in the room. “Sleeping right there,â€� Lucas answers, pointing to the bassinet next to the bed. I sit back and put my arm over the edge, trailing it over the baby’s cheek. I still can’t believe how soft his skin is. “Where’s Harper and Jess?â€� “They went to get some dinner and I said I’d stay. You want me to call them?â€� I shake my head. “No, it’s ok.â€� He moves a bit closer and takes my hand in his. He lifts it up and brings it to his lips, kissing my fingers gently. I close my eyes and sigh. Even after it all, even with so many things unsaid between us and a thousand and one questions, it feels good to be near him. We sit like that, just enjoying each other’s company. The baby stirs but doesn’t scream. He opens his eyes and blinks at me before giggling. Another wave of love crashes over me and I move to pick him up. “He has blue eyes,â€� I say, bringing him up to my lips for a kiss. “Just like his dad.â€� Lucas looks from the baby to me and his smile breaks across his face. “Just like his dad,â€� he repeats. There are so many things I want to tell Lucas, so many things crowding my brain that they all turn to mush and I can’t think of anything to say at all. Lucas doesn’t seem to mind, he just brings his chair closer and puts his hand behind the baby’s head. “Have you decided on a name yet?â€� I shake my head. “Not yet.â€� Lucas’s eyes look brighter than I remember. His hair is a bit longer and he has it styled like before, a little bit tousled but still neat. His beard is the same length and his chest is just as broad. His arms pull against the fabric of his shirt as he moves closer to me. “Lucas,â€� I start. “I’ve asked the nurses for a paternity test.â€� He looks up at me and frowns. “Ok,â€� he answers slowly. “I haven’t slept with anyone else,â€� I add quickly. “Not since I met you. Well, not since months before I met you, really. But I just… I just think considering our history that it would be best.â€� He nods and I can’t tell what he’s thinking. He strokes our son’s forehead gently and then leans down and kisses my fingers again. “You don’t need to do that,â€� he says. I shake my head. “I do. Will you take it?â€� He nods slowly but says nothing. “If you want me to. But Rosie,â€� he adds. “I know this baby is mine. I’ve watched my daughter be born and I felt the exact same way. This is my son.â€� He pauses. “Our son.â€� My heart felt full before, but now it’s ready to burst. All my fears of Lucas turning his back on me, of him not wanting the kid, of him walking out on me evaporate. He’s here. He knows it’s his son, he found me and stuck with me as soon as he knew. A small bloom of hope starts opening up deep inside my chest. Maybe there’s a future between us? Maybe there’s hope? I clear my throat. “So, uh,â€� I pause. I don’t even know where to start. “What’s the plan?â€� Lucas laughs. “Don’t try to project manage this. There is no plan.â€� I can’t help but smile. “I know there’s no plan. I just mean… how long are you here?â€� My chest tightens as I ask the question. He’s brought his young daughter across the country to meet me, surely she has to be in school? He left work for the day, he’ll have to go back. His whole life is in LA, and my whole life is here. All the problems that were in our way before are still in our way now, except now there’s a baby to think about too. Lucas moves his hand up to my face and strokes my cheek. “I’ll be here as long as it takes to get you settled. I’ll have to go to LA to sort things out, and Allie can’t miss that much school, but…â€� I hang on to every word until he stops talking. “But…?â€� I repeat. “But I want to be here for you. Rosie, ever since I met you I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I thought you’d walked away from me twice but now I see that you just thought I was using you. This -“ he waves his hand between us, “this thing that we have, it means something. I want to be with you, Rosie.â€� I can’t even see his face anymore, my eyes are so blurry. The tears drop down my cheeks and I nod. “I want to be with you too. I’m sorry, Lucas.â€� My sob interrupts me. “I’m sorry I walked away. I thought,â€� I can feel my cheeks blushing as the tears stream down it. “I saw a message on your phone and I thought Allie was your wife.â€� Lucas leans back in his chair, his mouth hanging open and his eyes wide. His lips start curling into a grin and he shakes his head. “You thought you were the other woman?â€� I nod, unable to get any words out. Lucas starts laughing and shaking his head. “God, Rosie, if you only knew. There’s no one else. There never was anyone else. For the past nine months, ever since I jumped in to your taxi, it’s been only you.â€� I laugh as the tears continue to stream out of my eyes. “I told you it was my taxi,â€� I say, laughing and crying and laughing some more. Before I can say anything else his lips are crushing against mine and his hand is wrapped around the nape of my neck. Our baby wriggles between us and starts giggling until all three of us are laughing together. Chapter 47 – Lucas
It feels wrong to be on the plane back to LA. It feels wrong to leave Rosie and our son behind. It feels wrong to be anywhere except by her side, but I have to go. Allie needs to be in school and I have to somehow explain this to Linda and hand in my resignation. I haven’t laughed or cried this much ever before. My heart feels like it’ll explode if any more happiness comes into it. Allie’s sitting beside me, her legs swinging back and forth as she hums to herself. “I think you should call him Jack,� she says. “Jack? Why Jack?� “Because of the Titanic! Jack and Rose!� I laugh. “Where did you even hear about the Titanic? Isn’t that a bit too inappropriate for you to be watching it?� Allie rolls her eyes. “Everyone knows about the Titanic, Dad.� “Right,� I respond, elbowing her gently. “I forgot you’re all grown up.� She grins at me. “I can’t wait to go back. Do they have Mathletes in New York? Where will we live?� “Whoa, whoa, Allie, slow down. We don’t know if we’re moving over yet. We don’t know what’s happening. You’re finishing the school year in LA and then we’ll see.� Allie’s legs stop swinging and she turns towards me. She frowns and shakes her head. “We should be there. It’s our family!� Her words cut through me and once again I’m amazed at my twelve year-old daughter’s wisdom. Somehow, intuitively, she knows what the right thing to do is. I mean, I do too. Of course I want to be by Rosie’s side. I want to be there for her and for our kid, but there are so many things in the way! Allie reads my mind. “It’s simple, Dad. I finish school this year, you quit your job, we sell the house, and we move. Simple.� I snort. “Doesn’t sound simple.� “It is though! You can go see her every couple of weeks until then and then we get a place in New York!� She does make it sound simple. I shake my head. “You would want to move? What about your friends?� Allie tilts her head to the side
and chews her lip. She nods. “I’ll miss them. But I have a little brother now and I need to take care of him! You always tell me that family is the most important.â€� “That’s true, I do say that. And family is the most important thing.â€� “Right. So that’s that.â€� She turns back towards the front of the plane and puts her headphones in, and then turns her head towards me again. “I like Rosie. She’s nice.â€� I shake my head and laugh. She’s a little adult, that’s for sure. I don’t know where she came from but she always succeeds in telling me what the right thing to do is. I’m still not sure it’s as simple as she thinks. By the time I get back to work, two days after I left, word has travelled about the pregnancy and the trip. Linda is on my heels as I walk into my office. “Lucas,â€� she says sternly. “What the fuck is going on? When were you going to tell me about this?â€� “I didn’t even know about it until Jake came back and said she was pregnant.â€� “You were fucking our client this whole time?? Do you have any idea what kind of position that puts us in?â€� I refrain from making a joke about positions when I see the look on Linda’s face. I shrug and then sigh. “I don’t know what to tell you, Linda. We met before we hired Lockwood, before it all happened. I didn’t even know she worked there until she walked into the conference room for the proposal. I didn’t know!â€� Linda shakes her head. “So you’re pleading ignorance. You could have told me you had a history. Have you been seeing her this whole time!â€� “No! It was over. Well, I thought it was over. I don’t know. Listen, Linda. I don’t know.â€� Linda’s shoulders relax and she uncrosses her arms. She pulls a chair out and sits across from me. “So, boy or girl?â€� “Boy.â€� A small spark appears in her eye and she starts to smile. “Congratulations.â€� “Thanks. Listen, Linda, I don’t know what is going to happen, but I might need some time off in the next little while.â€� Linda nods. “Well, that’s the other thing I wanted to talk about. After I told you how much I disapprove,â€� she says with the tiniest grin. “I’ve already spoken to the board about opening up a New York office and proposed you be the director. Hopefully they’ll approve it before the gossip reaches them and it won’t look like a last-ditch attempt to save face.â€� My mouth falls open. “I… what?â€� “You want to go to New York, don’t you? Time off, new baby, beautiful woman there waiting for you…? Isn’t what this is all about?â€� My mouth opens and then closes again. What is it with the women in my life knowing what I’m thinking before I’ve even thought it! Linda laughs. “Take the day to think about it. I’m waiting on a response from them by the end of the day tomorrow so if you have any objections tell me now.â€� She pauses and leans forward slightly. “You’ve been a great employee and a great friend, Lucas. When your wife died, something in you changed. You got so serious, and you worked harder than anyone in their right mind should work.â€� I swallow and try to say something but she holds up her hand. “For a few months I saw that spark in you again, and when I heard about the baby it all made sense. Be with your family. Be with the woman you love.â€� “I don’t -â€� Linda holds up her hand. “Whatever you’re about to say, don’t say it. Think about the New York office and let me know by tomorrow morning.â€� I nod and she turns around and walks out the door. I sit back in my chair and stare at the open doorway in awe. Somehow, Linda has managed to solve a dozen of my problems without even asking. Her words play in my head on repeat: Be with your family. Be with the woman you love. The woman you love. I sigh and shake my head before pulling out my phone. Rosie answers right away. “Hello?â€� “You’ll never guess what just happened,â€� I say as the smile starts to spread from my face down through my heart. Chapter 48 – Rosie
I think I’ve had seventeen minutes of sleep in the past four days. That’s what it feels like, anyways. Lucas just texted me, he’s on his way from the airport. I look down at myself and sigh. I’m wearing an old t-shirt I got for free at a fundraiser event, and my grey sweatpants have stains all over the front. I’m not sure I own anything that doesn’t have stains all over the front anymore. Jack is asleep in his crib so I rush to the bathroom. I wash in the sink and pull a brush through my hair before swiping mascara over my lashes and putting a bit of blush on. I put on a bra and wince before changing my mind. I slip on a light summer dress and a cardigan just as the apartment buzzer rings. He’s here. When I open the door, my heart does a full backflip. My stomach twists into knots and my mouth goes dry. I lick my lips and smile. “Hi.� “Hi,� he says, staring back at me. We stand and look at each other as I try to take in every detail of his face. He clears his throat. “Can I come in?� “Oh! Right. Yes! Obviously.� I step aside and he comes in rolling a small suitcase behind him. He smells just like I remember and suddenly I feel that warmth spreading in my centre. The doctor said no sex for four to six weeks, and it’s hardly even been one. I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle that. Lucas puts his suitcase to the side and turns around as I close the door. He takes a step towards me and wraps his arms around me. I melt into his warmth, groaning in satisfaction as my cheek hits his chest and his hands travel up and down my spine. “You look beautiful,� he breathes. “Radiant.� I laugh. “Thanks.� Just then, Jack wakes up and starts wailing. His cries are high-pitched and piercing and I’m learning to tell them apart. “He’s hungry,� I explain. “Welcome to my life!� I call out over my shoulder as I head towards the crib. Lucas appears beside me and puts a hand on the small of my back as I pick the baby up. “Our life,� he corrects. “I’m here.� Somehow, those two little words mean more than just ‘I’m here.’ They fill me with a sense of deep comfort and stability, and make my heart beat a little bit harder. He stays next to me as I coax Jack to take my breast and start nursing. Lucas lays a gentle kiss on my head and sighs. “Have I ever told you how much I love your hair? It’s like fire,� he says, kissing my head again. “If you start calling me firecrotch I’m kicking you out,� I laugh, poking him in the ribs. He chuckles and wraps his arms around my shoulder a little bit tighter and I rest my head on his chest. It feels so nice to be in his arms, like I’m finally home. Jack finishes nursing and I put him up on my shoulder to burp him. Once that’s done he falls asleep right away and I set him down in his crib. Lucas strokes his cheek with a finger. My heart flips in my chest as I watch him look at our son, and the heat of desire starts blossoming inside me. I slip my fingers into Lucas’s and he turns towards me, wrapping me in his arms once again. We melt together and he traces the line of my jaw before dipping his lips towards mine. This kiss feels different. Every time we’ve seen each other, there’s been a fierceness to our desire. Our bodies just tore at each other and we couldn’t get close enough. Now, he brings his lips to mine and brushes them against me ever so softly. We kiss gently, tenderly, like nothing exists except the two of us. My skin feels so sensitive, and every time he touches me I feel little currents flow through me. I press myself against him and can feel every thread of clothing that he wears. His fingers cup my cheek and then tangle into my hair and I melt into him more, the two of us slowly, gently, melting together until our bodies and entangled. He pulls away and puts his hands on either side of my face, tilting it up towards him. His eyes are still a deep blue, but they’re not piercing. The softness in them makes me shiver and I feel happiness blossom deep inside my chest. “I want you,� I whisper. “I wish my vagina wasn’t out of commission.� Lucas chuckles. “Relax yourself,� he says as he strokes my hair. “We ha
ve all the time in the world. Let’s just get to know each other and get to know Jack and enjoy this. I’m here now.â€� Those words again – I’m here – they go straight through my heart. My knees start trembling and I press myself against his chest. Jack gurgles and wriggles in his crib beside us and we look over at the tiny human beside us. Lucas holds me tighter and brushes his lips against my forehead. I close my eyes and lean into him and let the happiness engulf me. Chapter 49 – Lucas
Knocked Up by the Single Dad: A Secret Baby Office Romance Page 15