White Dove's Promise

by Stella Bagwell

  She suddenly felt so awful it was all she could do to keep from bursting into tears. Instead she had a plate of food sitting in front of her with a throat so choked she’d never be able to swallow a bite.

  “Now you’re making me sound selfish.”

  He sighed. “I’m not trying to,” he said. He reached for the salt and pepper shaker and Kerry watched him go through the motions of adding the spices to his food. Apparently he wasn’t going to let a little thing like their breakup interfere with his eating.

  In an effort to appear just as unaffected, she reached for an onion ring and forced herself to take a bite. “Well, the way I see it the only choice left for us is to have a long-distance relationship.”

  “Like hell,” Jared retorted. “I’m not going to settle for seeing you only on weekends now and then. That just won’t do. It won’t do at all.”

  She made herself bite into her burger. Eating had to be better than crying, she told herself. “Then I guess we won’t have any sort of relationship,” she said huskily.

  He stared at her, his gray eyes wounded and accusing. “Did last night mean nothing to you?” he asked.

  His question was like a whack to her midsection. Beneath the table, she pressed a hand to her stomach. In a strained voice, she answered, “That you even ask such a thing is insulting to me, Jared. You know how I feel about you. I—I’m not like the women you’ve known in the past. And maybe that’s why—you don’t understand where I’m coming from!”

  His nostrils flared as he turned his gaze back to the food on his plate. “Oh, I think I know where you’re coming from. Your problem isn’t with me or my job. It’s with yourself. You’re too busy worrying about the past, to take a chance on being happy with me.”

  Kerry reached for her purse. “Enjoy your meal and your life,” she muttered, then rose from the booth and walked quickly out of the café.

  The next five days were the most miserable Kerry had spent in her entire life. Each morning she woke thinking about Jared, missing him and grieving for all they had lost. Her work at the bank was suffering, too. It was almost impossible to keep her mind on percentages and interest rates when all she could think about was never seeing Jared again. Of course it didn’t help matters to have Clarence asking about her new beau, or Peggy begging her to go see Jared.

  So far, Jared had not come by the bank or her house. The fact deflated her even more, but then she didn’t know what she expected. He called every evening, and every evening she’d had her mother tell him she was out. Which he very well knew she wasn’t. Kerry hadn’t gone out until he’d come into her life.

  “Kerry, is that you?”

  Kerry tossed her handbag onto the couch and walked back toward her mother’s voice in the kitchen. “It’s me,” she called. “I’ll be there as soon as I change clothes.”

  Moments later, she changed from her tailored dress to a pair of jean shorts and pink T-shirt, then went out to the kitchen to help her mother finish preparing the evening meal.

  “I was beginning to wonder what had happened,” Enola said. “You’re a little late from work this evening. Supper’s been ready for a half hour.”

  “I was finishing up some work I’d promised for Clarence,” she explained. Seeing that her mother already had the food on the table, she went to the sink and washed her hands. “If everything is ready I’ll get the glasses. You go ahead and sit down.”

  Enola nodded, then stuck her head out the back door and called to Peggy. The realization that they could let Peggy play in the backyard unattended now was a reminder of how much Jared had changed their lives. Now her daughter couldn’t be coaxed away from the house by wild horses.

  Moments later, Peggy came crashing through the door to make a beeline toward her mother.

  Kerry stopped what she was doing to kneel down and give her daughter a big hug.

  “Hi, Mama,” Peggy greeted her, smacking a wet kiss on Kerry’s cheek.

  “Hi yourself, kiddo.”

  With her arms still circling her mother’s neck, Peggy asked hopefully, “Can we go see Jared tonight, Mama?”

  Pain lanced through Kerry’s chest. “No, honey. I told you, Jared is busy now. He’s going to a new job and he has lots of things to do.”

  “But when are we going to see him?” she persisted. “I want to tell him about Fred. That he’s so smart he can roll over and sit up when I tell him to. Jared will want to know that, Mama.”

  Hopefully her breaking heart wasn’t evident on her face as she tried to give her daughter an encouraging smile. “I’m sure he would want to hear about Fred, but right now it’s time for us to eat.”

  Thankfully, Peggy let the subject of Jared drop and the three of them ate the meal of fried catfish, field peas and corn bread with only simple small talk to break the silence.

  Afterwards, Kerry washed the dishes for her mother, then quietly retired to her bedroom.

  A few miles away Jared stared at the packed boxes piled in the middle of his living room. Normally he was always excited about packing up and heading out for a new job. He’d always liked the adventure of seeing new places and faces. But this time his heart wasn’t in it. He was dreading the moment when he would finally have to drive away from Black Arrow and leave Kerry and his heart behind.

  With a weary sigh, he glanced at the telephone on the end table to the right of him. He could try one more call, he thought. But what good would it do? She obviously wasn’t answering the phone and her mother was filtering his calls.

  The idea that she refused to talk to him stabbed him like a knife blade. He could have sworn that she loved him. Each time she’d touched him, kissed him, made love to him, he’d felt her heart giving to him in a way he’d never felt from any woman. Had he misjudged her so completely?

  The agony of his thoughts pushed him restlessly to his feet. He walked out to the backyard and sat down on the bench that he and Kerry had shared only a few evenings ago. The yard was quiet without Peggy’s shrieks and giggles and the bench was very, very empty without Kerry beside him.

  Any place you go will be empty without Kerry and Peggy.

  The taunting little voice in his head had him dropping his head in his hands. What was he going to do, he wondered miserably. What could he do to make her see they were meant to be together.

  As the question roiled around in his head he was suddenly struck by a memory so vivid he gasped and squeezed his eyes tightly shut.

  Suddenly he was eleven years old again and he was out at his great-grandfather’s farm. He’d been helping the old man feed the chickens and as they’d scattered the chopped corn over the bare ground, a white dove had flown down to perch on a nearby fence.

  Jared had never seen a white dove before and he’d stared at the bird in total fascination. Then to his total amazement, George had walked over to the fence and held up a palm full of grain to the dove.

  Instead of flying away, as Jared fully expected, the bird had hopped onto George’s outstretched arm and pecked at the morsels of corn until they were all gone, then it had flown into a nearby tree and cooed forlornly.

  “The dove is a lonesome bird without its mate,” he’d said to Jared. “One day you will learn that, my boy. One day you will find a white dove of your own and she will bring you great happiness.”

  As the memory lingered in his vision, Jared’s head jerked up and he stared at the empty swing where Peggy had giggled so happily. Chenoa—his little dove. He’d found her and she’d led him to the greatest love of his life! Dear God, his great-grandfather had been right—he didn’t know how or why, but somehow he’d known all those years ago.

  Not waiting another second, Jared jumped to his feet and headed around the house to where his pickup truck was parked. He might have one hell of a fight on his hands, but now he was more than certain he had the Great Spirit on his side. Kerry was meant to be his wife and some way he had to convince her!

  More than an hour later, she was trying to focus on a paperback novel when
her mother lightly knocked on the door facing.

  “Yes,” she called from where she sat propped against the headboard and a couple of pillows.

  Enola stepped into the room and Kerry watched with surprise as she shut the door behind her. They never shut doors in this house. One room simply flowed into the next.

  “I wanted to talk to you for a few minutes,” Enola explained, “and I don’t want Peggy to overhear what I have to say.”

  Kerry sighed. “Mom, I’m not really in the mood for a serious conversation. Has Peggy been giving you problems? If she has—”

  “Peggy has been an angel. It’s my daughter that’s giving me problems.”

  Kerry immediately scooted to an upright position and looked at her mother. “I haven’t done anything—”

  “That’s right,” Enola interrupted again. “You haven’t done anything for days now and I’m wondering why.”

  Kerry’s gaze dropped to her crossed legs. After her argument with Jared in the café, she’d told her mother what had happened and that their relationship was over. At the time Enola hadn’t made any comment, other than to say she was sorry. So it surprised Kerry that Enola wanted to speak of it now.

  “If you’re talking about Jared, I don’t know what you’re expecting me to say. I thought—” She lifted a doubtful look at her mother. “Aren’t you happy that I’m not seeing him anymore? After all, you tried to warn me that he was going to break my heart. Aren’t you glad you can now say I told you so?”

  Enola walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed beside her daughter. “I never thought my daughter would be a quitter.”

  Kerry’s mouth fell open. “A quitter! What are you talking about?”

  “I’m talking about you and Jared. I thought you loved the man.”

  Still amazed by the direction of their conversation, Kerry stared at her. “I did. I do!”

  “Then why aren’t you doing something about it? Instead of moping around here like there’s been a death in the family.”

  There had been a death, Kerry thought, the death of her future happiness. “Because there’s nothing I can do about it,” she answered. “Jared’s leaving for a new job. He doesn’t want to have a long-distance relationship and I don’t want to live a nomadic life.”

  Enola had never been a physically demonstrative person so it surprised Kerry when she reached over and stroked a hand over her hair.

  “Kerry, since you’ve been a small girl, I’ve never seen you so miserable and unhappy. Even when you went through that nightmare with Damon. That can only mean one thing—that you must love Jared very much.”

  The pain in Kerry’s heart was so great she bent her head and closed her eyes. “I love him so much, Mom. I don’t know how I’m going to live without him.”

  “Why would you have to? Jared wants to marry you, doesn’t he?”

  “Yes. But what sort of life would we have? Moving from one job to the next. Never knowing where our next house or apartment will be. That’s not what I want for Peggy. Or myself.”

  Enola reached for her daughter’s hand. “Kerry, I admit that I said some bad things to you about Jared. And maybe I would still be saying them now if you hadn’t said what you did to me.”

  Kerry was totally blank. “What I said to you?”

  Enola nodded. “Yes. When you asked me if I wanted you to be happy, like me. At first I didn’t understand how you could have said such a horrible thing to me. But then I stopped and realized that you were right. All these years I’ve felt angry and cheated. I blamed your father for ruining my life and eventually I began to see something bad in all men. I was wrong.”

  Never in a million years would Kerry have expected to hear those words from her mother’s lips.

  “Mom, we both know Marvin wouldn’t have won any husband or father awards. You have a right to feel like you do.”

  Enola shook her head. “No. I should be feeling guilty and I do.”

  “Guilty!”

  “Listen Kerry, I’ve always blamed your father for our miserable marriage. But after what you said…well, it opened my eyes and I could see my part in it, too. No, your father wouldn’t have won any family awards, but I wasn’t the perfect wife either. Oh, I thought I was…at the time. Just like you think you’re doing the right thing now with Jared. But you’re not, Kerry. Just like I wasn’t right when I refused to follow your father to a job he wanted right after we were married.”

  The implication of Enola’s words were slowly pulling back a black curtain and she was desperate to see everything about her father’s life that had been cloaked behind it.

  “What happened?” she asked.

  Enola sighed. “I thought it was more important to stay here in Black Arrow, to buy a house, to stay put, to build a home. I couldn’t see that we needed more things than that to make us happy. I needed to see that we both had dreams.”

  Kerry’s heart was suddenly filled with tears for everything her mother had lost and her father, too. “Oh Mom, you’ve never said anything about this before.”

  Sadly shaking her head, Enola said, “That’s because I didn’t think it was important. I didn’t know it was important until I realized you were making the same mistake I made. And I don’t want that to happen to you, Kerry. If Jared is the man you love you need to go to him and tell him you’re willing to follow his dreams.”

  “But Mom,” Kerry practically wailed, “do you hear what you’re saying? You’re telling me to follow his dreams. What about mine? Do I have to give them up?”

  Enola surprised her by laughing softly. “No, my daughter. I think that you will both have to make compromises along the way to fulfill both of your dreams. Neither of you can have everything be perfect.”

  It took several long moments for Kerry to understand what her mother was trying to tell her and when she finally did, she flung her arms around Enola’s neck and quietly wept.

  “Oh Mom, I love you. Thank you for opening my eyes. I only hope Jared will forgive me for being so stubborn, that he hasn’t left without me.”

  “Mama! Mama!”

  The sound of her daughter’s shrill call had Kerry going over to open the door. Peggy was dancing on her toes, her little face completely serious.

  “Mama! Jared is on the porch and he says if you don’t come out to see him he’s gonna come in and get you!”

  Instant joy surged through Kerry, then just as quickly she was cold with fear. Jared might not be here to tell her he still wanted to marry her, he could be here to tell her a final goodbye, she thought sickly.

  She glanced hesitantly back at her mother. Enola smiled and motioned for her to go and go quickly.

  With Peggy’s hand in hers, Kerry walked to the front of the house and pushed through the screen door. Jared was standing at one end of the porch with his back to them, but the moment he heard their footsteps he whirled around to greet her.

  Kerry swallowed and moved tentatively toward him. “Hello, Jared,” she said. “Peggy said you wanted to see me.”

  He wanted to do more than see her, Jared thought. He wanted to jerk her into his arms and kiss her until the only words she could breathe were, I love you. But Peggy was glued to her mother’s side and after a week of cold silence from Kerry, he was no longer sure how she felt about him.

  “I’ve been trying to tell you that all week,” he said grimly. “Why wouldn’t you take my calls?”

  She looked hesitantly down at Peggy, then back to him. “Why don’t we go around to the back of the house? There’s a porch swing there that we can sit in and have some privacy,” she suggested to him, then to Peggy she said, “Honey, I want you to go in and tell your grandmother where Jared and I will be.”

  “Okay, Mama!”

  Kerry watched her scoot into the house before she turned her attention back to him. Jared was instantly struck at how beautiful she was to him. Even in a pair of shorts and a T-shirt there was a regal grace about her that came from deep within.

  “Let’s
go on back before I explain anything,” she said to him.

  Trying to hide his impatience, he nodded and motioned for her to lead the way. A small porch, much like the front, was fastened to the entire back of the house. On one end was a porch swing made of varnished cedar and padded with flower-covered cushions.

  Once they were seated, he looked at her and waited until she’d drawn in a deep breath and let it out before he spoke.

  “Kerry, I—”

  “Before you—”

  Their tangled words made them both pause before Kerry was the first to try again.

  “Jared, I—why are you here?”

  His brows inched upward as though he couldn’t believe she was asking such a question. “Why do you think?”

  Her troubled eyes searched his face. “To say goodbye?”

  Jared couldn’t stand it any longer, he had to feel her hand in his, the warmth of her fingers curling trustingly around his. When he reached for her, he felt a sense of relief when she didn’t try to pull away.

  “Is that what you want, Kerry?”

  She was suddenly so overcome with guilt, she couldn’t say anything. She’d put him through hell. And in doing so she’d made her own self miserable. Bending her head, she blinked at the tears burning her eyes.

  “I feel so awful, Jared. You can’t know how awful.”

  He let out a heavy breath. “This past week has been a nightmare for me, Kerry. I didn’t know a human being could be so heartbroken and still be alive. I’ve been such a bear that my family and work crew wants to disown me. I can’t let us part this way, Kerry. I don’t care what you say, I—”

  Her head jerked up. “Jared, please. Just stop. Let me talk,” she pleaded.

  “Kerry, I don’t want to hear any more of your arguments. If I have to compromise this job—if your job is more important, then—”