“I wanted to know why you ran off, I thought we had something going here,” he said getting to the point. “When you left I figured it was over, I left, I had work,” he added somewhat cryptically. Traci wasn’t sure what he was trying to say.
“Well, that’s not new. You always have work. You come and go as you please, I never even had your phone number! I couldn’t just sit around and wait for you to show up!” she said shaking her head with frustration. “I assumed I was just a one-night thing for you, like all the others, and I went on with my life!” she said telling herself it was mostly true, except for the fact that she hadn’t been able to get him out of her head.
“You did something to me, sweetheart, you are all I can think about. All day. All night. All I can think about is you. I told myself to leave you alone that you’d never be with someone like me. I tried. I really tried,” he said standing and walking towards her. She couldn’t help herself from noticing how tight his boxers fit him and hugged him in all the right spots. “I haven’t even been with another woman since,” he said as if that were some kind of amazing accomplishment.
Traci wondered if that had meant there had been someone after the first time they’d been together. Not that it should matter but she couldn’t stop herself, “So there was someone after the first time?”
“Sweetheart,” he said his voice icy.
“Never mind I don’t want to know,” she said realizing he had.
“That’s when I was certain you’d done something to me,” he said his tone warming. He leaned down and cupped her face with his rough hands tilting her face to his. Cash put his lips to hers and kissed her. It was sweet and sensual, and different from all their other kisses.
“I uh….” Traci felt as though her mind had been erased. All her thoughts gone as if he’d hit a delete button.
“It doesn’t matter Jane.” Only now, at this moment, had it struck her odd she still hadn’t told him her real name. It had just been easier not to. “I know you can’t sit and wait for me, so I didn’t even ask no matter how much I wanted to. It’s tearing me apart. I wanted to beg you to come with me, but my life on the road is, well, it’s miserable. I couldn’t ask you… I wouldn’t even allow you to. Some nights I sleep in my truck. It’s boring and I’m barely making ends meet the way it is.
“Even my own brother is getting more and more pissed every time I come into town and crash here. We’re family and even though we haven’t gotten along in a very long time, I can tell his hospitality is wearing thin. You should have seen him tonight.” Traci shifted uncomfortably when Cash talked about Sawyer. He must not have noticed her parked car at Sawyer’s, which meant he didn’t know she’d spent time with him either. He sighed, “But I keep thinking about you. And I couldn’t wait to see you again,” he said kissing her again.
“Cash,” she whispered against his lips as he pulled her to her feet. Her body reacted almost instantly as he held her against his warm, naked skin. There was no way she could even begin to process the fact he had some kind of feelings for her right now. Ever since having spent that first night with him she’d been trying to accept how short term Cash would be in her life. This declaration wasn’t something she expected. Not even a blip on the radar.
“Jane,” he moaned pressing himself against her, “stay… tonight. I need to have you, just once more, if that’s all you can give me.”
He started kissing her neck, and her fingers twirled into his hair as she leaned her body into his. His kissing was slow as if he was trying to memorize everything about the feel of her skin against his lips. His hand pressed a trail down the curve of her back moving lower and lower. It was as if something inside her brain clicked on, and it was flashing Sawyer’s name in neon lights.
“Wait, wait, wait,” she said trying to make her body respond to her brain. It was as if her body was so desperate to have him, it wouldn’t listen to her. There was some miscommunication going on between her brain and her body. “I… I can’t stay tonight,” she said forcing her limbs to listen to her commands.
There was no way she could stay even if she wanted to. Her car was parked out in the ditch. She couldn’t leave it there and risk Sawyer seeing it. Besides that, she needed time to think. Cash having feelings for her changed everything, at least she thought it did. Or that it might. It had taken her by surprise and she didn’t know what to do about anything. If she stayed here she wouldn’t be thinking clearly and for her sake, she had to have a clear mind to sort it all out.
“Please… please stay,” he was almost begging her now, “I can’t even begin to express how much I need you.”
“I’m sorry Cash, I can’t.”
“Will you come back tomorrow? One more night. I have work in Montana and I’ll be gone for months. I don’t know when I’ll be back or if my brother will even let me stay here again,” he pleaded as he wrapped his hands around hers, “Just one more night?”
Traci considered it. It would be one last time, and it wasn’t like she could deny the feelings she had for him either, or her attraction to him. Even though she didn’t fully understand what her feelings towards him were, maybe just one more night with him could help her figure it out. She liked both Cash and Sawyer, a lot. That much she knew. She also knew she couldn’t keep them both. They were as different as night and day which made everything even more difficult. She had to come back. One last time, and when it was over, she’d truly be able to commit to seeing where things would go with Sawyer.
She and Sawyer never agreed to be exclusive, so as far as she was concerned, it was OK to spend time with another man. The only thing that was wrong with the scenario was that the two men turned out to be brothers. Well, that and that she was keeping each a secret from the other.
If Sawyer ever found out it would devastate him. He already didn’t like Cash for whatever reason, and if he found out she worried he wouldn’t ever be able to forgive her. She couldn’t let Sawyer find out. It was for his own good. She wouldn’t let Cash find out either, but none of it would matter after tomorrow when Cash would leave town.
“Yes. Tomorrow.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
As Traci ran through the trees back towards her car she silently screamed at herself. She didn’t know what she was thinking, and that she was completely out of her mind. She knew that she was playing with fire that it was wrong and someone was bound to get hurt. And she was beyond stupid for agreeing to see Cash again.
She ran through the darkness as quickly as she could. Branches scraped at her as if they were trying to grab her. Trying to convince her to slow down or stop, but it only made her go faster. But the branches weren’t referring to her running speed. Even the trees thought she was making a mistake. Traci wanted to yell at the trees and explain that she couldn’t help that she liked them both. It wasn’t fair to judge her. She could have sworn that she’d heard the trees whispering to her that she had to choose.
Cash would be picking her up at the beach tomorrow night. She had told a little white lie and said something was wrong with her car and that she’d need a ride. The truth was that she couldn’t have her car parked at the trailer for Sawyer to see. He hadn’t had a problem with it, said he was glad to do it and told her he couldn’t wait to see her. In fact, he’d even offered to take a look at it to see if he could fix it for her. That was not an option unless she was ready to introduce him to her parents. Which she was not. The thought of introducing the hot cowboy she’d fucked a couple times to her parents made her smile.
Traci wanted to get her car off the property as soon as possible. She knew farmers got up early to work, but she didn’t know exactly how early. She hoped to be long gone by then. If Sawyer saw her leaving, it wouldn’t take him more than a minute to figure it out.
She dropped into the driver’s seat and told her car ‘shh’ as she turned the key in the ignition. As she drove away, she tried to convince herself that it was OK to see Cash again, and the right thing to do otherwise she’d always wonder
what might have been. Maybe she could pack a bag and leave this town behind. Living on the road really couldn’t be that bad, she could sleep in a truck if she had to. It might not be ideal or a typical start to a relationship but they would be together and maybe that’s all they needed.
Could she really just pick up and leave Sawyer behind without ever knowing? He was so kind and so sweet to her. She couldn’t lie to herself, she loved spending time with him too. Traci swiftly swiped a tear that leaked out of the corner of her eye. She’s went from not giving a shit about anything, to caring deeply about two men who both had feelings for her.
She knew she’d have to choose. And the only way she knew how to do that was to spend time with both. It was her only option.
* * *
Cash was picking her up at 9:00 p.m. She’d wanted it to be dark so she wouldn’t be as noticeable in Cash’s beat-up pickup truck. And in case someone would see them, gossiping could be a problem, she didn’t live in a large town. People talked.
The sneaking and planning felt exhilarating, and it also made her feel guilty. She also didn’t feel great about ignoring Sawyer. He had called Traci earlier, but she hadn’t answered. Then when he later sent her a text asking if she was free, she hadn’t responded.
She was leaning against a tree looking at her boots while she waited for the rumbling sound of Cash’s truck. The breeze from the lake was cold and prickled against her bare legs. She had decided to wear a cute skirt with her tank top, jean jacket and cowboy boots but wondered now if that had been a mistake.
Traci kept her head down when she first heard his trucking even though he was blocks away. It felt like she had a spring bouncing around in her stomach as she waited for him to pull up. He stopped the truck, and she slipped inside.
“Hello sweetheart,” he said as he leaned over the seat to give her a kiss.
“Hi Cash,” she said as she closed the door and leaned over to accept his kiss. He drove down the road, turned and headed back out of town, presumably to his trailer.
“Move a little closer,” he said glancing in her direction as he lifted his arm up on the back of the seat. He flashed his sexy half-grin, the one she found particularly irresistible. She wondered if he would be as demanding if he knew there was another man in the mix. What if he knew it was Sawyer? She moved over. Their bodies touched. He let his arm fall off the back of the seat and wrapped it around her. That was all it took for her to feel a surge jolt through her whole body. The somewhat familiar feeling that made her shiver. The same one that caused her core to tingle and ache for him. He rested his chin against the top of her, “You look really nice.”
“Thank you,” she said glad he couldn’t see her blush in the darkness.
“I have been thinking about you since last night. It was hard waiting all day ‘til I could see you again,” he said shifting slightly in his seat.
Traci had been excited too, but she didn’t tell him that. Her mouth felt stiff not knowing what she should or shouldn’t say. She hadn’t figured anything out during her time away from them. All she did was flip flop back and forth thinking about them, and then at one point she stopped alternating and the visions merged into one. They were both naked, one on each side of her fighting for her attention. She blinked several times erasing the images from her mind as Cash turned his truck down a side road that didn’t lead to his trailer. “Where are we going?” she asked as she rubbed damp palms against her skirt.
“I can’t wait a single fucking minute longer,” he said turning down a gravel road. He drove deep into a patch of trees hiding the truck from the road. He eased to a stop, killed the lights and shifted the truck into park. Cash removed his cowboy hat, set it on the dash and turned to her, “I’ve been thinking about this moment all day. Although when I pictured it, I always made it back to the trailer.”
His mouth was on hers before she could stop him, not that she would have. Cash twisted his fingers into her hair and tilted her head to give him better access. His mouth ravaged hers as if his life depended on it. He held onto her hair tightly and cupped her tit in his other hand, grazing his thumb back and forth over her nipple.
“Oh Cash,” she purred into his mouth.
He was all over her like a lion devouring its prey. Cash didn’t bother to take it slow. He put his hand up her skirt and slipped his fingers inside her panties stroking her wetness. The weight of his body pinned her down, and she felt trapped as he did what he needed to do to her body. He took his hand out of her hair and raised her free hand over her head and held it tight against the passenger door as his finger darted inside her.
She tried to move her hand to hold onto his arm, his shoulder, or anything but he held it tighter. She felt like his prisoner. Cash stopped kissing her so he could watch her writhe against his fingers as they danced in and out of her. She was even more turned on when she thought about how he was holding her down and there was little she could do as his fingers assaulted her pussy. All she could do was lay there and accept the pleasure he was offering her.
He stopped his movements just as Traci starting shaking. She had been teetering on the edge nearly ready to let herself cry out as the waves would overtake her. He raised his fingers up to his mouth and licked them, tasting her wetness, “So sweet,” he moaned as he pressed his stiff cock against her leg.
He was kissing her again, and she was overwhelmed with everything, his need and the taste of her on his mouth. Her desire was almost bubbling over at just the thought of him entering her. He unzipped his pants and pulled his cock out, stroking it hard as she watched. “This is what you do to me sweetheart,” he whispered, and she raised her pussy towards him as if daring him to take it.
He used the dash to help hold himself up, so he didn’t have all of his weight on her. He spread her legs with his thighs and yanked down her panties with one hand. Cash entered her with one rough thrust and she jerked back bumping her head lightly against the door.
He pounded into her again. Then again. Until she put her hands up bracing herself so her head wouldn’t slam into the door. He rocked into her so hard it felt like the whole truck was moving across the ground sideways.
“Come for me,” he said, which sounded closer to an order and as usual she obeyed him. Traci let her orgasm rain down as she tensed her pussy around Cash’s thickness. She cried out until the threat of imploding started to diminish. Cash released as she was coming down lengthening her pleasure.
“Jesus Christ,” he murmured into her neck as he finished. Cash lifted himself off of her and helped her sit up. “You are so fucking amazing,” he said putting his cowboy hat back on to cover his eyes. This time it definitely seemed as though he was trying to hide them from Traci, but she didn’t know why.
Traci shook her head, she felt something growing inside her, something that didn’t feel very good, “You only like me because I can’t say no to you.”
“Shit, Jane, that’s not true at all,” he said taking her hand into his. “I wish things were different. I want nothing more than to be with you but you know I can’t and I won’t ask that of you.”
“Honestly Cash, it’s not your call. I mean, it is, but you didn’t care enough to see what I wanted. You just made the decision. And fine, whatever, if that’s how it is, then that’s how it is,” Traci said feeling angry. He never even gave her a chance to decide for herself about living on the road. He just told her he wouldn’t let her and that was that. She realized he was bossy even when they weren’t fucking.
“You have to trust me. There is nothing good about the life I lead.” Cash started the truck and flipped it into reverse. He drove backwards down the bumpy gravel road and backed out onto the country road. He turned down the road that led to his trailer.
“Why don’t you take me back to town, you’re done with me,” Traci said even though she was conflicted. She didn’t know why she was making a big deal about it. She hadn’t really given life on the road any real thought, she didn’t know if that’s even what she wo
uld have wanted. Traci was just frustrated that he’d decided for her, even if it was probably the right one.
“Come to the trailer, we can talk, please,” he begged.
“Whatever,” she said and crossed her arms. She wasn’t sure there was any point in talking about it, other than to dwell on what would never be. She watched the shadows pass by the passenger window as they drove back to Cash’s trailer.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Traci couldn’t help herself from looking towards Sawyers house. She noticed his truck was parked in front as Cash drove passed towards the trailer at the rear of the property. Traci felt that strange feeling in her stomach again. Cash jerked the truck to a stop and dashed out to open her door. He took her hand and led her inside.
He brought her to the couch and waited until she sat down, “You want something to drink or anything?” he asked.
“I’m fine, actually, water?” Traci hoped that the water would rinse away that odd feeling in the pit of her stomach.
He came back with an ice cold glass of water and she took a sip. Cash sat down next to her. “Jane,” he started and Traci twitched, she should tell him the truth, once and for all, that would make this uncomfortable part where he rehashes why it’s over go away. Then she wouldn’t have to waste her time listening to how she was great but how he had to get back to his life and that there was no room for her in that life.
“Yes?” She held back her groan but the eye roll she couldn’t stop. Thankfully, he hadn’t noticed.
“I wish I could ask you to come with me… I want to ask you, but—”
“Always a but.”
He shook his head, “I would never forgive myself for being the reason you were miserable. Don’t you understand that I couldn’t do that to you?”
The Choice - A Small Town Love Triangle Page 7