Spies on Bikes

by Dennis Forster

  ‘That will leave no room for the other gentlemen, sir.’

  ‘That’s the idea.’

  ‘Yes, sir.’

  ‘Bert … ‘

  ‘Thank you, sir. That is most kind.’

  ‘The door, Bert, open the door. I didn’t tip you to stand idle.’

  ‘Of course not, sir.’

  In the Rolls O’Neil looked like a man in a condemned cell.

  ‘What will happen to him?’ said Sir Charles.

  ‘He has powerful friends,’ said Macdonald.

  ‘If he becomes an embarrassment he might just cease to exist,’ said Weinberger.

  ‘That is the sort of thing the Nazis would do,’ said Lady Elizabeth. ‘Surely we are fighting this war to stop things like that happening.’

  ‘No phaeton, Charles?’ said Mancini.

  ‘Now that war’s been declared I don’t feel up to making romantic gestures. I dread what is about to happen … such a sunny day, yet I feel shivery. When I close my eyes I see the faces of the friends I lost in the Great War. How many will I lose in the coming conflict? Will dear Harry come through safe and sound? Nobody knows. Despite the weather, I don’t think any of us feels “sunny”, do we?’

  ‘Don’t let the Nazis depress you,’ said Weinberger.

  ‘If they do, they’ll have won without having fired a shot,’ said Mancini.

  ‘I thought the Great War would be the last war,’ said Sir Charles. ‘It seems unbelievable that we’re once again going over the top … madness … madness.’

  ‘Too much whisky last night,’ advised Macdonald, in a friendly attempt to pass over his host’s melancholia; ‘the electric soup’s not for everyone.’

  Bert held open the door of the Rolls Mike was driving.

  ‘Bert, you big slab of English oak, gimme a kiss,’ said Marigold. She proffered a cheek.

  ‘Do as you are told, Bert,’ said Sir Charles.

  ‘Charlie, I do believe my breach of etiquette has made you smile. Thank goodness something has cheered you up.’

  ‘It’s not normal procedure, sir,’ said Bert.

  ‘Bert, dear thing, after this war is over the English class system will be as dead as the dodo … dooks will marry cooks and earls will have to sell their pearls.’

  ‘I certainly hope not,’ said Lady Elizabeth.

  ‘Put your peck here, Bert, I’m waiting.’

  Bert obliged.

  ‘Thank you, Bert … a present for you. Among my many talents I’m a pretty good pickpocket … this is from O’Neil’s pocket.’

  ‘A Hershey Bar,’ said Bert,’ thank you, milady.’

  ‘Bert, I’m an American. I’m not a “milady”.’

  ‘Thank you, Marigold.’

  ‘That’s better … chin up, you guys, next stop the White House. Bert, the door, please, the front door. I wish to sit beside Mike.’

  ‘Thank you, Bert,’ said Mancini.

  ‘Thank you, sir.’

  Bert knew the value of the tip without looking. Very nice. He loved Americans.

  ‘Thank you, Bert,’ said Macdonald.

  ‘Thank you, sir.’

  The note slipped into his palm felt handsome.

  ‘Thank you, Bert,’ said Weinberger.

  ‘Thank YOU, sir.’

  2

  ‘Give them lots of waves,’ said Sir Charles, ‘make them feel we’ve really enjoyed having them.’

  ‘Bon voyage!’ shouted Lady Elizabeth. ‘Safe journey back to the land of milk and honey.’

  ‘You know,’ said Sir Charles, ‘I’m standing in front of my own house, I’m master of all I survey, yet I feel threatened. It’s as if the Americans are fleeing, rather than leaving.’

  ‘I know, it’s as if one has been jilted.’

  ‘Left standing at the altar. My dear, we are at the start of a long journey. How will it end?’

  ‘I know you’ll think me silly but this morning I took my tea cup to Phyllis.’

  ‘When you left the breakfast table at speed clutching your tea cup, opinion was divided as to whether you were going to be sick or tear a strip off a servant. Weinberger said, “Someone’s in for it.” I, of course, had my suspicions.’

  ‘But you kept them to yourself?’

  ‘Of course, I don’t want people thinking I’m married to a pagan. There are some things a gentleman doesn’t talk about in public. Sex is one and the other is that your wife reads tea leaves.’

  ‘Charles, you have your whisky, I have my tea leaves. I think that’s fair. Anyway, you’ll never guess what Phyllis saw in the “leaves” … a swastika, one of its legs was broken.’

  ‘That means?’

  ‘We are going to win the war.’

  ‘I hope you’re right. What would the Americans think if they knew we Brits were reading tea leaves to see into the future? With their love of technology and “can do” attitude I think they’d shudder. We can only win this war with their help. Marigold’s on our side, I know. Unless O’Neil is a double agent, he’s definitely against us.’

  ‘Climbing into the Rolls like that … did he say “thank you”? Goodbye? You’d think him being a banker he’d have better manners.’

  ‘I wouldn’t.’

  ‘Did you notice that in the Rolls he was eating one of those chocolate bars Marigold gave Bert?’

  ‘Hershey Bars, milady,’ said Bert.

  ‘I do hope he doesn’t make a mess inside the Rolls. I dislike finding chocolate on upholstery.’

  ‘It’s like watching the last lifeboat pull away from the Titanic. Yes, Bert, what is it?’

  ‘It’s Tom, sir, he wants a word … says it’s urgent. I made him wait until the Americans had gone.’

  ‘Where is he?’

  ‘I’m here, sir,’ said Tom. ‘You won’t like what I’m going to tell you, sir … it’s the melons, sir.’

  ‘Jack up to his old tricks, is he? After what he’s been through, Tom, he can do what he likes. As far as I’m concerned he has carte blanche. I’m just so pleased that he and George are alive and, if they still have enough pluck in them to put snails on my melons, well, so be it.’

  ‘It’s worse than that, sir. I think it best, if you’ve the time, sir, to come and see for yourself.’

  3

  In the greenhouse Sir Charles held his nose.

  ‘See what I mean, sir.’

  ‘The boys didn’t do this,’ said Sir Charles.

  ‘That’s what I thought, sir.’

  ‘Any ideas?’

  ‘The Hitler Youth, sir. Everything was fine when I shut the door and put the melons to bed last night. You knows, sir, I always tells them, goodnight. Someone slept here last night … maybe more than one, and they was hungry, that’s why they’ve eaten all the melons.’

  ‘Did they have to use the place as a toilet?’

  ‘I’ll soon have that out of the way, sir, but, we’ll have to wait another year for a crop of melons.’

  ‘What’s that?’

  ‘A bandage, sir.’

  ‘It looks bloody.’

  The explosion, albeit a long way off, made Sir Charles duck.

  ‘Get down, Tom! Get down!’

  The gardener obeyed. He’d never been to war. For the life of him he couldn’t see why Sir Charles was lying on the floor.

  A few seconds later, Sir Charles reached the same opinion.

  ‘Sorry about that, Tom–’ standing up and dusting himself down– ‘but that was a German stick grenade going off … thought I was back in the trenches. The only reason I’m here now to pay your wages is that in the Great War I learnt very early on to keep my head down. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to find out what the hell is going on.’

  He ran. The Hitler Youth, it had to be ... how everyone had underestimated them
. How many were they? So much for Freddy saying they were all in the bag.

  The tooting of a car’s horn made him stop. From a mass of shrubbery a Rolls-Royce had appeared, like a black butterfly from a chrysalis.

  4

  He caught up with the car at The Hall’s front door where he found Marigold holding a handkerchief to a bruised cheek. Beside her, Mancini, Weinberger and Macdonald were sitting on the ground, looking pale and shaky.

  As if someone had pressed a button for room service, Bert appeared with a tray of drinks and Lady Elizabeth with a bottle of sal-volatile.

  ‘Bert,’ said Weinberger, ‘I love you. Hell, I’m lucky to be alive.’

  ‘Death to Hitler,’ said Mancini.

  ‘I’ll drink to that,’ said Macdonald. ‘It’s a long time since I’ve been under fire … opens the bowels and scares the shit out of you.’

  Mike sat behind the Rolls’ steering wheel, unable to move, as if in a catatonic state; his knuckles glowed white; his staring gaze, held by something only he could see.

  Sir Charles waited. After many seconds, Mike said, ‘After all their tries to get me in the Great War, this time they nearly did.’

  ‘But,’ said Sir Charles, ‘they didn’t. Are you hurt?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Let go of the wheel … that’s an order.’

  ‘Bugger your orders. I’ll let go when I want to.’

  ‘Where’s the other car, the one driven by Billy?’

  ‘It stopped … I didn’t. I recognised the station master. He wasn’t wearing his railway uniform but I knew him … standing in the middle of the road, holding up his hand like a copper on traffic duty. I’ve sharp eyes. I spotted one of the Hitler Youth hiding behind a bush. I put my foot down. The young Nazi threw a grenade. It was close, Charlie. I came back cross-country.’

  ‘The Rolls Billy was driving stopped, you say?’

  ‘That’s what I said.’

  ‘I suspect O’Neil has had dealings with the station master. I wonder if Billy was told to stop.’

  ‘By O’Neil?’

  ‘It’s a possibility. I think the station master and the member of the Hitler Youth you saw, spent the night in my melon house. They’ve trashed everything, used the place as a toilet, sacrilege. I think one of them is injured. They left behind a blood stained rag.’

  5

  Sir Charles telephoned Freddy, explained all that had happened.

  ‘Send reinforcements, soldiers armed with rifles, please, not pitchforks. Freddy, I’ll have to go, someone’s taking pot-shots at my home.’

  At the front of The Hall, Sir Charles found the Americans lying on the ground. He took charge.

  ‘Everyone inside. Bert, guard the door. Elizabeth, women to the cellars.’

  ‘I’m not going in a cellar,’ said Marigold. ‘Give me a gun. I can shoot. Charlie, I know you mean well but we survived yesterday without you.’

  ‘History doesn’t repeat itself.’

  ‘Give me a gun. Lizzie, which way to the gun room?’

  ‘Where are the boys?’ said Lady Elizabeth. ‘Where are the boys? Charles, they are out there … find them.’

  ‘They could be anywhere on the estate.’

  ‘Find them … we have to find them.’

  ‘I’ll get the dogs,’ said Mike, ‘they’ll find them.’

  ‘Marigold, you stay here and guard the house,’ said Sir Charles, ‘I’ll go with Mike. But first to the gun room.’

  6

  Two black Labradors sniffed a pair of George’s shoes.

  ‘Find!’ said Mike. ‘Find!’

  The dogs led Mike and Sir Charles to the kitchen.

  ‘What’s all that shooting and banging?’ said Phyllis. ‘They’re not at it again, are they, the young Nazis? It was Miss Marigold what saved us yesterday. That girl deserves a medal.’

  ‘Have you seen George and Jack?’

  ‘I fed them “extras” this morning, sir … you know what growing boys are like. When I saw their bruises I screamed. I wanted to make them butter poultices but they would have none of it, said they looked worse than they were. To show them I loved them I gave Moses a bit of butter. Making a friend of someone’s friend, I always say, pleases everybody. The little biter liked the butter but he’s the hero, sir, isn’t he? At least that’s what I’ve heard. We can’t give him a medal but we can give him butter. The boys ate sausages outside.’

  ‘Show me.’

  ‘Is it safe to open the door?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘They sat there, sir, see all those shavings, sir? They’re from Jack’s arrows. He borrowed one of my kitchen knives to sharpen their ends. I hadn’t the heart to say no, after what they’ve been through they need a bit of spoiling … an extra spoonful of sugar never hurt a pan of gooseberries, an old saying but none the worse for that.’

  ‘Do you know where they were going?’

  ‘George was excited because he said Jack was going to make him a bow.’

  The dogs sniffed the shavings.

  ‘Find!’ said Mike. ‘Find!’

  7

  ‘Are you certain they have the scent?’ said Sir Charles.

  ‘Trust me. Find! Find! Good Girl! Good Boy! Jack and George are lads; lads don’t walk in straight lines, they wander, especially when they’re looking for something,’ said Mike.

  ‘What are they after?’

  ‘If what Phyllis told us is true, they’re looking for a piece of wood to make George a bow … see how the dogs keep going over to bushes and trees where there’s saplings; look, there, someone, and not long ago at that, snapped off a branch.’

  ‘How’s the leg? You seem to be limping.’

  ‘Sore. Damn Nazis … when that grenade went off, I’ll admit this to you, Charlie, but to no one else, I almost lost control … thought I was back in the trenches.’

  ‘I was in the melon house when I heard it … like you, knew at once what it was, flung myself on the greenhouse’s floor. I think Tom thought I was mad. Our nerves are not what they used to be. That is why I am so worried about the boys. They have not yet learned to keep their heads down.’

  ‘If we see an adder, we leave it alone …’

  ‘If Jack and George see one they will pick it up. They have the curiosity of kittens, which is why they were unable to resist going into the Monument.’

  ‘You mean, if they see the Hitler Youth they won’t run away?’

  ‘They may retreat but, as soon as they are able, they will go onto the attack. Jack is feral.’

  ‘I hope we are wasting our time.’

  ‘So do I; nothing would please me more than to be told the two imps are back at The Hall, all safe and sound, tucking into one of Phyllis’s apple pies. Freddy is sending a platoon over. They’ll scour the area … best if we keep well behind the dogs; if any of the Hitler Youth are hiding I want to see them before they see me. I’ve no wish to go down in history as the grandee who was shot in his own garden.’

  ‘Find! Find!’ said Mike.

  His urgings increased the dogs’ enthusiasm. It was what they’d been trained to do. It was what they were good at. They knew that when they found what Mike was looking for they’d get pats on the head, maybe even a biscuit. Their velvet noses searched the ground at an astonishing speed.

  A line drawn through a scatter graph, little x’s marking the dogs’ various excursions into dead ends, would have early hinted at their final destination – the campsite set up by the Nazis at the bottom of the Meadow Field.

  As soon as they were close to it the dogs began to bark. In anticipation of he knew not what, Sir Charles closed the shotgun he was carrying. Mike unslung his Mauser.

  The dogs’ interest, however, was not in the tents the Nazis had left behind but in a nearby clump of rhododendron bushes.

  ‘Don’t
shoot, sir! Don’t shoot! It’s me.’

  ‘Come out with your hands up,’ said Mike.

  ‘It’s me, sir,’ said Billy.

  Sir Charles and Mike lowered their weapons. The dogs stopped barking. Had they found what they were supposed to be looking for?

  They were confused. This human had the wrong smell.

  8

  ‘The Nazi who shot Mr O’Neil, sir, went that way. I saw him. He was chasing Jack. Jack was shouting at him, in German, I think it was German. I don’t know what he was saying but the German did and he didn’t like what he was hearing. It was the flag that did it though, sir.’

  ‘The flag?’

  ‘Jack was waving it at the Nazi.’

  ‘The Union Jack?’

  ‘No, sir … a white flag with, sort of blue triangles on it.’

  ‘The Star of David,’ said Mike.

  ‘Jack’s goading the Nazi,’ said Sir Charles. ‘Any sign of George?’

  ‘I think I might have seen him at the top of the hill, sir, but I’m not sure.’

  ‘Jack’s leading the Nazi into a trap … I know he is,’ said Sir Charles.

  ‘Sir,’ said Billy, ‘why am I shaking? I want it to stop but it won’t.’

  ‘You’re in shock, Billy; your body is reminding you that you are lucky to be alive.’

  ‘Will it stop, sir?’

  ‘Yes … it will stop. You said the Nazi shot Mr O’Neil …’

  ‘Mr O’Neil told me to stop the car, sir. I did as I was told … then, everything happened fast … there was an explosion … a big blonde Nazi pulled me out of the car. He was going to shoot me but Mr O’Neil shouted, “No!” When they were arguing that’s when I said, “Billy, I’m out of here.”’

  ‘You ran?’

  ‘Leapt into the bracken, sir … funny what you can do when you have to. Did I do right, sir?’

  ‘Yes, Billy, you did right.’

  ‘He fired at me, sir. But he wasn’t even close. When I knew they weren’t going to follow me I doubled back. I’ve been spying on them ever since, sir … they couldn’t see me but I could see them … and hear them. Bad tempered fellows, all of them. They tried to start the car, sir, but it wouldn’t. When you find it, sir, you’ll see there’s lots of little holes in its bonnet.’