A True Love of Mine

by Margaret Thornton

  He pondered for a few moments, and then, still feeling a certain reluctance, he made his way to their shop, Moon’s Mourning Modes, where Bella, dressed in the customary black, was standing behind the counter.

  Bella guessed from the concerned look on William’s face that he was worried about his wife’s state of health. She knew that Clara had been suffering from a cold and a cough, but when she had come into the shop towards closing time on the previous day she had said that she was feeling much better. She had just popped in, she said, to make sure that everything had gone smoothly during her absence. As if I wasn’t used to coping without her, Bella had though, a trifle irritably. Clara was often out on a job with William leaving her in charge of the shop and the two assistants.

  ‘Louisa called to see me,’ Clara had told her, ‘and her visit seems to have bucked me up no end. I should be back with you in a day or two, but it’s best if I keep my distance now. The customers don’t want to be served by someone with a streaming cold. Although a lot of them were coughing and blowing their noses, I noticed.’

  ‘I’m glad you’re feeling so much better,’ Bella had told her. ‘You’ve certainly got more colour in your cheeks now.’ Although she had noticed that Clara’s face was flushed, and not, she thought, with the rosiness of good health, but with the symptom of an incipient fever. And about half an hour ago she had seen the doctor arrive…

  She had not commented on Louisa’s visit. Louisa Montague, to Bella’s mind, was a meddlesome little woman who pushed her nose in where it was not wanted. It could be, of course, just that the two of them did not hit it off. Bella always suspected that Louisa knew more about her than she let on.

  She had been sincere when she told Clara that she was pleased she was feeling better. She had grown fond of Will’s wife over the years, despite her former antagonism. She had felt at the start that she would dislike, even hate, anyone who was the recipient of William’s affections. But she had found that there was nothing she could possibly dislike about Clara. She was the kindest, sweetest and most amiable of women, and Bella had been pleased when she knew that Clara regarded her as a friend. There had always been a certain amount of restraint, though, on William’s part. There had been times, Bella suspected, when she might well have been invited to some gathering or outing; but William had advised against it and Clara, ever the dutiful wife, had gone along with his wishes. Now, though, she could tell from the way he was approaching her, with an uncertain smile on his face, that he wanted her help.

  ‘Good morning, William,’ she said, with only a hint of a smile. ‘I couldn’t help noticing that the doctor has called. Is it Clara? She’s not…too poorly, I hope?’

  ‘Yes, you’re right,’ nodded William. ‘I had to call the doctor. I’m sorry to say that Clara is not well at all. She’s got influenza; it wasn’t just a cough and cold after all. I could kick myself now for not calling the doctor sooner, but she kept insisting it was just a cold.’

  ‘You weren’t to know, Will,’ said Bella. ‘It seems as though everyone you talk to has got a cold. So, you’ve come to tell me that Clara won’t be in the shop for a while? Well, I can manage as I’m sure you know. Martin doesn’t need any supervision. And Polly…you’re managing very nicely now, aren’t you, dear?’ She smiled at the young assistant in a much more friendly manner than usual.

  ‘Yes, Miss Randall,’ replied the girl, nodding her head in a deferential way as she looked up from her task of writing labels for a new assignment of scarves and gloves.

  ‘But could Polly manage if you left her in charge for part of the time?’ asked William in a low voice. ‘She and Martin, I mean; I can see that he is very capable. The thing is, Bella, we really do need some help in the house, with Clara being ill and the meals and everything.’

  ‘And you are asking me?’ Bella could not help her wry smile.

  ‘Yes,’ said William without preamble. ‘You are a good friend to my wife and I know she thinks well of you.’ He did not go on to say he regretted being distant with her, not did he refer to their past history, but Bella knew that the unspoken thoughts were there in both their minds.

  She listened in some amazement as he asked her if she would be willing to help out with tending to Clara’s needs. He feared she might be in bed for several more days, if not longer, and would need constant care. Also – he asked this rather hesitantly – could she possibly help out with their evening meals? Maddy was very capable and she would do what she could, but he couldn’t leave it all to a ten-year-old girl.

  And – this was the deciding factor in Bella’s mind – would she consider moving into the vacant premises over the shop? Fred Archer and his wife, who had been the tenants for several years, had moved out just after Christmas to a flat with an extra bedroom as Mrs Archer was now expecting a baby. Would she consider it? thought Bella. She would jump at the chance of living there, so near to her work; and so near to William… But she did not let that treacherous thought take hold in her mind. She would have suggested it herself when Fred moved out but she had been afraid that the answer would be no, and she could not face the idea of rejection. Now it was being handed to her on a plate.

  She did not show her delight, however, but answered thoughtfully that that might be a very good idea. She could sleep there that very same night, in fact, and move the rest of her belongings at a later date. She would be required, she guessed, to give at least a week’s notice at her present accommodation.

  ‘Thank you ever so much, Bella,’ said William. ‘That is a great load off my mind and I know that Clara will be very grateful to you.’ He smiled more warmly at her than he had done for years. ‘I’ll leave you to explain the situation to the assistants and then…perhaps you could go up and see how Clara is? She’s sleeping at the moment, but I want someone to be near in case she needs anything.’

  ‘Don’t worry, William,’ said Bella. ‘You can be sure I’ll take very great care of her. I’m very pleased that you asked me. Now, you get off back to your work. She’ll be in safe hands with me.’ She smiled encouragingly at him, but he did not realise that it was also a smile of triumph and self-satisfaction.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Bella had always known that one day William would need her. That was why she had stayed close to the Moon family all those years. Close enough, that was, to be considered an indispensable assistant in the shop, but not close enough to be admitted into their intimate circle. Well, now all that was to change. She could hardly cook their meals and dance attendance upon Clara without sitting down with them at their family table, could she? She made up her mind that she would make it clear to William that she was not to be regarded as a servant. What she was doing was because of her affection for Clara, and she did not require payment other than the normal wage she received as a sales assistant. That, of course, would be ongoing.

  She knew, however, that she would need to be more gracious in her dealings with old man Isaac and with Maddy. Over the years a mutual antipathy had developed between herself and Isaac Moon, and likewise with young Madeleine. Bella had the good sense to realise that this was largely her own fault. She had sensed from the start that William’s father did not like her; that he mistrusted her and had probably guessed that there had been something more than friendship between her and William. And so she had behaved offhandedly towards him, only speaking to him when it was absolutely necessary.

  As far as Maddy was concerned, Bella certainly knew she was at fault there. There was really nothing to dislike about the little girl any more than there was about her mother. Maddy was inclined to be outspoken, a little precocious maybe, but Bella could not help but admire the child’s spirit and her self-confidence, although she would never admit it. But this was William’s daughter, the only one that he could acknowledge, and that was the rub. He had another daughter; Henrietta was a young woman now, almost twenty years old. But she might just as well be dead for all that Bella knew of her, and it hurt when she saw how loved and cherished was his litt
le daughter, Madeleine. Bella decided that she must make an effort to be kinder to her; ask her for help with the evening meal and with suggesting treats that her mother might enjoy when she was feeling better. Maddy might well be a little suspicious at first – and who could blame her? – but Bella was sure she could win her confidence if she tried.

  She explained the situation to Martin and Polly, telling Polly, especially, that she was trusting her to look after the ladies department and to be responsible for the sales and the care of the customers; women who were bereaved often needed a sympathetic ear. Should there be any problems, however, she, Bella, would not be far away and Polly must not hesitate to come and find her. And she would, of course, pop in sometime each day to ensure that all was running smoothly.

  Young Polly seemed to grow several inches and to swell out with pride at the news that she was to be left in change. ‘Oh, thank you, Miss Randall,’ she babbled. ‘I won’t let you down, honest I won’t. You know you can trust me, don’t you? Just imagine me being t’ boss! Me mam’ll be that pleased. Just wait till I tell her!’

  It was the longest speech Bella had ever heard her make; usually the girl was cowed by Bella’s dictatorial manner. Even now she could not resist issuing a word of warning. ‘Don’t get carried away, Polly. It’s only temporary. Just see that you don’t let me down, and Mr and Mrs Moon as well. I shall be reporting back to them about how you are managing, so think on!’

  ‘Oh, I will, Miss Randall. I’m real sorry Mrs Moon is poorly. I think she’s a lovely lady. Er…will you tell her, please, that I hope she’ll soon be better?’

  ‘Yes, I shall tell her,’ replied Bella curtly. ‘Now stop your prattling and finish off those labels you’re writing. I thought they would have been done by now. And make sure your hair is tidy before a customer comes in. You look as though you’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards.’

  ‘Yes, Miss Randall,’ said Polly, her hands reaching up to straighten her mop of tangled curls. No matter how many times she combed her hair it always looked untidy. But Bella had to admit that she was a very clean girl. Her shiny red cheeks had a well-scrubbed look and her black dress was always neatly ironed.

  Bella went through the stockroom at the back of the shop and then through the door which led to the Moons’ living quarters. She would normally have knocked, but as she had been given carte blanche she walked straight in. William, she knew, had gone into the workshop to carry on with his coffin making.

  She went upstairs to find that Clara was still asleep in the double bed that she and William shared. Bella stood and watched her, a welter of thoughts and feelings running through her mind. Affection for the woman who had been a good friend to her over the years, and pity for her now because she looked so ill. Her face was flushed, more so than it had been on the previous day, and her breathing was laboured and rasping, as though there was a tiger growling inside her chest. Beads of perspiration stood out on her forehead and there was a damp patch on her pillow where her head was lying.

  It was then that thoughts of a different nature began to steal into her mind. From what Bella could see Clara was quite poorly, maybe even dangerously so. William had mentioned the doctor’s fear that this severe form of influenza might turn to pneumonia if she were not nursed diligently over the next few days. And if that happened, then there was the possibility that Clara would not get better at all…

  I knew William Moon before she did… Bella thought now. And the bitterness that she had felt all those years ago, and which still surfaced from time to time, crept insidiously into her mind. She, Bella, had been his first love, the first girl to whom he had made love in the fullest sense; she knew that without a doubt. She was sure, too, that he had loved her. He had told her so, and if he had not been so naive, so wet behind the ears and so scared of what his father might think, then she might well have been married to him now instead of Clara. She would have loved him so much, she told herself. Theirs would have been a love which endured, and as well as Henrietta, the daughter whom William could not acknowledge, there might have been others. She, Bella, could have experienced the joys of a happy family life, such as Clara had enjoyed for all those years.

  Bella did not think, then, of Ralph Cunningham whom she had loved deeply and who, she believed, had loved her in return…until he had betrayed her by dying so unexpectedly. She forgot the truly happy times that she and Ralph had had together. Her disordered mind was taking her further back to her first encounters with William Moon – Will had always been the only one for her, so she told herself now – and the injustice which she imagined had been done to her. But injustices could be put right. Will Moon owed her a lot, although he would never admit to it. She had sensed a certain softening, however, in his attitude towards her today. And as he became more and more indebted to her, so would his feelings towards her become warmer. She knew that their love for one another could, in time, be rekindled…

  Clara, in a few days’ time, might be fighting for her life, she pondered. She gazed at the woman dispassionately now, her previous feelings of sadness and friendship gradually dwindling away. William had said something about the medicine, a new drug that she would need to take regularly. There it was on the bedside table, a small brown-coloured glass bottle containing a whitish powder. Bella’s eyes narrowed and her mouth set in a determined line as she looked at it. But Clara was sleeping at the moment and she knew she must not disturb her, not yet. It was time for her to go and have a chat with William.

  Isaac and Patrick had returned from what she assumed to be a ‘laying-out’ job, and all three men were busy in the workshop when she went out to the yard. She stood at the door and beckoned to William who came over to her.

  ‘Clara is still asleep,’ she told him, ‘and I didn’t like to disturb her. But I think it might be advisable for her to start her medicine as soon as possible. Her breathing is very laboured, isn’t it?’ she said in an anxious tone of voice.

  ‘Yes…but I have every confidence in Dr Metcalfe,’ said William. ‘I’ll pop in to see her myself in a little while and see that she takes her medicine. In fact she’s already had her first dose.’ He smiled, still a little uncertainly, at Bella. ‘Thank you…for everything. I know you’re concerned about Clara.’

  She nodded. ‘Yes, I am. Now, what would you like me to do next? Shall I prepare some lunch for you, and your father and Patrick? And Maddy will be in from school before long, won’t she?’

  ‘Oh…goodness me!’ said William, scratching his head in some perplexity. ‘It just shows how much we rely on Clara, doesn’t it? She always sees to the lunch. Yes, Bella, if you don’t mind. There are some tins of soup in the cupboard, and there’s bread…at least I hope there is, in the bread bin. Just a scratch meal will do, and then we could have something rather more substantial, maybe, tonight?’ He looked at her expectantly.

  ‘Of course,’ she smiled. ‘Don’t worry; I’ll see to everything. I’ll go and see what I can find, and when Maddy comes in from school she will help me.’

  ‘What was all that about?’ asked Isaac when William went back into the workshop. ‘What did she want?’ William had already told his father and Patrick about the doctor’s diagnosis, but had not got round to telling them who he had turned to for help.

  ‘Oh…Bella’s going to help us out for the next few days,’ he replied casually. ‘Just while Clara’s in bed. I hope it won’t be for long, but we need somebody to see to our meals and all that, don’t we? We’re rushed off our feet at the moment.’

  ‘Have you taken leave of yer senses, lad?’ said Isaac. He shook his head unbelievingly. ‘You’ve asked Bella Randall – of all people! – to help us? Whatever were you thinking of?’

  William frowned at his father, at the same time giving a cautionary nod in the direction of his son. Patrick laughed.

  ‘It’s all right, Dad. You don’t need to watch what you’re saying in front of me. I know “little pigs have big ears”, an’ all that, but I’m not a kid. I know t
hat Bella isn’t exactly Grandad’s favourite person.’

  ‘You can say that again, lad.’ Isaac tutted loudly. ‘Couldn’t you think of somebody else as could help us out? One of the women at chapel…or Louisa? Aye, Louisa; she brought us a champion meal yesterday.’

  ‘Louisa is too busy to be running around after us,’ said William. ‘Besides, she’s getting on a bit and it wouldn’t be fair to presume on her good nature. And you know that Clara has never got too involved with the other women at the chapel; she always has too much to do. And they all have their own families to see to. No… I’m sure Bella will do very well for us and she’s already on the premises. You know as well as I do that she’s very fond of Clara…whatever else you may think about her. Anyway, maybe it’s time we buried the past…’ He stopped, aware that Patrick was looking at him oddly. ‘I mean to say, we may have had our differences, but happen it’s time to put ’em behind us. And you’ll want an evening meal, won’t you, Father? You won’t want to make it yourself?’

  ‘Aye, that’s true enough,’ sighed Isaac. ‘Well, what’s done is done, I suppose. Let’s hope it won’t be long before Clara’s back on her feet again.’ He paused, realising how selfish that might sound. ‘I mean…for Clara’s sake, poor lass. She isn’t used to being ill. Anyroad, a few days in bed with nowt to do should do her a power of good. But she does look after us all so nicely, doesn’t she? I’ve told you afore, William, you’ve got a wife in a million there.’

  Maddy stopped in her tracks when she came in through the back door and saw Bella busy at work in the kitchen. ‘Where’s Mam?’ she asked, eyeing the woman suspiciously.