Sacrifice

by Nileyah Mary Rose

  “You’re right but this year is going to be way bigger because I have a great surprise for him.”

  “What?” her face lit up with curiosity.

  “Reggae, please don’t make me say it, you know I can’t hide nothing from you, I want him to know first.”

  “Girl I don’t care about that man knowing anything first, you here so you got to tell me before I get mad.”

  “Come on please, I want him to know first.”

  “You pregnant?”

  “Ugh you get on my nerves I was hoping you didn’t guess that.”

  “No, are you?”

  I sighed then answered, “Yes!”

  “Ahhh! Oh my God!” she got up and hugged me. She then released me and said, “You were going to hide that from me?”

  “I’m sorry, I just wanted him to know first and you know I tell you everything but this was just too special for me.”

  “I know, but when did you find out?”

  “Last week, which is why I was hesitant to come here today because I knew I was going to be with you and I can’t hide anything from you.”

  “You surely can’t and don’t you dare hide anything from me ever again.”

  “I won’t, I promise,” I rolled my eyes.

  “So when are you telling him?”

  “On his birthday, I’m nervous.”

  “Why? He’s going to be so happy I’m sure of it.”

  “I hope so because I’m ready to start a family with him.”

  “Awww, you must love him that much.”

  “I do, I really do.”

  “I’m happy for you, I’m the Godmother right?”

  “Who else would it be?”

  “That’s what I thought.”

  “And please don’t spoil him or her too much.”

  “Ok that’s when you mind your own business.”

  “What? He is my child.”

  “Right, but it’s my Godchild different connection.”

  “Girl you’re crazy.”

  “I know,” we paused and kept eating, then continued conversing.

  “Now you know you can’t drink no more,” she said while eating.

  “I’m drinking my Moscato once in a while; they said it’s good for the baby.”

  “Please don’t have my Godchild coming out looking retarded because you don’t know how to stop drinking.”

  “Your Godchild is going to be just fine, I promise.”

  “You ain’t God, so you don’t know that.”

  “But I’m the mother, I can feel it.”

  “Awww, I can’t wait till it comes out retarded, I’m still going to love he or she the same.”

  “Stop speaking retarded to my child you crazy Godmother.”

  “Stop drinking then I will stop.”

  I sighed, “Ok fine just this one glass then I’m done for the rest of the eight months.”

  “I can see you drinking right when the child comes out?”

  “Oh yeah you better have a bottle of wine by my bed side right when I’m done pushing.”

  “You might be knocked the hell out.”

  “Put it in my IV then so that the buzz can kick in when I wake up,” we both laughed.

  “Girl you crazy and I hope my Godchild don’t come out retarded for real.”

  “One sip of wine is not going to make my child retarded.”

  “It takes any amount of alcohol to do the damage.”

  “Ok, we need to stop talking about my child being retarded before you speak it into existence,” I said still digging inside my food.

  “I’m just saying.”

  “I’m not drinking no more.”

  “Good.”

  I shook my head as I kept eating.

  “What happens if he doesn’t want the baby?”

  I paused for a moment, and thought about her question. I then said, “I will love him either way.” I stopped eating due to this knot of worry that became tied to my stomach.

  “I mean I wouldn’t kill my child for nobody but I will love him still,” I sighed as I went deep into thought, scared that he might not want me to have it, knowing I was going to have it either way. I became afraid of his reaction.

  “I really want to be the first and last woman to have his baby, I want to spend the rest of my life with him, that would make me the happiest woman on earth, but overall, I just want to make him happy.” I couldn’t help but feel sad at the dreadful possibilities.

  “Why are you so sad?” she said seeing my reaction drastically change.

  “I’m scared to know his answer but I will love him either way. I mean, I fell for him completely after my father’s death; he lifted me back up. It’s like I was given a second chance to be happy again. He is my rock, he’s everything to me. I’m not saying you’re not my rock, you mean everything to me too, I feel fully complete having you and him. I don’t ever want to change that.”

  “Everything is going to be alright. Know your first priority, talk to him and I’m sure he will be happy that you carrying his first child.”

  “I hope so and please don’t ask me anymore questions.”

  “Ok I won’t, but he loves you and he would want to do whatever is best for you, and I know he will support your decision no matter what decision you make.”

  “Which is to keep the baby.”

  “He will support you.”

  “I just can’t see myself with anybody else but him.”

  “And I’m sure he can’t either,” she said in hopes of making me feel better.

  “I hope so,” I went back into a mini depression, wanting to be left alone. I said, “I’m going to start heading home, I’m tired.”

  “You’re not tired; you just wanna be left alone to think.”

  “Oh my God you know me too well!” I said as we both laughed, “That question really hit me hard.”

  “I’m sorry to have even asked.”

  “No, you’re ok. I will update you a few days from now.”

  “Ok, but you not going home till Celius gets home, I’m not leaving you alone to kill yourself with worry, so you staying here. I’ll leave you alone.”

  “Gosh Reggae, I didn’t bring nothing with me,” I said wanting to go home.

  “You have a toothbrush here and I have toothpaste for you.”

  “But I don’t have any extra underwear.”

  “Don’t worry I have new pairs.”

  “What about clothes?”

  “Give up, you not going anywhere, and you know you can fit my clothes.”

  “Ok fine, but I really wanted to go home and lay down.”

  “You are home. You taking the room today to have your space then I’m going to be all in your grill the next day.”

  “Oh no, you’re going to stay in the room with me since you’re forcing me to stay here. And we laying in that bed together and eat ice cream with popcorn in bed so come on and you got to go get the ice cream and popcorn since I’m the guest so ciao,” I said leaving to go in the room.

  “Ugh I don’t like you sometimes.”

  “Well you better because I’m carrying your Godchild.”

  “Now don’t use that against me.”

  “It’s working, ha!”

  I went into her room to freshen up for bed, then into the living room to think about Celius and his reaction. We spent the rest of the night in bed eating popcorn and ice cream, like we did in the old days. It was Sunday evening and I finally went home when I got a text from Celius that he was home.

  “Ok girl please get home safe, and I don’t want anything happening to my Godchild.”

  “What about me?”

  “What about you?” Reggae asked as we both laughed, “You know I care about you too but my Godchild is more important to me than you, sorry.”

  “Forget you then,” we both laughed. “Ok it’s time to go, I’ll see you soon.”

  “Ok bye, love you.”

  “Love you too,” I hugged her as I drove home to see Celius at ho
me in front of the TV watching the game.

  He greeted me, “Hey baby how was your trip at Reggae’s house?”

  “It was good how was yours?” I said as I sat next to him and he held me close to him and kissed me.

  “It’s better now that you’re here.”

  “Awww, me too,” he said as he kissed me again. “So what did you do this weekend?”

  “Nothing really just hung with Reggae.”

  “So Tiara wasn’t there?”

  “Oh she was, but she disappeared when I called her out.”

  “Oh yeah, what happened?”

  “She lied in my face that she didn’t text you.”

  “You brought that up?”

  “Of course I did and she left because she couldn’t handle the pressure being busted.”

  “Oh wow.”

  “Yeah I can’t stand people lying in my face.”

  “I can’t either baby, but I’m happy you’re ok.”

  “Oh I’m fine!” I said as he squeezed me then kissed me on the forehead as he went back to his game.

  “I got a question for you,” I said still curious about the baby.

  “What is it baby?”

  “What would you do if I was pregnant?” he looked at me with surprise.

  “Are you?”

  “I didn’t say I was but what would you do?”

  “I can’t answer that question then.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because you’re not, wait are you?” he said curiously.

  “Celius I didn’t say that, and just answer the question.”

  “Nope, not if you’re not pregnant.”

  “Come on Celius, I just want to know,” he took his eyes off the TV and looked at me.

  “We will cross that bridge when we get there.”

  “You’re so difficult, anyways, I can’t wait till your birthday comes. I got lots of surprises for you.”

  “What? Birthday sex?” he laughed.

  “That’s no surprise.”

  “I was about to say.”

  “But anyways I can’t wait! In a few more days you will be twenty four. Oh my God, Celius, you’re getting old.”

  “Oh hush you are too.”

  “You’re still older than me.”

  “But you look older,” he said as he laughed.

  “You’re not funny. I don’t look older than you,” I said as I pushed back from him a little offended.

  “Nah I’m just playing,” he said as he brought me back closer to him and kept watching his game. I fell asleep in his arms to wake up with him gone.

  I got up, took a shower and I wanted to clean, but there was nothing to clean. I paced back and forth thinking on how to tell Celius I was pregnant on his birthday without ruining his big day. All of a sudden, the doorbell rang and I knew it was not Celius since he had just went to work and plus he has his own key. It rang again as I began to think it was Reggae checking on me and the baby.

  “I’m coming!” I yelled as I walked towards the door to see Shad, Celius’ best friend standing in front of our door step.

  “Hey Shad, Celius just went to work.”

  “Oh wow, really?”

  “Yeah, but I can let him know you stopped by though.”

  “Oh no sweetie, I’ll wait for him.”

  “Shad he is going to be gone for over nine hours.”

  “Oh no he won’t, he’s on his way back because I have his badge.”

  “Wait how did you get his badge?”

  “He left it in my car since I drove.”

  “But he never takes it out of his car,” I said feeling suspicious.

  “Girl you’re asking too many questions. So are you going to invite me in to wait on my boy?”

  “I mean sure or I can just take it from you and give it to him.”

  “Nah I want to see him.”

  “Ok fine, come in.”

  This visit felt unpleasant, I wasn’t feeling his vibe so I went to the room trying to find something to do.

  “Hey sugar,” he said as I gasped with shock as he stepped into our room.

  “Can you please wait in the living room for him?”

  “Girl stop tripping, this is my friend’s house, I can be anywhere I want to be in his house.”

  “Point of correction, this is our house and you’re not invited to our room,” I said standing still pointing for him to exit.

  “Ok fine I’ll leave, but I just got to admit you look good.”

  “Yeah thank you,” I kept still by my bed anxious for him to leave.

  “I don’t see how my friend got you, because man you look too good to be with him, you deserve a man like me.

  “Thanks and can you leave please?” he smiled as he came closer.

  “No seriously leave my room.”

  “Or what?”

  “Or I will call the fucking police on your ass.”

  I moved back while talking and hit the side of my bed with my body. There was nowhere else to back up too, so I stood still with a serious face. “No really leave my room, you creeping me the hell out.”

  “Don’t be scared, I don’t bite,” he held me to him as I pushed myself away from his grip.

  “Get the hell out!” I said with a serious face but scared knowing what was about to happen.

  “Come on Ella, don’t be like that,” he came back with a stronger grip and started kissing all over me.

  “STOP IT… GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!” I tried breaking loose from him, but this time he wasn’t letting go. I struggled as he pushed me down on the bed. I fought harder and harder. I forcefully turned my body with my stomach gracing the bed hoping for Celius to open the door any minute.

  “Quit fighting it, you know you want me,” he said as he turned me around.

  I spit in his face with disgust and he returned that with a slap to my face.

  “Bitch! he said as he tried even harder.

  “Please stop!” I started crying knowing I was about to lose that battle, then I heard the front door open as I felt relieved but kept fighting. It seemed like it was a set up due to the fact that he had this smile on his face as he pushed harder to get in my pants.

  “Cel…” I almost screamed his name until he put his hand on my mouth. Celius walked in and saw the unexpected, his best friend on top of me. He immediately walked back out the door.

  “Celius it wasn’t what you think!” I pushed him as he finally let me go. I ran out the door after Celius.

  “Celius your friend almost raped me!”

  “Get out of here with that lie.”

  “Are you fucking serious? Your friend almost raped me and you think I am lying?”

  “Man I got to go, I can’t deal with this,” he went and got in his car.

  “Celius, wait it’s not what you think. I’m innocent. I would never do that to you!” I started to weep.

  “You just did now please leave me alone.”

  “Wait, wait,” I cried out.

  “I knew you were too good to be true.”

  “Celius please wait, I didn’t do it.”

  He got in the car with no more words and drove off. I stood and watched my love physically and drive out of my life. I finally ran back inside and grabbed a bat next to the couch about to smash Shad for ruining my life but luckily for him, he was nowhere to be found. I fell on the ground and burst out in tears knowing I had lost my love. I lay on the floor with pain and sorrow hoping he was about to walk in the door and tell me it was all a joke.

  A day went by lying on the bed, calling him, running to my phone hoping it was him. A few days went by with no sign of him, no call no show. My pain began to grow. I couldn’t eat nor sleep. I laid in our king size bed with white sheets crying my eyes out. I figured he wasn’t coming back so I turned off my cell phone and unplugged the house phone. I then came back to the bed staring at Celius’ picture as I cried myself to sleep. In my dreams I said, ‘Celius please don’t leave me,’ with tears on my face as he kept moving fur
ther away from me without a word. ‘Please don’t leave me. I begged and repeated as he kept going away, it was like he was going further and further away from my heart as he turned around and looked into my eyes and said, ‘It’s over.’

  ‘No, please no!’ I tried moving towards him but my body froze as I said, ‘Celius.’ My voice echoed as a light appeared from the distance coming towards me, I waited patiently for it to come to me. When it stopped moving, there was somebody; a lady standing underneath the light. She came closer and closer, until she came close enough to make me realize that I was that person walking towards me. ‘This can’t be,’ I whispered to myself with disbelief. ‘Who are you and why do you have my face?’

  ‘I am what you are afraid of,’ a cold chill went up my spine causing me to jerk a bit as if I had caught goose bumps, then I said, ‘What is that supposed to mean?’ A knock came from the door and woke me up from my dream before she answered the question. I lay in my bed trying to fall back to sleep to finish my dream as the knocks continued. I completely ignored it, wondering what she meant by that. I stayed in my bed, still trying my best to fall back to sleep. At this point my eyes were swollen from crying. I had sleepless nights and whenever I did sleep, it was a nightmare. My hairdo turned into a ball of dung and my body was shaking because I hadn’t eaten ever since he had left me. I forced myself to finally get up, figuring I would die if I didn’t eat something. I got up and my ankles and legs shook while standing. I could feel my whole body shaking out of control and now I knew I had to eat something, but I had no appetite. I walked to the fridge and grabbed some ice cream and then some grapes. I sat in our dining room and forced it down my throat which was harsh. I felt pain in my throat and my stomach, but I kept eating so that my body could adjust.

  I then went back to lay in bed and cry some more as I must have been having an out of body, out of mind experience because it had slipped my mind that I was pregnant with his baby, but I was quickly reminded at the pain that was reminiscent of everything I had experienced in the last day. At first I had no idea what any of it meant, the pain I felt in my heart overpowered the one I felt in my stomach. The pain grew as the time ticked, and then it hit me as I whispered to myself, ‘my baby’ and I felt a sense of urgency for my child growing inside of me. I then tried to get out of the bed to save my baby, my legs refused to move as the pain traveled through every bone in my body. I was in so much pain that it felt like my heart was set on fire. “Help!” I cried out, but I couldn’t really scream as loud as I needed to. Part of my white sheets turned red as I crawled to where my phone was at as my blood stains followed me.