“There’s no time to argue about this now! Don’t worry, Mother, please. We’re just going to pray. What’s the harm in that?”
She glanced at the men behind her at the table. It suddenly occurred to me that something seemed wrong about their presence, but I’d have to figure that out later. When she looked at me again, her shoulders sagged, and she sighed.
“Go.”
I didn’t need anything more to get my feet hustling out the door, dragging Uncle Asa behind me. I pulled him over to the shed and opened the passenger door of Daddy’s car. I looked through the window and saw him standing there like a statue.
“Get in and drive!” I yelled.
He pulled open the door and climbed in, gripping the steering wheel in both hands. He stared at it without moving.
“You can drive, can’t you?” I said.
He nodded but still didn’t make a move to start the car. “Ruby, what are you really hoping for here?”
“You’re going to pray, and God’s going to heal Matthew.”
“That’s what I was afraid of.”
“Just drive, and I’ll explain. We’re wasting time!”
He shook his head. I wanted to grab him and start pounding on him till he woke up. We had to get that car moving.
“I can’t do it.” He stared at the steering wheel like it was a snake about to strike him dead.
“I know, I know. God will do it. That’s what you been trying to tell me this whole time. Like you said before, it’s God’s power. You just have to know how to pray with faith. Now drive, or I swear I’m going to do it myself.”
He finally put the car in motion, and we sped away from home. I watched him while he drove. His whole face had changed, like he was seeing ghosts or something. I knew I needed to encourage him cause so far it was clear he did not have the kind of faith that moved mountains. But I couldn’t focus on what to say. All I could think about was Matthew having another hemorrhage while I was out running through the woods and half-way explaining things to Mother and forcing Asa to drive Daddy’s car. I finally closed my eyes and tried to focus on my faith. This time, I was going to have enough, and God was going to answer our prayers, cause I didn’t even want to think about what it would mean if he didn’t.
When we pulled into the driveway at the Doyles’ house, I jumped out and ran up the steps. But when I looked back, Uncle Asa was still sitting in the car. I ran back, ready to throw him over my shoulder or flat out drag him up to that room if I had to.
“What are you waiting on?” I yelled as I threw open the driver’s side door.
He turned those fearful eyes on me again. “You’re not hearing me, Ruby. I can’t do what you’re wanting me to do. I could, a long time ago, but it’s gone!”
“What do you mean, it’s gone?”
He looked down at his hands. “I messed up.” Then he looked up at me again. “I went after my own glory, and God stopped working through me. I can’t do this.”
“That’s a load of malarkey, and you know it! You told me yourself, it was never your power to begin with. You just have to find your faith and pray the way you’re supposed to.”
“But this is T.B. you’re talking about. I couldn’t have healed T.B. even when God was working through me.”
I grabbed his arm and yanked him out of the car. Then I pushed my finger into his chest, and he took a step back. “You listen to me, Asa Graves. I lost my daddy, and there’s nothing anybody can do about that. But I am not going to stand by and do nothing while Matthew suffers and dies, knowing you can do something about it. Now you get yourself straightened out with the Lord, cause this is not about you. It’s not about your past, not about who you hurt, not about your sins. This is about a boy in that house that deserves a chance to be healed so he can go on and live the life God is calling him to.”
“All right!” He put his hands up like he was trying to keep me from attacking him. “I’ll go in with you. I’ll pray with you. I’ll do everything I can, okay?”
When Ellis answered the door, I didn’t wait for an invitation. He stepped aside without a fuss, and I took Uncle Asa straight upstairs to Matthew’s room. We didn’t come across anyone, which was probably for the best since I didn’t have time to waste on introductions. But when we reached Matthew’s bedroom, Mary and Mrs. Doyle were inside. They looked up at us with surprise, and Mrs. Doyle rose from the chair by the windows. Mary was seated at the end of the bed, and her eyes were red and weary.
“We thought you’d gone home for the evening,” Mrs. Doyle said quietly.
I took a deep breath to try to slow my racing heart. “How is he?”
She glanced over at him resting in the bed, his eyes closed, but his face pinched in pain. “Worse. His breathing, it’s…he’s struggling.” She looked behind me. “Who’s this?”
“Mrs. Doyle, this is my uncle, Asa Graves. He’s been staying with us since Daddy passed. He was a preacher for a while, and I’ve been telling him about Matthew. I thought he could come with me to pray. If that’s all right with you, of course.”
“Of course, darling. I thought about calling on Brother Cass, but Matthew never seems to respond well to him.” She reached a hand out to Asa. “Thank you for coming, Brother Graves.”
“Just call me Asa, ma’am.”
“Well, you visit as long as you’d like. I’m going to make sure there’s enough food for everyone while he’s resting. Could be a long night ahead of us.” She walked over to Matthew and pushed his damp hair off his forehead, and then she leaned over and kissed him. She gave me and Mary a pat on the shoulder as she headed out the door.
I turned to Mary as soon as she’d left. “Are you all right?”
She sniffled and wiped her face with a handkerchief. “This is just awful. I can’t believe it. He was doing so much better.”
I put my hand on her back and rubbed it gently. “I know this is hard on you. You’ve been here for him, watching him suffer for a long time.” I glanced over at Asa, who stood at the windows with his eyes closed. I hoped he was praying. “Mary, why don’t you go help your mom? I’m sure she’s right about this being a long night. I’ll stay with Matthew so you can help and then freshen up.” It was all I could do to keep from pushing her out the door, but I knew I was going to have to get my emotions under control.
Thankfully, Mary didn’t protest. She hugged my neck before leaving. “You’ve been so good to all of us, especially Matthew. Thank you.”
As soon as she was out the door, I went to Asa’s side. “What do we need to do?”
He turned and looked down at me, and I was expecting more fear and excuses, but he smiled instead. “Ruby, you are a remarkable young lady. Do you feel God’s presence in this room?”
I wasn’t sure we had time to reflect on the wonder of the situation. “What do we need to do?”
“First, you need to get your mind right. You’ve been in a panic, and that’s not the work of the Holy Spirit. That’s your fear. You need to quiet your mind, shut out everything, even your desire for Matthew’s healing. Pray.”
I looked out the window and tried to do what he said. I closed my eyes, and I focused on the rhythmic chirping of a bird outside. It tweeted three or four more times in rapid succession, then stopped a moment. Another one, further away, answered with the same call. My head finally stopped swimming, and I took a deep breath. My shoulders fell into place, and I prayed the first thing that came on my heart.
Lord Jesus, I praise you for your love and faithfulness, even when I am frantic and afraid. Calm the storm in me, give me peace, and allow me to feel your presence. Give Asa the faith he needs to be open to your power working through him. And heal Matthew’s broken body, to your glory and honor.
I opened my eyes, and Asa was smiling down on me. “Now, do you feel it?”
I nodded, cause my mouth couldn’t find words to explain what I felt in that moment. I guess maybe the best word for it was that my spirit and mind were still. Uncle Asa walked over to Ma
tthew’s side and knelt beside him. I was surprised to see Matthew’s eyes open. They were weak and glazed over, but the corner of his mouth tipped up when he saw me.
“You’re back,” he whispered.
“I promised I would be.”
Uncle Asa leaned over Matthew and smiled. “Son, Jesus knows your heart, and he loves you unconditionally. He’s forgiven all your sins, past, present, and future. Rest in his peace.”
Matthew smiled, and a tear slipped out of his eye. “Thank you.”
Then the coughing started again, and he rolled onto his side as he spit out globs of bright red blood. A new surge of panic shot through me before I could settle it. When he sucked in a breath, it sounded more like a gasp, too shallow and short to move any air. More blood spewed out, and he groaned as his body convulsed.
“What now?” I said to Asa.
“Stay calm. Shut out everything. Open your heart, and pray.”
He put his right hand on Matthew’s back and slid it slowly from side to side. Then he stopped, and his lips started moving, but I couldn’t hear the words. I took a quick glance at Matthew’s face. It had relaxed, but a frightening trail of blood seeped from the corner of his mouth. I couldn’t watch anymore, so I closed my eyes and prayed God would hear Asa.
Suddenly the air around me changed, like every atom in the room stopped moving, and the hair on my arms prickled. Then I felt someone beside me; no, not beside me. I felt them around me, inside me, through me; and I felt a calm I’d never known before. I opened my eyes and looked down at Matthew, my heart so full it might burst with all the love inside of it. I wanted nothing but his happiness and peace.
I realized Asa had stopped talking, and slowly the presence I’d felt started to fade. I wanted to grab hold of it somehow, to keep it inside me forever. But I noticed as it faded, I didn’t feel empty. It was like a tidal wave had flooded my soul, and when it retreated, it left a peaceful pool of joy in its place. After a few more coughs, Matthew turned onto his back.
“What was that?” he asked.
I looked at Asa, and he smiled. “That was the Holy Spirit,” he said.
Matthew continued to cough, and for a little while the blood continued to come. I wondered if God’s answer had been to save Matthew’s soul, but not his body, and it struck me that I could accept this with such calm. Knowing that was enough for me that night, and I knew in some way that God was easing my doubts over Daddy’s death too. It wasn’t a lack of faith that kept Daddy from being healed. I just didn’t want to face the kind of healing God had in mind. I continued to pray, and I thanked God for every moment I’d gotten with both my daddy and with Matthew.
As the minutes turned into an hour, and Mrs. Doyle and Mary returned, I noticed the frequency of Matthew’s coughs became less and less, and the amount of blood he coughed up was reduced to tiny droplets by sunset. Asa continued to stand near the window, praying nearly the whole time with this look of absolute joy on his face. When our eyes met, I knew he was thinking the same thing I was. God had healed Matthew, and he’d used Asa to do it.
Chapter Nine
After it was clear Matthew was asleep for the evening, Asa and I drove home. The wonder of all that had happened was still fresh on my mind, and I looked at the world sliding past me with a new sense of amazement. It had worked. God had heard my prayers, and more importantly he’d heard Asa’s. I’d always been told all things were possible with God, but that’s really one of those things I knew I was supposed to believe cause the preacher said so, and so did all the other adults who should know a lot more about these things than I did. But really, deep down I knew it was a metaphor. I mean, just cause a person might want to stand at the top of a building and fly off into the air doesn’t mean he should actually take a literal leap of faith.
But on that day, in that bedroom, with Asa and I offering up our meager prayers, God had made the impossible possible. And it had lit something inside me that burned for more—more of that amazing peace that had swept over me, the intense love that overflowed my heart, and the joy I felt when Matthew drifted off into a peaceful rest. If I could somehow find a way to be a part of that again, I’d give anything for it.
When Asa pulled the car to a stop down by our barn, I realized we hadn’t said a word all the way home. But as he shut off the engine, he gripped the steering wheel before turning to me. “You can’t say nothing about this to anyone, especially your mother. You hear me?”
“Yes, sir.”
“I mean it, Ruby. No one.”
“I hear you, but aren’t you amazed at what God did? How do you keep that quiet?”
He sat back against the seat and rubbed the back of his neck. “You just need to keep it to yourself for now. Till you understand things better.”
“What else is there to understand? God healed Matthew! You put your hands on him, prayed over him, and God moved something amazing inside me, inside all of us, and he healed Matthew! Didn’t you feel that?”
He finally smiled and shook his head. “There’s nothing like it in the world, is there?”
“Oh, Asa, don’t you see? God’s forgiven you for everything, and he restored you. You can heal again!”
“Let’s not get carried away.”
“But you could start preaching again, and this time you’ll know better. You won’t make the same mistakes, and you can teach me how to do it.”
“Ruby, stop.” He pushed open the car door and slammed it behind him.
I jumped out and followed him toward the house. “Asa, wait a minute! What’s the problem? Don’t you want to feel that again? Don’t you want to feel God working through you like that all the time?”
He whirled around to face me with the same fire in his eyes I’d often seen in Daddy’s, but never before in his. “Get thee behind me, Satan!”
I froze, and my mouth hung open with words I couldn’t find. Had he just called me Satan? I stepped back and took a deep breath, trying not to get angry. Asa stepped away from me as well, and he turned his back to me. All the joy of the day was sucked away in an instant.
“How can you say that?” I asked. “I was there. I prayed with you. I encouraged you.”
“Shoved me into it kicking and screaming’s more like it.”
“Well, pardon me for shoving you into healing someone who was about to die! I suppose that does make me Satan!”
“Ruby, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“How else could you mean it?”
He turned around, his eyes softening, and he lifted his palms up like he was begging for mercy. “Sweetie, you don’t know what you’re saying. I didn’t mean it to sound like I was calling you Satan. But believe me, he was using your words to tempt me with things I left behind long ago. I can’t go back to preaching, or healing. Today was for you, and only you. God used me to teach you, to show you a little of what his plans are for you. It was never for me.”
“Please tell me what happened,” I said. “You have to tell me. Why did you walk away from preaching and healing?”
He took a long, deep breath and shook his head. “That’s a long story I don’t think I can get into now. All I can say’s that I messed up. I took a gift from God, a gift that meant the world to me, and I traded it for momentary glory. I sought my own will, and I chased after money and fame by playing on the trust of others.” He shook his head. “You know, it was Brother Cass who finally called me out for what I was.”
“I don’t like that man,” I growled. “He doesn’t have a compassionate bone in his body.”
“I know he can be a hard man, but I respect what he knows of Scripture. He’s right about most everything he says. Just the way he says it can rub against you wrong. And he was right about me, about what I done.”
I didn’t care for talking about Brother Cass. He made my blood hot, and I might say things I shouldn’t. I was relieved when Asa continued and left that subject behind.
“Look, Ruby, it took me losing everything—my family, my life’s work, a
nd that precious gift—for me to see what was really important. That’s what I have to keep my focus on, living a quiet, simple life that pleases the Lord. I won’t put myself up against that temptation ever again.”
I tried to understand what he was saying, and I wished he’d just speak plainly, but I knew better than to try to get more out of him. Still, something itched the back of my mind. “Is that why Daddy was so upset with you? Cause of things you did as a preacher?”
“Nah. Your daddy supported me. He rebuked me for the life I’d been leading, but then he forgave me. He loved me like no one else ever has, stood by me when I fell flat on my face. He was generous and kind. He was the best man I ever knew.”
“I don’t understand. Then why—”
“Ruby, there’s just some things a child should never know, and this is one of ’em. Just know that I have many sins to pay for.” He wagged a finger at me. “You keep your heart focused on serving the Lord. He’s going to do mighty works through you, the likes of which most folks might never believe. You pray, and you prepare your heart for what’s ahead. Cause with doing great works in God’s name comes great opposition from the enemy. There’s gonna come a day when you’ll wish you’d never been a part of what happened in that room today.”
The next morning after breakfast, I helped Mother with straightening up things before I was to head back to the Doyles’ house. After a night of hardly being able to sleep, I began to wonder if maybe I’d imagined everything that had happened. It seemed too good to be true, and I was anxious to see Matthew with my own eyes again. I’d about finished washing the breakfast dishes when I heard a knock on the front door. Mother answered it, and in a few seconds, she walked around into the kitchen with Brother Cass behind her. Seemed like a cold chill came in with him.
“Can I get you anything?” Mother asked him. “We just finished up breakfast not long ago. We have some coffee and some biscuits if you like.”
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