I’m sorry to hear about Henry leaving. I know you love him, and I’m sure you miss him every day. I’m sure James will come around when all the cotton business is done, and everything will work out fine. You Graves folk seem to land on your feet no matter what comes. Some of you with your claws out! (And yes, I mean you.)
I do miss my family and look forward to seeing them soon. But I haven’t missed you one little bit either. In fact, I had forgotten your name altogether until you wrote me. I agree that a visit would not be the most horrible thing in the world, so I’ll see if I can squeeze one in next Sunday afternoon on my way back to Tuscaloosa. In the meantime, stay safe, stay off the trains, and try to stay out of trouble!
Your friend,
Matthew
When I read the letter from Matthew, it seemed like my feet barely touched the floor as I went over to Mother and gave her a hug. She dropped her spoon into the soup she was stirring and laughed, hugging me back. It was good to feel happy again, even for a few moments. By the time his letter had reached me, it was already late Thursday afternoon, so I would only have to wait a couple of more days to see him. But oh, I wished those days would fly!
I sat down at the table to watch Mother finish the soup, hoping she’d join me so we could talk more about the weekend coming up. “Do you think I might be able to see him on Saturday?”
She looked at me sideways, trying to hide her smile beneath a scold. “You will not be like other girls running after boys to get their attention. He said he would come by to visit on Sunday, and that will do just fine.”
But how would I be able to think about anything else at all on Saturday knowing he was only a few miles away? My stomach was already fluttering wildly just thinking about it. But at that moment, the front door swung open and James’s voice roared through the tiny house.
“Ruby!”
Mother and I both froze. Her eyes went wide as James came around in front of me like a storm ready to sweep me away.
“Ruby! You better explain to me how we’re supposed to feed ourselves when you’re out running around making sure we can’t!”
Mother rushed between us and put her hands on his shoulders. “James, what on earth’s going on?”
“Ask her!” he yelled. “Go on and explain everything, Ruby!”
“Just tell us what happened,” Mother said in that soothing tone she used to use when James was all riled up at Henry.
“Them no-good crooks are giving our cotton a low grade, saying it ain’t worth more than four-and-half cent. I thought it was just one lousy buyer, but I took my sample around the market today and every one of them bid me at that low grade. I couldn’t understand it, till the last one finally enlightened me. He said if my family was a bunch a Negro lovers, we should get the same price as the Negroes.”
My heart nearly stopped in my chest. Mother looked at James like he’d gone mad. “What does that mean? And what does that have to do with Ruby?”
She turned and looked at me, and her eyes moved from confusion to understanding. She shook her head and fell into the chair across from me. “Oh, Ruby,” she cried. “What have you done?”
“What has she done?” James screamed. “She’s done everything she can to make sure we starve to death this winter!”
“That’s not true!” I finally found my voice. “I only wanted to help people who were suffering, people who had no one else to help them.”
James looked like he might rip my head off. He paced back and forth with his hands clenched by his side. “Ruby, you cannot be so naive!”
“I’m still confused,” Mother said quietly. “Ruby, what exactly have you been doing?”
“I’ve been taking food to a mother and son that live down in the woods on the edge of Calhoun’s property. It’s a tiny little shack, and they were so hungry they were stealing out of Calhoun’s fields. I didn’t want them to get in trouble, so I’ve been taking them food.”
“I think you left out the most important detail,” James growled.
“Which is what?” Mother asked.
“They’re colored,” I said.
Mother leaned back in her chair and sighed. “I see.”
It was quiet for a minute while everyone processed this. James stood with his arms folded over his chest looking like he was ready to explode.
Mother looked between me and James. “So now explain what this has to do with our cotton.”
“It was Cass,” I said. “He did this.”
James came at me and put his face directly in front of mine. “You knew this would happen?”
“No, I didn’t! I mean, Cass made some vague threat, but I didn’t think—”
“When was this?” James spat. “You didn’t think it was important enough to let me know?”
“I didn’t think he could really do it! He’s supposed to be a preacher!”
“You really are a stupid little girl!” he roared.
I pushed myself up from the table and took a step toward him. “I am not stupid! At least I care about other people! I don’t yell at them and treat them so hateful they finally have to run away to escape!”
Before I could blink his hand flew across my cheek, and all I saw was light. I steadied myself on the table as Mother gasped. The room was silent, but it was only preparing for another explosion. I couldn’t believe he’d just hit me. Daddy had never hit me like that. I wished with all my might he was there in that moment so he could beat the ever living daylights out of James. Mother just sat there with her hand over her mouth.
James looked down at his hand, then at me. “You better hope and pray there’s a way to fix this.” He stomped over to the front door then pointed his finger at me. “And I better not ever catch you setting foot in those woods again! Ever!”
The door slammed behind him. Mother closed her eyes, but not before a tear slipped down her cheek. I covered mine where it still burned like fire, like the blood rushing through my veins. No matter what he thought, James was not my daddy, and as far as I was concerned, he was not my brother either. No one was going to treat me like that. And I would take every drop of my food to whoever I wanted, whenever I wanted.
I didn’t speak to James at all on Friday, not that he was around really. In fact, he took his supper out onto the porch. That was fine by me. I didn’t want nothing to do with him. I didn’t care for talking to Mother either. She tried to tell me that it was best I stay away from the woods, but I wasn’t going to let her or James keep me from obeying what God had shown me was my calling.
On Saturday evening, while Mother worked her hands to death on laundry, I made some fried fruit pies, placed them in a small basket I found, and slipped out of the house unseen. I made my way through Calhoun’s fields. A second wave of cotton picking would start on Monday, but for now all the fields were empty. I had a good mind to refuse to do any more picking for James with the way he was behaving. I sure wasn’t going to miss any more school for it. He’d just have to be satisfied with my efforts after I got home.
I stewed over the whole situation with James all the way to Hannah’s shack. I even acted out all the things I wished I’d said or done, even hitting him so hard I’d have knocked him to the ground. That made me feel a little better, but not near enough. When I knocked on the door, I was still fuming, so I nearly plowed right into Hannah. But she didn’t open the door all the way; just a crack to peep through, stopping me in my tracks.
“What you doing here, girl?” she hissed. She kept her face back from the door in the shadows so I couldn’t see her fear, but I heard it all the same.
“I brought you and Samuel some pies, see?” I was hoping she’d come closer so I could see her, but she didn’t even look.
“You bringing a heap a trouble on yourself! Us too! Now git on back home!”
“Hannah, are you all right?” She didn’t answer. “You know I don’t mean any harm. I only want to help you and Samuel. Please.” My voice cracked and my throat knotted up. “You’re the only friend I�
�ve got right now.”
“We ain’t friends! Can’t no white girl and colored girl be friends in this world. Just ain’t no room for such things. Now, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll git on back home and not come back.”
She tried as best she could, but I heard the catch in her voice too. Her words had cut deep, but I wasn’t ready to give up yet. “I’m not leaving until I see you. I have to know if you’re all right.”
Everything was so still for so long, I thought for sure she’d gone. Then the door slowly opened, and I gasped with horror. Her left eye was nearly swollen shut, and there was a deep gash across her forehead. A flash of hot anger shot through me. I stepped into the room and reached for her face.
“Oh Hannah! Who did this to you?”
She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Don’t pay me no mind, Miss Ruby.”
“Where’s Samuel? Is he all right?”
“He ain’t here. And yes, he’s fine. Now, don’t fuss over us no more.”
But I couldn’t help it. Her face was badly bruised, and her lip split open too. She hugged one arm around her waist, cradling her stomach.
“The baby!” I said, reaching for her belly. “Is the baby all right?”
“Seems that way.”
“We have to get you to a doctor.”
She shook her head. “We already been through that. I’ll be fine. I done had much worse than a few bumps and bruises. Now, you seen me. So go on back home.”
I looked around the tiny shack for clues as to what could’ve happened. It was in such a mess as I’d never seen it. A chair was turned over, their clothes scattered about, and the jars of food lay shattered in a heap.
“The food!” I cried.
Hannah grabbed me by the shoulders, turned me around, and started pushing me out the door. “It’s time to git on outta here, Miss. Now go on back to your family. Go on back to your people. You can’t help us no more!”
She closed the door behind me, and I dropped to my knees outside her door. I sobbed into my hands with no idea what to do next. Who could have done this? And why?
“Hannah!” I yelled through the door. “I just want to help. Please let me help you!”
There was no answer. No matter how many times I cried for her, I couldn’t get her to open the door or even respond to my pleas. Finally, I pulled myself together as much I could manage. I bent down and left the basket of pies at the door, along with the copy of The Jungle Book I’d been reading with Samuel. I could only hope he’d someday learn enough to finish it.
I trudged back up the trail, wondering how I’d gotten this so completely wrong. Maybe this was the storm I’d feared was coming. Not just an obstacle I’d have to overcome, but an all out assault on my faith from every direction. There was no place to turn, no path forward. How could I possibly continue to help them? Why was God pushing me down a path that was so clearly blocked? It was impossible!
I was so caught up in my despair, that the sounds of footsteps behind me didn’t register in my mind until they were nearly on top of me. Startled, I jerked around to find Chester only a few steps away. My heart leapt into my throat as realization hit me.
“It was you!” I said.
His teeth sneered at me from under his huge beard. “I told Cass you’d keep on coming.”
“Excuse me?” I took a step back as he took one forward.
“I told him you’d need more persuading than what he was willing to do.” I took another step back. “Look at you,” he continued. “Treating them Negroes like they’s equal to you. Like you don’t know no better.”
He stopped then, and crossed his huge arms over his chest. I realized at that moment that if he ever caught me, I was a goner. I should’ve already been running, but it seemed like my legs weighed more than I could manage.
His eyes hardened as he looked on me. “Now Miss Ruby, I don’t like teaching these lessons to little girls, but it’s better it comes from me than a bunch of men in white robes at your home with your whole family there paying the price along with you. Don’t you agree?”
I couldn’t speak. All that went through my head, over and over, was RUN! RUN! RUN!
And finally, I did.
A lot of what happened on that trail that day is blurry at best.
I know I ran as fast I could.
It wasn’t fast enough.
I remember blinding pain.
I heard screaming.
It was me screaming.
I know someone found me and carried me home.
I came to a few times when things were going on around me I couldn’t understand at the time. I couldn’t figure out why Matthew was carrying me through cotton and cornfields, or why my head hurt so bad. I couldn’t figure out why I was lying on mother’s bed instead of on the porch, or why there was a different person sitting in the chair in the corner every time I opened my eyes. Pain and confusion melted together, running all through my sore body.
Once, I woke up and it was dark except for a candle on a small table by the bed. As soon as I moved, it felt like a hundred knives clamped into my side. I gasped, unable to let my breath out, but then Matthew was beside me holding my hand, and the air slipped away. My thoughts came together for the first time, and I knew I was in bad shape.
“What happened?” I asked.
“You don’t remember?” Matthew said. He pushed some hair off my forehead and laid his hand over it like Mother did when she checked me for a fever. “I better get Dr. Fisher.”
I didn’t want him to leave, but I didn’t have the strength to hang onto him. I closed my eyes for a moment, and when I opened them again, Mother, Matthew, and Dr. Fisher were standing near the door talking in low mumbles. From the words I could hear, and the pain in my body, I learned I had at least four broken ribs and a concussion. He’d sewn up my head where it had been cut open, along with a large gash on my leg.
My head throbbed so hard, I could barely concentrate on their words. Mother was crying. Matthew kept wanting to know how this could happen and who would do such a thing. I tried to remember, but the last thing I could think of was taking those pies across the fields and down the trail to Hannah’s. Every time my thoughts got that far, it felt like my brain would split in two.
“She’s awake,” I heard Matthew say.
They all came close and looked me over. Mother sat beside me and cried. Dr. Fisher sat on the other side of the bed asking me questions I could barely answer. Matthew paced back and forth at the end of the bed. When they were all satisfied that I was going to make it, Mother and Dr. Fisher stepped outside my room. Matthew came around and sat beside me on the bed. He bent forward and rested his head in his hands.
“I thought I told you to stay out of trouble,” he said.
“I don’t do that so well.” I could barely whisper without searing pain.
“Ruby, when I found you, I thought you were dead.”
“You found me?” A memory slipped through the pain in my head. “You carried me home.”
“Who did this to you?” he asked.
“I can’t remember.”
He looked me in the eye then. “I swear, when I find out who did this, I’ll kill them.” He took my hand again, and it felt warm and safe.
“Don’t leave,” I said.
“I ain’t going nowhere. Just rest.”
Chapter Nineteen
When I woke up on Sunday morning, James was sitting in the chair near the bed staring out the window. When he heard me move, he looked at me for only a second then left the room without a word. Mother came in a few minutes later and asked me how I was feeling. My head still throbbed, especially if I moved at all. And my whole abdomen felt like it was on fire. She felt my forehead and asked if I wanted any breakfast. I didn’t think I could stomach anything at the moment, so I said no.
Things seemed quiet. Too quiet. I asked her where Matthew was.
“He went back home after you fell asleep last night. Said he’d be back this morning.” She
checked the bandage on my leg and seemed satisfied. “Dr. Fisher’s coming by later too.”
“James is still mad at me, I see.”
“He’s mad at everybody, honey. Give him some time.”
I didn’t care if he was still mad, cause to me, he still wasn’t my brother. Mother sat by my bed and read out loud to me for a while before I drifted back to sleep. When I opened my eyes again, it was Matthew in the chair.
“You look terrible,” I said.
“You should check a mirror.”
I would have smiled if it didn’t hurt so much. “At least I have an excuse.”
He grimaced at me. “I heard what you been doing. Carrying food and such down to the woods to them colored folks. I knew there was something funny about all that. What were you thinking?”
“I just wanted to help them. I thought God wanted me to. I thought if I had enough faith in the direction he was leading, everything would be all right. He brought me to you when you were sick, didn’t he?”
He shook his head at me. “Maybe you misunderstood him this time. Cause this don’t make a lick a sense. Sending a girl out into them woods to get herself beat to death? And for what?”
“Hannah and Samuel needed me. They didn’t have anyone else in the whole world.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve helped.” He slammed his feet against the floor, stood, and went to pacing at the foot of the bed. It hurt my head to watch him move back and forth, so I closed my eyes.
“I didn’t want to fight with you.”
“That’s a lie and you know it. You love fighting with me. Love proving me wrong!”
I couldn’t tell him the truth, so I kept quiet. I heard his feet stop, so I opened my eyes. He was waiting on the answer.
“Ain’t gonna tell me now, are you?”
I barely shook my head. He sat back down with a loud sigh. I hated when he was mad at me. I wanted to talk of other things, laugh with him and tease him. This was not how I’d envisioned his visit.
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