“How did you find me?” I asked. “I thought you weren’t coming over until today.”
“I don’t know, honestly. Something told me I needed to check on you. Looks like I was right.” He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. “I came by here yesterday to see you, and your Mother didn’t know where you were. She seemed worried, so I asked a few more questions and got the whole story. I had a bad feeling about it, so I headed off toward the woods.”
He was quiet for a minute, and I thought maybe he’d dozed off or something. Then he leaned forward in the chair and looked right at me. “I’d have never found you on my own. I had no idea where that path was. Some kid, a mulatto boy, came running up to me asking for help. Said a white girl had been attacked and needed help.”
“Samuel,” I said.
“He was terrified. So was I. He kept saying you was dead, and that he swore it wasn’t him that did it.”
“You believe him, right?”
“That kid could not have done that kind of damage to you.” His face went dark, and I could see his anger burning up inside him. “I meant what I said last night. When I find out who did this—”
“Let’s not talk about that. You don’t need to go killing anybody. That’s crazy talk.”
He looked away from me. “I can’t promise nothing.”
“Can you promise me something else, then?”
“I can try.”
“Go to Hannah and Samuel and make sure they’re okay.”
“What?”
“She’s pregnant, and he beat her and raped her, and then he smashed all the food I’d brought them.”
Just at that moment, a flood of images came back to me, and Chester’s words pierced my head.
Matthew’s eyes flew open wide. “Wait a minute. You know who did this.”
“No!” It’s better it comes from me than a bunch of men in white robes at your home… “I only know that someone did those things to Hannah. I don’t know who it was.”
“Don’t lie to me, Ruby. Who did this?”
I couldn’t tell him, couldn’t risk Chester’s words coming true. God would just have to forgive me for lying. Surely I’d earned a little grace.
“Please, just check on Hannah and Samuel for me,” I said.
He let out a long sigh and shook his head. “I’ll see what I can do.”
I woke up again later that evening, and no one was in the room with me. I could tell it was late in the day cause the room had a deep orange glow to it from the window. I wondered where everyone was. I wondered if Matthew had checked on Hannah for me. Would she even tell him anything?
I heard low murmurings of people talking somewhere, maybe outside. That always made me so curious I couldn’t hardly stand it, especially when I knew people were most likely talking about something to do with me. I figured it was as good a time as any to try to get up and move around a little. I pushed myself up to a sitting position, which about made me pass out from the streak of pain that shot through my sides. As soon as that pain became bearable, I realized my head was throbbing in time with my heartbeat. Still, I was determined to get up, so I stood and leaned against the wall for support.
I stood like that for a good little while, focusing on breathing through the pain. I finally pushed away from the wall and steadied myself. If I took tiny little baby steps, and slid my feet across the floor, it didn’t hurt too bad. And as long as I didn’t breathe too much.
I managed to get across the room and slowly crack the front door open. The voices were in a tense conversation, and I could clearly hear the voices of Matthew and James from the front yard.
“I’m doing all I can.” That was James.
“I’m sure you are. I ain’t saying you could do more. I just don’t want to see something worse happen to her.”
“She’s the most stubborn, mule-headed person I ever met!”
Matthew laughed. “You don’t have to tell me that.”
“It ain’t funny! Cause of her fool-headed notions we might not have enough food for the winter, and now I definitely can’t pay back all I had to borrow from Calhoun to get us going here. He could very well kick us off the land if he wanted.”
“Look, let me take your cotton sample to someone I know. I’ll make sure it gets sold for what it’s worth.”
James was real quiet. My heart swelled up, and I didn’t think I could love Matthew any more than I did right then.
“I can’t take your charity,” James said.
“Naw, it ain’t charity. I’m just making sure you get what you’re owed, that’s all.”
“I’m much obliged.”
They were quiet again, and I was about to make the painful trip back to my bed when James said something that set my whole body to shaking.
“I think you should marry her.”
“What?” Matthew said. I think I screamed the same thing in my mind at the exact same time.
“You obviously care for Ruby. And she’s gonna get herself killed. I can’t keep her from doing fool-headed things like this! She don’t listen to a word I say! But she’ll listen to you.”
“Wait a minute!”
“No, think about it. You can provide a life for her, take care of her. Your family has enough money so she wouldn’t have to slave away at farming the rest of her life.”
The more James talked, the dizzier I felt. How could he do this to me? What was he thinking? I knew what he was thinking. He just wanted to get rid of me so he’d have one less mouth to feed!
“Are you saying you want me to marry Ruby?” The incredulous tone to Matthew’s voice made my thoughts shift gears. “I can’t marry her! She’s a child! I’m barely two months out on my own, going to college for crying out loud! I ain’t getting married!”
To my horror, James continued trying to sell him on the idea. “There’s plenty a girls around here that gets married when they’re young, and she’ll be fifteen in a few months. I can see how much you care for her. What’s the big deal?”
I wished I could see Matthew at the moment so I could know what he was thinking, but if I opened the door any further they’d know I was listening. I couldn’t believe he’d called me a child!
“Yes, I care for Ruby. I love her like she’s my own sister. But that’s just it. I can’t marry a fourteen-year-old girl. That ain’t the kind of marriage I want. I don’t want anything bad to happen to Ruby either, but there has to be a better idea than that.”
I felt my breath catch in my chest, and a searing pain engulf my sides. My head throbbed, and all I wanted to do was drop to the floor and cry. If I had not been certain before, I was now for sure. Matthew would never love me back. Never.
When Matthew came in my room later that evening, I kept my eyes closed so he wouldn’t know I was awake. I felt him in the room, like a magnet drawing all my pain toward him. He sat in the chair for a while. He paced the end of the bed. He sat in the chair again. Finally, he left. And I could breathe again.
I didn’t sleep much that night. I cried, and I prayed. I wondered how everything could’ve gone so wrong if I’d really been following God’s path for my life. I’d let myself believe that if I was patient and had faith Matthew might come to love me someday, but that was ridiculous. I thought helping Hannah and Samuel was the right thing to do, but maybe I’d been wrong about that too. I begged God to speak to me, to show me what he wanted from me. I’d tried to give him everything I had, and in the end it wasn’t enough.
I eventually fell into a fitful sleep, with disturbing images of Chester crouching over me, faceless men in white robes, and my screams waking me throughout the night.
On Monday, Matthew showed up as I was eating my lunch. There was no way to pretend I was sleeping, so I steeled myself as much as I could. “I thought you’d already be back at school,” I said.
“I wanted to check on you first.” He sat down in the chair next to the bed. “Good to see you sitting up and eating. You look much better.”
&nbs
p; “Thanks.”
He fiddled with his hat in his hands. “Can I get you anything?”
“No.”
His knees bounced up and down. “I went to see Hannah.”
“Oh?”
“No one was there.”
I was disappointed, but determined not to show him anything. So I kept quiet.
“Listen,” he said. “I been thinking about all this, and trying to figure out how I can help—”
“I don’t need your help.”
He sighed and dropped his head. “Of course you don’t.”
“Thank you for carrying me home the other day, but you don’t have any obligation to me. Whatever you thought you owed me from when you were sick, you have more than repaid in full. So—”
“Repaid in full? What are you talking about? You say that like we’re keeping score or something.”
I had to close my eyes. I couldn’t look at him and keep my composure. It felt like my entire rib cage was caving in. “I just meant that you don’t owe me anything. You can go on with your life knowing that I am fine.”
“You’re fine.” He slapped his hat against his hand. “Look at you. You can barely feed yourself. Two days ago I found you lying in the woods nearly beat to death! You’re fine?”
“Yes!” I raised my voice as much as I could.
He stood and threw his hat against the end of the bed. “Good Lord! What did I do this time? I can’t imagine there’d be anything I could’ve done since yesterday to make you mad at me!”
“Nothing! I just don’t want your pity or your stupid idea that somehow I’m a child that needs to be taken care of! I have one brother bossing me around already, in case you didn’t notice. I don’t need another one!”
“Another what? What makes you think…” He stopped and glared at me. “You were listening, weren’t you? Yesterday? You think you can eavesdrop on half a conversation and know everything about everything, don’t you?”
I closed my eyes again. “Please go.”
He moved my tray and sat on the bed next to me. “Ruby, let me explain. You need to understand.”
“I understand just fine. You think I’m mad cause I wanted you to marry me?” I opened my eyes and made sure he could see the determination in them. “I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last man on earth!”
His gaze fell away, and his shoulders sagged. “Well, I guess that puts that idea to rest.”
Then he took his hat from the end of the bed, placed it on his head, and walked out the door. I didn’t even cry this time. I made sure of that. And I was going to make sure I never cried over Matthew Doyle again.
God heard my prayers and sent me an answer a couple of days later. Henry sent a letter to me, which I could tell hurt Mother, but she didn’t say anything. James couldn’t have cared less. After I read it through once for myself, I read it out loud to Mother. Leaving out the parts I knew would upset her.
Dear Rubes,
I hope you ain’t mad at me anymore. I know how you get sometimes. (I still have a scar on my neck to remind me.) But I wanted you and Mother to know that I was doing okay. I’m writing this letter from Chicago. Can you believe it? Chicago! I always wanted to see Wrigley Field, and I did! I’m going to play ball there someday. I know it. I wish I could send you a picture. You’d love it here, Rubes.
I been riding trains to get places, trying to find odd jobs until I can save enough to get to where I’m going. I don’t rightly know where that is yet. But I got a good feeling. I figure on trying my hand at logging up north during the summer. Should keep my swing strong anyway! Then I’ll head back south when it turns cold. Maybe I’ll come through and say hidey!
I do my best to stay out of trouble. Only had one run-in so far, and that was here in Chicago. Some fella tried to cheat me at cards, but he said it was me doing the cheating. Anyways, it turned ugly for a minute and he pulled a gun! I got so scared I launched myself head first through the window and took off running! I ain’t seen him again, thank the Lord.
I hope everyone back home is doing good. I sure do miss y’all. Now Ruby, if any of my girls miss me and ask after me, you got to tell them I miss them too. I can’t have them thinking I’m forgetting them while I’m seeing the world!
One last thing before I go. As I was heading out, I stopped over in Good Hope to see Grandma Graves and Grandma Kellum. Grandma Graves wasn’t doing so well. She seemed mighty feeble and talking of seeing Daddy real soon. Uncle Asa is there caring for her. I thought you might want to know that.
I have to get going now. If you want to write me back, send it to the address on the envelope. I should be here another couple of weeks at least. If I move on to somewhere else, I’ll write from there as soon as I can. I love you. Tell Mother I send my love. I’ll be seeing y’all come winter!
Love,
Henry
“I should go visit Grandma Graves in Good Hope,” I said to Mother after reading Henry’s letter.
She was sitting at the end of the bed keeping her hands busy with needlework, but I could tell she was tense. “I don’t think this is a good time, Ruby.”
“It’s the perfect time. Think about it. I’ll be out of James’s hair and all the trouble going on around here. I can help take care of Grandma.”
“You can barely move.”
“I’m getting much better.” I pushed myself off the bed to prove my point, suppressing my wincing as much as I could. “See?”
Mother dropped her sewing onto her lap and sighed. “Running from your problems won’t solve them. Just plants them somewhere else to grow.”
“No, but some time and distance might help me figure out how to face them. Maybe the wisdom to make better choices about them.”
“Hard to argue with that,” Mother said. “But what about school?”
I hadn’t thought of that. “Maybe I shouldn’t go back.”
“What? You love school.”
“I don’t know how long I’ll stay with Grandma, but when I get back, I got to start earning my own living.”
“You are too young to be giving up on school, young lady! I won’t hear of that.”
I had to admit I hated the idea myself, but I had to figure out a way to provide for myself and get away from James. And it certainly wasn’t going to be through marriage!
“Mother, trust me. It’s the right thing for me to do. I’ll be fine.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know, Ruby. You forgot something, though. How are you planning on getting to Good Hope?”
I hadn’t thought of that either. There was no way I could ask James. And hopping a train in my condition was out of the question. Then a thought came to my mind from out of the blue.
“What about your brothers?”
“My brothers? I don’t have anything to do with them, and you know it.”
“Why is that?”
She picked up her sewing again and started humming. I knew that tactic well.
“Can you think of another way for me to get to Good Hope?”
“Look,” she said, her exasperation clear, “I love my brothers. They’ve made some questionable choices, but they love me and I love them. Still, I am not going to allow you to get mixed up with them.”
“Mixed up? It’s a car ride. How is that getting mixed up in anything?”
“Believe me, if they see what’s been going on around here, there will be some mixing.”
I sat back down on the bed, out of ideas for the moment. I leaned back on the pillow and closed my eyes. I could sense a pull toward Asa and Grandma Graves, like the pull I felt toward Hannah and Samuel. I felt like I was supposed to go to them, but my certainty wavered. If it was God’s will, he was going to have figure out some way to get me there.
“What about Mr. Calhoun?” Mother asked. “He came down to check on you that first night. He said if we needed anything to just ask. He’d be happy to help. Maybe he could arrange a way to get you there.”
My stomach twisted just thinking of Calh
oun, cause it reminded me of his son. But hard as I tried, I couldn’t think of another way to get to Asa and Grandma. And I wanted out of this house so bad, I was willing to do almost anything.
Chapter Twenty
Mother spoke with Mr. Calhoun, who was happy to arrange for me to take the train to Good Hope. I was just glad I didn’t have to see him. James seemed rather pleased with the idea of my leaving, so much so he didn’t even mind working a little extra to pay back Calhoun for the ticket. Wasn’t that expensive anyway. Besides, he’d been in a much better mood since Matthew had arranged for our cotton to be sold to a buyer out of Birmingham for six cents a pound. That was still very low, but it was the best going at the time.
Mother packed my bag for me, but I was moving around a little better, so I helped as much as I could stand. I wrote a quick note to Asa telling him when my train was arriving. I hoped he’d get it in time to be there to pick me up. Otherwise, I had a painful walk ahead of me. Mother told me how to get to Grandma’s house just in case. She hated the idea of sending me without confirming that Asa could pick me up, but I wasn’t waiting around another week to get his answer.
Riding in an official seat was much more comfortable than the floor of a boxcar, though the shaking of the train created a constant ache in my chest and ribs. Dr. Fisher had wrapped me up so tight I might as well have been wearing a girdle all the time. But it helped reduce the pain when I moved. I was still having headaches almost every day. Couldn’t anybody do anything about that. Dr. Fisher said it might be a while before those went away entirely.
By the time I reached the Good Hope station, I was ready to get away from all that swaying back and forth. I might not have noticed it much in my normal state, but it was enough to make my eyes water and my stomach churn. I took as deep a breath as I could manage and stepped off the train. An attendant was nice enough to get my suitcase for me. Then I looked up and down the platform for Asa. I didn’t see him, and my hopes fell.
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