Lizzi Bizzi and the Red Witch

by Stefano Pastor

  «That’s why we need money».

  «But there’s my pension, isn’t there? I’m blind!».

  I heard her pant. Giulia thought it was because if the pension.

  The silence protruded and then Claudia interrupted with an impact for Giulia.

  «I should sell a kidney».

  Giulia jumped, she wasn’t sure she understood. «What?».

  «Yes, there’s a good market for these kinds of things. It’s not legal, but gives good money. With one kidney, we can be fine for two or three months at least».

  «That’s absurd!».

  «Oh, it’s not the end of the world! With one kidney, I can live perfectly fine. I just need to be more careful and not to get too tired».

  «I don’t want to her you talk about this, it’s abominable!».

  Claudia’s voice becomes bitter. «Why? Talking about going and fight so you can stay comfortable in bed is ok, but talking about that bothers you!».

  «Stop it, stop it, I don’t want to hear it!», shouted Giulia, hysterical.

  Again, another silence, Claudia returned to the fight. «They pay well for it, you know. There’s a market for the exchange pieces. In the underground, true».

  To Giulia it was impossible to understand how she continued to insist. «You can’t really think about it!».

  «True I wouldn’t be able to be behind you like now, I wouldn’t be able to lift you up or even give you a bath…».

  «I’m not paralytic!». She shook her head. «What are you making me say! Doesn’t make sense!».

  «You might not be paralytic but you act as if you are one. You never get up from bed!».

  «I don’t feel safe, I can’t see! Is it possible that you don’t want to understand?».

  «After four years».

  «Stop it, I beg you. Let’s stop this argument».

  The hated silence returned, this time more oppressive. When resumed, Claudia seemed more relaxed. «You don’t need to», she said.

  There was a bit of time before Giulia understood.

  «Are you crazy? Have you gone completely insane? If you think that I…». She couldn’t continue, she was too shocked.

  Claudia’s voice continued to be calm, soothing. «You don’t need two kidneys. To stay lying there on the bed not doing anything, one is more than enough».

  «Crazy! I don’t want to stay here listening to you!».

  «Do you prefer being thrown in the middle of the street? What would you do if I can’t look after you anymore?».

  «I don’t care, I don’t want to talk about it. You are crazy! I’m not listening to you!».

  The silence returned, but the tension was still there. Giulia didn’t like that the discussion finished there, but she couldn’t understand what happened to her sister, she never treated her like that before.

  Before starting again Claudia took a long breath, theatrical. «You owe me», she said.

  Giulia didn’t expect it. «I don’t owe you anything! What are you babbling about? Just because you are worried about me you can’t think…».

  The sister interrupted her. «Oh right, you forgot about it. You are an expert in forgetting the unwanted things. You owe me anyway».

  «What do I owe you?».

  «A piece of your body. Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth. It says it in the Bible».

  «You are scaring me, stop it».

  «Of course, the piece that you owe me you can’t return so we have to be able to be satisfied».

  «I don’t want to listen to you anymore! I’m not talking to you anymore».

  You could hear the chair falling to the ground, Claudia stood up quickly.

  «You took something from me and I want it back!», she shouted. «I will not allow you to go so smoothly!».

  The fear increased, stronger than ever. It was never felt so intense. If Claudia was going against her, what hope would she have?

  «I don’t understand what you are talking about».

  «You took away from me what I loved the most, so you have to pay!».

  Her voice trembled. «Are you talking about Roberto? Your husband? You always said that you didn’t make me responsible! Did you lie?».

  Claudia raised. «I said it? Yes, it’s probable. I said a ton of things. But you are responsible. Even more!».

  She always had that doubt, she didn’t dare fight back. «I don’t remember. I don’t remember anything about the accident and you know that. I’m not lying. You can’t think that…».

  «I don’t think of it, I know!».

  «Enough! It’s not fair, not now! Not after all this time! You are not thinking, you are upset. You can say what you want, I don’t remember anything anymore».

  «Oh, but I believe you, I know very well. You weren’t yourself. You were done, completely done! You remained in a comatose state, but not because of the accident. But because of all the drug you had in your body!».

  He was successful, he had to hurt him. She wasn’t stupid, deep down, she knew that sooner or later it would have happened.

  «I came out of it. What’s the point of talking about it? You want me to say that I wasn’t myself? Yes, in that time I wasn’t myself. I was sick. You helped me to come out, I was in a terrible state. I don’t want to think about those times».

  But she was thinking about it, and a thought came in mind. «Did I cause the accident?».

  She didn’t answer. «Yes, detoxicate yourself. Even this costed me a fortune».

  «Stop it already! Always about money, you can’t think about anything else. What does that matter now?».

  «It matters, money always matters». The voice becomes angrier. «I want what you took away from me, and I want it now!».

  Where they together in the accounts? What are they refusing to face? Whatever it was, Giulia didn’t want to know about it. She wanted her life to go back to the way it was. She wanted to ask it, but how without getting out of hand. «What?».

  Claudia seemed nearly alert. «You really don’t remember anything? You don’t remember being pulled out of the car, after the accident? You took from me something from my husband. A piece of Roberto. They found it in your mouth».

  Giulia couldn’t talk.

  «I want it back», concluded the sister.

  Swallowed, but with the feeling of being sick. «Are you saying…».

  «Yes, you swallowed my husband’s penis. You cut it off in one bite. Not that he needs it now that his dead. This is what you owe me».

  Giulia was horrified, started to tremble. «That’s impossible. I can’t…».

  «Can you guess what you were doing when the accident happened? Actually, guess what caused the accident!».

  One thing she was certain, Giulia shock her head. «There was nothing between her and Roberto, I can assure you. There was never anything! We didn’t even stand each other! I would of never… …».

  She gets interrupted. «If you were with it maybe not. You would have never had done it. But you were high, you just took it. You didn’t care if it was my husband. He was a man, you only cared about that. Whoever it was that was fine, whenever you wanted».

  The fear grew. «Did I really do it?».

  «I imagine he didn’t want to, he would have tried to stop you. Maybe you fought, and that’s what caused the accident». A brief silence. «Maybe not, maybe he liked it. But this is not what’s important. Same as it’s not important when it happened. If you bit him before the accident or not. These are questions I’ve always asked myself, but in the end, it’s not important».

  «I’m not a monster!», shouted Giulia. «I don’t remember anything!».

  «Yeah, like always, every time you’ve done something wrong. It wasn’t me, I don’t remember! Always the same story».

  Giulia started crying, she couldn’t resist anymore. She tried to talk but she couldn’t stop crying.

  Claudia’s voice changed to comprehensive. «You see how you do owe me something? Now you understand?». A long inhale. «You have no
idea what I had to do to keep you from not going into prison».

  Giulia stopped crying, upset. «Prison? Me? For what reason?».

  «You caused the accident, there was even a death. Of course, you need to be in prison. And being drugged doesn’t really put you in a good place. I had to get the highest lawyer to get you free. A very expensive lawyer».

  «I don’t remember».

  «Of course, you don’t. But believe it. You were in a really bad state when I brought you back from the hospital. I had to disinfect you. It was horrible. I can believe you that you don’t remember anything about that period. I would also love to forget it, cancel it from my life».

  The tears came back, Giulia didn’t know what to say. Whatever excuse seemed inadequate.

  «Do you have any idea how much that lawyer cost me? Do you know how much it cost me to keep you out of jail? You deserve it, you deserved going to prison! You killed him, you killed Roberto!».

  «No, I beg you».

  «I had some put aside. It wasn’t much, it was enough to pay the funeral and the deposit for the lawyer. I had to leave my work to be near you, to disinfect you!».

  «Forgive me! Forgive me! Something, ask me anything, ask me anything but that».

  Claudia caressed her on the cheek, making her jump. «But I’m not asking you anything. I’m just telling you how things are».

  Was that the way? She had to pay? Even if she can’t remember anything? Was she still guilty? IT took some effort to ask. «Will the operation hurt?».

  «You won’t even notice».

  That wasn’t enough to calm her down. «I’m scared. I’m very scared».

  «You shouldn’t be».

  Claudia hugged her, as if nothing had happened. Maybe she was forgiving her, maybe there was still a chance. She wouldn’t abandon her, no matter what she did. Maybe a necessary sacrifice, even if she couldn’t understand it. «My pension can’t help us? We can do a sacrifice, so many still».

  «There’s no pension, my dear. We don’t have any money».

  She couldn’t understand. «No pension? But I’m blind!».

  Claudia continued to hug her. «I know my dear, but I have never asked for the pension. I couldn’t».

  «Why? What are you saying? Even if it was my fault… I’m still blind! They should have given me a pension, it’s not fair!».

  «But you haven’t lost your sight, Giulia. You came out of the hospital being able to see, only a few scratches».

  Giulia started to become hysterical.

  «My eyes! Claudia, what happened to my eyes?».

  «We didn’t have any money, Giulia, there was things to pay and we had to eat, pay the rent. It was a deal Giulia. We paid all the debts and there was enough to live relaxed for four years».

  The fear paralyzed her, she couldn’t speak. «You… You…».

  Claudia allowed herself to laugh. «What a poetic justice, don’t you think? You could have donated a kidney, but the eyes were better. More just, don’t you think? At the end of the day, you were a painter. The eyes were everything, for you. You deserve it».

  Giulia screamed, but there was nobody there that could help her.

  «With the kidney, it would have been so much easier, in pain, nearly. Of course, we would have got less, but it would have allowed us to move along for a couple or three years. We will see. There’s still so many pieces».

  Giulia gasped, she couldn’t breathe «My heart…», implored.

  Claudia answered with sweetness. «Your heart, I know. Well, we will leave that for last».

  September 2007

  TEARS OF A WIFE

  Translation by Cinzia Albanese

  The ring was inside the cake, she was sure of it. It was the most terrible and stupid idea, but also very sweet. Adam couldn’t stop talking, he couldn’t stay quiet. He thought that’s how he could hide his nerves.

  I knew he was the man for me, I was sure. He would have asked me, maybe he would have gone down on one knee, it was his style. Did I want to marry him? All this would have happened after, of course, after I found the ring. I hope, without breaking a tooth.

  That moment was about to happen and I haven’t decided yet. I never can. I looked for something that didn’t exist: perfection. Adam was beautiful, sweet, gentle and funny. He adored me, he would do anything for me. But he would get old, like all the other, maybe even got fat, maybe he would have lost all his hair. Making love would have become a chore, his merit defects, his kind affection. Even his sweetness would disappear. or maybe not.

  Was it him who I wanted to be for the rest of my existence? How many times have I been in similar situations? Hundreds, maybe million. Points of the existence in which was important to decide Choose a road in which was impossible to suffer. I couldn’t, maybe I would have never done it.

  With a nod from Adam the waiter comes and brings the dessert. It was already cut, and my piece had a huge mountain of swiped cream. Adam’s eyes shinned, I could hear his heart beat. He wasn’t stupid, he must have noticed my uncertainty, he would have died if I pushed him away. He couldn’t even imagine living without me.

  He already programmed our life, the house we should buy, the kids we would have, everything until the pension.

  In the most emotional moment I pushed my chair back and stood up.

  «I’m going to sort my makeup out», I told him in the most trivial way.

  He suffered, but it wasn’t his way to stop me. «Is it really necessary?», he risked. His hands shacked, he was scared that I would run away.

  I made my decision. «I’ll be back immediately, just one minute».

  I left him there. I found the toilet without asking anyone, because I saw other customers use them. It was empty, I went in and closed the door.

  I was bad. My hands were also shaking and my legs would keep me up. I leaned over the sink and looked at myself in the mirror. I was beautiful. I wanted to grab that beauty and never let it go, but Adam was also entitled to be happy. I could have done it, I could have made him the happiest man in the world, if only…

  How to accept only one life? How to accept making a mistake, of failing? at the same time, how to accept of losing him, of not seeing him again. How many men have I loved, in the same way? I lost count, I’ve also lost all memory of them. I abandoned them, because they weren’t enough. Because I couldn’t be content, because the next one could be better.

  I placed my palms on the mirror and clutched my teeth. The pain was atrocious and I deserved it. It was a good of similar suffering, this allowed me to use this gift for futile stuff. I abandoned my body for a new existence, in the search for perfection. I continued that absurd, infinite, eternal, wondering through the world, reborn from the ashes of a disturbed life.

  I pushed with all my strength and threw myself back, emerging from her meat. Separating my body with a rattle, and I fell to the ground. I was naked, but this I was expecting. Her, the one that one who wasn’t me anymore, stayed handing on to the mirror, panting like me, with the dress intact. For her the pain was something better.

  I had divided, yet again. Another me into this world, to life the existence that I refused, to stay next to Adam until death, to search for happiness.

  My odyssey continued, in the search of a purpose, a love ending with eternity. to make sense at the millions of lives that I refused, making me feel complete.

  The other one put the bag on the floor, without turning around. There was a change of clothes. Money and documents, everything I would have needed. I left her with memories, of Adam just remembering his face. If we kissed I didn’t remember when. I renounced him, but he would of have me anyway.

  The other one left me in the toilet. I stood up with tiredness, the body still aching. I washed myself, put the clothes on. It was the case of leaving there after they had left, at the end we are identical, but I couldn’t resist to find out what I would have missed.

  I approached for a quick look and saw them. Adam was kneeling in front of her, an
d she hold his hand. It was beautiful.

  I would have found another one, even more beautiful. I was sure of it. Without defects, the absolute perfection, and our life would be wonderful. I didn’t have to resist, being happy, I had all eternity in front of me.

  I walked out of the door and cried.

  March 2013

  LOST ITEMS

  Translation by Cinzia Albanese

  «Madam, wait! I’m talking to you, stop for a second!».

  Patrizia turned around confused. «You talking to me, officer?».

  «Yes, you. Aren’t you forgetting something?».

  Patrizia looked at the bags and packages. Everyone was there. The wallet tight in hand, without losing sight of it.

  «I don’t think so».

  «And these?».

  She tried to understand what she meant. There were two kids behind the officer. One male and one female. Six or seven years old maximum.

  «I don’t know them».

  «They are not yours?».

  She chuckled. «Oh God, no!».

  The officer turned around to the kids. «Is this your mum? Are you sure?».

  They both smiled.

  «They seem to have a different view».

  Patrizia was incredulous. «They are mistaken. They must be confused».

  «They look certain to me».

  «I assure you I don’t have kids. I’m not even married».

  «What reason would they have to lie?».

  She had no idea. She awkwardly moved towards the children. «I look like your mum but I’m not her», she tried to explain.

  The male one contradicts her. «It’s her», the female confirmed.

  «I don’t…».

  «This is a serious offence, madam. Please follow me».

  Patrizia got scared. «How can I tell you? I’m not married! I don’t have kids! I can prove it!».

  «Are you sure?».

  She put the bags down and opened the wallet, searching for her identification card.

  «Here, you see!», she said handing it over. «Single. It’s written there single».

  The officer took it but when he opened it something fell to the ground. A photo. He picked it up and showed her.

  «If you don’t know them, can you tell me why you have a photo of them behind it?».