Mind Your Own Beeswax

by Hannah Reed

  “That must have really hurt,” Holly said, watching the police chief kneel on my back. “He had you in a hammerlock. If I’d been there, this never would have happened. I would have used a full nelson on him first and finished with a few illegal moves to make him squeal.”

  I reached over and gave her a playful punch. “But then you would have deprived me of all this aftermath glow. No way. I’m enjoying it.”

  “You are too weird for words.”

  But I wasn’t paying attention to her because the action on my television screen went live. Johnny Jay came out of the police station in fully decorated uniform with his hat in his hands, his hair slicked down, and a look of humility on his face. The amazing thing about Johnny was how sane he could appear. His outward appearance was one of trim, clean-cut, well-dressed, boyish good looks, proving that first impressions should never count.

  I could see residents milling around in the background, lots of them Kerrigans, who bore their own kind of grudge against Johnny Jay. They were carrying signs that clearly called for his termination. Was he about to resign from his long tenure as police chief? And give up all that brute control?

  Wow! I felt more powerful than him for a change, responsible for a revolution about to take place right before my eyes. We were overthrowing our government. Or something like that.

  That karma thing was going to work. I focused on positive thoughts. Please, let Johnny Jay get what he’s deserved his whole life.

  “The town board just arrived,” Holly pointed out with a grin the size of Lake Michigan, as town supervisors filed through the crowd, looking uniformly somber.

  With our town board members behind him and a whole lot of residents who’d never liked the police chief circling around the news cameras hoping to make televised statements of their own, Johnny Jay took the microphone and started spewing rhetoric:

  • How his own father had been murdered by a drunk driver right in our streets. Didn’t they all remember that?

  • The loss of his parent had inspired Johnny Jay to take over as commander, where he’d maintained law and order in our town for over a decade.

  • Which he had done even better than his father, if that were even possible, just look at the statistics. May his dad rest in peace.

  • And now a dangerous situation had required him to pursue an intruder, a common burglar with a history of psychological problems concerning authority figures.

  “Do I have a psychological problem with authority?” I asked my sister.

  “Probably,” she said. “Shhh.”

  • He had successfully apprehended this person, but only after the unfortunate necessity of physical force.

  “Yeah, right, what a liar!”

  “Shhh . . .”

  • The video skewed evidence against him by not capturing the prior events that had forced him to take action.

  • He would soon be vindicated.

  • But until that time, the police chief saw no option other than to take an extended personal leave.

  Holly and I jumped into the air, bouncing on the sofa, high-fiving each other, and yahooing at the top of our lungs. Dinky ran for cover, dragging her bone with her.

  I popped the cork on a bottle of champagne I’d been saving for a special occasion. Occasions didn’t get much special-er than this.

  We toasted to justice, long in coming.

  “We don’t know what we’ll do without him,” I shouted. “But we’ll be thrilled to find out!”

  Our jubilation lasted as long as the first glass.

  Because I suddenly realized Johnny Jay would blame all of this on me.

  I had to get out of town.

  Twenty-one

  During champagne pour number two, I mentioned Johnny’s revenge issue and how he’d now focus entirely on giving me his worst. “I wasn’t exactly safe before, imagine now.”

  “You can’t leave Moraine,” P. P. Patti’s voice piped up out of nowhere, startling me into a shriek.

  There she was, in the doorway, dressed in dark clothes with a black ball cap pulled down low over her face.

  “Where did you come from?” I said, narrowing my eyes. Don’t tell me my neighbor had let herself in my back door without knocking or ringing. How long had she been listening? “Don’t you believe in announcing yourself like everybody else?”

  “That’s a cold way to greet a friend,” Patti said.

  Which was perfectly true. Patti had saved the day by exposing my enemy for what he was. I should be grateful. I also should ask her to work on Lori Spandle next. Maybe Patti was my karma.

  Although I would have preferred something a little more low key that didn’t put me right in a brute’s direct line of fire. So even though she’d saved this day, she might have numbered the ones I had left.

  “Talk to Story,” my sister appealed to Patti, pouring a glass of champagne and handing it to her. “Convince her that she has to stay.” Holly swung back to me. “Mom didn’t raise us to be cowards. Fischers don’t run away from their problems.”

  I snorted since my sister’s idea of a big problem was finding zit cream after eating too much chocolate and discovering a breakout.

  “We are in the perfect position to catch Lauren’s killer together,” Patti said.

  “And Hetty’s,” Holly said. “Don’t blow it by running and hiding.”

  “How do you come up with this stuff?” I said, amazed that these two were suddenly in agreement. “Do you seriously want me to hang around until Johnny Jay murders me in my sleep? Sure, I’ll be fish bait. Works for me,” I said in a voice I hoped was dripping with sarcasm.

  “Well, you aren’t far off,” Patti said, missing the drip. She sat down between Holly and me on the sofa. “The police chief has to be raging mad at you and he’ll plot to get even. He’ll want to make you suffer miserably. So either way, whether he’s the killer or not, you’re in big trouble. But”—Patti stuck a pointing finger in the air for dramatic effect—“also in a great position for crime fighting.”

  “I’m not the one who wants to be an investigator. You are. I don’t want to fight crime.”

  “And,” Holly said, ignoring me, talking over my head to Patti, “if he’s not the killer and just wants revenge, it’s not like she’ll lose her life. But if he’s really the killer and he tries to actually kill her, we’ll know he’s the one. TP (Think Positive). We’ll find out the truth based on his next move.”

  “Oh great,” I said. “I feel so much better now.”

  Patti nodded. “After a killer kills that first time, it gets easier. But he also gets more careless. Trust me, if Johnny Jay tries to kill you, we’ll have our proof.”

  “Just a sec. The murderer could still be Norm,” Holly pointed out. “We haven’t totally ruled him out, have we?”

  Patti gasped, “Oh, what if he is? Oh my, he could kill Story to make it look like Johnny Jay was getting his revenge. And don’t you think he’s wondering what you were doing in his house, Story? If he’s the killer, he might think you found evidence. That would explain why he didn’t press charges. He’s biding his time.”

  “I’m out of here just as soon as I pack,” I announced.

  “What about the store?” Holly said. “Are you really going to abandon The Wild Clover, leave me to manage it all by myself? I’ll have to ask Mom to help, and you know I can’t control her.”

  “Mom?” I hadn’t thought about that.

  “Besides,” Patti said, “if you stay, we’ll protect you. What are friends for? You have Holly and me. Best friends.”

  “BFs,” Holly agreed, looking a little doubtful when her eyes turned to Patti.

  “I’m calling Hunter,” I said, not sure whether I was overreacting. “He’ll know what to do.”

  “Sure,” Patti sneered. “Ask a man what to do. He’ll know best.”

  Holly snickered in agreement, which was totally out of character for her. I took the champagne bottle out of her hand. It was empty.

  “I don’t
answer to Hunter,” I said, hating that Patti had put me on the defensive. “But I respect his opinion just like I respect yours.”

  “Then why do you need a second opinion?”

  “Um, I don’t.”

  “Besides, you owe me. I saved your life. You wouldn’t have made it out of your backyard alive if I hadn’t interfered.”

  That was so not true! I’m sure, given more time, I would have used my brain to best Johnny Jay. Eventually. But Patti was on a roll. “The least you could do in return,” she added, “is stay and fight for truth and justice. And you didn’t even thank me.”

  I mentally gritted my teeth. “You’re right. I’ve been so stressed and preoccupied I forgot. Thank you, Patti, for taking that video and using it to finally bring down Johnny Jay.”

  Holly had something to say to Patti. “But you never would have accomplished that without Story’s help. She’s the one who got beat up. Good going, sis.”

  “Thanks. I think.”

  Patti stood up. “So what do you say? Stick around and help us. We’ll take turns protecting you and it won’t be long before the killer surfaces. We’ll be heroes.”

  Holly pounded in the last nail. “We want Johnny Jay busted. This time he isn’t going to win.”

  I eyed up my sister, then Patti. That’s all I needed. Two female bodyguards, following me around the clock, cramping my style. And how much time with Patti could I stand before I went totally insane?

  And if I ran and hid? I really didn’t have anywhere to run away to. And even if I did, Johnny Jay had connections and high-tech methods. If he wanted me, he’d find me.

  Better to face him head-on.

  Look him in the eye.

  Conquer him.

  And it helped to know I had backup.

  “I’ll give it a few days,” I said. Aside from wanting a killer cornered, leaving the store in Holly and Mom’s hands would be a disaster. Holly would forget to open. Mom would bring the toilet paper back out front. They’d run my business into the ground.

  Then where would I be?

  Living with Mom, that’s where.

  As soon as Patti, satisfied that I’d stay and wait for the slaughter to begin, had left my house, I headed for my bedroom.

  Dinky followed on my heels. My new shadow.

  My bedroom was my favorite room in the house. Except that it faced Patti’s house. Therefore, it was the least secure room in my home, but I’d compensated with quality blinds.

  Holly had helped me decorate using feng shui, which according to her, should harmonize with my personality, whatever that meant. After I had picked out new bedding, she recommended cream walls because they were supposed to calm me. Lots of pillows, table lamps on dimmers, yellow and blue accents, beeswax candles. The room became my personal, private sanctuary.

  Except now I had to share it with a little neurotic dog that was still peeing all over my floors. And earlier, she had pulled a pair of my panties out of a pile of dirty clothes and chewed holes in them. The third pair of undies she’d ruined.

  Tomorrow, I’d insist Norm take Dinky back. That was, if he hadn’t been detained or jailed for his Lantern Man antics. But with the police chief on leave, his chances of attaining freedom were much greater than before.

  I called Hunter on my cell. “Johnny Jay is going to murder me,” I said first thing when he picked up. “I need police protection. How did I get in this situation?”

  “This is only one of a long line of difficult situations you’ve gotten yourself into. As far back as I can remember.”

  “This one wasn’t my fault.” Was that a whine in my voice? Was what Patti had contagious? I’d been around her too much lately. “Well it really wasn’t my fault this time.”

  There was a significant pause on the other end, one intended to silently dispute my no-fault claim. So I had a short time to reflect on my role in today’s events. I suppose I could have refrained from entering Norm’s house for starters, but how was I to know he had it wired in to the police station?

  “Any breaks in the murder case?” I asked, not ready to analyze my share of the blame.

  “It’s moving forward.”

  “That means you don’t have anything. Can you please speed it up?”

  “Believe me, I’m putting all my effort into it,” Hunter said. “Johnny Jay isn’t going to bother you. Don’t worry.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  “I’ll warn him off.”

  “Oh, that will help. Could you get a restraining order for me?”

  “Doesn’t work that way. They aren’t easy to get, although in your case, you might get one. You’d have to prove he’s a threat. You’d have to go into court and face him, tell the judge you’re afraid of him.”

  “Never.” Let that creep know he scared me? No way.

  “You could stay with me.”

  “Tempting.” Believe me, I was tempted, but I had work to do. It was time to check on all the beehives that I’d leased out to various farmers in the community. Hopefully, they were all healthy and pollinating crops. Hunter couldn’t watch over me 24/7.

  “Or Ben could stay with you,” he suggested as an alternative.

  “That’s an option. Or my sister and Patti Dwyre say they’ll protect me.”

  “See. You don’t need me. Not with those two.” Hunter laughed, bringing a smile to my face. They were unlikely bodyguards.

  In the end, I realized that only one person could take care of me and that was me. I’d stay around as many people as possible and watch my back just in case. That’s all I could do.

  “Who’s in charge now that Johnny’s gone?”

  “Sally Maylor,” Hunter said.

  I liked that. Sally was a regular customer, a good cop, and she didn’t get involved in personal vendettas like Johnny. And she was a female like me. I always rooted for the woman.

  By the time we hung up, Hunter almost had me convinced that my life wasn’t in danger.

  Twenty-two

  The next morning dawned cloudy but drier than the day before, with the sun trying to make up its mind whether or not to shine. The weather could go either way—more springtime rain or sunny blue skies. But that was Wisconsin weather. Ever changing.

  First thing, I let Dinky out in the backyard, too late as usual, but who’s keeping track? I wiped up the mess, and she sniffed around the yard while I started coffee. Then I creamed together softened butter, honey, and a shake of cinnamon, and smeared the gooey treat on a piece of sourdough toast. The perfect breakfast. I made a mental note to incorporate a few honey butter recipes in the next newsletter.

  After letting my increasingly unwelcome guest back in the house and feeding her, I formulated a plan of action, a simple one really. When push came to shove (and also because it was daylight and the world seemed right when dawn broke), I refused to live in fear of retribution from Johnny Jay. We’d been at each other’s throats our whole lives, why should this time be any different?

  So number one: Stop worrying and let karma rule by sending out positive vibes.

  Number two: I’d accomplish a few things on my to-do list, which demanded my attention. Mostly bee related. I needed to check on the outlying areas where my bees were busy working for hire.

  Number three: Just to be on the safe side, I’d watch my back. Better safe than sorry, right?

  Before I left the house, I called Norm Cross again. This time he answered.

  “Thanks for not pressing charges against me,” I said.

  “The police chief gave me a hard time about that, but I didn’t budge because I thought you must have a good reason for what you did. So what were you doing inside my house?”

  “Uh, making sure you weren’t hurt,” I punted. “I’d been trying to contact you all day and I started thinking maybe you fell down and hit your head or something. I got worried.”

  That sounded pretty good. Norm bought it.

  “I guess you heard I’m Lantern Man,” he said. “The whole town knows by now. It�
�s not something I’m proud of.”

  “Good thing Johnny Jay was part of a bigger story. Yours is already yesterday’s news.”

  The police chief’s video trumped Norm’s announcement by a long shot.

  “Can I bring Dinky back yet?”

  “I have to take care of final funeral arrangements today. Can we meet later in the afternoon?”

  With all the excitement I’d forgotten that Norm had to bury his wife. How awful! What could I say? “Of course,” I said. “No problem.”

  After hanging up, I headed for the store with the basket of morel mushrooms in one hand and Dinky in tow on her leash. Everything had quieted down since last night’s news report. No vans in front of the store. No reporters lurking. They were all off chasing the next breaking news story now that they had destroyed careers (Johnny’s) and lives (possibly mine).

  No bodyguards, either, I couldn’t help noticing. After all the talk last night about protecting me from harm, Holly hadn’t managed to crawl out of bed. And who knew where Patti was. Apparently, actions really did speak louder than words, and those two were practicing motionlessness.

  Good thing I really hadn’t counted on them for help.

  I opened up the store and went to work getting it ready for business.

  Carrie Ann was already there, but that didn’t become apparent until she staggered out of the backroom. Her short spiky hair was still spiked, but not in a good way. One side of her hair was mashed down, the other side had hairs pointing in every direction except the right ones. Mascara streaked her face and her eyes were red-veined slits.

  “Oh no,” I said. “What happened to you? Are you drunk? Hungover? How could you do that after all your hard work?” And ours, I thought. She wasn’t the only one suffering from her addiction.

  “I’m not drunk or hungover,” she said, leaning against the wall. “But I didn’t get any sleep last night.”

  “Were you in back all night?” I asked, noting her rumpled clothes, the same ones she’d been wearing yesterday.