The Boy Who Knew Too Much

by Commander S. T. Bolivar, III

  Caroline crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. “Boys,” she said in a tone that might also be used to call something stupid. The boys ignored her.

  “Maybe it’s the heating and cooling system,” Eliot said as he examined a network of pipes that twisted past them. “Look, here are the power lines.”

  Mattie nodded and motioned to their right. “This is a water pipe.”

  Caroline pointed a single finger ahead of them. “And those are teachers.”

  HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE EXPRESSION “Out of the frying pan and into the fire”? I’m sure you have, but if you haven’t, consider Mattie’s situation to be a perfect illustration of what happens when you’re running from one set of teachers and you plunge headlong into another set of teachers.

  The moral of the story? Teachers are everywhere. They don’t stay in their classrooms or coffins or wherever teachers are supposed to stay when they’re not teaching.

  But back to Mattie and Caroline and Eliot, who were about to get caught. Again.

  “Hide!” Mattie whispered, his eyes darting to find a hiding place.

  “Where?” Caroline whispered, her eyes darting also.

  “Here!” Eliot grabbed them both—much like Mattie had grabbed him before—and yanked them to their knees. They scrambled underneath a wide metal cabinet that seemed to enclose only red and yellow wires. Eliot was fascinated. Mattie and Caroline were not. They held their breath as footsteps approached.

  Scuff. Scuff. Scuff.

  Two sets of shoes passed them—one pair of sensible pumps and one pair of sensible loafers. They were teacher shoes and they didn’t stop and they didn’t hesitate. They actually seemed kind of in a hurry.

  “Where are they going?” Mattie whispered to Eliot, but Eliot didn’t notice because he was trying to unscrew a yellow wire. Mattie smacked his hand.

  “I just want to look!” Eliot protested. Caroline smacked them both.

  “If they’re going that way,” Caroline said, pointing one finger in the direction the teachers were headed, “then we should go that way.” She pointed in the opposite direction. Beezus squeaked his agreement.

  Mattie agreed too, but when he nodded, he knocked the back of his head into the metal plating. “Let’s go,” he said. He had crawled almost all the way out of the hiding spot before realizing Eliot was still playing with the wires.

  “Eliot!” Caroline kicked him. “Come on!”

  Eliot grunted, but he did follow them. They wriggled along on their bellies, leaving student-sized smears in the dust. They crawled over pipes that were as thick as pythons and under long dangly lines of copper wiring. They crawled and crawled and popped out on the other side of somewhere.

  Or possibly the same place they were before. Mattie wasn’t sure. There were more pipes, more cables, more wires, and yet it all looked the same.

  “Where are we?” Caroline asked. She had dust down the front of her sweater and pants and some on her nose. She looked at Mattie like he was supposed to have answers.

  “How am I supposed to know?” Mattie asked.

  “Sssshhhh!”

  Mattie and Caroline turned to see Eliot on his hands and knees, peering through a tangle of cables. His butt wagged from side to side as he followed whatever was on the other side.

  “Look!” Eliot whispered.

  Mattie and Caroline glanced at each other, shrugged, and joined him. And, at first, it didn’t look like anything. There was another set of stairs leading to a platform, some sort of conveyor belt leading away from the platform, and two huge smokestacks pumping smoke up into the ceiling.

  “I don’t see—” Mattie started to say, until he did see. He saw exactly what Eliot was seeing: Mrs. Hitchcock and Mr. Karloff were walking up the platform steps. Headmaster Rooney and a student that looked an awful lot like Albert Maxwell were right behind them.

  Then the student turned and Mattie realized it looked like Albert Maxwell because it was Albert Maxwell.

  “Is this what they were talking about?” Mattie whispered and Caroline elbowed him to be quiet.

  “Headmaster Rooney, you have to do something about him!” Mr. Karloff shrilled. The older teacher had always reminded Mattie of a mall Santa out of uniform. His enormous stomach bounced with the effort of his shouting. “He kicked a sixth grader today!”

  “And he stole all of the answers to my book report!” Mrs. Hitchcock announced.

  “You can’t prove that!” Maxwell returned.

  “You can’t prove that you didn’t!” Mrs. Hitchcock countered and everyone fell silent because that was true.

  “My fellow teachers,” Rooney boomed. “It’s time for Maxwell to change, don’t you think?”

  Nods and murmurs all around indicated that, yes indeed, the teachers did think it was time for Maxwell to change. Maxwell, however, seemed undecided.

  “Do you know what comes next?” Rooney asked the teachers, who squealed and jumped up and down like someone was passing out Halloween candy.

  “We should get out of here,” Mattie said. Between the tangle of enormous pipes and the noise from the machine, Mattie was pretty positive they couldn’t be seen or heard, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to know what came “next.”

  Actually, Mattie was sure he didn’t.

  The Spencers waved him off. “Two more minutes,” Eliot said.

  “I just want to see this,” Caroline said and held Beezus up so he could get a better view. Beezus looked about as thrilled as Mattie.

  “Considering our great success with Project Marcus and Project Jay,” Headmaster Rooney continued, spreading his arms wide, “and considering our even greater success with Project Doyle, I think we should begin Project Maxwell.”

  The teachers cheered and Maxwell swallowed. “Wha—what do you mean?” he asked.

  Headmaster Rooney clapped Maxwell on the shoulder. “I mean, dear boy, that we’re going to make you into the perfect student we’ve always known you could be.”

  And before Maxwell could ask what on earth Rooney meant, Mr. Karloff tackled him. He tied Maxwell’s hands behind him and his feet together and then lifted Maxwell onto a long, low table.

  Mr. Karloff held Maxwell’s arms, Mrs. Hitchcock held his feet, and Headmaster Rooney cackled. It wasn’t helpful unless you considered scaring Maxwell to be helpful, in which case it was incredibly helpful because Maxwell was now whimpering.

  Headmaster Rooney grabbed a huge switch along the machine’s side. It took two yanks before he could tug it downward, but once he did, there was a deafening groaning. The machine huffed smoke into the air like a dragon and then the long, low table began to move.

  “It’s a conveyor belt,” Eliot announced happily, pointing in case Mattie and Caroline couldn’t see for themselves, which they clearly could.

  “Your brother has issues,” Mattie said to Caroline, who shrugged like she already knew.

  “Don’t fight it!” Headmaster Rooney called to Maxwell as the conveyor belt chugged him into the machine’s wide opening. “This won’t hurt much.”

  Maxwell was swallowed into the machine. The smokestacks puffed harder and all the lights turned orange. Something screeched so loudly it should have been a cat, but it was the machine.

  Or possibly Maxwell.

  It was hard for Mattie to tell anything at that point.

  The teachers and Headmaster Rooney trotted to the other side of the conveyor belt and peered into the opening. Mrs. Hitchcock took a handkerchief and dabbed her eyes like Mattie’s mother did at weddings.

  “It’s just so beautiful,” she yelled to Mr. Karloff, who nodded and patted her shoulder as if he understood perfectly.

  Mattie was glad someone understood because he certainly didn’t. The air around them smelled like burning hair and Mattie wanted to cover his nose and mouth, but he couldn’t move. He couldn’t take his eyes off the gigantic engine grinding and grinding above them.

  “I can see him!” Mrs. Hitchcock yelled. The teachers leaned in, looking down the
conveyor belt expectantly.

  And yet the only thing that appeared was Maxwell. The conveyor belt slowly trundled along until he reached the teachers. Headmaster Rooney untied Maxwell’s arms and feet and offered him a hand to sit up. Maxwell did so and the first thing Mattie noticed was that Maxwell’s clothes were different. He wasn’t wearing his uniform. He was wearing a long-sleeved white shirt and white pants. He looked like he had on pajamas or hospital scrubs.

  Maxwell stood and Headmaster Rooney, Mrs. Hitchcock, and Mr. Karloff backed up to stare at him. Mattie kind of understood because Caroline, Eliot, and Mattie stared too. Something weird was definitely going on. Mattie wanted to know why Maxwell’s clothes were different. What was so special about a machine that made you dress like you were ready for bed, he wondered.

  The engine continued to grind and grind and then suddenly another set of shoes appeared. The shoes were attached to legs, which were attached to a torso, which were attached to…

  “Maxwell?” Caroline whispered.

  That’s who it looked like. He was wearing the same red Munchem sweater, the same blue Munchem pants. The conveyor belt brought the boy closer and closer, finally stopping in front of the teachers just like it had before. Mrs. Hitchcock and Mr. Karloff untied Maxwell and helped him to his feet, which seemed like a very good idea because this Maxwell kept swaying. The other Maxwell kept smiling.

  But was it Maxwell? Because Maxwell was Maxwell…right?

  “That boy looks just like Maxwell,” Caroline said softly.

  “He is Maxwell,” Eliot insisted. He was leaning forward, squinting like he was trying to focus his eyes. “It has to be some sort of trick.”

  Except it wasn’t. Eliot just wanted it to be. They all wanted it to be a trick because if that thing wasn’t Maxwell, if it was some sort of…

  “Clone,” Mattie breathed. “They made a clone of Maxwell—like in the movies.”

  Caroline gasped. “Like with sheep!”

  “Like I’ve always wanted to!” Eliot said.

  Caroline and Mattie glared at Eliot. He shrugged. “What? I always have.”

  “It’s a new day, my friends.” Headmaster Rooney wrapped one bony arm around Clone Maxwell’s shoulders and turned him so the teachers could see them both. Everyone clapped. Eliot leaned into Mattie and Mattie leaned into Caroline.

  “Behold the future of Munchem!” Headmaster Rooney continued. “We will have the greatest students ever because we will create the greatest students ever!”

  THE TEACHERS CONTINUED TO CLAP, and Clone Maxwell clapped the hardest. Original Maxwell didn’t clap at all. Original Maxwell collapsed in a pile of legs and arms and cradled his head like it hurt.

  Mr. Karloff hooked one arm around Original Maxwell and pulled him to his feet. “This would be so much easier if we just put the bad kids down,” he told Mrs. Hitchcock.

  Put them down? Mattie wondered. Like killed them? He glanced at the Spencers and saw the Spencers were just as confused or maybe they were just horrified. After all, sometimes confused and horrified look astonishingly similar.

  Mrs. Hitchcock pulled her cardigan tight around her. “It wouldn’t be easier,” she said to Mr. Karloff. “It would be messier.”

  “We need to get out of here,” Mattie whispered again.

  “Smartest thing you’ve ever said,” Caroline whispered back.

  “I want a closer look,” Eliot breathed. Mattie and Caroline ignored him. Mattie looked around for another exit while Caroline kept a firm grip on her brother’s shirt collar.

  “There!” Mattie pointed to the wall beyond the teachers, where another stairwell led up. Mattie leaned against the pipe they were hidden behind, peering at the teachers as they filed behind Headmaster Rooney and the Maxwells and marched across the platform.

  “Where are they going?” Eliot wanted to know.

  “I don’t care,” Caroline answered. “As long as they’re going the opposite direction that I’m going. I don’t want another Caroline running around.”

  “Neither do I,” Eliot said.

  Mattie agreed, but he didn’t say anything. He was too busy trying to decide how they should get to the stairs. By the time the last teacher disappeared, Mattie had a plan.

  “C’mon,” Mattie said. Caroline and Eliot followed Mattie so closely that they repeatedly stepped on Mattie’s heels as they squeezed behind two rumbling generators, scurried under a rusty platform, and ducked around a tangle of blue Larimore Corporation cables.

  “Get to the stairs!” Mattie pushed Caroline and Eliot ahead of him. The three did indeed reach the stairs, which they climbed and they climbed until the stairs turned into a ladder and the ladder turned into more stairs and, finally, Caroline’s head bumped into something hard, flat, and metal.

  “Ow!” Caroline said, rubbing the top of her head.

  “What is it?” Eliot whispered.

  “It’s…” Caroline’s voice trailed off. The sound of metal scraping against metal sent a chill down Mattie’s back. Suddenly, pale moonlight shone down on them and the air turned cooler, fresher. “It’s like a manhole cover,” she said and poked her head through the opening. “C’mon.”

  They took the last few steps up and spilled onto thick grass. Eliot and Caroline struggled to replace the cover. Mattie knew he should help, but he couldn’t seem to catch his breath. He lay on his back and looked at the stars and realized he had never been so scared in his life.

  “Where are we?” Caroline asked again. Mattie was ready to tell her again that he had no idea, but Eliot spoke up first.

  “We’re in the south meadow,” he said and pointed to their right. Caroline and Mattie both turned. “See? There’s the science wing.”

  Sure enough, Eliot was right. The school’s science wing sat in the dark like a fat black dog.

  “Good,” Caroline said. It wasn’t cold, but she was shivering. “That means I’m only a few minutes from my dorm.” She started to turn away, but Mattie grabbed her sweater.

  “Wait,” he said. “Don’t we need to talk about this?”

  “I think some things are better left undiscussed,” Caroline informed him.

  “That isn’t even a word,” Eliot said.

  “It is now.”

  “Stop it!” Mattie snapped. “This is serious. Remember how Rooney said that thing about Project Doyle? What if Doyle’s a clone too? That would explain everything.”

  “I think it complicates more than it explains,” Caroline said.

  “Ignore her,” Eliot said. “I know what you mean. It’s actually very exciting, though, Mattie. Think of the possibilities: if you had your own clone, you would never have to do homework again.”

  “Or eat your bratwurst,” Caroline added.

  “Or go to the dentist,” Eliot finished.

  Caroline cocked her head to one side. “Well, I would still go to the dentist.”

  “I probably would too,” Eliot agreed.

  “Enough about the dentist!” Mattie stomped his feet and waved his hands to get the siblings’ attention. They stared at him like he was a lunatic. “They cloned Maxwell and Doyle and we don’t know what happened to the real Maxwell and Doyle.”

  “I’m not sure I want to know,” Eliot said.

  “Agreed,” Caroline said. “Besides, I like the new Doyle. He gave me pumpkin muffins this morning at breakfast.”

  Mattie gaped. “But we can’t let them get away with this!”

  Caroline shook her head. “Honestly, Mattie, what do you really think we can do?”

  “We can—” Mattie stopped. Caroline was right. What could they do? They were just kids. Who would believe them? Even now, Mattie could barely believe it himself.

  “We could call the police,” he said at last. “We could show them this entrance and then they’d find the machine.”

  “I think you have to have paperwork or something for that,” Eliot said.

  “It’s true,” Caroline added. “They’re always asking me for probable cause whe
n I try to get the police to come to the laboratories.”

  “What’s probable cause?” Mattie asked.

  “I think it’s a reason the police should come help you,” Caroline said.

  Everyone went quiet as they thought about that. Unfortunately, no one could think of a reason the police would come help them. The police would probably think they were making the whole thing up.

  “It’s best to just keep your head down,” Eliot said and Mattie nodded in spite of himself because he knew that. He knew it because keeping his head down was a key part of being good and because Mr. Larimore often said the same thing when people from the Environmental Protection Agency came to his office.

  “Good,” Caroline said, her smile especially white in the shadows. “I’m glad that’s settled. Now, if you two don’t mind, Beezus and I are going to bed.”

  “Don’t get caught,” Eliot warned her.

  “I won’t get caught.” Caroline tossed her hair and Beezus squeaked. “But you probably will.”

  “Will not.”

  “Will too.”

  “Will—” Eliot didn’t get to finish because Caroline was already gone. She stomped into the dark until all they could see was nothing and all they could hear was muttering and then, finally, even the muttering was gone.

  “We have to get back to our room,” Mattie said quietly. He was talking to Eliot, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the opening in the ground, and he couldn’t stop thinking about the machine that lay behind the opening in the ground.

  “Yeah,” Eliot said and scratched his stomach. “We should get back, but I had fun. We should do this again.”

  Mattie stared at Eliot and didn’t care that his mouth was hanging open and that his eyes were huge. Eliot was clearly insane and, when dealing with insane people, one does not have to worry about appearing normal. In some ways, Mattie found it rather freeing.

  “I’m never doing that again,” Mattie said. “I’ve learned my lesson.”

  “Oh, yeah.” Eliot wiped his nose with the back of his hand. “I always forget that you’re a good kid. That’s probably going to keep you pretty safe around here.”