A Soldier in Love

by A. Petrov

  “Michelle,” Serik repeated. The name rolled off of his tongue as if it were honey.

  “Michelle, what a beautiful name for a beautiful female,” he mused.

  Heat rose to her cheeks. She felt embarrassed. She was a hardened soldier who just narrowly escaped Redex with her life and this alien male she had just met was making her blush. Her name suddenly felt so feminine, it felt personal. It felt like hers again.

  She subconsciously traced the scars on her left arm.

  I wonder how someone could think I was beautiful with these? she thought as she looked down at her mangled arm.

  She felt a nagging feeling realizing that she was once something other than a soldier. She was also a woman with needs and desires they all seemed to be coming out at once without the memory fog to suppress them whether she wanted to feel them or not.

  “Your eye color and hair color I haven’t seen any like it in the entire universe,” Serik stated as he tried not to stare at her. It was a difficult task, he had been alone for far too long.

  “Is it hard for you to look at?” she replied as her eyes got wide. She hadn’t fully comprehended that he was another species from another planet until he said that.

  Laughter escaped his mouth.

  “No, you are very beautiful. You are gorgeous, maybe even that is an understatement,” he replied with a grin.

  Michelle just looked to him as she tried to make the words register into her mind. She began to feel woozy.

  He has perhaps been out here by himself too long. Soldiers are not beautiful.

  “You are both light and dark like me in your coloring but in a different way,” he added looking into her deep emerald eyes.

  “I am both light and dark in many ways,” she replied not breaking his blue and golden gaze. She felt a wave of dizziness come over her. She fought it, she wanted to know where she was, who this man was, would she be safe?

  He nodded as though he understood.

  “I am feeling not well…” she began as the pain in her head grew and the wooziness began to strengthen. She was unable to fight it any longer.

  “It is the memory fog wearing off…All of your memories are going to come rushing back to you,” he interjected.

  “Will I be ill?” she asked weakly.

  Serik nodded. “Yes but I will take care of you.”

  Michelle felt the room spin around her as a stronger wave of dizziness overtook her. Serik brought a cool cloth to her forehead.

  Michelle looked desperately into his gaze again before everything went dark.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  The sun was beginning to set in the sky as it became evening time. It was drawing closer to winter and it was getting colder outside. Michelle felt chilled as the wind blew through her thin jacket. It had become increasingly difficult to stay away from the house until she passed out from drinking for the night. The house was old and rundown, the whole thing smelled of mildew and dust.

  Michelle sighed it was either freeze to death out here or try to hide from her foster mother inside. Her heart sank at that term; the woman, she was no mother of any kind. She didn’t have any food in the house, well, none that Michelle knew of. She refused to give Michelle any money for a new coat.

  Michelle was sure the woman only bathed if she made her way out to the bar for the night. She usually didn’t come home for a few days when she did and she slept for even more.

  Michelle just tried to stay out of the way. Most all children had been displaced. The system had been overrun. She ate breakfast and lunch and school. One of her teacher’s had promised to help get her a new coat.

  “You think you’re so pretty don’t you?” The old woman yelled belligerently.

  Michelle shook her head. The woman was drunk again. She would often go on crazy tangents and yell obscenities at her. Somehow, she had begun to get used to it. She supposed you could get used to anything if you had to.

  “I don’t know what you mean. Look, I’ll just go to bed,” she offered. She thought it would be as simple as that to diffuse the situation. The old woman would go back to drinking and leave her alone for the rest of the night as usual.

  “Come over here,” she said through a thick cloud of cigarette smoke. Michelle could see her empty eyes and wrinkled skin. She wasn’t sure how old she was, it seemed as all the smoking and drinking had aged her well beyond her time.

  Michelle stepped back but the old woman lurched forward. Her bony fingers tightly gripped her arm. She flashed a toothy grin then put the lit cigarette out on the creamy white flesh of her forearm. She laughed in pleasure as Michelle screamed.

  “Stop!” she cried as the pain ignited through her arm and soared throughout her body.

  She tried to pull away but her grip was too tight. Her fingernails dug into her arm.

  “Please, stop! Why are you doing this?” Michelle could smell her own burnt flesh. She winced in pain.

  “Poor you, poor me I have to fucking house you because the government makes me,” she yelled pulling the cigarette butt from her arm.

  “Don’t fucking talk!” she continued gripping the burnt part of her arm before shoving her down.

  Michelle doubled over in pain. She fought back tears before pulling herself to her feet.

  I refuse to cry. I refuse to let this woman see me as weak.

  “Stupid orphans,” she yelled as Michelle ran to her room.

  “Stupid fucking orphans. Nobody wants you!” she yelled louder.

  ***

  Michelle awoke in tears as her breaths came in heavy pants. Her breathing slowed as she felt two strong arms pull her near. She felt safe.

  The memories she had tried to shove away were incredibly strong. It was more than just a memory it was as though she was reliving them. She swore she could still feel the intense burning heat on her arm. She pressed her right hand over left forearm. She looked down, it was just a scar.

  No, no it was just a dream. Just a dream. A dream of the past…

  The past, the past brought back so much pain. Too much pain, Michelle thought. She wondered if she would rather die than go through it all again. She slumped against the bed as tears formed in her eyes. She wondered if all she was were the memories she possessed. All of them seemed to be bad; she wondered if that meant she was all bad.

  Why was I left to suffer? Why?

  “I heard you scream,” Serik said gently as he held her small trembling body to his. He could feel the wet stream of tears on his chest.

  She looked up to him with shame in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Serik.”

  Michelle took a deep breath and attempted to stop crying but it was useless. Her emotions felt so raw and bloody. She had never felt anything as intense as this. It was as though the past brought something else along with it. The pain of the memories was like an acid eating away at her flesh. She wanted it off but it would just have to burn its way through before it would be done.

  I’m so fucking weak. Why can’t I suck it up? I surely make a pathetic soldier.

  “I’m sorry I shouldn’t be acting like this. This soldier is being weak,” she continued as she attempted to calm herself again by taking another deep breath. It did no good as she felt her body still trembling.

  He shook his head. “Stop, don’t apologize. You’re much stronger than most. The memory fog… well, it’s not going to be easy but I’m here.”

  He smoothed her hair and gave her a gentle squeeze. The memory fog was meant to beat soldiers into submissive, emotionless robots. When withdrawn from the medicine it beat them into further emotional madness. Soldiers would beg for it again, they would prefer the unfeeling state than the brutal emotional turmoil that the withdrawal gave. Memories and emotions could be the greatest form of torture.

  “What happened to you, Michelle? What were you remembering?” he asked softly as he held her body close to his. Whatever was causing her pain, he wanted to end it. He barely knew the little female but he felt incredibly protective over her. It enrag
ed him knowing that something was causing her hurt. He wanted to beat whatever or whoever did this to her into a bloody pulp.

  “It’s OK now, I’m here,” she replied weakly.

  “Whatever happened to you before, well, I’m here to protect you now. Just let me keep you safe,” he said as he soothingly rubbed her back and pulled her closer onto his lap.

  She accepted his embrace; it was the only thing that was helping her feel safe.

  Not just feel, but I am safe, she reminded herself that must have saved her life and surely risked his in the process.

  She didn’t want him to leave. She didn’t want to be alone in outer space with no one she knew, having to bear these horrible memories she had locked away for so long.

  “Please stay with me,” she said without her normal hesitation. Her eyes were wide and desperate. Her body still trembled with the intensity of it all. Even though she was supposed to be strong, she couldn’t bear to be alone, no, not right now.

  He nodded. “I will. Just let it all out, baby. Just let it out.”

  Her small body shook with sobs as she clung to him. She cried until she fell back asleep.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Michelle woke up feeling safe and warm. It was a strange feeling she hadn’t felt it since she was a child. She looked to Serik who was holding her. He was sleeping soundly.

  How long have I been out? she wondered to herself. It seemed like all she had done the past few days was sleep. She was barely able to stay awake for a few minutes at a time. When she was awake Serik would give her a warm broth-like drink. She would usually just take a few sips and go back to sleep.

  She studied him for a few moments. She looked over the numerous scars on his massive, muscular frame. Despite his deep green scars, she couldn’t deny that he was indeed extremely handsome, maybe even more than she initially thought when she first saw him. It had been many years since she had thought of a man as handsome. She had to admit his size was kind of intimidating, but it was also kind of comforting. She felt safe knowing he was watching over her. It made her feel small; it made her feel feminine again. She wasn’t sure if she liked that feeling anymore but there it was.

  His face had a chiseled look to it. His features were symmetrical and he had full lips that looked soft to the touch. No matter how hard she tried to deny it; she was attracted to him, very attracted to him. Attraction was something she hadn’t felt in such a long time. It seemed almost foreign to her. She inhaled his sharp masculine scent. It reminded her of a combination of fresh rain and pine. It also had a sort of spicy scent to it that she just couldn’t place. She had never smelled anything like his scent. She could another whiff; it was delightful.

  She carefully and quietly left his embrace. It felt too strange to have someone to hold her after being alone for so long. Besides, she barely knew him, even if he did save her life and comfort her as she had a major freak out, he was still a stranger.

  Have I ever even been held like this before? I don’t know if I have or if I just can’t remember…

  She quietly slipped out of the bedroom door.

  She felt awful as she moved. The pain was both physical and emotional. She felt as though someone had stabbed in her in the heart with a knife and was toying with the blade. She had lost everything. She wanted to rummage around his cabinets and swallow a bottle of poison. She wanted a gun, a knife, or anything really. She wanted to end it and take the pain away. She didn’t want to face being the only one left. She didn’t want to face what was ahead of her.

  She slowly crept out the bedroom and began to look around down a dark hallway. It was extremely dark with only a faint glow coming from what appeared to be the control panel.

  Michelle realized it was cold, in fact it was freezing. Her bare feet felt almost numb on the metallic floor. She patted the back of her neck to see if it was the effects of her cooler pack but she quickly realized it had been removed. The skin on the back of her neck felt a little raw from wearing it for such a long time.

  I don’t know if I’m just used to the desert on Redex or if he keeps this thing on subzero.

  She headed back to the bedroom. Her muscles felt sore.

  I’ve only taken a few steps, why do I feel as though I just ran a marathon?

  She was tired. Her muscles felt exhausted.nShe lay there almost immobile from pain and exhaustion. She thought of those she loved and those who had shown her kindness in her life.

  It was then realized that she was far too angry to kill herself.

  The battle on Redex had ended, she assumed it had ended on Earth as well, but now it raged within her.

  Death would come for her but she would die fighting. She vowed to herself that she would avenge those that she had lost. She would do all that she could. She would have to live.

  She rubbed her arms for warmth as she relaxed back into the bed. She felt weak but she didn’t want to go back to sleep quite yet. She pulled the covers around her and relished the warmth that Serik was giving off. For the first time she noticed how soft the bed was. She lay on her side and propped her head up with arm. She looked over to the sleeping form beside her. He had saved her, comforted her, and cared for her. She wasn’t sure why but he did.

  Serik…

  She studied his face again, memorizing the lines of his green scars. He had one scar that just narrowly missed his left eye.

  The left eye, that was his blue eye, Michelle had never seen eyes like his. They were beautiful, exotic, unique, but most of all they were intense. She felt nervous when those eyes looked at her.

  His chest was bare exposing his powerful build and muscles. She noticed several other dark green scars on his back and arms. They seemed deep and once painful. Michelle wasn’t sure how he got them but they looked like they must have been excruciating. There were a few lighter green ones as well that looked newer in nature to the others.

  You ask what happened to me… what happened to you, Serik?

  ***

  The next day Michelle woke up alone. She tried to feign off the disappointment that rattled her insides but she couldn’t. She felt incredibly alone without Serik beside her.

  Stop it. You barely know the man, well, wait, he’s not even a human. You barely know the giant alien. He felt sorry for you and saved you for some unknown reason; he doesn’t need you acting like a little love sick puppy so stop it! You’re probably just slowing him down from wherever he is supposed to be going.

  The giant alien, who saved you from a certain death? a small voice in the back of her mind reminded her.

  Michelle sat up only for a wave of dizziness to hit her. She felt the pain creeping along her temples expanding to the rest of her head. She quickly lay back down. She felt a wave of frustration sweep of her. She was angry but she was also very weak.

  She looked up to see Serik come in the room with a concerned expression on his face. It was as if he knew she felt unwell.

  “How did you know?” she blurted out without thinking.

  “I could… well, I could sense you,” he said seemingly embarrassed.

  She felt out of control. She was supposed to be strong. She was a soldier for Christ’s sake but here she was laid out barely able to move.

  “Will I ever get better? Am I going to be bedridden the rest of my life?” she said as she tried to sit up. She fought back another strong wave of dizziness to get the words out.

  Serik let out a soft chuckle. “No, you actually are healing a lot faster than I thought you would. You are a fighter.”

  Despite the dizziness, Michelle didn’t want the interaction to end; she wanted to understand what was going on. She desperately continued.

  “I don’t feel like a fighter right now. Are you sure?” she questioned. The words felt as though they were as heavy as bricks as she slowly got them out of her mouth.

  “Yes, you’ll be back to normal soon. It is just memory fog withdraw,” Serik replied soothingly.

  “Damn Earth Army, always trying to kill
me,” Michelle mumbled as she rubbed her temples trying to fight back the piercing headache.

  Serik chuckled. “You’re funny, even when you’re having memory fog withdraws.”

  “Maybe it’s what’s making me funny,” she retorted.

  He grinned.

  “Lay back down,” he instructed.

  Unable to fight the pain anymore she did as he instructed and relaxed against the bed. His large hands moved up to her head and gently pressed on few different points relieving the pressure.