Null & Void_a Royal States Novel

by RJ Blain

  I howled my laughter, which summoned my boss, and while I writhed on my desk, he gaped at me. “Mackenzie?”

  “Read it,” I gasped out, pointing at the subject line. “Read it.”

  He came around my desk, and I tapped the screen in the appropriate spot, shuddering as I fought to contain my mirth.

  “What sort of child asks for a prospective stepfather’s sperm count?” my boss read. He sucked in a breath. “Mackenzie! That email’s from…”

  I pushed my chair from my desk and oozed to the floor, where I pounded my fist into the carpeting. “His Royal Majesty of Montana.”

  “I was really hoping that wasn’t the correct answer. Mackenzie, what on Earth are you doing?”

  “It was her questionnaire, not mine!”

  “And what are you going to do with this information?”

  Still giggling like a lunatic, I got onto my knees, reached for my mouse, and forwarded the email to my daughter without reading it. “That. My revenge is complete.”

  “Your revenge? What revenge? Shouldn’t you have read it first? What if there’s confidential information in there? Mackenzie!”

  “Every question in there is relevant to my daughter’s interests in a future stepfather. If His Royal Majesty from Montana can’t handle my daughter knowing the answers to these questions, he’s unprepared to handle my daughter.”

  “And how is this revenge?”

  “He kept bothering me, so his answers are going directly to my daughter for evaluation.”

  “You know what? I’m just not going to ask, Mackenzie. Do not turn this into a diplomatic nightmare.” My boss stomped out of the office.

  “Well maybe if he wasn’t selling himself—”

  “Don’t you even dare call the auction a man-meat market, Mackenzie Little!”

  I grinned.

  My new office phone rang, and I snatched it off the hook and sang, “Mackenzie Little’s office, Mackenzie speaking.”

  “If you let that guy near you, Mom, you’ll get pregnant. If you’re not busy this weekend, you should let him near you. He’s healthy, he’s fertile, and he has a sense of humor. Also, Mom, you should not be sending me emails like that. I don’t care if you gave me the talk when I was five. There are some things I don’t want to know about what prospective stepfathers might be doing with my mother.”

  Oops. “Hi, Mireya. I confess, I didn’t read it. It’s my boss’s fault. He came into my office and basically challenged me into sending it to you. I had to for the sake of my pride.” I hesitated. “How bad was it?”

  “He likes you and wants you to have his babies. I approve.”

  Just like that, my plans for revenge backfired. “How many of the questions did he answer?”

  “All of them. Also, I see you added one of your own, Mom.”

  “You read it already?”

  “I skimmed, ignored the parts meant for adult eyes only, and read over his medical reports. He included the entire spectrum. I’m serious, Mom. If he gets near you, you’re going to get pregnant. He’s a walking baby factory. His sperm count is through the roof, and according to the results, he’s packing nothing but strong swimmers.”

  “Is that a no on his application, then?”

  “Mom, I already told you you should invite him over. Make him take you on a date. Forget the auction. He’s got the genes, he’s got the goods, and if you do, I’ll have a sibling within nine months. It’s a win for everyone, especially me. He’s funny and healthy.”

  “Aren’t you being a bit impulsive about this, Mireya?”

  “He’s interested in providing me with siblings. I’ll have to compromise on the number of siblings, but I’m willing to negotiate.”

  “You’re evil.”

  Mireya giggled. “I saw the news report. He really likes you, Mom. He had an entire pack of reporters badgering him, and he was so mad they’d insulted you. That’s the type of man you deserve. As for the pepper spray, for anyone other than him, yes.”

  “I haven’t even met him face to face, Mireya.”

  “Duh, that’s why I’m telling you to invite him over. Then you’ll meet him face to face. Let him take you on a date.”

  “Mireya, he’s a king. He’s probably too busy to come to Texas from Montana to indulge in your desire for me to have another child.”

  “You’re being a spoilsport, Mom.”

  “How old are you again?”

  “Ten. You know this, as you remind me of my age once a year, on the day you spawned a terrifying miniature human you had full responsibility for. You’re well practiced. The next terrifying miniature human shouldn’t be as daunting. You can handle it. As I’ve already discussed this matter with your doctors, I’m confident you’ll be able to have children for at least another ten years. You’re still in your prime—you’re actually really healthy with the exception of your allergies. Dr. Glaskow told me you were running on a biological clock equivalent to someone in her twenties. That’s great for helping me have siblings.”

  “Why do you want me to have another child so badly?”

  “I’ll be at school a lot. You’ll get lonely, and you need someone to baby. While a stepfather is a step in the appropriate direction, you require miniature humans under foot to stay happy. I’m concerned for your happiness.”

  Oh my god. I rolled my eyes and slumped over my desk, wondering what I’d done to deserve Mireya. “You’re something else. I’ll read over his answers after I’m off the phone with you.”

  I had no idea what my daughter thought was naughty, but if he had included anything legitimately filthy in his replies, I’d die from embarrassment.

  “You’re not mad at me, are you?”

  I snorted. “Of course not. I think you’re being ridiculous, but I dutifully sent him your questionnaire. As promised, I didn’t immediately tell him no.”

  “Okay.”

  “So, spawnling. How are you liking school?”

  The floodgates opened, and Mireya babbled about her new teachers, the small classes, her new classmates, and the cafeteria, which featured weird but tasty food from all over the world. She had five classes every day, and she squealed her joy when she revealed Prince Adam was in all but one of them.

  “I can tell you’re happy about him being in your classes.”

  “He holds the door for me, and he’s always trying to steal my books so he can carry them to my dorm. I think it’s because he wants to see his little sister, who is sharing a room with me. They have a dorm for the girls and a dorm for the boys, and we’re only allowed to cross over to the other side during the day or if we’re helping a classmate.”

  I smiled, biting my lip so I wouldn’t betray the real reason Adam was following her around like the lovesick puppy he was. “That’s very nice of him.”

  “It is! No one’s certain what to make of me as a null. They’ve never had a null attend the academy before, but so far, everyone seems to be nice.”

  The so far worried me, but I was relieved she hadn’t been immediately ostracized. “That’s good, spawnling.”

  It was, too. Laws changed, but only hard work and time would end prejudice. Some lessons my beloved little girl would need to learn on her own, but I stayed silent on the subject, listening to her tell me about her new life in France.

  An hour later, I returned the phone to its cradle and prayed I’d made the right choice sending her to a new school overseas. I frowned, and it occurred to me I hadn’t gotten any of the details on the monthly payments for her education. I picked up the phone and called Jessica’s cell phone.

  “Good afternoon, Mackenzie! What can I do for you?”

  “Hey, Jessica? I just realized I didn’t get the financial aid package for Mireya’s schooling. I don’t even know where to send the payments to.”

  Jessica was quiet for a moment. “That’s my fault. I’d gotten caught up in preparing the herd to go overseas. I’m sorry. I should’ve talked to you about this on Sunday.”

  “It was a l
ittle hectic. I just need to know the amount and where I need to send the funds to.”

  “There is no amount, Mackenzie.”

  “What?” I blurted.

  “She won a full scholarship. You don’t owe anything to send her to the school, and they’re refunding her testing fee. I’m so stupid. I should have told you right away so you wouldn’t be worried about the money. I have all the scholarship forms, and I already took care of filing them on your behalf. After you hurt your foot, I abused my queenly powers to sign them, but I figured you wouldn’t mind, as Mireya earned every penny of the scholarship.”

  My phone slipped from my numb hand, clattered as it hit my desk, and bounced to the floor, and I joined it a moment later.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Geoff hated me. That was the only reason I could think of for him waving a vial of toxic waste under my nose and forcing me to breathe it in. Gagging, I struggled to escape the stench, but not only was he determined to shove the vial up my nose, he pinned me in place while he did it.

  “Stop,” I begged, and I slurred the word. I twisted my head, and he took pity on me. He still held me down, and after I blinked a few times, I realized I was sprawled on my boss’s couch.

  The last thing I remembered, I’d been talking to Jessica on the phone, and she’d been in the middle of telling me something important. What, I had no idea.

  Jessica was a queen. Everything she told me was important. How was I supposed to rank the level of importance when it was all important?

  My boss crouched beside me and snapped his fingers in my face. “Look at me, Mackenzie.”

  I obeyed, my brows furrowing. “What?”

  “You fainted.”

  “I did no such thing,” I blurted.

  Never once in my life had I fainted. I’d banged my head and gotten knocked out, but I’d never once fainted. Even the time Geoff had scared a few years off my life during my pregnancy, resulting in a six-hour chase across Dallas, I hadn’t fainted. I’d dealt with exhaustion for an hour after he’d found me before I’d crawled onto my couch for a nap.

  “You fainted,” Geoff confirmed. “The cause of your lapse of consciousness is very sorry. She was still on the line when I reached you. Apparently, the shock of her news was too much for you. You can stand up to congress, but the instant your daughter earns a scholarship, you become a wilting lily.”

  The bastard dared to cluck his tongue at me, disappointment etched into his expression.

  I turned wide eyes to my boss. “But I was just on the phone…”

  Before my boss could say anything, Geoff took a turn snapping his fingers, drawing my attention back to him. “It’s not uncommon for there to be a sense of time distorting when someone faints. Do you remember what Her Royal Majesty told you?”

  The woman in question stepped through the door, and she clucked her tongue at me, too. “I’m sorry. I’m an idiot. I should’ve known better.”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I confessed.

  “Minor concussion plus a shock equaled a temporary loss of consciousness. I should’ve known better than to spring that on you like that.”

  “Spring what on me?”

  “Mireya won a full scholarship.”

  Geoff wielded the nasty little vial of toxic waste as though expecting something to happen. It filtered through the haze in my brain he wasn’t holding a toxic substance; smelling salts could wake the dead, and I had an intimate understanding of why.

  Intimate.

  The word brought me to a complete halt. I remembered everything about the way His Royal Majesty of Montana had transformed the word from something innocent to a masterpiece of seductive filth with the power of his voice alone.

  Everyone was staring at me, and my face flushed hotter. “It’s all his fault.” Yes, I would place the blame entirely on the broad shoulders of His Royal Majesty of Montana. “It’s all his fault. He charmed my daughter with his sperm count.”

  My boss’s mouth dropped open, Geoff’s expression went blank, and Jessica tossed her head back and cackled.

  I wanted to die. I rolled over, grabbed the throw blanket from the back of the couch, and covered my head. “Ignore everything I just said, please. Thank you.”

  “This alone was worth the drive here.”

  “Your Majesty?” Geoff asked so many questions with her title I marveled at his masterful control of his tone.

  “Don’t worry about it, Geoff. I suspect she listened to a certain video clip. It’s positively indecent, isn’t it?”

  “It’s filthy,” I whispered.

  “I fanned myself off the first few times I watched it. Pat told me I wasn’t allowed to watch it again. I made him watch it, and I told him he wasn’t supposed to talk to me until he could master sounding so indecent it needs to be censored instead of played on public television.”

  I curled under the blanket, nodding. “Absolutely filthy. I sent the questionnaire to him. He replied. I forwarded to my daughter. She’s been charmed by his sperm count. I can’t take any calls from him ever again. I’m going to have to quit, Jessica. It’s indecent.”

  “I told you it was lewd.”

  I sighed. “He’s going to have so many women vying for him, and I can’t compete. I’m going to have to go to a bar and pick up someone up. I don’t even know how to go to a bar to pick someone up.”

  Someone sat near my feet and patted my leg. “There, there,” Jessica murmured. “It’s okay. Instead of a bar, why don’t I take you home and show you my wine cellar? This is obviously an emergency, and I have an entire cellar of emergency wines.”

  “I haven’t gotten—”

  “Hold that thought a moment, dear. You two, out,” the queen ordered, and moments later, a door closed. “I’m sorry, Mackenzie. There are some things old men shouldn’t hear. We wouldn’t want them to fall over dead from shock.”

  “I think I need help,” I confessed. “I haven’t taken anyone to bed with me since Dylan because I keep dreaming about him, and because I’m sick in my head, I screw him in my sleep. Isn’t there medication for that?”

  “Dear lord, Mackenzie. First you start talking about William’s sperm count, now you’re talking about…” she trailed off.

  “Sex. In my dreams. With Mireya’s father. I’ve been thinking about getting therapy for years,” I confessed. “But then I figured they’d confirm I was crazy and take Mireya away from me.”

  “I think you rattled something in your head when you fell, and you very well might need a trip to the ER.”

  “And a trip to a therapist.”

  “Mackenzie, how long have you been stuck over Mireya’s father?”

  “It’s okay. You can tell me I’m crazy. It’s true. I can handle it.”

  “Does your head hurt, Mackenzie?”

  “No.”

  “Are you dizzy?”

  “No.”

  “How do you feel?”

  “I’m a terrible mother. I sent my daughter a questionnaire answered by His Royal Filthiness, and she told me she skipped sections because it was naughty. I didn’t read it first. I should have. Then she told me I needed to invite him over for the weekend. This was after she told me if he got into the same room with me, I’d become pregnant.”

  Jessica laughed. “I see I’m not the primary contributor to this incident.”

  “Remember what I said about women hunting him because of his voice? I can’t answer my phone from him ever again.”

  “You like his voice.”

  “I don’t like it. Like isn’t a big enough word. Do you want to tear off Pat’s clothes because you like his voice?”

  “I rip Pat’s clothes off when he uses his sexy voice. It’s okay to admit you’re attracted to something.”

  “His Royal Filthiness doesn’t have a sexy voice. It’s just his voice. He needs to never talk to me again. He can’t keep talking to me.”

  “Why not, Mackenzie?”

  “Because I’ll want to rip h
is clothes off, and I’ve never even seen his face. He could be this serial killer behind the mask.”

  “He’s not. He’s actually quite handsome. You were spot on about your concerns. That voice with his face? Women would be after him until he’s safely married. The mask does limit his magic, but there’s a very handsome man underneath the mask, and he’s very self-conscious about it. He doesn’t want a woman to fall in love with his pretty face.”

  “I already said I didn’t want a king, Jessica,” I wailed.

  “And yet you’re crushing so hard over his voice that when your daughter brought up his sperm count, you swooned. Literally. You literally swooned. And here I thought the idea of Mireya earning a scholarship had finally been too much for you. I’d just gotten you fresh off the phone with your daughter, hadn’t I?”

  “It’s true. I’m sorry.”

  “Obviously, it’s time for you to leave work. You’re coming home with me, and I’m going to straighten you out. Not only that, I’m going to call William, and he’s going to talk to you until you can handle exposure to him without trying to rip his clothes off, which would be quite a feat considering he’s in Montana right now.”

  “I can’t talk to him,” I whispered. “He’s going to laugh at me over the questionnaire, and he’ll do it in that voice.”

  “Don’t be a baby about this, Mackenzie. Come on. Take Douglass’s blanket if it makes you feel better, but we’re going. I’m also going to need the keys to your car.”

  “My car? You need my keys? Why?”

  “Because we’re going to ditch the pesky security, go on a joy ride, and fix this. You’re a hot mess, Mackenzie. Lord, I know I’m bad when my children fly the coop, but I have a few extras kicking around. Hell, I had a party once I got rid of most of the brats on Monday. Only Branden chickened out and wanted to stay home, and his greatest aspiration in life right now is to beat the hell level of the latest, greatest game. I love him, but he’s not intellectually inclined.”

  “We’re going to do what?”

  “Ditch Geoff and my trio of concerned bodyguards lingering in the hall because I kicked them out before you overshared your serious case of lust for William’s voice. Geoff expects it. He’s been tense waiting for you to take flight. He even begged me last night to do something before you blew a gasket. He’s going to be a good head of detail for you. He’s part of your birthday present.”