Long After (Sometimes Never)

by McIntyre, Cheryl

  There’s always something.

  I brush through my hair, choosing to leave it straightened. I examine the ends and my eyes flick over to the calendar above the desk. I’m due for a cut. I make a quick note and adhere it next to several others on my mirror so I don’t forget.

  Lists and notes are important when it comes to organization. I should buy stock in post-its for as much money as I spend on them.

  The alarm sounds on my phone—my five minute warning. A rush of adrenaline bursts through my body. I quickly spray some perfume into the air and step through it before going out to the common room to wait for Loden.

  I pace the length of the couch twice and am just about to go for a third when there’s a knock at the door. I take a deep breath and smooth my hands over my stomach, down the length of my dress.

  When I open the door, my breath catches. Loden looks incredible. And he smells so good. I don’t think guys truly understand how important scent is. The way it holds memories. The way it can either draw you in or push you away. The way a certain smell can make you feel safe or happy.

  Loden’s cologne makes me want to abandon that whole make-him-work-for-it plan.

  His eyes slowly move over me and he grins with approval. “You look beautiful,” he says.

  “Thank you. You look nice too.”

  He holds out his hand and I take it immediately. I like the smooth, softness of his embrace. An intelligent man’s hands.

  He takes me to an eighteen and older club not far from campus. There’s a line wrapped around the corner, but Loden walks us past, and straight up to the door. The bouncer crosses his arms as he eyes us without much enthusiasm.

  “Capacity,” he grunts. He hooks a thumb in the air and nods. “End of the line.”

  Loden chuckles and leans into the big man. I don’t know what he says, but I catch an exchange of money, and the door is pulled open for us to pass. He takes my hand and guides me inside.

  The music is loud, vibrating through my chest and pounding in my head. I like it and hate it at the same time. Loden’s large hand settles on my lower back as he maneuvers us through the crowd. He puts his mouth close to my ear so I can hear him over the music. “You want something to drink?”

  “No, thanks. I’m okay right now.”

  “You want to dance?”

  I’d actually like to talk, but that doesn’t seem plausible here. Now that I think about it, this is a terrible place to have a first date. Unless you don’t really care about getting to know the person you’re with.

  I nod. “Sure.” Even though I planned for this, I can’t help feeling disappointed that the rumors appear to be true after all.

  He grins and spins me onto the dance floor. I let my body move to the beat of the music and Loden watches me for a moment before he joins in. I love to dance. When I was a little girl, my dream was to grow up and be a dancer. Mom put me in every class she could afford because there wasn’t much else that appealed to me. And I was good at it.

  But I’m smart enough to know there’s no future in it. I don’t want to be a starving artist, spending my days auditioning and competing against girls more talented than me, hoping I get something that pays enough to cover my rent.

  “You’re a good dancer,” Loden yells.

  I grin at him, pushing the hair out of my face. “I’m good at a lot of things.”

  He returns the grin and moves closer. My statement wasn’t an invitation, but a promise of what could come if he plays his cards right and doesn’t screw this up by rushing.

  Loden’s hands rest on my hips as he moves in time with me. We make a good dance team, I have to admit. We look good together. We move well together.

  We dance through several songs until my hair is plastered to my neck with sweat and I’m out of breath. “You want that drink now?” he asks.

  I nod enthusiastically. My throat is dry and I’m overheated. A drink sounds perfect. I follow him, my hand wrapped securely in his. He gets two bottles of water and tugs me toward an open table. I sit and he pushes the other chair close to mine before heaving himself into it.

  “Damn. I feel like I’m out of shape after that. That was intense.”

  I sip the water, my eyes trailing over his shirt. “You’re definitely not out of shape,” I say.

  He stares at me for a long moment as he drinks from his bottle. I wish I knew what he’s thinking when he looks at me like that.

  “You’re so pretty,” he says suddenly.

  Oh.

  “Thanks.” I shift in the chair, my stomach doing somersaults. It’s always nice being complemented, but my defenses automatically go up as well.

  “You want to get out of here?”

  And there it is.

  “Loden, I’m not sleeping with you.”

  He swallows the water in his mouth and one side of his lips turn up. “That was direct,” he states through a chuckle. He leans closer and tucks a chunk of hair behind my ear, his fingers brushing over my neck. “I like you. I’m not going to deny I want to sleep with you. But I only meant going to get something to eat.” He sits back and my face heats even more than it already was. “For now,” he adds with a wink.

  I arch a brow at him as I study his face. “Just something to eat?”

  He nods. “For now,” he repeats.

  “What does that mean? For now?”

  He shrugs, placing his empty bottle on the table. “Eventually, I’d like this to lead somewhere. I’m going to be finishing my undergraduate requirements next year. My life is going to be changing pretty soon with law school approaching. I’m looking for something a little more permanent.” He sighs, running a hand through his damp hair. “That sounds creepy, doesn’t it? I barely know you. I’m not talking marriage. I just mean…I need to start thinking about the future.”

  That doesn’t sound creepy at all. It’s like he read my mind. “Okay,” I say.

  He smiles uncertainly. “Okay?”

  “Yeah,” I confirm. “Let’s go get something to eat.”

  He holds out his hand and I take it, letting him help me from my seat. We stand chest to chest for several seconds as he looks down at me.

  “That was easy.”

  He says it jokingly, but something about his statement bothers me. I’m not even sure what exactly, so I brush it off. I refuse to find faults in everything he says. I won’t be my mom. I’m going to give this a real shot.

  10

  A Dustland Fairytale

  Chase

  I should be swimming. I should be having fun. Instead, I’m pouting in the corner by myself, watching Annie and Loden like some fucking stalker. I force my gaze away. It’s not my business.

  But he better be good to her.

  Guy stops in front of me, hands on his hips as he pants. He’s grinning like a lunatic. “Dude, that’s fun as hell.” He nods toward the high dive, shaking water from his head, and I chuckle.

  “Cannonballs are always a party favorite.”

  He nods distractedly. “Why aren’t you in the pool? You invited me to this thing.”

  I scratch my head, smoothing out my hair. “I’m people-watching.”

  He sits down beside me, bringing one knee up to rest his arm on. “Who we looking at?”

  My gaze flicks to Annie quickly before moving on. I point at Ella Hamilton, sitting on the side of the pool with a few other girls. She’s laughing, kicking her feet through the water, careful not to get too wet. Girls like Ella won’t actually swim because they don’t want to mess up their hair and make-up. They aren’t here for the pool part of the party.

  “I thought she hated you for putting the moves on her dog,” Guy says. I look sideways at him. His shoulders are shaking with his silent laughter. “What kind of dog was it anyway?”

  I shrug. “I don’t know. It was one of those little yippy things.”

  “Like a Chihuahua?”

  “Yeah, I think so. That’s the Taco Bell dog, right?”

  “Uh-huh. So, small, yappy,
taco-loving dogs get you all hot and bothered?” He’s laughing again, loudly this time, and I try not to smile.

  “Shut the fuck up.” I shove him hard with my hip, sending him off the bench. “That shit’s like a stigma now. Ella and her friends run—literally run—in the opposite direction when they see me.”

  Guy rests his head against the wet floor and grabs his stomach, laughing harder. “Annie deserves serious props for that one,” he says. He sits up quickly and gestures to the pool. “Come do cannonballs with me?”

  “Are you sure? You wouldn’t rather lie on the floor laughing at me for a little while longer?”

  He cocks his head to the side, thinking. “Nah, I’m good. There’s plenty of time to laugh at you later.”

  I stand up, kicking his shin as I step over him. “Someday you’re going to feel bad about the way you treat me.”

  “Possibly, but not today.” He holds his hand out and I help him up. “Maybe tomorrow, though.”

  He heads toward the high dive and I follow. We have to walk past Ella on the way, but I’m not paying attention to her. My focus is on Annie. She’s standing in between Loden’s legs as he sprawls out on the bench. She’s still dressed, so I guess they’re not swimming. Her head lifts just as I pass by and she smiles.

  I’m not used to getting smiles from Annie. I like it.

  Guy stops and I almost walk into his back. I follow his gaze to Ella and her friends, still sitting along poolside. He moves up behind them and squats so that he’s right next to Ella’s head.

  And then he starts barking.

  All four girls jump, startled, and slide into the deep end. Before they have time to resurface, Guy ushers me forward.

  Laughter from behind me catches my attention because I recognize it immediately. Annie’s hand is over her mouth, and she’s trying so hard to calm down. Her eyes are watering with the effort.

  I grin and point at her. “You started it.”

  She shrugs. “Worth it,” she calls. “That is some funny shit.”

  I cock a brow and exchange a look with Guy. We take two steps toward Annie and she throws her hands up, palms out. “Wait. What are you doing?”

  Guy smiles at her and I’m impressed at the level of deviousness he puts into it. There’s no way she doesn’t know exactly what’s coming.

  “Stop,” she yelps. She glances back at Loden for help, but he’s laughing. “Don’t you do it Guy Handlin,” she demands, but her tone is pleading. She steps sideways, moving around Loden’s legs. She’s going to run. Guy realizes it at the same time I do. We both lunge at her, but she slips past us and takes off.

  I don’t chase after her and I put my hand out, stopping Guy from pursuing her as well. Probably one of the only rules I actually take seriously—don’t run on the wet floor around a pool. That and don’t dive in the shallow end, but that’s just common sense.

  “Annie.” I say her name, trying to warn her, but it’s already too late. Her feet slip out from under her and she falls backward.

  Now I run. I slide onto my knees next to her and she looks up at me, her eyes blinking quickly. “You okay?” I ask. My hands hover above her as I await her reply.

  She puts her hands over her face, but doesn’t answer me.

  Guy and Loden kneel on her other side. I tug on her wrists, trying to pry her hands away from covering her face. “Annie, are you hurt?”

  “Just my pride,” she groans. “How many people just saw me fall on my ass?”

  Guy looks over his shoulder and shrugs. “Pretty much everybody here.” He looks at me. “What would you say? Thirty, maybe forty people?”

  “Give or take,” I agree.

  “Ahh,” Annie sighs.

  “But,” Guy announces, “that was some funny shit.” She glares up at him, not missing the way he uses her same words.

  Loden helps her stand and there’s applause around us. Nice. Annie’s cheeks redden and she covers her face again.

  “I need to go home,” she says, her voice muffled behind her fingers.

  “What?” Loden says. He puts his hands on her waist and she drops her hands. “Annie, I have to stay. This is my team’s party.” He wiggles her hips from side to side and smiles. “It wasn’t that bad. Nobody cares.”

  “I know. I just…” She takes a deep breath and sighs. “You stay, but I’m going to go. My back kind of hurts. And I need to study anyway…” She trails off and Loden’s eyes search her face.

  “All right. You sure?”

  She nods and waves her hand. “Positive.”

  “We’ll walk her back,” I tell Loden.

  “Thanks, man. I appreciate it.” He leans in and kisses Annie on the cheek. “I’ll call you later.”

  I put my hand on her elbow and steer her toward the door. She pauses, looking up at me.

  “Don’t you need to change or get shoes at least?”

  “I’m fine. I’m coming right back.”

  Guy holds the door open and we step out into the cool night air. The three of us walk in silence. I want to bombard Annie with questions about her and Loden. Three days ago they were just going dancing and now they seem like a couple.

  Huh. Guess you can’t believe rumors floating around a college campus. Like guys that use girls for sex or are into bestiality.

  “How’s your back?” I ask. I feel responsible for making her run, which makes me feel like shit.

  “It’s fine. I just wanted out of there.” She tucks a loose hair back behind her ear and shrugs. “Loden wouldn’t have understood.”

  I don’t know what a normal response is to that. But I’m thinking it sounds messed up. She’s allowed to leave a party whenever she wants. She doesn’t need to make up an excuse to go.

  “What’s going on with you two?” Guy asks. He leans forward to look around me at Annie. “You together?”

  She lifts the end of another strand of hair and examines it. “Yeah. I guess so. We’ve hung out the past three nights.”

  “He seems nice.”

  Annie smiles at him and nods enthusiastically. “He is. I like him a lot. He’s smart and funny. And he’s so…” She shakes her head, her smile growing bigger. “I like being around him.”

  Ugh. Fuck. I want to cover my ears and start humming the Star Spangled Banner as loud as I can. I don’t need to hear her talk about this shit.

  We stop in front of her building and I wave my hand. “Well, here you are. I’ll see ya.”

  “Thanks for walking me home,” she calls after me.

  I shoot my hand up to let her know I heard her, but keep walking. I don’t even remember Guy’s with me until he clears his throat.

  I glance over at him. “That’s weird, right?”

  “What?” he asks.

  “Nothing. Never mind.”

  Guy’s gaze is glued to my face, looking for something.

  I smirk at him. “I cannot believe you barked at Ella. That was probably the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.”

  He chuckles softly. “I just figure if she’s going to run away every time she sees you, she might as well have a reason.”

  I shake my head. “It’s scary how evil your mind can be.”

  “Pft. That was nothing. Just wait until I come up with the Mac-Daddy of plans to get Annie back for spreading that shit.”

  “It’s cool. I already took care of it.”

  He glances at me with a knowing grin. “What’d you do?”

  I huff out a laugh and rub my forehead. “I made some dude think she had crabs.”

  Guy bursts out a cackle of laughter that echoes off the surrounding buildings. “And you think my mind’s scary.”

  11

  All in Your Hands

  Annie

  I stopped asking Chase for my music back weeks ago. I’ve decided to live with it. Partially because some of his songs have grown on me. And partially because I have full intentions of replacing all of the music on his iPod. Revenge is a real bitch.

  I noticed he likes to leave
his account open on his laptop. And he takes his laptop with him the evenings he swims after classes. He leaves it in his locker while he does laps, along with his iPod. It wasn’t difficult to figure out his combination. It’s the same one he used all through high school. It’s almost too easy.

  The only part I’m having a difficult time with is deciding whether to load my music on it or if I should fill it with country. Chase cannot stand country music.

  I swing my feet from my perch on the bench as I watch Loden sway just under the surface of the water. He moves like a fish, sliding gracefully across the pool. It’s almost hypnotic. I could watch these guys swim all day.

  I sigh and return my attention to my book, trying to work these math problems out. If I can get this out of the way, I’ll have the rest of the evening to spend with Loden.

  The last few weeks have been great, but we don’t get as much time together as I’d like. Between my studying rituals and his practices, we’re lucky to get an actual date in. Most nights are spent just like this. At the pool. I work on homework while he trains. I’m not complaining because I appreciate his commitment. I just wish I were a little bit higher on his list of priorities. But our relationship is still new. I can’t expect him to change his life around for someone he’s been seeing for such a short amount of time.

  “Whatchya doing?” Chase says in my ear, causing me to gasp at his unexpected proximity.

  “Jesus,” I pant, my hand covering my speeding heart. I swing at him, trying to slap his arm, but he steps back, chuckling. “It’s not funny. You gave me a mini heart attack.”

  He runs his hand over his bare stomach. My eyes follow the movement before I glance up at his face. He grins at me, fully aware I was checking out the hard plains of the six-pack he has going on. Freaking swimmers and their hot, swimmer bodies.