Simplicissimus

by Johann Grimmelshausen

  Lots of ideas like this occurred to me, but in the end I decided to take my best things to a safe town and give them to some man of means to look after, then wait to see what fortune had in store for me. I still had my Jupiter with me, in fact I couldn’t get rid of him. Sometimes the things he said were quite sharp and he could appear to be in his right mind for weeks at a time; he was also extremely fond of me because of my kindness to him. Seeing me always deep in thought, he said, ‘Give away your accursed money, gold and silver, my son.’

  ‘Why should I do that, Jove?’ I said.

  ‘In order to make friends with it’, he answered, ‘and to get rid of these pointless worries.’

  I said I would rather get more money, to which he replied, ‘Go and try to get more, then, but you’ll have no peace or friends for the rest of your life. Leave meanness to the old skinflints. A fine young lad like you should be behaving like one; you should worry more about being short of good friends than of money.’

  I thought about this and saw that there was a lot of sense in what Jupiter said, but parsimony had me so tightly in its grip that I couldn’t bring myself to give anything away. However, eventually I did present the commander with two silver-gilt double goblets and my captain with a pair of silver salt cellars, but they were rare antiques and all I achieved was to whet their appetites for the rest. My faithful friend, Tearaway, I gave twelve imperial thalers. In return he advised me to get rid of my wealth or to expect trouble from it, for the officers didn’t like it when an ordinary soldier had more money than them. He had already seen one of his comrades murdered by another for money. Until now, he said, I had been able to keep the amount of booty I had picked up a secret, since everyone believed I had spent it all on clothes, horses and arms, but I couldn’t pull the wool over people’s eyes any more. Everyone made the treasure I had found larger than it actually was, he went on, and since at the same time I had given up my spendthrift habits, there was no way I could fool them into thinking I had no money to spare. He kept hearing what the men were muttering and if he were in my place, he concluded, he would let the war look after itself, settle down somewhere safe and take things as they came.

  ‘But’, I answered, ‘do you expect me to abandon my hope of being made ensign just like that?’

  ‘Don’t make me laugh’, said Tearaway. ‘You can have my guts for garters if you’re ever made ensign. All the others who are hoping for a post would see to it you broke your neck a thousand times if one were to become vacant and you were in line for it. You don’t need to tell me the difference between a sprat and a mackerel, my father was a fisherman. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’ve been observing the way things go on here longer than you. You haven’t watched any number of sergeants that deserved to have command of a company more than many who do grow old still wearing their stripes. They had justified hopes, too, you know. By rights they deserve promotion more than you, as I’m sure you’ll agree.’

  There was nothing I could say since Tearaway, in his honest German way, was telling me the truth instead of flattering lies, yet I was secretly grinding my teeth, for I had a very high opinion of myself at that time.

  But I still gave serious consideration to what Tearaway and Jupiter had said. It was true, I thought, that I had not one single friend from birth, nor a kinsman to help me if I should fall into difficulties or to avenge my death, whether I was killed secretly or openly. I could easily see for myself the way things were, but my craving for money and honour, not to mention my hope of achieving greatness, would not let me give up soldiering and live a quiet life. I stuck to my original plan, and when an opportunity to go to Cologne presented itself – to be one of an escort of a hundred dragoons for some merchants and several cart-loads of goods from Münster – I packed up the treasure I had found and took it with me. There I put it into the care of one of the leading merchants in return for a receipted inventory: finest silver to the value of seventy-four marks, fifteen marks worth of gold objects, eighty Joachimsthalers, a sealed casket containing various rings and jewels, gold and precious stones weighing eight and a half pounds in all together with eight hundred and ninety-three antique gold coins, each weighing the equivalent of one and a half gold crowns. I took Jupiter with me. He had asked to come because he had prominent relatives there. To them he praised my kindness towards him so that they made a great fuss of me. He was still advising me to use my money to buy myself some friends, who would be more use to me than chests full of gold.

  Chapter 14

  How the Huntsman was captured by the enemy

  On the way home I thought a lot about how I should behave in future to get everyone to like me, for what Tearaway had said was going round and round in my mind and he had persuaded me that everyone was jealous of me, which was the truth. And now I remembered what the famous fortune-teller in Soest had told me, which made me even more worried. These thoughts certainly sharpened my wits and that made me realise that a person who lives a life free of worries is little more than a brute beast. I thought over the reasons why this or that person might hate me and considered how I should act to get back in favour with them. At the same time I was amazed how two-faced they were to be so affable to my face when they didn’t like me. I came to the conclusion that I should behave like all the rest, tell people what they wanted to hear and treat everyone with respect even though I didn’t really feel it. Above all I came to see that it was my own arrogance that had made me most enemies, so I decided I must pretend to be humble, even if I wasn’t. I would go round with the ordinary soldiers again, doff my hat to my superiors and reduce the finery of my dress a little until my rank changed. I had borrowed a hundred thalers from the merchant in Cologne, to be deducted with interest when he gave me back my treasure, and I thought I would use half of this to treat the escort on the way home, having realised that parsimony brings no joy.

  Thus I had resolved to change and this was to be my first step on the new road, but I had counted my chickens before they were hatched. While we were passing through the duchy of Berg the enemy set an ambush for us in ideal terrain with eighty guns and fifty horse. I had been sent on ahead in a squad of five led by a corporal to reconnoitre the track. The enemy stayed quiet when we came to the ambush and let us pass, so as not to warn the convoy before it had reached the defile. They sent a cornet and eight troopers to keep us in sight until the the convoy was attacked and we turned back to protect the carts. Then they rode down on us and asked if we were going to surrender. I was well mounted, for I was riding my best horse, but I did not think of trying to make a run for it. I turned to face them on a small piece of flat ground, to see if there was any honour to be gained from fighting, but as soon as I heard the volley our convoy received I knew it was no use and tried to escape. However, the cornet had thought of that and blocked our retreat. As I was trying to hack my way through he offered me quarter again, thinking I was an officer. I decided it was better to come out with my life than trust to chance and asked for his word on it as an honest soldier, which he gave me. So I handed over my sword and surrendered. At once he asked me my rank and station, saying he assumed I was a nobleman and therefore an officer. When I replied that I was known as the Huntsman of Soest he said, ‘Then you’re very lucky you didn’t fall into our hands four weeks ago. I couldn’t have given you quarter then, since our side thought it was common knowledge you were a sorcerer.’

  This cornet was a brave young cavalier and not more than two years older than me. He was delighted to have captured the celebrated Huntsman and kept the promised quarter in very honourable fashion, following the custom of the Dutch, who let their Spanish prisoners keep everything they have in their belt. He did not even have me searched and I was equally obliging in taking the money out of my pockets and handing it over to them when they were sharing out the spoils. I whispered to the cornet that he should make sure he got my horse, saddle and bridle as his share since he would find thirty ducats in the saddle and it would be hard to find an equal to th
e horse anywhere. After that the cornet treated me as if I were his own brother. He immediately mounted my horse and gave me his to ride. No more than six of the escort had been killed and thirteen captured, of which eight had been wounded; the rest had fled and didn’t have the guts to attack the enemy when they came out into open terrain and recapture the booty, which they could easily have done since they were all mounted.

  Our attackers came from different garrisons, and after sharing out the spoils and prisoners the Swedes and Hessians separated that same evening. The cornet kept me and the corporal and the three dragoons he had captured and we were taken to Lippstadt, a fortress which was less than ten miles from our own garrison. As I had in the past been a pretty irritating thorn in the side of this place, my name was well known there, though I myself was more feared than loved. When the town came in sight the cornet sent a rider on ahead to announce our arrival to the commandant, tell him the result of the engagement and who the captives were. That brought out a huge throng in the town since everyone wanted to see the Huntsman; they all had something to say about me and it looked for all the world as if some great potentate were making his entrance.

  We prisoners were taken straight to the commandant, who was amazed to see how young I was. He asked me where I came from and whether I had ever served on the Swedish side. When I told him the truth he wanted to know whether I had a mind to be on their side again. I replied that I had no objection except that I had sworn an oath to the Holy Roman Emperor and felt that I ought to keep it. He first ordered us to be taken to the provost-general but then granted the cornet’s request to be allowed to treat us as his guests because that was how I used to treat my prisoners, one of whom had been his brother. In the evening various officers and well-born soldiers of fortune gathered at the cornet’s quarters. He sent for me and the corporal and I must admit that they treated us very courteously. I was lively, not at all as if I had just had a great loss, and I talked as freely and openly as if I were with my closest friends instead of the enemy. At the same time I behaved as modestly as I could, since I could well imagine everything I did would be reported back to the commandant, which did in fact happen, as I heard later.

  The next day we prisoners were taken, one after the other, before the regimental intelligence officer, who interrogated us. The corporal was first and I the next. As soon as I went in he expressed his amazement at how young I was, and asked, ‘What have the Swedes ever done to you, child, to make you fight against them?’ That annoyed me, especially since I had seen soldiers as young as me on their side, so I answered, ‘The Swedish soldiers came and stole my marbles and I want to get them back.’

  When they heard how I paid him back in his own coin the other officers in attendance were embarrassed and one told him in Latin that he should talk about serious matters with me as he could see he wasn’t dealing with a child. While this officer spoke I noticed that he called him Eusebius. When he asked me my name and I told him, he said, ‘There’s no devil in hell called Simplicissimus’, so I replied, ‘There’s one called Eusebius, then, is there?’ paying him back as I had our regimental clerk, Cyriacus. However, this was taken amiss by the officers and they told me to remember that I was a prisoner and had not been brought there just for the fun of it. I didn’t blush at this, nor did I apologise, but told them that since they were holding me prisoner as a soldier, and had not just let me go, as they would a child, I intended to make sure they did not make fun of me as if I were a child. I had merely replied in the same tone as I had been questioned, I said, and I hoped there was nothing wrong in that. So then they asked me where I came from, who my parents were, when I had been born and especially whether I had ever served on the Swedish side, what conditions in Soest were like, how strong the garrison was and that kind of thing. I gave quick, concise and clear answers to all this. As far as Soest and its garrison were concerned, I told them what my duty allowed, but I kept quiet about the fact that I had been a jester because I was ashamed of it.

  Chapter 15

  The terms on which the Huntsman was set free

  In the meantime the people in Soest heard what had happened to the convoy, that I had been taken prisoner along with the corporal and the others and where we were being kept. The very next day a drummer came to collect us. The corporal and the others were handed over to him together with the following letter, that the commandant sent over to let me read first:

  Monsieur,

  I acknowledge receipt of your letter, brought by your drummer, who will convey this reply to you. In return for the ransom received I am sending with him the corporal and the three other prisoners; as far as Simplicius, the Huntsman, is concerned, however, he cannot be allowed back since he previously served on this side. If, sir, I can be of any other service to you, as far as my duty to my lord allows, I shall be happy to oblige and remain,

  your obedient servant,

  Daniel de St. Andrée

  This letter did not please me at all, but I still had to thank the commandant for communicating it to me. I asked to speak to him, but was told he would send for me after he had dealt with the drummer, which he would do the next morning; until then I would have to be patient.

  I waited therefore until the commandant sent for me. It so happened that he was at dinner and that was the first time I had the honour of dining with him. While we were eating he kept on toasting me repeatedly, but let out not a single word of what he intended to do with me, and I felt it was not my place to ask. When we had finished, however, and I was rather tipsy, he said, ‘You will have seen from my letter the pretext under which I am keeping you here, my dear Huntsman. What I am doing is not unlawful, nor against the conventions of warfare. You confessed both to me and to the intelligence officer that you had previously served on our side with the main army so you will have to bow to the inevitable and accept service under my command. And in time, if you perform well, you will find the rewards much greater than anything you could expect from the imperial side. If you refuse, you will, I am sure, understand that I shall have to send you back to the lieutenant-colonel whose servant you were when the dragoons caught you.’

  ‘Colonel’, I replied (at that time it had not yet become the custom for soldiers of fortune to be addressed as ‘your Grace’, even if they were colonels), ‘I have never been bound by oath to the Swedish crown, nor to her allies, much less to the lieutenant-colonel. I was just a stable-lad, and I would hope that does not commit me to taking service with the Swedes and thus breaking the oath I swore to the Emperor. I humbly beg you to withdraw your proposal, sir.’

  ‘What?!’ said the colonel. ‘You spurn the Swedish service? You’re my prisoner, I’ll have you know, and rather than let you return to Soest to serve the enemy I will put you on trial for a serious charge, or let you rot in jail’, concluding that now I knew where I stood. What he said frightened me, but I still didn’t give in. I replied that I trusted in God to keep me from both perjury and such unjust treatment, and that I humbly hoped the colonel, with the fairness for which he was well known, would continue to treat me as a soldier.

  ‘I know’, he said, ‘very well how I could treat you if I were to follow the law to the letter. I advise you to think it over so that I’m not forced to show you my other side.’ With that I was taken back to the goal.

  You will have no problem guessing that I did not sleep much that night, with all kinds of thoughts going through my mind. The next morning several officers came to see me, together with the cornet who had captured me. Ostensibly their purpose was to help me pass the time, in fact to suggest to me that the colonel had a mind to put me on trial as a sorcerer, since I would not accept his terms. They were trying to frighten me to see what I was made of. However, since my conscience was clear I took everything very coolly and did not say very much. What I realised was that the colonel’s main concern was to stop me returning to Soest. He knew very well that if he let me go, I would stay there because it was there that I expected promotion and also had two fine h
orses and other valuables.

  The next day he had me brought to him again and asked me what decision I had come to. ‘My decision, colonel’, I replied, ‘is that I will die rather than break my oath. If, however, you were so good as to set me at liberty and not require any military duties from me, sir, I would promise faithfully not to bear arms against the Swedes or Hessians for six months.’ The colonel immediately agreed to this, gave me his hand on it and exempted me from having to pay a ransom. He ordered his secretary to draw up a document in duplicate, which we would both sign, guaranteeing me freedom of movement and his full protection as long as I remained in the fortress he commanded. For my part I committed myself to the two points touched on above, namely that as long as I stayed in the fortress I would do nothing to harm either the garrison or its commander, nor would I conceal any action that was taken against them; on the contrary, I undertook to do everything in my power to support them and prevent any loss, and if the enemy should attack the town I pledged myself to help them defend it.