Simplicissimus
Page 35
We enjoyed a princely banquet and I tucked into the tasty Black Forest trout and delicious crayfish. We left towards evening, having loaded the labourer down with roast meat and other provisions like a pack-horse, and reached an isolated farmhouse the next day where we were given a friendly welcome. As the weather was bad we stayed there for a few days then continued along byways through the forest back to the cottage to which Oliver had originally taken me.
Chapter 24
Oliver comes to a sticky end and takes six men with him
While we were sitting there resting and recuperating Oliver sent the labourer out to buy food and some powder and shot. When the latter had gone, he took off his coat and said, ‘Brother, I’m tired of carrying all this damn money round with me.’ Then he untied a couple of rolls he wore next to his bare skin, threw them down on the table and said, ‘You’ll have to look after these until we’ve both got enough and I call it a day, the blasted money’s giving me blisters!’
‘Brother’, I replied, ‘if you had as little as I have it wouldn’t chafe.’
Oliver interrupted me. ‘What do you mean? What’s mine is yours and anything we get together will be shared out equally.’
I picked up the two rolls. They were extremely heavy, since they contained nothing but gold coins. I pointed out that it was an uncomfortable way to pack them and offered to sew the coins into our clothes, making them less awkward to carry. He agreed and took me to a hollow tree where he kept scissors, needles and thread. Using a pair of trousers, I made us both a kind of singlet, not unlike a monk’s scapular, into which I sewed the gold pieces. When we put them on under our shirts it was as if we had golden armour over our chests and backs. I was suddenly struck by a thought and asked him why he had no silver coins, to which he replied that he had a hoard of more than a thousand thalers hidden in a tree. He let the labourer take the housekeeping money from it and never asked for an account; it wasn’t worth it for sheep-shit like that, he said.
When we had finished stowing the money we went back to our quarters, where we spent the night cooking and warming ourselves at the stove. An hour after daybreak, when we were least expecting it, a corporal and six musketeers entered the cottage with guns at the ready, burst open the door of the room and shouted to us to surrender. But we always kept our cocked muskets to hand, Oliver his sharp sword as well; the table was between him and the soldiers and I was behind the door, by the stove. Oliver replied with two bullets, which sent two of them tumbling to the ground, I dispatched a third and wounded another with similar shots. Then Oliver unsheathed his fearsome blade, which was so keen it could split hairs and could best be compared to King Arthur’s Excalibur, and sliced open the fifth from the shoulder to the belly so that all his innards spewed out and he collapsed to the floor beside them. At the same time I hit the sixth on the head with the butt of my musket, killing him on the spot. Oliver received a similar blow from the seventh which was so powerful it spattered his brains over the wall, but I gave the man a crack that sent him to join his comrades in the regiment in the sky. When the soldier I had wounded saw this mayhem and realised I was going to set about him with the butt-end of my musket next, he threw away his gun and ran off as if the devil himself were at his heels. The whole fight lasted no longer than it takes to say the Lord’s Prayer and seven brave soldiers went to meet their Maker.
Now that I was left sole master of the field I went to look at Oliver, to see if perhaps he was still alive, but finding him dead as a doornail I decided it would be pointless to leave so much gold on a corpse that had no use for it, so I took off the money-jerkin I had made the previous day and slipped it over my head to join the other. Since I had broken my own musket, I took Oliver’s, along with his sword, and thus prepared for all emergencies I left the cottage. I followed the path by which I knew the farm labourer would come back and sat down, a little way off the track, to wait for him and to think over what I should do next.
Chapter 25
Simplicius comes out of it very rich; Herzbruder, on the other hand, appears in a wretched state
I had scarcely been sitting there, wrapped in thought, for half an hour when our landlord appeared, wheezing like a bear. He was running as fast as he could and didn’t see me until I grabbed him. ‘Why so fast?’ I said. ‘Has something happened?’
‘You must get away as quick as you can’, he replied. ‘There’s a corporal coming with six musketeers to arrest you and Oliver and to take you to Liechteneck, dead or alive. They caught me to make me lead them to you, but I managed to escape and I’ve run all the way here to warn you.’
‘You blackguard’, I thought, ‘you betrayed us to get your hands on the silver Oliver stored in the tree.’ I kept this to myself, however, because I wanted to use him as a guide. When I told him that both Oliver and those who had come to capture him were dead he refused to believe it, so I did him the pleasure of taking him to see the gruesome sight of the seven bodies. ‘I let the seventh man go’, I said, ‘and I would to God I could bring the others back to life.’
The labourer was terrified. ‘What are we going to do now?’
‘That I have already decided’, I said. ‘You have three choices: either you lead me by a safe route through the forest to Villingen, or you show me the tree where Oliver hid his money, or you join the corpses on the floor here. If you take me to Villingen you can keep the money for yourself, if you show me where it’s hidden we’ll share it; if you do neither I’ll shoot you dead and go on my way.’
He wanted to run away, but he was afraid of my musket, so he fell to his knees and offered to lead me through the forest. We set off quickly and walked all that day and the following night – fortunately the moon was very bright – without eating, drinking or resting until we came into sight of Villingen about daybreak, when I sent the labourer back. It was fear that had kept him going, but I was driven by the desire to save my skin and my money. It almost made me think that gold must give a man great strength, for although it was very heavy I didn’t feel especially tired.
I looked on it as a favourable omen that the gate was just being opened when I reached the town. The officer of the watch questioned me. I told him I was a volunteer trooper, from the regiment in which Herzbruder had put me when he released me from the infantry in Philippsburg, who had been captured by the Weimar troops at Wittenweier and forced to serve in their army. Now I was trying to get back to my regiment in the Bavarian army. When he heard this the officer told a musketeer to take me to the commandant. He was still sleeping, having been up half the night on business, so that I had to spend an hour and a half waiting outside his quarters. It was the time of early mass and a crowd of townspeople and soldiers soon gathered round me, all wanting to know how things stood at Breisach. Eventually the noise woke the commandant, who had me brought to him.
He questioned me again and I repeated the statement I had given at the gate. After that he asked for details about the siege and what I had done since, so I told him the truth, namely that I had spent a couple of weeks with another escaped soldier and that we had attacked and robbed a coach carrying the family of a Weimar officer, intending to get enough to buy mounts so that we could return to our regiments properly equipped. But, I went on, the previous day we had been attacked by a corporal and six musketeers who had been sent out to arrest us. My comrade and six of them had been killed; I and the seventh had run off, each to rejoin his own side.
I didn’t say a word about the fact that I was trying to get to my wife in Lippstadt or about my well-lined vests, and I had no qualms about it. What business was it of his after all? Anyway, he didn’t ask. Instead he expressed his astonishment that Oliver and I had accounted for six men and put the seventh to flight. He found it hard to believe, even though my comrade had paid for it with his life. At this I started telling him all about Oliver’s sword, which I was wearing. He liked it so much that I felt obliged, especially if I wanted to get a pass, to give it to him in exchange for one he gave me in return. I
t was a truly excellent sword, fine and strong, with a perpetual calendar etched on the blade. I believe it must have been forged in hora Martis by Vulcan himself and so treated that, like the one described in the Treasury of Heroes, it could shatter all other blades and send the most intrepid, lion-hearted enemy running for cover like a timorous mouse. When he dismissed me, having ordered a pass to be written out, I went straight to the inn but I couldn’t make up my mind which to do first, sleep or eat. I had great need of both but I eventually decided to satisfy the demands of my belly first and ordered something to eat and drink. I wondered what I was going to do to get myself and my money safely to my wife in Lippstadt for I no more intended to rejoin my regiment than to chop off my own head.
While I was thus pondering, a man hobbled into the room, supporting himself with a stick. He had a bandage round his head, his arm in a sling and was dressed in such rags I wouldn’t have given a farthing for them. As soon as the servant saw him he tried to throw him out because the beggar gave off a foul stench and was crawling with lice. He begged to be allowed to warm himself a little but got nowhere until I took pity and spoke up for him, at which he was grudgingly allowed to sit by the stove. I could feel his eyes fixed on me, watching me greedily as I tucked in and sighing. When the servant went to fetch my roast he came over to my table, holding out a cheap earthenware cup. It was obvious why he had approached me so I took my jug and filled his cup before he asked. ‘Oh friend’, he said, ‘for your Herzbruder’s sake give me something to eat as well.’ When he said that it cut me to the heart, for I could see now that it was Herzbruder himself. I almost fainted to see him in such a wretched state, but I kept a hold on myself, embraced him and made him sit next to me, at which we both burst into tears, I out of pity, he for joy.
Chapter 26
Is the last in this fourth book because there are none to follow
This unexpected meeting meant that we scarcely ate or drank anything as each asked the other what had happened since the last time we were together. However, because the landlord and servant kept bustling to and fro, we could not discuss private matters. The landlord was surprised I let such a lice-ridden fellow join me, but I told him that was the way any decent soldier would treat a comrade in wartime. When I learnt that Herzbruder had been in the hospice until now, living on alms, and saw how badly his wounds had been dressed, I hired a room for him from the landlord and sent for the best surgeon I could find, as well as a tailor and seamstress to clothe him and clear him of lice. I had the doubloons Oliver had taken from the dead Jew’s mouth in a little bag and I emptied it out on the table and said, in the landlord’s hearing, ‘Look, brother, that’s my money and we’re going to spend it together’, as a result of which the landlord looked after us very well. I showed the ruby, which had also come from the above-mentioned Jew and was worth about twenty thalers, to the barber-surgeon and told him that I had to keep what money I had for our board and lodging and clothes for my comrade but that I would give him the ring if he would cure my friend quickly and completely. He was happy with the arrangement and did his best for Herzbruder.
I looked after him as if he were my other self and had a suit of plain grey clothes made for him. First of all, however, I went to see the commandant about my pass. I told him I had come across a comrade who had been badly wounded and that I wanted to wait until he was completely healed since I owed it to my regiment not to leave him behind in such a state. The commandant praised me for this and gave me permission to stay as long as I wanted, also promising that when my comrade was fit enough to go he would provide both of us with the appropriate passes.
That having been done, I went back to Herzbruder, sat down beside his bed and, as we were now alone, asked him to tell me, openly and frankly, how he came to be in such a miserable state. I thought he might perhaps have been removed from his lofty position, stripped of his rank and plunged into his present wretched state because of some grave error or piece of negligence, but he said, ‘As you know, I was Count Götz’s aide-de-camp and intimate personal friend. You will also know how badly this last campaign, in which he had overall command, went for us. We not only lost the Battle of Wittenweier but were unable to lift the siege of Breisach. Because of all the unjust rumours that are flying about and because the Count has been summoned to Vienna to answer his critics, I have deliberately adopted this low condition out of both shame and fear. I often wish I could either die in it or at least remain hidden until Count Götz has proved his innocence, for as far as I know he has always been loyal to the Emperor. The fact that he had no luck at all last summer has, in my opinion, more to do with divine providence, which grants victory as it sees fit, than to the Count’s negligence.
While we were trying to relieve Breisach and I saw how sluggishly things were going on our side, I armed myself and joined in the attack on the pontoon bridge, charging as if I intended to lift the siege on my own. This was neither my business nor my duty; I did it to set an example and because we had achieved so little during the whole summer. As luck, or rather bad luck would have it, I was among the first that came face to face with the enemy on the bridge, where things got pretty hot. Being the first in the attack meant I was last in the retreat when the furious onslaught of the French forced us back, and so the first to fall into the hands of the enemy. I received a shot in my right arm and another in my thigh so that I could neither run nor use my sword. Since space was too cramped and the fighting too fierce for much negotiation about quarter I got a crack over the head which sent me tumbling to the ground, and as I was dressed in fine clothes I was rapidly stripped naked and thrown for dead into the Rhine.
In this plight I cried out to God, putting all my reliance on Him, and as I made various vows I felt Him come to my aid: the Rhine washed me up on shore, where I plugged my wounds with moss, and although nearly freezing to death, I felt a particular strength within me, sufficient to crawl away. With God’s assistance I came, badly wounded as I was, to a band of Merode’s Brethren and soldier’s wives who all took pity on me, even though they did not know me. They told me it was very doubtful the siege would be lifted, which hurt me more than my wounds. They took me to their fire, where they revived me and gave me some clothes, and even before I had got round to bandaging up my wounds I saw that our side was giving up the attack for lost and preparing for an ignominious retreat. I was so upset by this that I decided not to tell anyone who I was, in order to avoid any mockery. I joined a group of wounded from our army who had their own surgeon and gave him a gold cross I still had round my neck, for which he treated my wounds until we got here.
In this wretched state I have survived so far, Simplicius, and I intend to keep my identity secret until I see what happens to Count Götz. Your kindness and loyal friendship are a great comfort to me and a token that God has not abandoned me. When I came out of early mass this morning and saw you standing outside the commandant’s quarters it seemed to me God had sent you instead of one of his angels to help me in my time of need.’
I comforted Herzbruder as well as I could. I told him I had more money than the doubloons he had seen and that it was all at his disposal. I also told him about Oliver’s death and the way I had avenged it. This news cheered him up, which also improved his physical state, so that his wounds began to heal visibly with every day.
Book V
Chapter 1
How Simplicius became a pilgrim and went on a pilgrimage with Herzbruder
When Herzbruder had recovered his strength and his wounds healed he told me that in his hour of need he had vowed to make a pilgrimage to Einsiedeln and since he was now so close to Switzerland he was determined to go ahead with it, even if it meant begging his way there. I was attracted by this idea and offered him money and my company, indeed, I was all for going straight out to buy two horses for the journey. It wasn’t piety that made me want to go, but my desire to see the Swiss Confederation, that being the only country where peace could still be found. I loved Herzbruder almost more than m
yself and was delighted at the thought of being able to help him on his journey. However he rejected both my assistance and my company, saying he had to do the journey on foot, and with dried peas in his shoes. If I were to accompany him I would not only distract him from his devotions but would find his slow, laborious pace very tedious.
His real reason for trying to get rid of me, however, was because he had qualms about using money that had been gained by robbery and murder for such a sacred journey. On top of that he did not want to put me to too great an expense and told me candidly that I had already done more than I owed or that he thought he could ever repay. That set off a charmingly friendly argument, the like of which I have never heard before. Each of us maintained he had not done as much for the other as a friend should, that he had not even had the chance to make up for the good turns he had received from the other. All this did nothing to persuade him to accept me as a travelling companion until I realised it was both Oliver’s money and my ungodliness that disgusted him. So I had recourse to lies and convinced him it was my desire to mend my ways that made me want to go to Einsiedeln, arguing that if he prevented me from carrying out this good intention and I were then to die, he would bear a heavy responsibility. This persuaded him to allow me to visit the holy place with him, especially as I made a great show of regret for my wicked life (although it was all a lie) and convinced him I too had resolved to do penance by walking to Einsiedeln with my boots full of dried peas.
This squabble was scarcely finished than another broke out. Herzbruder was far too conscientious. He wouldn’t have it that I should accept a pass from the commandant which stated I was going to rejoin my regiment. ‘But we’re going to Einsiedeln’, he said, ‘ with the intention of leading better lives, aren’t we? And you want to start out with deceit, throwing dust in people’s eyes? Did not Christ say, “He that denieth me before men shall be denied before the angels of God.” What a pair of faint hearts we are. If all those who professed the faith or were martyred in Christ’s name had behaved in the same way, how few saints there would be in heaven! Let us entrust ourselves to God’s protection and in His name follow our devout purpose and desires. If we leave everything to Him, He will lead us where our souls will find peace.’ I objected that one should not presume upon God’s will but accept the world as it was and use any means that were necessary. Going on pilgrimage was rather unusual among soldiers, and if we revealed our plan we were more likely to be arrested as deserters. I also pointed out that the Apostle Paul, with whom we could not begin to compare ourselves, had adapted to the customs of his times, and eventually he agreed I should take a pass stating I was going to join my regiment. Using this, we left the town just as the gates were being shut, taking a man we could trust to guide us. We set off in the direction of Rottweil, but soon turned off on by-ways, crossed the Swiss frontier during the night and came to a village the following morning where we kitted ourselves out with long black robes, pilgrim’s staffs and rosaries and paid off the guide.