“Call Adam for me and see if he’s coming home for dinner?” My request was met with a groan but I heard her take her cellphone out and click a few buttons.
“Well hello to you too, Groucho,” she snapped a few seconds later, just as I was filling the pot with water. Harper looked at me with wide, surprised eyes and I smiled reassuringly at her. “Are you coming home for dinner?” Hannah was asking and the annoyed sigh that followed led me to believe Adam’s answer wasn’t satisfactory for her.
“Whatever,” she said. “Have a nice life.” She slammed the phone on the table and turned to me, making a face. “Why do you put up with him? He’s such a grouch.”
“He’s stressed out,” I said calmly, satisfied with the water level. I placed it on the stove and turned the burner on, carrying Harper to the fridge to collect the hot dogs. “And don’t say stuff like that. Harper understands more than you think. Don’t you?”
“Yes Mama,” Harper agreed, sending Hannah her own two year old version of a warning look. I grinned at how adorable she was and placed a kiss on her cheek.
“Whatever,” Hannah said, her new favorite word. She slammed the laptop shut and jumped up from her chair. “I’m going to get a shower. I might stop by Declan’s house later.”
“Thanks for offering to help with dinner.”
“Trust me, you don’t want that.” She kissed Harper on the forehead before dashing towards the stairs and disappearing. I sighed and looked at my daughter.
“We have a crazy family, baby. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, Mama,” she reassured me.
Chapter 6
When I was little, my dad told me stars were people who passed on, given a new appearance and a mission to look over the people they’d left behind. He told me my grandmother was up there, watching over us every minute of the day, sending out the power to do the right things and be the best we could. I’m not sure if I ever believed it, but it was a nice thought.
Now the stars reminded me of Nolan. The sky was always clear in Haven and so every night I looked up and remembered him. His crooked smile, his contagious laugh and the way he loved me. It wasn’t a romantic love, but something a little deeper. We’d struck up an unexpected friendship when we’d both needed it the most.
The sounds of waves crashing and Harper breathing served as a soundtrack as I sat out on the deck of Bella Vista, staring at the stars and remembering him, missing him. I liked to think he was looking back at me, observing where life had taken us and orchestrating whatever came next. Sometimes I whispered my thoughts to the sky, not necessarily a prayer, but an attempt to get Nolan to listen, to hear my heart and give me a sign that something greater was to come.
“She asleep?” Mason asked from behind me, coming out onto the deck. It was just after nine, well past Harper’s bedtime. The responsible mom in me warned I should get her home and in her own bed as soon as possible, but I wasn’t ready yet.
“Yeah,” I whispered back to him. “I should probably get going, huh?” I’d stopped by after dinner, deciding I needed to get out of the house and away from my laptop for a while.
“Nah,” he said. “Let me have her. I’ll put her on the couch in my office. That way if she wakes up she can find us quickly.”
“Okay,” I reluctantly agreed, allowing him to take her from my arms and disappear inside the bed and breakfast. I longed for her immediately, the warm comfort of her sleeping in my arms.
It made me sad that Harper would never know Nolan. Of all the people she would miss out on in her life, he was the one that hurt most. I could live with her never knowing my mother or even my father, but the thought of her never knowing the person Nolan had become in such a short amount of time hurt me.
He would have been her uncle, in one way or another. Even if things didn’t work out with Hannah, and part of me believed they wouldn’t have, he and Adam would have worked things out. They shared a friendship similar to the one Hannah and I shared; a bond that couldn’t be erased because of a few mistakes, a brief betrayal. All would have been forgotten sooner or later and he would have been a big part of all our lives, instead of just a silent and steady part of mine.
I knew part of Adam’s personality change was related to Nolan. I knew he thought of him when he looked at me. The last few months of Nolan’s life, Adam viewed him as a threat. Nolan would always be tied to Adam’s betrayal of me, always connected to the time when we almost lost everything.
Mason came back out and took the lounge chair next to me, shooting me a tired smile. I could sense the toll the last few months was taking on him.
“How’s Cynthia?” I asked. I’d gotten to talk to her briefly when I’d first shown up two hours before, but then she’d went to take a bath and go to bed early. Apparently the babies weren’t making it easy for her to sleep, so she went to bed early in the hopes she’d somehow end up with a total of eight hours.
“She’s been better,” he admitted, stretching his arms over his head and sighing. “I’m starting to really worry about her.”
“She’ll be okay,” I was quick to reassure him. “She’s strong.”
“I know. But at the last appointment Thea suggested she start meeting with obstetricians, come up with a backup plan. She isn’t sure she’s going to be able to go the natural route.”
“No biggie,” I said. “The babies are going to get here no matter what. It doesn’t really matter how, right?”
“I guess,” he agreed. “But I think she’s more worried about it than she’s letting on. I didn’t even know about that until a few days ago. I need to start going to the appointments with her.”
“I can go,” I offered. “Or at least keep an eye on Bella Vista while you go with her.”
He smiled gratefully. “Thanks, Lainey. That means a lot.” He let out a breath but didn’t look any more relieved. “Do you think I’m crazy, taking all of this on?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “You had no way of knowing Cynthia was even pregnant when you bought this place, let alone that you’d be having twins. It’s a lot at once, but it’s nothing you can’t handle. I’m sure of that.”
“Not sure I’m as strong as you, little sister,” he replied. “Lately I have the overwhelming feeling that I’ve bitten off more than I can chew.”
“Welcome to my life.”
He glanced over at me and smiled softly. “Things any better with Adam?”
“Things aren’t exactly bad,” I said. “He just works a lot and is never home and when he is home… there’s a distance.”
“You know what I think.”
“Yes, that I do,” I agreed. “Are you ever going to get over it?”
“Are you?”
I frowned. “I am over it. I’ve forgiven Adam and moved on. I can’t hold what he did over his head forever.”
“No,” he relented. “But you haven’t let go of it, not the way you like to claim you have. I see it in your eyes.”
“What exactly do you see?” I pressed. “Exhaustion? Because that would be my guess. Taking care of Harper all day and trying to complete college classes online and dealing with Hannah’s daily drama will do that to a person.” I was mostly joking, but Mason either didn’t catch on or didn’t think it was very funny.
“You have a guard up,” he said. “A guard I didn’t see in you when I first moved to Haven and I think he’s the reason why.”
I squirmed uncomfortably in my chair, wishing I knew where this conversation had gotten so off course. Part of me agreed with Mason – I’d forgiven Adam, but I hadn’t forgotten what he’d done and there was still mistrust.
“Time heals everything,” I said softly, another word of advice my father sprouted at one point. I didn’t know why I held onto his words the way I did, like they would someday mean something more. I hadn’t spoken to my father in weeks and he wasn’t an example of anyone I should ever try to be. But a part of me belonged to him, not dissimilar to the way a part of me would always belong to Adam. T
here were times when I wondered if any part of me still belonged to me.
“So they say,” Mason said. He cleared his throat and I felt myself relax a little, knowing my brother well enough to know he was going to be the one changing the subject. “So what’s Hannah’s drama now?”
I rolled my eyes, a grin creeping across my lips. “She’s in love with our new neighbor,” I said. “Apparently he’s an author, has two books out. She’s pursuing him.”
“And Jared?”
I shrugged. “I have no idea. She still cares about him, but she doesn’t want to get serious and I think Jared does. He wants her to move in with him.”
Mason sighed, shaking his head. “Shitty situation,” he commented. “Jared deserves better, but on the other hand, Hannah is only eighteen.” His eyes met mine, a concerned look reflecting in his. “And so are you. Don’t forget that, okay? You’re still young and you still have a lot of living to do.”
“I know,” I said, tearing my gaze from his and focusing again on the sky above me. I had the rest of my life to live; a life without Nolan, a life with Adam by my side. There were years and years ahead of me, new memories to make. Sometimes it was easy to forget that.
“I know,” I repeated unnecessarily, more to remind myself. The sound of the ocean appeared louder to me now, the stars in the sky more vivid. I closed my eyes and pictured Nolan’s face, his crooked smile looming down on me, amused by how seriously I took everything. If he were here he’d tell me to lighten up a little, just enjoy life. I needed someone to remind me that from time to time, because I wasn’t doing a very good job on my own.
Chapter 7
It was only the eighth of October and already my semester was in pretty bad shape.
I’d forgotten to turn my paper in the day before. I’d been so focused on spending the day with Harper and seeing Mason and Cynthia after dinner that it completely slipped my mind. It wasn’t finished and I woke up Saturday morning in a panic.
It took fifteen minutes for me to wrap up my thoughts and send the paper in for grading, hoping against hope the professor wouldn’t mind too much. I’d never met him, making it hard for me to gauge his reaction. I’d always heard professors were stricter than high school teachers, but I wasn’t sure how many super serious people took on teaching jobs at Haven Community College.
By noon I was ripping my hair out, trying to get the house clean and catch up on laundry and figure out whether I should withdraw from classes now or carry on. I nearly shouted out in joy when Hannah offered to take Harper out for ice cream. Part of me was tempted to go with them, try and forget about my list of things to do for a little while, but the responsible side of me wouldn’t allow it.
Adam was working again, but I was getting used to that. But then, even the rare times when he was home he didn’t do much to help. He usually fell asleep on the couch watching TV and only occasionally made an effort to play with Harper or help out with her. It was frustrating, but I reminded myself he was doing his part by providing.
The doorbell rang just as I was dragging a basket of laundry down the stairs. I stopped in my tracks, closed my eyes and bit back a scream. Given my past, the sound of the doorbell ringing never ceased to give me anxiety. I didn’t really expect to see my mother or Natalie and certainly not Nolan standing on the other side, but in my experience, someone ringing the doorbell was rarely good.
I opened the door anyway, hoping for Mason and finding Hannah’s internet picture staring at me instead. His light brown hair was a little messy from the wind, falling into eyes that were more startlingly blue than the screen could capture; ice blue. And I was caught off guard by how tall he was; easily an inch or two over six feet.
He didn’t stand a chance.
“Hey,” I greeted him with the best smile I could muster. “Declan, right? I’m Lainey.” I extended my hand and he took it somewhat reluctantly, his eyes focused on me in a way that made me feel like he was trying to read me.
“Hey,” he said easily, his voice soft but deep. “I’m your new neighbor, but I can see you already know that. Is Hannah home?”
I shook my head. “No, she took my daughter out to get ice cream. She should be back soon. Do you want to come in?”
“Sure,” he said after a brief silence. I stepped aside and let him in, trying not to stare. I didn’t want to end up like one of those housewives on TV, ogling every good-looking guy they could get their eyes on. I almost laughed out loud at the thought but was able to keep it down. I didn’t need Declan thinking I was crazy.
“Something to drink?” I offered, automatically heading for the refrigerator.
“Um, sure. Water is fine.”
I grabbed two bottles and met him in the middle of the living room, where he was standing with his hands in his pockets, surveying his surroundings. “This is nice,” he commented. “How long have you lived here?”
“Three months,” I replied. “We rent. Are you here on vacation?”
He shook his head and smiled almost sheepishly. “Nah, I own that house now. My dad’s idea more than mine. He told me writing isn’t guaranteed and I should invest my money wisely while I have it.” He chuckled softly. “He’s a lawyer.”
“Sounds like good advice,” I said with a smile. “My dad lives in Vegas and has no actual career as far as I know. I try not to follow whatever advice he offers.”
“Sounds like good material for a character,” Declan mused, looking intrigued.
“Say the word and I’ll get you an interview.” I mostly meant it as a joke, but knew it was probably the only way I’d be getting my father back to Haven any time soon. He’d always wanted to be a writer, always claimed he’d get around to it when he had the right story in him.
Declan smiled and I noticed the skin near his eyes crinkled ever so slightly when he did. My heart skipped a beat and I mentally scolded myself. I would get mad at Adam for this very behavior.
“So do you and Hannah have plans?” I asked, motioning for him to sit on the couch. I sat at one end, keeping close to the armrest.
“No, not really,” he said. “I just thought I’d stop by and say hi. I was hoping everyone would be home.”
“Adam almost never is,” I said. “He’s been working a lot lately. But he should be around tomorrow if you want him to stop by and introduce himself.”
“Who’s Adam?” Confusion crossed his eyes and his forehead wrinkled, as if trying to remember the name.
“My boyfriend,” I said. “My daughter’s father.”
“Harper, right?” He asked, the confusion gone and replaced with a smile.
“Yes. Hannah talks about her?”
“All the time.” His smile returned in full force and I allowed myself to relax a little. I was already starting to like Declan, seeing how nice and laid back he was. Maybe I would be a little more supportive of Hannah’s supposed intentions of leaving Jared for him. I still felt badly for Jared, but I’d always known their breakup was inevitable.
“Hey,” Declan said suddenly, reaching into his pocket. “Is this yours, by any chance? I found it last week when I was moving in and meant to ask Hannah, but it kept slipping my mind.” He pulled a crumbled piece of paper out of his pocket. My heart sunk when I recognized it.
“Yeah,” I said. “Wow. I completely forgot about it. I must have dropped it outside.” I took the invitation from him and smiled tightly as I placed it on the coffee table. “Thanks.”
“No problem,” he said. “I read it, hope you don’t mind.”
“No big deal,” I assured him. “I’m not going.”
“Because it’s on New Year’s Eve?”
“Because it’s my mom.”
He looked surprised and I braced myself for the inevitable questions to follow, but the front door opened then and Harper came running into the room, a chocolate stain around her mouth and rainbow sprinkles in her hair. “LOOK MAMA!” She shouted, in full sugar rush glory.
“Oh my,” I said, jumping up and scooping her in
to my arms before she could jump on Declan and share her sprinkles with him. “Looks like you two had a blast.” Declan was grinning at her with amusement and Harper stared back at him, wide-eyed and alarmed.
“Stranger!” She shouted, promptly burying her face in my neck. I could feel the chocolate sauce on my skin and grimaced.
“She’s crazy,” Hannah declared, finally coming into the living room. She grinned when she noticed Declan sitting on the couch. “Hey there.”
“Hey yourself,” he said easily and the way he looked at her made me uneasy. He didn’t look at her the way Jared did. Not even close.
“Miss me?” She asked and I could have sworn she fluttered her eyelashes. I decided to get out of their way, ducking into the kitchen and sitting Harper on the counter next to the sink. She was hours away from her usual bath time and something told me leaving sprinkles in her hair until then was a bad idea.
“Did you have fun?” I asked, trying to pretend I wasn’t planning to eavesdrop on the conversation in the living room. She nodded enthusiastically.
“Ice cream!” She informed me. “With rainbows!”
“Yum,” I said, impressed. “Chocolate?”
“Yes!”
“Double yum. I bet you want to go to the park now, huh?” Laundry could wait. Harper would be two and a half by Christmas and six months after that she’d be three. Laundry wasn’t going anywhere.
“I was thinking we could try that new restaurant downtown,” Hannah was saying as I wiped the sprinkles from Harper’s dark locks. “They just opened a few weeks ago? Lainey and Adam went there last weekend and said they were amazing.”
I was pretty sure I never said that and even surer Hannah and Adam hadn’t had a conversation all week, so my interest in their conversation deepened. Hannah swore writers made a lot of money, even though she couldn’t find Declan on her ‘celebrity net worth’ website.
“Um, I don’t know,” Declan replied. He sounded uncomfortable. “I was actually thinking of ordering pizza and staying in tonight, maybe trying to get some writing done. I just came by to –”
The Edge of Everything (The Haven Series) Page 3