The Edge of Everything (The Haven Series)

by Kaitlyn Oruska

  “Are you headed anywhere?” I asked.

  “Kind of,” he said. “I was going to the store, but it’s nothing important. Come in.” He backed away from the door and my legs carried me in before my brain gave them permission.

  It was different than ours, smaller but with the same open floor plan most houses in Haven had. “Nice place,” I commented. “Did it come furnished too?”

  “How did you know?” He asked, heading to his fridge and retrieving a bottle of water. I smiled as he handed it to me.

  “Most houses around here do,” I explained. “A lot of them were used as vacation homes and either didn’t rent out enough or were too damaged to be kept up by the original owners, so they’re sold.”

  “Sounds fun,” he said, pulling out his own bottle of water and drinking half of it in one gulp. He flashed me a sheepish smile when he caught me looking. “I’m still waking up.”

  “It’s almost three in the afternoon,” I pointed out. I was practically ready for bed. Harper had gotten me up before seven and had been nonstop until she’d passed out on the couch with Hannah. I was surprised I’d had time to check my grades and print out a copy of the paper.

  “It is,” he confirmed. “And I was up until eight this morning trying to write.” He shook his head, disgusted. “Writer’s block sucks, in case you didn’t know.”

  “I didn’t,” I admitted. “I’m not much of a writer.”

  “But you want to be a journalist?”

  “Wanted to be,” I corrected him, putting the paper down on the breakfast bar and lifting myself up onto the stool. “I spent the first two years of high school wanting it. Then I got pregnant and everything changed and I didn’t have time to think about another college major.” I didn’t know why I was revealing all of this to Declan, but it felt good.

  He leaned against the breakfast bar and studied me, his head tilted. “Then why not take time off?”

  “Ahh,” I said, spinning on the chair. “Because taking time off would mean never going back.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  I smiled sadly. “I do know that. I barely get stuff done as it is, with Harper and everything. If I took time off, I’d get used to actually having the time to breathe and never want to go back.”

  “I don’t believe that,” he declared, slamming his water bottle onto the breakfast bar for emphasis. “You strike me as the type of person with determination, who is going to achieve whatever she wants to achieve no matter what stands in her way.”

  I arched an eyebrow, impressed by his deduction of me. “You got all that from our what, three conversations so far?”

  “I’m a writer,” he said with a grin, finishing off his water bottle and tossing it across the room. It missed the trashcan by a hair. “I see things in people, things non-writers wouldn’t notice at first glance.”

  “Oh okay. If that’s the case, what’s my favorite color?”

  “Green,” he replied without hesitation. My eyebrows rose higher; he was good.

  “Lucky guess.”

  “I can tell by the shirt you’re wearing,” he said, nodding at it. “That’s not a normal shade of green. Only someone who really loved the color would wear it.”

  “It’s pretty,” I insisted, shifting uncomfortably on the stool. I knew the first time I looked into Declan’s eyes he was good at reading people, I just hadn’t been prepared for him actually attempting to read me.

  “It looks good on you,” he agreed. “So why are you really here?”

  “To show you my paper,” I replied. “I was excited to get a decent grade.”

  “There’s more,” he insisted. “You wouldn’t just come over to show me a paper. You’re lonely.”

  “I live with Hannah and a two year old. Loneliness isn’t likely.” I laughed a little but he didn’t blink. He continued to look at me, studying me with those distractingly clear blue eyes, the wheels in his mind turning.

  “You’re worried about your relationship,” he observed.

  “I am not.”

  “You are. You have that written all over your face. I don’t even need to use my special writer skills to see that.”

  “I have to go.” I slid off the stool, any interest I’d had in this conversation quickly fading. Declan grabbed my arm, stopping me.

  “I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I went too far with that. This is just my attempt at getting to know you a little better, as neighbors and maybe friends, okay? Ask me something.”

  I considered my options: I could stay and learn more about Declan, or I could go home and finish some laundry. I sat back on the bar stool.

  “Why Haven?” I asked. I knew why Haven had an allure for vacation, but was never too sure why people chose to live here. As soon as temperatures dropped it became a ghost town.

  “I liked the name,” he replied, lifting himself onto a bar stool, leaving one in between us. “I looked at a map and Haven stuck out to me. I checked out some houses and this one was going for a good price, so I jumped on it.”

  Fair enough. “Where are you from originally?”

  “Philadelphia,” he said. “Born and raised. I moved around a lot after I sold my first book, wanted to experience different places so I could get more inspiration for characters and plots. I still plan on doing a lot of that, but it’s good to have a home base and Philadelphia just wasn’t doing it for me anymore.”

  “I picture writers living in cabins on mountains,” I said.

  “I did that once.” He grinned. “Luray, Virginia. I considered going back there, but the beach seemed like a nice change. We didn’t go much growing up.”

  “My dad and I always lived near a beach,” I said. “Except when we lived in Raleigh, but that was only for about two months so it barely counts.”

  “Was it always just you and your dad?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, for the first twelve years of my life. He got remarried eventually, that’s how Hannah and I came to be. We were stepsisters.”

  “Seems to me like you kept the sisters part,” he observed.

  “Always. What about you?”

  “Just me and my dad. My mom died when I was eight.”

  My heart sunk. “I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” he said quickly. “I have memories of her. That’s more than a lot of people can say, you know? And she was happy, even towards the end. It’s good to hold on to that.”

  I smiled sadly. “My mom left. I guess that’s not as bad, since she’s still out there in the world if I ever wanted to talk to her again. But I don’t see that happening any time soon.”

  “And that was her wedding you were invited to, right?”

  “Right.” I finished the rest of my water and tried to convince my heart to slow down. Talking about my mom had that effect on me.

  “Maybe she’s trying to make amends.”

  “Last time she tried to make amends, she asked me to move to California with her while I was pregnant. When I said no she left and we haven’t really spoken since. I don’t know if I’m interested in her brand of reconciliation.”

  “Gotcha,” Declan agreed. His eyes were full of sympathy and I forced a brave smile. “Wanna play a game?”

  “A game?” I repeated. “Like a board game?”

  “Not exactly. More like a ‘let’s get to know each other better’ kind of game. Ever hear of truth or dare?”

  “Yeah,” I laughed. “I haven’t lived under a rock for that long.”

  “Well, let’s play an extended version of it. Every time we see each other, we get a turn. You have to answer the question or do the dare, and if you refuse you automatically have to do a tougher dare. Sound good?”

  “No,” I said, shaking my head. “Sounds dangerous.”

  He grinned mischievously. “I’ll go easy on you.”

  I knew I would say yes, because his suggestion was the most exciting thing to happen to me in a long time. But there was a feeling in the pit of my stomach, a feeling too strong to
ignore. This could end up being one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, or one of the worst.

  “I’m in,” I said.

  Chapter 16

  Hannah was awake when I got back to our house, sitting up on the couch with Harper’s head rested on her lap. She shot me an annoyed look when I walked through the door.

  “Where have you been?” She demanded, loud enough to make Harper stir. I shot her a warning glance and tiptoed across the living room.

  “Next door,” I whispered loudly. “I was thanking Declan for helping me with my paper.”

  “He helped you with a paper?” She asked in her normal tone, which I was coming to realize was a few octaves higher than the average person’s. I winced as Harper stirred again. She was the most miserable two year old in the world when she was woken up from her nap.

  “Yes,” I hissed at her. “Please don’t wake her up.”

  “It’s nearly four,” Hannah replied, shaking Harper gently. “She needs to eat.” Before I could stop her, Harper’s eyes were open and she had a grumpy look on her face.

  “MAMA!” She exclaimed, the tears already starting. I glared at Hannah and scooped my daughter up, ready to comfort.

  “I’m sorry baby,” I whispered, soothing her by rubbing her back and cradling her close to me. “Aunt Hannah thought you might be hungry.”

  “NO!” She started to sob and I closed my eyes, trying to gather all the patience I could. The door opened and Adam strolled in, stopping when he saw Harper’s tears.

  “Well it’s good to see you too,” he said with a grin. “What’s going on?”

  “Hannah woke Harper up after I told her not to,” I said, shooting her another glare. Hannah’s mouth opened in indignation and she hopped to her feet.

  “It’s her dinner time!” She exclaimed, making Harper’s cries grow louder so she could be heard over Hannah.

  “She could have waited!” I retorted, feeling my temper rise. I almost never lost it, but I felt close to the edge now.

  “Well maybe if you weren’t out gallivanting around with the neighbor, you could have woken her up earlier and she’d be over her tantrum before dinner!”

  “You were next door?” Adam asked before I had a chance to reply. I closed my eyes again, this time considering never opening them again.

  “I was thanking him for helping me with my paper,” I said patiently. “I was there for twenty minutes, if that.”

  “Try almost an hour,” Hannah shot back. Her hands were on her hips now and I could tell she was angry, probably more so about me spending time with Declan than getting upset with her for waking Harper up. I could see it in her eyes; jealousy.

  “Lainey,” Adam said, his eyes narrowing. “Why were you over there for almost an hour?”

  “I wasn’t!” I insisted and started towards the steps. I felt claustrophobic, surrounded by people demanding answers and yelling accusations.

  I ran up to Harper’s bedroom, placing her on her bed and sitting next to her. “You need to calm down, baby,” I whispered, both to her and a little to myself. I forced my breathing to become normal, forced my nerves to settle down. I wasn’t all that surprised by Hannah’s reaction. And I didn’t even want to think about how mad Adam was going to be.

  Harper was just coming down from her fit when someone knocked on the door frame. I looked up, surprised to see Adam standing there, a hesitant smile on his lips. “Is she okay?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “She’s fine. Are you?”

  “Always.” He entered the room and sat at the edge of the bed, Harper between us. He smoothed her hair back and his eyes softened, a love appearing in them that he kept only for her. He wasn’t the most active father, not the way I’d hoped he would be, but he was there and that counted for a lot. I knew how much he loved Harper, could feel it as if it hung in the air around us. We were the family I’d never had before; we were the parents mine could never be.

  “Why did you have to go next door to talk to Declan?” He asked and I swallowed my disappointment. I’d held onto some sort of silly hope that he’d let it go, ignore the fact I was making friends with the guy next door.

  “Hannah and Harper were asleep and I wanted to thank him for helping me with my paper,” I said. “It was nothing more than that. We talked for a little bit and I came back home. Why does it bother you so much?”

  “Honestly?” He asked, surprising me by how calm he was being and how sad his eyes were.

  “Yes, honestly.”

  “I’m never home and when I am, I’m too tired to really interact with you. I know this job is taking its toll on us and I know how much you hate this house. And I know that when I work late, you wonder about whether or not I’m actually where I say I am. The fact you still don’t trust me isn’t lost on me, and I can’t say I blame you for that. And then this new guy moves in and he’s successful and good-looking and interested in you. So obviously I’m going to worry about you spending time with him.”

  It was wrong, but a part of me felt relieved by his confession. It almost felt good knowing he was jealous and insecure, like he still cared. But that was ridiculous. Of course Adam still cared. Not only was he still here, but he still looked at me with love in his eyes. Given everything we’d been through together that meant a lot.

  “You have nothing to worry about,” I said softly. “I like Declan, I do. But because he’s different and he’s nice and sometimes it gets lonely around here. But nothing is going to happen between us.”

  “I just…” his voice trailed off and he sighed, looking up at the ceiling. “I worry about you getting revenge on me.”

  “Revenge?” I repeated, confused. “Why would I get revenge on you?”

  “For what I did,” he said, the sadness in his eyes more evident than before. “I know you still think about it, because I still think about it. And I honestly don’t know how I could have done any of that to you. I love you so much and that’s never changed.”

  “I have no desire to get revenge and I know you love me. And I love you too, as much as I ever have.” I smiled and looked at Harper, who was watching Adam closely as if trying to decipher his words and make sense of them. “Maybe even a little more.”

  “Good,” he said, leaning across the bed and brushing his lips against mine. It was the first time we’d kissed, really kissed, in a while and a jolt of emotion rushed through me. He pulled away, a small smile on his face, having felt the same thing I did.

  “I’m going to jump in the shower, so why don’t you call in some food? You need a break from cooking. After we eat we can spend some time together as a family. Sound good?”

  “Sounds better than good,” I agreed. “Don’t you think, Harper?”

  “Yes,” she said, though I was sure she had no idea what she was agreeing to. I laughed and looked up at Adam, feeling admiration in my heart for him. Despite everything we’d been through and whatever we might go through next, I knew we’d make it out okay. We always found our way.

  “See if you can get rid of Hannah while you’re at it,” he added with a wink. “Get one of her boyfriends involved. Or both, if you have to.”

  “I’m on it,” I promised and lifted Harper up, preparing to go back downstairs and trick Hannah into leaving so we could have the family night Adam wanted. He kissed me again as I left the room, the glimmer in his eyes reminding me again of that boy on the beach. Three years was a long time, but it was hardly a dent in forever.

  Chapter 17

  “Sorry I got mad at you yesterday,” Hannah said, coming out onto the deck. I glanced up at her from This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald. It was the third time I’d read it for far and I’d grown attached to it. Harper was down for her daily nap and I was avoiding my assignments like the plague.

  “It’s okay,” I said, bookmarking it and tossing it onto the table next to the lounge chair. “How was your night?”

  Hannah plopped on the chair next to me and sighed. “Boring,” she admitted. “Jared had to grad
e some papers and didn’t feel like doing anything. He’s such an old man.”

  “I think that’s called maturity,” I said with a smile. She stuck her tongue out at me.

  “Whatever. I’m too young to be boring and old like you and everyone else around here.”

  “Then do something exciting,” I suggested. “Go get into a fight with Maggie or decide to fall in love with Declan again.” A part of me hoped she wouldn’t take the last bit of advice too seriously, but I wasn’t really sure why. It wouldn’t be the worst thing ever if Hannah and Declan did end up liking each other. I’d feel bad for Jared but at least I’d know Hannah was safe and secure with someone like Declan.

  “Nah,” she said with a sigh. “He likes you, anyway.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “Excuse me?”

  “What?” She asked, turning to me with a challenge in her eyes. “It’s true. He all but told me so.”

  “That’s ridiculous.”

  “I agree, but it’s the truth.”

  “What exactly did he say?” I asked. I knew Hannah was prone to dramatics and there was nothing about Declan that led me to believe she was on to anything.

  “He told me he was a relationship kind of guy and that he wanted to meet a girl who would be willing to commit, maybe even get married in a few years. Obviously that’s not me, but it sounds a lot like someone else I know.” She shot me a pointed look. I rolled my eyes at her.

  “Yeah, that definitely sounds like he was confessing his undying love for me,” I agreed. “Did it ever dawn on you that the only reason I’m settled down is because I had a baby at sixteen and want to give her a stable life?”

  “No,” she said. “You’re forgetting I know you, Lainey. You’ve acted like you were thirty since before high school.”

  “I did not,” I argued, opening my book back up and deciding to drown her out with Fitzgerald’s words.

  I could tell she was frustrated. I felt for her, but there was little I could do to help her. I put the book back down and focused on her, trying to read the expression on her face and come up with the most comforting words possible.