The Edge of Everything (The Haven Series)

by Kaitlyn Oruska

  “Sounds good,” I teased. I loosened myself from his grip and turned around, wrapping my arms around his torso. “Kiss me like you used to?”

  He grinned, that signature Adam Montgomery smile that stole and broke hearts daily back in high school. “Gladly,” he murmured and pressed his lips against mine, filling me with that deliciously familiar feeling.

  “Can I take you back to our room now?” He asked, pulling away and brushing my hair from my face. “I kind of miss you.”

  “No,” I laughed. “We have a two year old sleeping in our bed.”

  “Right.” He snapped his fingers and grinned again. “There’s like, twelve bedrooms. An entire wing of this house isn’t being used. Come on.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me through the doors and down the hallway, forcing us to run. I couldn’t help but laugh as we made our way quickly through the house, running past door after door and nearly tripping over ourselves. For a split second I felt fifteen again, in love for the first time with the only boy in the world who could make me feel this way.

  He picked a room at random and threw the door open, leaving the lights off and locking the door behind us. “I don’t think anyone suspects anything,” he said mysteriously, making me laugh even harder. He grinned and moonlight floated into the room, illuminating his face. He was perfect.

  Our lips collided as we fell onto the bed, which turned out to be a bottom bunk. Adam hit his head on the top bunk which made us laugh even harder, nearly falling off the bed in the process. The heat hadn’t been turned on in this side of the house to reserve energy, and as soon as Adam lifted my shirt I felt like ice had been pressed onto my skin.

  “This won’t work,” I gasped, tugging my shirt back down. “Too cold.”

  “I know,” he laughed, kissing me again and pressing my body against his. “I’ll try to find blankets.”

  He hit his head again getting up and I pressed my hand against my mouth, trying to hold back the laughter. He opened a closet and pulled a blanket out, an old wool one that looked like it hadn’t been used in at least a decade or two. He carried it back to the bed and covered us with it, resuming his kisses.

  “I love you so much,” he murmured against my skin, his icy hands exploring my back. I gasped at the shock of his touch and clung to him.

  That night was the first time it felt like it used to, that we felt like we used to. All the tension of the past few months disappeared as we kissed, the anger we’d borne for each other dissipating with each touch. Our bodies warmed and united and I felt like the person I used to be, someone I didn’t think I could miss but did.

  Afterwards he wrapped the blanket even tighter around me and pulled me close to him, my head on his chest, breathing in sandalwood cologne and never wanting to leave this moment. Everything faded away for that night, the reality of what our lives had become and where we might be headed. For that night, we were the couple we’d always wanted to be. We were strong, capable and in love.

  Chapter 28

  I’d missed Haven when we were in Ocracoke, but when it came time to go home I found myself not wanting to leave.

  I dreaded going back to the house on 327 Ocean Avenue, dreaded the mounds of laundry I’d be faced with after the trip. I dreaded going back to my old life, the one that had been carved for me from the decisions we’d made. Being away was like living a different life and I preferred the alternative one.

  We got back Sunday night and by Monday morning everything had gone back to the way it was before we left. Adam went to work and Hannah started arguing with Jared during his breaks at work. I called Mason to see how his holiday went and he sounded depressed. They’d originally planned to visit family but because of Cynthia’s pregnancy, traveling wasn’t recommended. They ended up having some last minute bed and breakfast guests anyway.

  I felt relieved when Declan tapped on the sliding glass doors around three pm. His hair was wet and he smelled more like soap than nicotine, making me believe he’d just woken up and gotten a shower. I smiled when I saw him.

  “Rise and shine,” I said, sliding the doors open and letting him in. “How was your Thanksgiving?”

  “Lame,” he said with a grin. “How was yours?”

  I thought of the restaurant turkey and the night in the room with the bunk beds and smiled to myself. “It was good, actually. I didn’t want to come back.”

  “You need a ferry to get off the island, right? You should have hidden from everyone until the last one left.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, they would have left me there.”

  “I doubt it.”

  “I don’t. Water?”

  “Whiskey, if you’ve got it.”

  “I don’t.” I opened the refrigerator and tossed Declan a bottle of water, which he promptly didn’t catch. I laughed as it dropped to the floor and rolled past his feet. He shot it a defeated look before leaning down and picking it up.

  “Good throw,” he said with a smirk. “You could be in the major leagues with that skill.”

  “It wasn’t my throw that messed things up,” I retorted. “It was your lack of hand-eye coordination.”

  “Keep telling yourself that.” He tore the cap off the bottle and drank half of it in one gulp, wiping his mouth dramatically when he was done. “So what did you do down in Ocracoke?”

  “Sightseeing,” I replied. “What did you do up in Philadelphia?”

  “Listen to the same stories from the same people as every year. Drank a lot of whiskey. Talked to my dad about whether or not I’m throwing my life away being a writer.”

  “Sounds intense,” I commented, sitting at the kitchen table and motioning for him to join me. “Does he always say things like that?”

  “Nah,” he said, pulling out a chair and turning it around, sitting with his arms draped across the back of it. “He just worries. My dad’s a good guy and he’s always been supportive, but he doesn’t want me to look back and regret this. I dropped out of college after a year to write and he’s worried I’m going to wish I hadn’t when I’m his age.”

  “That sounds fair,” I said. My dad didn’t even know I’d enrolled in college. “Do you think you will?”

  “Nope.” He finished the rest of his water and rolled the bottle across the table at me. It landed in my lap. “I’ve always wanted to be a writer. Albeit not a mystery writer, but I’ll take what I can get. I don’t believe in regret.”

  “I do,” I said, picking up the empty bottle and tossing it towards the trash can. It went right in. I grinned at Declan, victorious.

  “What do you regret?” He asked.

  “Nothing.”

  “You just said you believe in regret.”

  “Not necessarily for me,” I replied. “I just think it’s important to have them because you can use them to make better decisions the next time around.”

  “Yeah, or you can just not regret anything, use every situation as a learning experience. That’s what I try to do.”

  “Is that why you’re single?” I asked bluntly, catching him by surprise.

  “What?”

  “Your ex-girlfriend, the one that left you for a football player. Is she the reason you’re single?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you still love her?”

  “No.” His eyes darkened and he glanced away from me, focusing instead on the window. “I love the idea of her. I’ve always been in love with the idea of love, I think. I want to write romance novels, but I can’t because I don’t have anything to gather inspiration from.”

  “But you’re not a detective and you write mystery novels,” I pointed out. “Isn’t it the same?”

  “Not for me.” He looked back at me and smiled sadly. “I think with mysteries it’s easy to make things up, but with romance, not so much. I’d want it to be true, you know? I want an epic love story.”

  “Epic love stories don’t exist,” I said, patting his hand sympathetically. “That’s why there are books and movies about it, because people can’t actually
live those storylines in real life.”

  “I don’t believe that for a second,” he argued. “You don’t think you and Adam have an epic love story?”

  “I got pregnant on his eighteenth birthday when I was fifteen,” I said with a laugh. “I don’t think that’s very romantic at all, let alone epic.”

  “But you stayed together,” he pointed out. “Doesn’t that mean anything?”

  “Of course it does. It means everything. But we stayed together because we’re committed to having a stable family for our daughter, not because we’re part of some epic love story that descends all time and every problem.” I surprised myself with my words, not realizing how true I felt they were until they were spoken.

  Maybe there wasn’t such a thing as fate. Maybe Adam and I really were just doing whatever we needed to survive, to be better than my parents, to be more like his. I didn’t want to feel that way, but deep down I did. The magic of Saturday night was over and reality was back.

  “I don’t think you want to believe that,” Declan said and he was right. But I did.

  I forced a smile. “I think Hannah would be willing to have an epic love story with you,” I said. “You’d have to give in and be that guy you don’t want to be, though.”

  He chuckled, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. “I don’t know about all that,” he said. “I’d only be that guy if I were forced to.”

  “How would you be forced to?”

  “By falling so in love with someone I couldn’t fathom letting anyone, even their significant other, get in my way.”

  There was something about the way he said those words that got to me. It was something in his eyes, the way he looked at me. I wet my lips and tried to pull my eyes away from his but to no avail. It was almost like he had a hold over me and I didn’t want to feel that way. Things were complicated enough.

  Harper appeared at the foot of the stairs, awake from her nap and wanting me. I finally tore my eyes away from Declan and focused on her, because she mattered more than anything else.

  Eventually I wouldn’t be able to keep denying the way I’d been feeling not just in these moments, but over the course of the past few months. Eventually I’d have to face reality. But for right now I could hide and I could do it better than I’d ever done anything.

  Chapter 29

  I liked to think I was a peaceful person with a decent amount of patience. The type of person that didn’t hate anyone or anything. Christmas shopping with Hannah challenged that belief.

  December snuck up on me this year and I decided to dedicate the entire first Saturday of it to Christmas shopping. Mason was busy with the bed and breakfast, Cynthia was too pregnant, and Adam was working. That left Hannah as my only option, meaning I dropped Harper off with Julia an hour after waking her up and drug Hannah out to the mall.

  It wasn’t like Hannah lacked enthusiasm for shopping. It was that she only enjoyed shopping for one person – Hannah. While I was trying to find the perfect gifts for everyone without going over budget, she was busy pointing out all the things I could buy for her and promising she would turn the other cheek and ‘forget’ that I’d gotten it for her so she could be surprised.

  “What’s Harper getting this year?” She asked as we made our way into the mall’s toy store. I winced at some of the prices and headed towards the back, where there was a wall of discounted stuff. I was sure Ned and Julia were going to get her most of her Christmas toys and I really just wanted to focus on things like clothes and necessities, but she was two now and more likely to understand what was going on. I wanted to get her at least one thing she would remember.

  “This is awesome,” Hannah announced before I could answer her question. She held up a toy tea set, her eyes wide. “I would have killed for this when I was little.”

  “By the looks of it you still would.”

  “Totally,” she agreed. “You should get her this. I’d play with it.”

  “I don’t think she’d be interested,” I said. “I can let her have real tea parties with actual food instead of that plastic crap.”

  “Not as fun,” Hannah scoffed, putting the set back and examining a few princess dolls. I continued my search down another aisle.

  Harper was mostly interested in stuffed animals, but she already had a bunch of them. After going through the store once and nearly being knocked over a total of five times, I decided to stop for now and continue my search elsewhere. Maybe I’d invite Julia next time, seal our reconciliation with a shopping trip.

  We stopped for lunch around noon and then continued, with me trying to swallow my disappointment that we’d been at this for hours with nothing to show for it. I found a few ties for Adam in a department store, a too-practical gift but at least one he’d get some use out of.

  “What are you getting Jared?” I asked as we made our way to the last few stores. Haven might be a small town, but the mall sure wasn’t. My legs were starting to ache and I felt tempted to say forget the last few stores and go home and crawl into bed. But Hannah was going full speed ahead, not likely to tire anytime soon. I’d overheard her arguing with Jared on the phone the night before and had a feeling she wanted to keep busy so she wouldn’t have to deal with whatever was going on. She’d acted like she hadn’t heard my question.

  “This is new,” I remarked, stopping at the front of what looked to be a thrift store. Old Things New Again, the sign above the entrance read. “Want to check it out?”

  Hannah wrinkled her nose, looking completely disinterested. “What are we going to find in there?”

  “You never know,” I said, stepping inside.

  “Not my Christmas present, I hope,” she said.

  “You’re already taken care of, so quit worrying.”

  “Really?” The light reappeared in her eyes and I could have sworn she did a little jump. “What did you get me?”

  “Nothing you need to know about now.” I walked down an aisle and stopped in my tracks. There was an old typewriter sitting on one of the shelves. It was old, maybe from the 1930’s or 40’s, and some of the buttons were missing. The price tag said $10.

  “This is amazing,” I said, talking over Hannah’s reply.

  “What the hell is it?”

  “A typewriter. People used to use them before computers were invented?”

  She stared at me blankly. “Okay but we have computers now so what do you need that for?”

  “I don’t,” I said, lifting it up and examining it. I knew without a doubt Declan would like it, maybe even love it. There was little chance he’d ever be able to actually use it or even want to, but a rustic old typewriter seemed like something every author should have. I carried it over to the register, not giving myself a second more to think about it.

  “Seriously?” Hannah complained. “You’re always telling me to not be so wasteful with my money and you’re going to buy that?”

  “Yes,” I replied, shooting the elderly woman behind the counter a smile. “It’s perfect.”

  “And you’re nuts.”

  “This is a beautiful typewriter,” the woman spoke up. “My grandfather had one just like it. He wrote for the newspaper, right here in Haven.”

  “That’s exciting,” I said with a polite smile. “I’m going to school for journalism.”

  “Oh, well then maybe this will bring you lots of luck!” She said, removing the price tag and ringing it up on the register. “In that case, I’ll let you have this for half price.”

  “Oh it’s not for me,” I said quickly. “It’s for a friend.”

  “Well, friends are important, so I’ll still give it to you half price.” She winked at me.

  “If you’re getting Declan a typewriter, I don’t even want to know what you got me,” Hannah complained. I wasn’t really listening to her. My eyes focused on the typewriter, the uneasy feeling in my stomach returning. It was amazing how you could live for nineteen years and still not know yourself as well as you thought you did.

 
Chapter 30

  Scott came home the second Friday of December.

  I hadn’t been expecting him to show up at our house, mostly because we hadn’t spoken much at all in the past two years. We’d said our goodbyes when he left back in August over the phone, with Hannah coming home after and bawling her eyes out on my shoulder. It was shocking to see him again, but it felt great. Especially since Hannah was glowing again, the way she used to.

  He looked good. He was growing up, looking more like a man than a teenaged boy. His hair was still as curly as ever but cut a little shorter and he actually looked like he’d grown a little, coming up just a few inches shorter than Adam. He was dressed the same as he always did, a sweater vest over a dress shirt and dress slacks. I teared up when I spotted him standing in my living room.

  “Lainey,” he said when his eyes met mine. I stood still for a few minutes, waiting for his reaction. A smile spread across his face and that was all I needed to run into his arms.

  “Scott!” I exclaimed, squeezing him tightly. “You’re back!”

  “I finished my finals early,” he said, giving me a squeeze in return. Hannah was hanging onto his arm, bouncing up and down like an excited child. “I got here earlier but my mom wouldn’t let me out of her sight for the first few hours. I didn’t come back for Thanksgiving, so this is the first time we’ve seen each other since I left.”

  “You look great,” I said, grabbing his other arm and dragging him over to the couch. “Do you want something to drink? Something to eat?”

  “No, I’m fine. We’re going out to dinner in a little bit.”

  “I’m going with you,” Hannah invited herself. “I only lived with you guys for a year! I count as family, right?”

  “Of course,” he said, grinning at her. “I would have invited you if you gave me a chance.”

  She squealed with excitement. “Did you make a lot of new friends?” She demanded. “Do you have a new girlfriend?”

  “No, no girlfriend,” he replied. “And a few new friends, but I’m mostly concentrating on schoolwork.” That sounded like Scott. “What about you two? Still Adam and Jared?”