by Shay Hunter
“You know what, I don’t even care. I mean think about all the things we do for her around here.” I paused. “All she has to do is cook and clean and we pay her thousands a month. Didn’t even charge her rent.”
“We didn’t charge her rent but she had to cook breakfast, lunch and dinner. On top of that she cleaned your room in the morning and mine on Sundays. She was a maid, Mo, and I guess she wasn’t feeling it anymore. If you ask me she’s entitled to live her life.” She walked into the living room and plopped on the couch. “A girl gets tired after awhile I guess.”
I sat next to her and brought my knees to my chest. “I hear all that but she could’ve been a woman and said it to my face. I could’ve gotten someone else to stay here with us. You know I need help around here.” I looked into Carlita’s eyes and saw she seemed out of it.
What did she want to say?
“I got to tell you something, Mo,” she said under her breath. “You not gonna like it but I don’t have a choice. I’m moving out too.”
My eyes widened and my pulse quickened. I jumped up, rushed to the bathroom in my room and pulled open the medicine cabinet. I could feel a headache coming and figured it was my blood pressure. My mother said I was too young for these types of problems but not many girls had a life like mine either.
I tossed the pills in my mouth, turned on the sink and cupped handfuls of cool water, splashing it against my lips. When I was done Carlita was standing behind me. “You know what hurts me the most, that you knew she was leaving and you’re doing this to me. We family, Carlita. Is this how you do family?”
“I’m not trying to hurt you, Mo. It’s just that Wisdom has been nice about this arrangement. He understood that we lived together and after the rape told me to stay, even though I was supposed to move in with him that week. He wants me with him now and I don’t blame him.”
“You always crazy over niggas. You known him for some years but I’ve been your cousin all your life.”
She walked inside and sat on the toilet lid while I leaned against the wall and stared at her. I didn’t know what was going to have to happen but I could not live by myself.
“It’s not like that, Mo. I love Wisdom and he wants a family. I want one too. Can’t you understand that?”
She sounded stupid. Why was she tripping off a nigga who was clearly trying to control her? “Keep shit straight. When are you leaving?”
“A few months. Maybe one.”
I felt my stomach swirling and I started hyperventilating. Carlita stood up and placed her hands on my shoulders but I left the bathroom, unable to breathe. “I can’t…I can’t…believe you leaving so soon! You not giving me a chance to do anything!”
“Monique, you’ll be fine and I’ll be by to—”
“But you won’t be here,” I cried. “If I have a nightmare when I’m alone...” She exhaled. “I’m not gonna lie, if you leave here now, knowing how I need you we’re done. I don’t want you to ever say anything else to me.”
She sat on the sofa and tossed her face in her hands. “How much time do you need?”
I plopped next to her. “Six months…you give me that and I can find a new roommate. And I’ll be nicer to you and everything!”
She leaned back and looked up at the ceiling. “Wisdom is going to kill me.”
“If he loves you then he’ll understand.” I placed my hand over hers. “Please, Carlita. It’s blood before everything and he gonna have to respect that. Right?”
CHAPTER SEVEN
CARLITA
He was laying on the bar, naked from the waist down, dick pointed in the air. I crawled on top of him and nestled my pussy over his stiffness. Since my feet didn’t have anywhere to go, one hung off the bar stool to the left and the other rested in the sink behind the bar.
Wisdom moved in and out of me as he pressed into my wet pussy. He had been teasing me all night and although the club was opening up in less than two hours it was obvious he could no longer resist or wait for us to get to his apartment.
As we fucked harder I could feel him throbbing and pulsating and I felt bad. Not because we were having sex, which I loved, but because as hard as he was I realized it had been awhile since I gave him pussy.
Monique was such a handful that by the time he got off work and I got to his house, I was so tired I would fall into a coma like sleep. I guess I was depriving my man of sex and I’m surprised he was still here. I knew other dudes who would’ve left a long time ago.
Mine didn’t.
When he applied more pressure on my hips and into my pussy, I thought I would split open. The stare he gave me was a cross between love and hate and it made me want him even more. Every time he banged into me my clit vibrated and I knew I was about to explode.
Right before I came he lifted me up and positioned me so that my titties and belly were pressed against the bar. Within seconds he eased into me again but this time he fucked me harder from the back. My chin stabbed into the cool marble as I moved up and down. I came so hard I screamed out into Skeezers and my temples throbbed. He must’ve gotten his too because I felt his warm sperm on my butt, before he wiped it off roughly with a couple of hard, dry paper towels.
He slapped my ass. “I needed that, Carlita. Good looking out.”
I felt like a whore but he always made me feel that way when he was fucking to get something off his mind.
After we were dressed I helped him wipe down the bar and I could tell something was still wrong. Part of me didn’t want to bring more bad news his way by telling him I couldn’t move.
As I dunked my rag into the Pine Sol water in the bucket I said, “What’s wrong, Wisdom? I figured you’d be happy with Skeezers opening back up tonight.”
He exhaled. “I am, just some things on my mind that’s all.”
“Like what?”
“My father’s locked up again.” He wiped the counters down behind the bar and avoided eye contact with me. “I hope they keep the nigga this time because I’m tired of him breaking my grandmother’s heart.”
My eyebrows rose and I walked up to him. “Damn, Wisdom, I’m sorry. What he do?”
“They say he murdered Liz but they still building a case.”
I felt gut punched. Liz and Wayne had been together for twenty years and I couldn’t see him hurting her, let alone killing her. Whenever they were together he was so attentive, even though people said he had a violent side. The scariest part is that everyone said that Wayne and Wisdom looked and acted the same way.
“But it doesn’t make any sense. They were gonna renew their vows and everything. Are the police sure? Sometimes they just want the case closed without finding out who’s really responsible.”
“Nobody’s sure about shit in this world, Carlita.” He turned toward me, leaned against the cabinet and crossed his arms. “But you know how he is. Everybody knows how he is. He can snap if pushed.”
I ran my fingers through my braids. “I know you’ve told me he’s been a little violent before but still he hasn’t done anything like this. Right? It seems so out of character.”
“Damn, I wish you would stop acting so fucking naive!” he yelled in my face. “If I ever got locked up for some shit I expect you to take it like a woman instead of running around asking why!”
I jumped back afraid he would lash out violently. Wisdom was right. I did know Wayne to have a temper because like everybody knew, Wisdom did too. He never hit me and hardly ever yelled but when he did I always felt like a child. Quiet. Meek. And unable to defend myself.
Monique said he picked me because he knew I could easily be manipulated. I remembered being so mad when she first said it that I didn’t talk to her for two days. But now, well now I’m not so sure. Most girls would’ve probably cursed him out or slapped him for how he just jumped. But whenever he yelled at me I took it as another reason to leave him alone and so I gave him his space. My only focus was keeping him in my life and not losing him. “I know you’re upset but I have to talk to you about something
.”
“I’m sorry,” he exhaled walking up to me. It was like a switch was clicked back on and now he was a different person. “I didn’t mean to come at you like I did just now. It’s just that me and pops always have been close and I didn’t expect it to bring me down.” He pulled me closer and kissed me deeply. I could smell the sweetness of my pussy all over him. “That’s why I want to be with you, so I’m not alone when I got shit I’m going through.” He exhaled. “I just want to get you in our home and I promise I’ll be a better man.”
“That’s what I want to talk to you about.” He released me. “I can’t go.” I don’t know why I blurted it out. I guess I knew if I didn’t tell him now I never would.
“What do you mean you can’t go?” He scanned me from my toes to my eyes. “Make it clear.”
I stepped back. “I mean I can go, just not now.”
“You mean to our…our home?”
I nodded yes.
He backed away and leaned on the counter again. “Fuck, Carlita! How much longer you gonna let your cousin ruin what we have? I mean do you think if she had a nigga she would let you do it to her?”
“It’s not what it sounds like, Wisdom. Spy left last night, I mean she moved out and now Monique is by herself.”
“Good! She had the guts to roll out and I applaud her for it!” he yelled. “And if Mo’s alone she deserves to be. That girl is sneaky as fuck and you don’t see it.”
“She’s my cousin, Wisdom!”
“And I’m your man!” He backed away and blinked a few times. “Hold up, so that’s why you wanted to have nasty sex? On the bar? To butter me up for this shit?”
“It’s not like that…you know what happened.”
“You mean she’s still holding that rape over your head?” He said a little louder. “Because you and I both know Carter never would’ve fucked her unless she gave him the go ‘head. The man doing time right now behind her lies.”
“My cousin wouldn’t lie about no shit like that!” I said raising my voice. It was the first time I ever had and it felt good. “I don’t talk about your family so don’t talk about mine.”
“She’s a whore, Carlita. One minute she’s at the bar drinking with him. Five different niggas and two bitches said they heard her telling him about all the things she wanted to do later that night. They leave out. Together. And the next thing you know she’s yelling rape.” He paused. “You might not want to hear it but she’s a liar and a slut.”
I exhaled. “You have your opinion and you know I love you but you’re wrong, Wisdom. And I’m only giving her six months.” I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head against the top of his stomach. He felt like a stiff piece of plywood. “Please hang in there with me.”
“Be on the lookout,” Poe yelled rushing into the bar.
I separated from Wisdom and looked at Poe. “What’s going on?”
“My man said some niggas threatening to shoot up the spot again. Asking questions about Monique and shit like that. So keep your eyes peeled for anything suspicious.”
Wisdom removed a gun from underneath the counter that I didn’t know was there. He cocked and loaded it. “Don’t even worry, playboy. We good back here.”
I realized then I don’t know my boyfriend. At all.
CHAPTER EIGHT
SPYRELLA
I wiped sweat off of my brow after mowing half of the lawn. Why I’m doing this when I’m not going to be around long, I really don’t know.
The white t-shirt I’m wearing clings to my sweaty body and my blue jeans look like I pissed in them. I wanted the yard to be nice since my intention was to burn the house to the ground.
I also didn’t expect to be so lonely so I wanted to keep busy. Mo may have been mean and Carlita may have thought about me as a charity project but at least we all lived together.
I was just about to start the lawn mower again when a large green dumpster truck pulled in front of my house. It was the Department of Sanitation. Luckily I placed the trashcans on the side of the house so I didn’t have to run in and get them. I bought new sheets, dishes and a lot of other things so the cans were loaded with trash.
I turned the lawn mower on and caught a glimpse of a 6-foot something, chocolate man. He hopped out of the passenger side and moved toward the cans. He wore a plain white t-shirt and large gloves, and a long sleeve work shirt was tied around his waist. His beard was nice and he was chubby, also a plus. When I realized he was probably off limits and out of my league I started mowing.
From the corner of my eyes I watched him dump the first can and the next. I felt like he was watching me but I turned away when I realized for what. He had zero reason to be checking me out. I just finished one row of mowing when I turned around again and he was standing behind me.
I looked up at him. “Is everything okay?” I backed away and tugged on my wet t-shirt to let in some air. “Was I supposed to put the cans somewhere else?”
He smiled. “Why you doing this?”
I wiped the sweat off my brow with the back of my hand and looked at the ground. He was confusing. “It needed to be done.” I shrugged. “Don’t want to find dead animals in my grass.”
He smiled. “I mean where’s your man?”
“Don’t need a man to do this kind of stuff, anybody can do it.”
“So you don’t have one, or you avoiding the question?”
“Come on, Reggie,” his coworker yelled. “We got the whole block! I’m not trying to be out here all day!”
Reggie turned around and put one finger up before turning back to me. “I gotta go before I kill my co-worker.” He paused. “But let me take you out and I promise…I won’t hurt you.”
He won’t hurt me?
That’s a weird thing to say.
I could feel my heart beating fast and thought I would pass out. I can’t remember the last time somebody asked me on a date. Oh I remember now, never. “I know…wish I could but…I’m not sure if…no. I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“So you gonna play hard to get when you know I want you?”
I looked down at my body and was disgusted. I didn’t know what he saw in me but I felt it was sexual. “I’m in a relationship, so if you don’t mind I have a lot to do around here.” I turned the mower back on and pushed it away from him.
A few seconds later I heard him laughing behind my back. “You know the messed up part?” He yelled to be heard over the mower.
“What’s that?” I said never taking my eyes off the grass.
“The messed up part is that you don’t even know you just shot down your husband. I’m not worried though. Ten years from now we’re going to be posted up in our home and I’ll tell our kids all about it.” He walked toward the truck, got inside and it pulled off.
Reggie’s eyes remained on me the whole time.
****
I sat in Mama’s Kitchen Soul Food restaurant and stuffed my face with a mound of pancakes. I had already finished a plate of home fries and was ready to start on my fried chicken when my stomach bubbled. This was my last meal since I decided tonight I would take my life.
And since my mother let me down, by not coming to the house, I figured I’d have to do it alone.
After putting a pile of paper towels on the toilet in the bathroom I plopped down on the seat when I heard someone throwing up in the stall next to me. I started to ask if she was okay but what was I going to do? I was in the bathroom next to her and couldn’t help.
After I finished and flushed the toilet, I walked to the sink to wash my hands and I still heard her vomiting so hard I thought she would cough up her lungs. I was about to knock on the stall door when she came out, wiping the corners of her mouth with her finger. “Are you okay?” I asked.
She was a pretty brown girl who was skin and bones. She looked at me, shook her head and laughed. “Don’t look so scared,” she said. She walked to the sink, turned on the water and looked at me again. “If you must know I was p
urging.”
She was rude and I probably should’ve left but I was intrigued. “What’s purging?”
She rolled her eyes, washed her hands and turned off the water. “Let’s just say judging by your size, you should do it too. It might save your life. As big as you are you must be miserable.”
CHAPTER NINE
MONIQUE
The thump of the stereo system rattled my heart even as I sat in my dressing room preparing to dance at Skeezers for the first night since the renovations. There were so many red roses in my room, the smell overpowering but it was beautiful to look at. Poe outdid himself and sometimes I get the impression he was leading me on. Pulling me with him but never close enough to be his woman. The worst part was I’m too weak to do anything about it.
As I glanced at myself in the mirror, I looked up at Poe who was standing behind me. “Nervous?” he asked placing his hands on my shoulders. He did that a lot and I loved it. “Because you don’t need to be. I have every bit of faith that you’re going to murder the game as usual.”
“You’re right, this isn’t my first rodeo but it does feel good hearing that you believe in me.” I grabbed my red lipstick in the gold container. “It’s like riding a bike.” I covered my lips with the vibrant color, puckered up and blew him a kiss. “I just hope I make you proud. So you know you can always count on me. You know that right, Poe?”
“You haven’t showed me any different.” He exhaled. “Levine said we have a full house tonight. Wanted me to put her in the line-up and everything.” He laughed. “But I told her to let the young girls have at it.”
I shook my head. “You can’t fault my mother for trying.”
“I know, but I need her to get the new girls together. I know she’s upset she won’t get the paper she use to but I’m still looking out.”
“My mother will be okay.” I waved. “I take care of her every month.”
“You heard about some niggas sliding past here earlier? Looking for you?”