She’d been angry at his death because she’d been left alone again. Had she let her anger decide how she would approach her life? She hadn’t thought so until now, but if that was the case, she had to face her anger and let it go. Whatever the next phase of her life offered, she didn’t want anger to be part of it.
* * *
ON THE DRIVE to her mother’s house, Sherri thought about what Gayle had said. She still couldn’t see how forgiving Neill would make a difference. Regardless of whether or not she forgave him, he was doing well enough in his new life, while she was still facing challenges in hers.
If Sam hadn’t been there for her, life would have been so much more painful and difficult. To show her gratitude, she’d thrown herself into planning for Patrick’s arrival. She and Sam had agreed that Patrick should have Sam’s last name. And Sam had suggested that they never tell Patrick who his biological father was.
But Sherri had recognized the flaw in that argument. Neill might someday come into their lives looking for the child he’d left behind, leaving Patrick with questions. Sam had finally agreed to let Patrick know about Neill, believing that his son would never have reason to search for his birth father. In the end, it hadn’t mattered.
When she reached her mother’s house, Colleen had lunch ready. “Mom, this is wonderful. I appreciate it so much. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Well, you’ll find out when you move to Portsmouth.”
“Are you really okay with my decision?”
“Of course I am. You’ve been such a good daughter, moving home after Sam died and making my life so much easier.” She turned her back to stir the soup on the stove.
“But...”
Her mother turned around. “But what, dear?”
“You can’t fool me. Whenever you don’t look at me it means you’re not telling me how you really feel, only what you think I want to hear.”
A gentle smile relaxed her mother’s face. She put the spoon she’d been stirring the soup with on the counter and sighed. “I wish you didn’t have to leave Eden Harbor.”
“Oh, Mom, it’s what I need, and you can come and visit anytime you want,” Sherri said, saddened by how guilty her mother’s admission made her feel.
“Please don’t take this the wrong way, but we’re all worried about you leaving, especially now that you have diabetes. You’re much better off with your family around to look out for you.”
Sherri closed her eyes and concentrated on reining in her feelings. “Isn’t there anyone in my life who understands that I have to leave here? My life is passing me by while I spend my time doing what everyone else wants me to do. My needs always come second to what someone else expects from me, and it’s not fair. I’ve done my time as a good wife, parent, daughter, aunt, niece and friend. Oh, and let’s not forget ex-girlfriend.”
“You saw Neill,” Colleen said, her voice heavy with concern.
“Who told you?”
“Matthew. He said that you and he were in the middle of a chat when Neill arrived and insisted on seeing you.”
“See, there’s another reason why I want out of here. I can’t do or say anything without everyone hearing about it. Can’t I have a conversation with my uncle—just the two of us—without the whole world weighing in on it?”
“I’m not the whole world. I’m your mother.”
“I’m sorry, Mom. It would help if people would give me a little space to sort out my problems.”
“Oh, honey, I understand that this has to be a hard time for you. And I’m worried about your happiness—”
“If you’re going to talk about Neill...” she warned.
Her mother’s glance was apologetic. “Okay. Let’s talk about your health, then.”
“I have an appointment with an endocrinologist in Portsmouth who will look after my diabetes. My nursing classmate at Portsmouth General gave me the names of the various medical people I’ll need when I move. I’m a nurse and I’m well trained to deal with the symptoms. Besides, taking insulin, watching my diet and getting more exercise has made me feel better already.” Feeling the need to keep the conversation from veering to a topic she didn’t want to discuss, she rambled on about her plans for her new life in Portsmouth, her new job and how much she was looking forward to finding a place to live. Until then, she was going to stay with her friend.
“You’ve certainly thought of everything,” her mother said. “So why do you seem so sad?”
“I’m not sad—”
“I’m your mother, and I know the signs. It’s Neill, isn’t it?”
Denial almost shaped her response, but, seeing the look in her mother’s eyes, she nodded, wishing she could leave and go back to her condo where no one was waiting to pry into her life.
“It must be hard on him, having complete responsibility for Morgan. After all, he’s looking after a child who has epilepsy. And I don’t care if he is a doctor, it can’t be easy—”
“Mom! Stop! Neill’s not really as responsible as he lets on. He’s no saint, despite what everyone thinks. He hurt me in ways you can only imagine—”
Oh, God. What was she saying? She hadn’t told her mother that Neill was Patrick’s father, and it had to stay that way.
“What do you mean? You and Neill broke up after he moved to Boston and you went to Bangor. I never understood it. You seemed so perfect for each other.”
“We weren’t, Mom. Really. It was better that we broke up.”
“So why would you say he hurt you? Did you not want to break up with him? Had he found someone else?”
From experience she knew she had to say something or her mother would not let the subject go. “Neill changed when he left here. He wanted a different life than I did. I suppose it took a separation from each other to see our differences.”
“If you ever need to talk about it, I’m here for you.”
In a desperate plea for understanding, she’d told her uncle Matthew the entire story a few hours ago, and now she wondered if it had been the right thing to do. What if he confided in her mother? He’d been so supportive of her mother after her father had died, and her mother had helped him find a house when he’d decided to move back to Eden Harbor. She had to believe that her uncle wouldn’t say anything to anyone. “There’s really nothing to tell. We grew apart, that’s all.”
“Come here. We both need a hug,” her mother said, her embrace warm and comforting.
Colleen drew back and smoothed Sherri’s hair off her forehead, an old habit that brought back a lifetime of comfort. “Let’s have our lunch.”
They ate and chatted about Colleen’s plans for the B&B and Sherri’s plans for after she got settled in Portsmouth. Despite the rocky start to her visit with her mother, she was enjoying her company. She would miss her when she left, but there would be lots of opportunities for her mother to visit, and Sherri would be home for holidays and special events. After all, Eden Harbor was only a two-hour drive from Portsmouth.
* * *
ONCE LUNCH WAS over, Sherri decided she needed to get back to her condo. She’d had so little opportunity to be by herself and sort out her feelings around everything that had happened. “I haven’t had a chance to get to the grocery store in days, and I need to get a few things done before my next shift at the hospital,” she told her mother.
“Oh, I wish you could stay. We could decide on the new paint colors for the house. And Linda wants to see you before you leave for Portsmouth.”
“I know. I want to see her and the boys, too.”
“I’ll organize a family dinner.”
“Maybe we can plan a girls’ night out next week. Just the three of us.”
“Absolutely. I’ll check the movies in Portland and see what’s playing.”
“Keep me posted.”
; Her mother followed her out to the car. “Why don’t you come for supper tomorrow night? I’ll go to the library and get a recipe from one of the diabetic cookbooks I’ve seen there. I’ll make us a nice meal, and we can talk some more about your move. How does that sound?”
She would miss seeing her mother every day, or nearly every day. They’d become so close since she’d moved back, and there were times when she wondered if she should leave her.
There was that old guilt again—that need to be the perfect daughter, to always put others first.
“Sounds great. See you later.”
* * *
WITH SHERRI’S WORDS ringing in his head, Neill made his way back to the hospital. He’d had no idea that Sherri had had a nervous breakdown, and he’d seen nothing in her chart to indicate that she’d had one, either. But given her behavior and the hollow look in her eyes when she’d let it slip out, he had no doubt that it was true. He knew so little about her or her life, and it made him sad.
If there had been the opportunity to go straight home, he would have. But he had several very ill patients at the hospital and he hadn’t made his rounds yet. Besides, he needed someone to care for, something to feel good about. He sure didn’t feel good about his conversation with Sherri. What a complete jerk he’d been.
He was guilty of abandoning her when she needed him most. And all he had as a defense was that she should have tried harder to force him to face his responsibilities.
Shit. What kind of moron puts the blame on the woman he loves?
With remorse and guilt haunting his every step, he took extra pains to talk to his patients and their families while he was making his rounds. He even considered going to Emergency to see if they needed extra help, anything to ease his sense that he was disconnected from what really mattered.
He was so preoccupied with his thoughts that when he got a call from his mother telling him Morgan was waiting for him to take her to the movies, he apologized for being so forgetful. On the way home, he couldn’t help thinking about his son, whose life had been so short.
If he and Sherri had been able to communicate better, how different would their lives be now? Would they have married while waiting for the birth of their son? They’d planned to marry after she finished her nursing degree and got a job. Would she have been willing to move to Boston with him until their baby arrived? How would they have managed financially? They were all questions that proved pointless now.
When he arrived at the house, his mother was waiting. “I was beginning to wonder where you were. I didn’t want to call you on your cell phone because it wasn’t an emergency.”
“Sorry, Mom. I lost track of time.”
She nodded sympathetically. “I’ve got to get going. It’s my night to host the bridge party at my house. Dinner’s in the oven, and Morgan has finished her homework.”
“Thanks, Mom. I’ll take over from here.” They talked about his schedule for the next couple of days, and he reminded her that he had the evening diabetic clinic on Monday night and would need her then. She agreed immediately.
After his mother left, he went to find Morgan, who was reading in the den. “Mom tells me you’ve finished your homework.”
“Did you know that Tara has a pool?”
“That’s sounds like fun. How’s it going?” he asked, pulling her into a bear hug as he sat down beside her.
“Great. Dad, where have you been? I thought you’d be home sooner. Did you forget that Tara and I are going to a movie tonight?”
He was about to tell her that he’d been held up at the hospital, but he didn’t want to bring his work life home. Seeing how easily Morgan fit into his mother’s life and how close the two of them were becoming pleased him greatly. His daughter seemed to be settling into her new life surprisingly well, and he didn’t need to burden her with his troubles.
Back in Boston, he hadn’t shared much of how he felt with Morgan because he’d been so busy. But after listening to Sherri today, he worried that he wasn’t a good parent and that bringing his daughter here had been a mistake as far as their relationship was concerned. “I’m here now.”
Morgan closed her book and put it on the shelf next to the sofa. “Dad, Tara told me a story today about someone named Sherri. She said she was your girlfriend when you lived here before. I asked Gram about her, and she told me to ask you.”
“Yeah, I went to high school with her before I went to Boston.”
“Did you love her?”
His daughter’s direct gaze forced the truth from him. “Yes, I did.”
Morgan’s brows knotted together. “So, why didn’t you marry her?”
“I was young and so was she.”
“Where does she live?” his daughter asked. “Do I know her?”
“Do you remember the day you were in Emergency?”
Morgan nodded.
“She was the nurse who looked after you.”
“But I don’t remember very much about her. What is she like? Do you want to date her?”
“It might be nice. What would you think about that?”
Morgan’s eyes suddenly glistened with tears. “I wish Mommy was here. I miss her.”
“I know, sweetie. I know,” he said, smoothing her hair as he hugged Morgan close. “Tell you what. Why don’t I get dinner out of the oven?”
“Yes! I’m starving. All I had was an apple after school,” Morgan said, clinging to him.
“Well, let’s see what Grandma made us,” he said as Morgan trailed along behind him into the mammoth kitchen. He’d always loved this house, the kitchen especially. He’d done deliveries for Crawford’s Hardware store to this house when he was a teenager, and many times he’d delivered building supplies to the old barn at the back of the property.
Morgan helped Neill set the table as they’d done many times before, a comforting routine that eased his worried mind. Watching his daughter move so gracefully across the kitchen, he was amazed at how mature she seemed for a nine-year-old. They ate dinner while Morgan told him about her day, about art class and how much she loved to paint. When they finished, he gathered the dishes and put them in the dishwasher. “Why don’t you go upstairs and brush your teeth while I finish up here.”
She turned back to him, her expression so like her mother’s. “Dad, I really like living here. And Tara is a really good friend.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” he said, a lump rising in his throat. Was it possible that his worries over his daughter were over, for now at least?
At the bottom of the stairs, Morgan hesitated. “Dad, you’re not really going to date her, are you?”
Oh, no. He didn’t want to talk about this because he knew from experience that anything relating to his private life always led to Morgan getting upset. Thankfully, his pager put an end to the discussion. He took it off his belt, infinitely relieved that the device had saved him. “I’ve got to make a call.”
“What about the movie? And don’t forget I want popcorn with extra butter, and we have to pick up Tara on the way.”
He’d never been so relieved in his life to be reminded that Morgan had invited a friend to the movies. “I know. Get your jacket, and we’ll stop for Tara, but you two will have to wait in the car while I make a quick stop at the hospital.”
“Dad, I’m beginning to worry about you.”
“Why?”
“You’re getting so forgetful. You forgot we were picking up Tara—I know you did. That’s why you have that worried look on. You think you’re losing it.”
“I do not!”
“Good old Dad. Should I be checking for gray hairs?” she teased.
“Not unless you want me to tell your friends you still sleep with a stuffed dinosaur.”
She scrunched up her face and then sighed in capitulation. “Oka
y, Dad, you win. Last one to the car—”
“Has to take the laundry down to the washer,” he finished.
She stopped and looked up into his face, her sweet innocent smile stilling his thoughts. “Dad, when can I meet Sherri?”
“Not right now, unless you want to miss the movie.”
“No!” Morgan’s face was wreathed in happiness. “Dad, am I going to be an only child?”
Morgan could change topics so rapidly. “Do you worry about being an only child?” he asked while he thought about her question.
“Of course. All kids do. Why don’t you give it a little thought, Dad? There’s still time for you to have a baby, right?”
“There’s still time,” he admitted.
“All you have to do is find a woman,” she said, her giggles muffled by the jacket she pulled on over her shoulders as she climbed into the backseat of the car. “That shouldn’t be too hard.”
“Who’d want to put up with the hours I keep at the hospital and at the office?” he asked, hoping to end the discussion.
“There are lots of women, Dad. One of the girls in my class asked me if her mom could meet you. She’s not a patient of yours, but she wants to be. That is, if you’re taking new patients. Are you, Dad?”
“Maybe. I’m just not sure I want to date any of them.”
“Get with it, Dad. This kid in school showed me a picture of her mother, and she’s almost as pretty as Mom.”
Was Morgan serious? Had she changed her attitude about wanting her parents to get back together? “What would you think if I started dating someone?”
There was silence in the backseat. “It’s not like you’d be marrying her, would it? Mom says you’re too busy to be serious about a woman, and she’s right,” Morgan said, a smug tone in her voice.
CHAPTER NINE
AS UPSET AS Sherri had been after her encounter with Neill, she was relieved to be doing her last evening diabetic clinic tonight. Neill was the doctor doing the medical assessments, but she’d handle that. Somehow their best time together always occurred at the hospital.
The Doctor Returns Page 12