by Red Phoenix
“Go on,” he encouraged when she did not elaborate.
“I can’t believe I’m really going to tell you this…” She took a deep breath and blurted, “I’m a virgin. There, I said it. The embarrassing truth is finally out.”
Tono hadn’t considered it—not once. It shed a whole new light on her behavior toward him. “Thank you for sharing that with me, but why do I hear shame in your voice?”
“Ren, did you hear me? I’m still a virgin at my age. And it’s not because I was ‘saving’ myself. It’s a rite of passage that passed me over. Now it’s like a permanent mark on my soul, letting men know I’m not desirable.”
He shook his head. “Why you feel it’s a mark against you is unfathomable to me. It simply means you haven’t found the right man to share that part of yourself with.”
“You don’t understand because you’ve had sex—and lots of it. But when you get to be my age and you still haven’t done the deed, it becomes this huge deal. I’m so afraid of being lousy at it that I’d almost rather not try at this point. Even worse, what if I don’t like it?”
“Trust me when I say that it’s worth the effort, despite your reservations. And while it may not be what you are expecting, the level of connection it creates cannot be made any other way.”
“I’ll admit, you have me more than a little curious, Ren, but it would be a crazy, huge step for me.”
“For me as well. I have never made love to a virgin.”
“Oh!” She seemed to perk up after hearing his confession.
“Does that surprise you?” he asked.
“I guess I just assumed with all the experience you’ve had…”
“Not too many virgins jump directly into the lifestyle, Autumn,” he said with a chuckle.
She laughed at herself. “I suppose not. How does that make you feel, Ren—knowing I’m a virgin?”
He was frank with her. “I feel both intimidated and touched.”
“Explain, please.”
“Being your first is a profound responsibility. However, the fact no one else has touched you in that way would make our union that much sweeter.”
She sighed nervously over the phone. “I’m afraid of so many things.”
“Such as?”
“I could never tell you,” she said, giggling nervously.
“Why not?”
“It’s too embarrassing.”
He chuckled warmly. “Nothing you could say would cause me to think any less of you. It might, however, give me insight into your mind-set, which will help me navigate our first time better. So what would you confide in me if I were, say…Lea?”
She scoffed at the idea, but he said nothing while he waited for her to reply.
Finally, Autumn couldn’t take the silence any longer and confided, “I’m terrified of fucking up my first time. I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“Fucking it up is actually the purpose of the union, so I wouldn’t worry.”
“Seriously, Ren. What if I suck in bed? You’ve had so many other women to compare me with.”
“Autumn, it’s impossible to suck at losing your virginity. As long as we go into this wanting to explore each other, our time together will be a success. It’s not a competition. Our first time will be like no other because it’s you and me.”
She hesitated, needing to build up her courage to tell him what he suspected was her deepest fear. “I don’t want to see the look of disgust when you see me naked.”
“I find everything about you attractive.”
“You say that now, but you haven’t seen me totally naked. Hell, no one has except my mother and the doctors.”
“Another privilege I look forward to experiencing.”
“But…”
“But what?”
She giggled to cover her unease. “There is one last thing…I know it’s going to hurt.”
“The gift of your virginity does come with that price. It cannot be avoided, but know that I will be as gentle as I can so your pain is not prolonged.”
Autumn sighed. “I feel so dumb. Young people give up their virginity without making it a big deal. Heck, when I was younger, if any boy had talked to me the way you are now, I would have jumped at the chance without giving it a second thought.”
Tono smiled to himself. “It seems you failed to realize you were putting up barriers to make certain they never tried.”
“You insist on believing I was the one holding back. I wasn’t, trust me. They just never showed any interest.”
“I know you were, Autumn. I experienced it myself. You’ve built an impenetrable wall, even though you long to be loved.”
“And why would I do that?” she protested.
“Your fear of rejection had greater power over you than your need to be loved.”
“Holy shit, Ren…” she gasped. “That’s deep.”
“It used to define you—but that’s no longer true.”
“What makes you so certain?”
“We’re having this conversation.”
Autumn laughed, but it was cut short when she confessed, “There’s one more thing.”
“I’m not surprised,” he answered smoothly.
“What if we do this and I fall madly in love with you, but you don’t end up feeling the same way about me?”
“It’s a risk we both take.”
Autumn’s voice trembled slightly when she told him, “To finally lose my virginity only to have the guy reject me? I don’t think I could handle that.”
“There are no guarantees with the heart, Autumn, but I assure you that I will never reject you. The connection remains, even if the relationship should end.”
“Like you and Brie?”
Tono hesitated for a moment, unsure how to explain the relationship he had with Brie. “Similar…she and I have continued the relationship although we’ve moved past our romantic interests.”
“But what does that mean, exactly?”
“I love her, but I think of her more like a sister now.”
“Really?” Autumn questioned, sounding doubtful. “Because she’s everything I wish I could be. Beautiful, talented, curious, brave—and skilled.”
“You are equally beautiful, and you have your own talents. I see your curiosity beginning to blossom, and you happen to be one of the bravest women I know.”
Her voice suddenly became shy. “You certainly have a way with words…”
“I speak truth.”
She said softly into the phone, “I still need more time.”
“As long as we are moving forward, I can be patient a little longer.” He added in a seductive tone, “If we were speaking in person right now, I would lean over and kiss you passionately without asking. Just so we are both clear about what it is I am waiting for.”
“Ren…I think I’m already falling in love with you.”
“I feel the same, Autumn.”
Tono was reflecting on their last conversation, gratified that real progress had been made between them. That spark inside Autumn was ready to burst into flame. He was curious if she would call him that night. It was possible he might be making love to her before the evening was over.
Tono desired that connection with her in a way he’d never felt before. To finally see her femininity open and exposed to him, then to sink into the depths of her beauty and spirit… He groaned, shifting uncomfortably. Just the thought of that moment when he looked into her eyes as he breached her virginal opening had his cock aching with need for her.
He heard his phone ring, and was convinced she was picking up on his thoughts.
Instead, he saw it was Master Anderson, and the air around him suddenly grew cold.
“Hey, Nosaka.”
“What is the reason for the call?” Tono asked calmly, even though he felt a sense of foreboding.
He heard the man groan. “Look, I got in a car accident today and am going to be laid up for a bit. I’ve been caring for Brie since the crash, but now I’m not ab
le to and the girl can’t be left alone. She’s in serious trouble.”
“I’m sorry to hear you were in an accident, but I’m equally concerned to learn Brie is not doing well.” Tono felt ill knowing he’d failed to heed the warnings he’d been sensing, choosing instead to pursue Autumn.
“Here’s the thing. Lilly’s back and the witch is trouble. You may not know this, but Thane put a restraining order on his own sister. This woman is unbalanced and cannot be trusted.”
Tono felt a cold chill travel down his spine. “I had no idea.”
“There’s no one else she needs more right now than you.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I’ve noticed that she’s constantly reminding herself to breathe, and has taken to wearing the white orchid in her hair each day. She strokes it obsessively when she thinks no one is watching.”
Tono felt the air leave his lungs.
“She is not well, Nosaka.”
Her soul had been crying out to him, craving his gentle guidance through her dark time, but Tono knew the cost to Autumn and him could be great.
Master Anderson continued, “Lilly poses a serious threat to Brie. Is there any way you can take a flight out today? I’m not kidding when I say time is of the essence.”
Tono did not hesitate. “I will be there as soon as possible.”
Master Anderson’s audible sigh of relief was alarming. If he was that concerned about Brie, things were even worse than he was letting on.
The man confirmed Tono’s growing fears when he said, “If anything happened to Brie, I’m afraid I’d completely lose it. She’s in a fragile state right now and could shatter at any moment.”
Tono closed his eyes. Brie was at her breaking point—the reason for the dream now perfectly clear. “I will make the necessary arrangements,” he replied.
He thought of Autumn and his heart sank. This would be a difficult test for any couple, but especially for Autumn. Just as she was opening up to him, he was about to pull away from her—demanding she trust him on a much deeper level.
He sincerely hoped they would survive this untimely test.
Ignoring his personal concerns, Tono asked, “Should I head straight to the hospital when I arrive?”
“No, go directly to the apartment. I’ll call ahead so the front desk will be expecting you. Everyone’s on high alert because of Lilly’s actions.”
“What’s going on?”
“I’ll let Brie give you the details when she sees you.”
“How long should I plan on staying?”
“Once I’m back on my feet, I can take over. Maybe a couple of weeks.” Someone else in the room protested and Master Anderson amended his answer. “I stand corrected. The nurse is telling me it might be a bit longer.”
Tono realized that he now had two difficult tasks ahead of him. Not only would he have to break the news to Autumn, but he also needed to secure a caretaker for the home for an unspecified amount of time. It could prove exceedingly difficult. He sent out a silent plea into the Universe, trusting a solution was already forming.
“Sorry about the inconvenience,” Master Anderson said.
“Not an issue. That’s what family is for.”
“You’re a good egg, Ren Nosaka.”
Tono did not feel he deserved any praise. Although he’d called Sir Davis’s aunt several times and been told each time that his assistance was unnecessary, he had not trusted his instincts. He admitted to Master Anderson, “I’ve felt unsettled for some time, but was assured by Mrs. Reynolds that there was no need for concern.”
“Understand, Nosaka, that message came as a direct order from Brie. She didn’t want anyone worrying about her.”
Yes. Tono had seen that in the dream… “It will actually be a relief to see her in person,” he admitted. “Know that I’m glad to help in any way while Sir Davis recovers.”
“I’m warning you, Nosaka, it’s not looking good.”
Tono felt a stab to his chest, but knew with certainty that he could help Brie.
But Master Anderson warned him that it had been a struggle keeping his emotional distance while comforting Brie. “She’s a hurting unit right now; the pain is just under the surface and is easy to read even though she puts on a strong front. I don’t mean to offend you when I say this, but it’s imperative to comfort her without being overly comforting. Do you get what I’m saying?”
Tono knew well the sexual undercurrent that had to be kept in check. “Fortunately, I have been down this road with her before.”
Master Anderson confessed to him, “It’s just that I found the situation more challenging than I thought it would be. You can’t help but want to wrap that little girl in your arms and take all the pain away. Yeah, so I resorted to humor and cooking soup to circumvent the issue whenever it arose. I don’t know what your tools are, but they worked for me.”
Tono appreciated his candidness, respecting the man for it. Truly, Brie had been in good hands under Master Anderson’s care. But now it was now time for him to watch over her. “I assure you I will be thoughtful in my interactions… I desire to increase her harmony and peace, not distract from it.”
“That’s what she needs—along with your protection. Lilly is unbalanced.”
Master Anderson had mentioned Lilly enough times for him to understand she posed a real danger to Brie, and it spurred in Tono an overpowering urge to protect her.
Luckily, with no other obligations in LA, he would be with her twenty-four/seven. Lilly would be given no access to her. “I will keep Brie safe in both mind and body, Master Anderson,” he solemnly vowed.
Telling Autumn was his number one priority. With no time to waste, Tono went directly to her office rather than arranging to meet with her for lunch.
This had to be addressed in person.
When he arrived at her office, Tono went to the front desk to talk to the receptionist. “I’m Ren Nosaka, and I am here to see Autumn Day.”
The woman laughed. “Doesn’t she have the cutest dang name? Anytime someone asks for her I can’t help but smile.”
“I do find it charming,” he agreed.
The woman handed him a badge. “Miss Day let me know you were coming, so you can just go on in.”
Tono walked through the metal doors and looked around the large office space littered with cubicles. Thankfully, he spied Autumn waving at him in the corner.
Her face lit up as he approached her desk. “What fun to have you meet me at work, Ren! What’s the special occasion? You were so mysterious on the phone.”
“I actually have something I need to talk to you about,” Tono said, glancing around the office. In a lower tone, he added, “Alone.”
Autumn raised her eyebrows, a playful grin on her face. “Oh really?”
She naturally assumed he was flirting with her. It saddened his heart that he was here for a very different purpose. “Something’s come up, Autumn.”
Her smile instantly disappeared. “Something bad?”
He noticed other people listening in on their conversation. “Can we speak somewhere private?”
Autumn’s hands begin to shake as she grabbed her ID badge and walked him through the maze of dividers to an outdoor break area. Thankfully, no one else was around.
“What’s going on?” she asked once the door closed.
“I received a call from Master Anderson today. He was involved in a car accident and needs me to go to LA as soon as possible.”
“Is he okay?”
“He’s recovering but will be out of commission for a while.”
“Why does he need you to go then?”
“I had no idea, but he’s been taking care of Brie. The accident forced him to find a replacement.”
“Why was he taking care of her?”
“As you know Thane still hasn’t come out of his coma yet, which is stressful enough, but now it seems a relative of his is trying to stir trouble for Brie.”
“Oh, you mean Lilly
?”
“How did you know?”
“Brie mentioned something to Lea and me about her. All I know is there’s bad blood between them.”
“Apparently it is much worse than that, enough that Thane took out a restraining order against her. However, Lilly has broken that order.”
“But why does it have to be you, Ren?” Autumn pleaded.
“Master Anderson feels I am the best person for Brie right now, and although you may not want to hear this, I agree with him.”
“But just when you and I are starting to become more serious?”
“Trust me when I say I could not be more upset about the timing of this.”
She shook her head, growling under her breath. “It’s going exactly like I feared. I start to let my guard down and you’re running off to her.”
Tono put his hands on her shoulders, gripping firmly. “It’s not that way at all. I am soul-bound to Thane and Brie. They are part of my family, no different to me than your blood relatives are to you.”
“Except that you fell in love with the girl.”
“That is a part of our past,” he stated firmly. “It does not define our relationship now.”
“Then this is it for us,” she cried, placing her hands on his chest. “You’re going to go there and whether you want to or not, you’re going to fall in love with her again.”
“You’re wrong,” he insisted. “I’m going to protect Brie, but I assure you I will not be staying. I have no desire to. She has found her path and I…” He took his hand from her shoulder and cradled her cheek. “I have found mine.”
Autumn looked into his eyes with a look of desperation and longing. “It seems like a cruel joke having you leave me now.”
“It does.”
“Tell me, Ren, if I forced you to choose between Brie and me, who would you choose?”
He was not willing to play such games with her and answered, “To ask me that would be like me asking you to choose between your mother who is seriously ill or me. I would never ask you to make that kind of choice.”
She looked crestfallen. “Maybe that wasn’t a fair question, but I don’t think I can handle you leaving now.”