Amnesia: a psychological thriller

by Kylie Hillman

  Although, sex on the loveseat in his office, slow lovemaking by the heated indoor swimming pool, and even that quickie we had yesterday where he bent me over the kitchen counter and took me from behind could be better. I guess I’ll have to keep letting him have his way with me like he has every day during the past week so I can pick my true favourite.

  “Jax, faster.”

  My demand is answered a second later. He slams into my body with increased speed, sending me further up the wall until the only thing keeping me upright is his unbelievable strength. I hook my leg around his hip, sliding a hand down my tummy until my fingers reach my clit. Using two fingers, I add the pressure that I need to come with sure strokes.

  “So damn sexy.” Jax’s gaze is fixed on the spot where our bodies join—where my fingers dance for his titillation. “I can feel you getting close. Your pussy is gripping me tight, your walls refusing to let me go. That’s your beautiful body telling me that you want me to stay inside you forever.”

  I throw my head back, a groan falling from my lips when I discover that he’s right. My body is starting to spasm around him. Waves of ecstasy build until I can’t take any more. I crash over the edge into a soul-sucking orgasm that has my man’s name bouncing off the walls as I scream it in delight.

  Jax slumps over me after he’s reached his own release. Our hearts pound in unison. Chests heaving. Our skin damp from the water that cascades behind us, our shower forgotten during our passionate joining.

  “I love you,” my words are indistinct, mumbled, lost as they are in the mad rush of emotion that’s flowing within me. Although, Jax knows what I’ve said. He nibbles his way from my shoulder to my ear lobe, sinking his teeth into the soft flesh before moving his lips to my ear.

  “I love you, too.” Goosebumps break out over my skin when he steps away from me. Jax runs a hand over my stomach, bending so he can lay a kiss on the skin between my jutting hip bones. “I’ll love you even more when you tell me that you’re carrying my baby.”

  The words are like a bucket of cold water being dumped over me. It’s a reminder that our wedding in two short weeks comes with more clauses attached than a contract with the United Nations. That my life isn’t as ideal as I like to pretend it is—this connection between us is mercenary at its core, disguised by illusions of love and desire.

  “Hopefully, soon.” Reaching around him, I turn the water off and step out of the shower. After I’ve wrapped a towel around my body, I check my reflection in the mirror. A wide-eyed, brunette with a fake smile plastered on her face greets me. I fuss with my hair, ignoring the sight of a naked Jax moving around the bathroom behind me. The shaved side of my head is beginning to blend into the rest of my hair and I don’t look as pale as I have recently.

  “I’m going to dress, then I’m heading into the office for meetings.” Jax nips at my exposed shoulder with his teeth. He chuckles when a visible shiver runs the length of my body. “Be ready by five. Wear the dress I’ve had laid out for you. Hair and makeup will arrive at three-thirty, they know how I want you done up so let them work their magic.”

  I let his orders flow over me like they don’t matter. If I don’t, the urge to run is going to overwhelm me. Tonight is our first official event as Dr. and Mrs. Jaxon Ray-to-be; although, I’m sure we’ve attended plenty without the weight of our engagement hanging over my head. I simply can’t remember them.

  My father’s caustic reminders every time I see him to uphold the St. George family name, coupled with the fact that tonight is a fundraising ball for Jax’s hospital and the first public announcement regarding Centrifuge have left me feeling like a fish out of water. How the hell am I expected to perform as demanded when I don’t even know who I am? I haven’t left the house without Jax by my side, let alone schmoozed a room full of potential investors.

  While I’m lost in my head, sending myself around the bend with worry about what tonight may bring, I’ve forgotten that Jax is in the bathroom with me. He doesn’t take too kindly to my lack of attention, because a moment later I find my back pressed against the cold glass of the shower cubicle with an irate fiancé glaring down at me, shaking hands clutching my shoulders so I can’t shrug him off me.

  “Did you hear a word I just said?” Small flecks of saliva land on my face when he over-enunciates each word as if I’m mentally challenged.

  “I d-did.” My stammering answer has the cords in his neck straining so I try again. “Hair and makeup at three-thirty. Wear the dress you picked. Be ready by five.”

  His annoyance with me vanishes. It’s replaced by a smug delight that has his eyes lighting up and previously constricting grip loosening into a lover’s embrace. Jax presses his cock against my tummy, nudging my thighs apart with his knee so he can access my pussy with the hand that trails with negligent grace down my left side.

  My body responds to his touch; however, my mind is in revolt. Twenty seconds ago, this man thought it was okay to lay hands on me because I didn’t give him the answer he sought. Now, he’s ready to drive me to distraction with those same hands—as if he’s both my punishment and my reward.

  “That feels good, doesn’t it, Amber?” Jax slides two fingers inside me. He pulls them nearly all the way out of my body, then thrusts them back in with precise carnal intent. “Imagine how good I’ll make you feel if you please me tonight.”

  I let my head loll back against the glass. My body sags when my knees give way from the incessant flick of Jax’s thumb over my sensitive clit. A moan leaves me, a vocal testament to the talent this man wields with his hands. He works me over, building an astonishing level of pleasure within me in mere minutes. I’m on the cusp of my second climax for the morning when Jax pulls away from me.

  He leaves me leaning against the shower cubicle, my chest heaving as I struggle to catch my breath. My thighs are shaking. A low burning sensation clawing at my lower belly, desperate for the release it was so evilly lead to believe was coming. With a smirk, Jax sucks the two fingers he used on me into his mouth, cleaning them with obvious relish. Then, he wraps a towel around his waist and pulls the bathroom door open.

  One hand propped on the door frame, a devious glint written all over his face, Jax quirks his left eyebrow when he stares back at me. “Play your part to perfection tonight and I’ll finish you off. Multiple times. Disappoint me and you’ll discover that the way you’re feeling now is nothing compared to what I can do to you.”

  FOURTEEN

  The ballroom at the hospital is beautifully decorated. The people who fill the room all impeccably dressed. The canapes are delicious. The music is divine. Yet, it all fades into obscurity as Jax leads me around the dance floor.

  He is impossibly handsome. The love that fills his eyes steals the breath from my lungs. My skin is sensitive to his possessive touch. I feel like the princess in a fairy tale—with her prince come to rescue her and carry her away to a life of untold luxury and blissful decadence.

  “May I cut in?” Seb steps into view. He taps Jax on the shoulder before bestowing a brilliant smile on me. “You can’t monopolise the attention of the most beautiful woman in the room all night.”

  My fiancé shakes his head and pulls me closer. A giggle of delight escapes me when he nuzzles my exposed neck and runs his hands over the soft lace of my red dress. Seb laughs at our antics, cutting between us and stealing me away. A curt nod of his head in my dad’s direction has Jax swallowing his protest.

  “Malcolm asked me to send you his way. He has people for you to meet.”

  Jax grunts his begrudging acceptance. Taking my hand from Seb, he plants a delicate kiss on my knuckles. “I’ll be right back. Stay with Seb.”

  I watch his long-legged stride eat the distance between him and my father, my mouth open as I try to reconcile the ass who menaced me in the bathroom this morning with the charming man who arrived to pick me up this evening. The contradiction is too much. I wouldn’t believe the difference if I wasn’t living with it.

  Dr. Jek
yll and Mr. Hyde, eat your heart out.

  “You know, he’s not all that.” Seb swings me away from him before I can retort, laughing when I slap my palm against his shoulder when he pulls me back to him. My memories of him may be lost, but I always feel comfortable being myself around Seb. The rabid intensity of Jax is missing in his little brother.

  “Jax is confusing.” I rest my cheek on Seb’s chest, concentrating on following his easy lead. “One minute he adores me. The next, I feel like I’m not meeting some arbitrary rule of his.”

  “He’s always been like that. A selfish sadistic asshole, I believe you’ve called him many times. It’s your amnesia that’s confusing you, not him.” The laughter that accompanies Seb’s response is filled with irony, but I let it slide. There’s no way I can tell him that he’s wrong since I can see myself saying exactly that about my husband-to-be. It certainly sums him up succinctly.

  Seb turns me again. This time when I come back to him, I can see Jax standing with my father and two older men off to the side of the room. Their discussion looks intense. The two men are squaring off against the united force of my father and fiancé, who both have know-it-all smirks on their face. Their posture is free while the older men have their arms folded across their chests.

  “I have a copy of the prenup.” Seb drags my attention from the odd foursome. “It’s even better than we’d hoped. The provisions made for your children are iron-clad, as are the allowances for divorce. Everything is ready to go once we have the data.”

  My feet grind to a halt. I step back from Seb so I can look him straight in the eyes. “What do you mean? Jax can be difficult, but I don’t have any intentions of divorcing him.”

  “How many doses of Centrifuge have you had?” This question makes no sense, neither does the expectation in Seb’s expression. He’s acting like the answer to this is as important as learning the nuclear codes.

  “Twice daily. But, what does that matter? It’s helping me. I feel stronger every day.”

  “But, you’re not regaining your memories, are you? He’s not using it as intended. My brother is fucking insane to think he’s going to get away with this.” Strong arms pull me back to him and we resume dancing. I can feel the racing of Seb’s heart in his chest when he cradles me against it and, once again, I feel like I’m missing a major piece of the puzzle that makes up my life. “I know none of this makes any sense to you. I shouldn’t have brought it up tonight, but I couldn’t help myself. I needed to see how far gone you are. Please forgive me and forget what I said.”

  I let out an inelegant snort. “Like that’s possible. You’re as bad as Jax for speaking in riddles. I’m forever trying to decipher your crap.”

  This time, Seb’s amusement is genuine. “Crap. That’s harsh, Amby-Pamby. I’m going to remind you of this conversation when it’s time. Then, we’ll see who’s talking crap.”

  “Dude. I have amnesia. Everything I say is crap.”

  A throat clears next to us, pulling my attention away from Seb and the rumbling laughter I can feel moving in his chest. Jax looks at me, the jealousy that covers his features causing me to take a big step away from Seb. Once there is space between us, I send an apologetic half-smile in my brother-in-law-to-be’s direction and reach out to take hold of Jax’s hand.

  “I missed you.” The words are said in a sultry purr. My desire to negate Jax’s upcoming tantrum adding an urgency to them that strips some of the seduction from the statement. “Did you get everything sorted with my dad?”

  Greedy fingers tighten around mine. My stilettos click on the ballroom floor as I struggle to keep my feet when Jax pulls me to him. My breasts cushion some of the impact of our bodies meeting. A high-pitched squeak leaving me when my backside is clasp with indecent intent and I find myself being pressed against a growing bulge.

  “If you missed me so much, why did I find you in my brother’s arms? One Ray brother isn’t a substitute for another.” Jax’s fingers dig into my flesh, sending worry that he’s going to rip the delicate material rippling through me. “You’re mine. No one else can touch you. Learn that. Remember that. Embrace that.”

  My fear is justified when I hear the lace tear. I try to swat Jax away, but he refuses to let me go.

  “Jax,” Seb cuts in. “You’re about to make a scene. Let her go.”

  “Back. Off,” Jax replies through gritted teeth. “Amber needs to learn a lesson—”

  The rest of Jax’s tirade is interrupted when the ornate double doors of the ballroom swing open and a huge, blonde man bursts into the room.

  “AMBER!” he yells. I see his head moving above the other people in the room. “Amber St. George? I know you’re here, sugar.”

  His voice is familiar. It sends waves of recognition through me. A gaping chasm opens in my chest. Sensations of loss, of love … of hope flow through me. I pull out of Jax’s arms, my dress ripping a little more when I do, and begin to push through the crowd toward the big man.

  “Amber!” This time it is Jax calling my name.

  My movements become more frantic. I hit the bodies in front of me with the pointy end of my elbow, leaving curses and gasps in my wake. Eventually, the crowd gets the message and steps aside. I fall through the final vestiges of onlookers right in front of the blonde man. He catches me with sure hands under my arms and hauls me back to my feet.

  “Sugar.” He lifts me into the air. My legs wrap around his waist, my arms threading around his neck of their own volition. “I knew I’d find you again.”

  “Who are you?” My query is whispered against his lips after he crushes me to him and kisses me.

  “I’m Xander. Your—”

  We don’t have time to speak further. I’m wrenched out of his arms and he’s knocked to the floor by armed security. One of them points a gun at the back of his neck, cocking the safety with his thumb, while the other three surround us. Another holds my struggling form and drags me away from Xander. He passes me to Jax, who locks his arms around my middle, and heads back into the melee as more guards pour into the room.

  “Call the police,” my dad shouts. “This man is responsible for my brother’s death. He is supposed to be locked up. Not here terrorising my daughter.”

  My heart leaps into my throat. Did I just run toward a killer?

  “Sugar,” the man lying on the floor yells over the commotion my father’s announcement has sent through the assembled people. “Tell them it’s a heap of shit. I’m your fiancé. They’ve kidnapped you. Stolen you from me so they can pull off this farce. Jax killed Charles. He shot the blonde woman and his receptionist. You saw it. You know it wasn’t me.”

  One of the security guard’s kicks Xander in the head and he falls silent.

  “The police are on their way.” A burly man in a suit pronounces as he enters the ballroom.

  He beckons the group crowded around my parents to follow. Jax drags me behind him as we surge forward, slowing and laying an arm over my shoulders when he realises that I’m not fighting him any longer. The rage that I can feel radiating from his stiff body dulls and he murmurs soft words of reassurance in my ear.

  “It’s okay, baby. You’re not in trouble.”

  Agonising shakes have taken hold of my body as the adrenaline that had me running from my fiancé to a murderer evaporates. I’m finding it hard to stay upright, my mind unable to cope with the events that just unfolded.

  This is insanity. My memory loss almost cost me my life.

  “She’s going to collapse,” Seb warns from his spot on my other side.

  Jax sweeps me into his arms, holding me against his upper body with ease. He carries me into the small room where my family has been led by the man in the suit. When the door is shut behind us, Jax whirls around to face our father’s.

  “What the hell was that?” He lowers his chin, motioning toward me. “He could have hurt her. He’s supposed to be in jail, not breaking into private functions and accusing me of murder.”

  “We’ll fix it
. He’ll be back inside within the hour.” Henry promises his son. He shoots a look of disgust my way. “Having Amber jump into his arms in front of potential donors and the hospital board is going to be much harder to explain.”

  Raw indignation emanates from my fiancé. It mingles with the hurt and censure that I feel within him. It breaks my heart because I know that my actions are the reason why he’s feeling this way.

  “I’m sorry.” I take hold of his face and pull until he’s looking at me. His eyes are shuttered, no emotion to be seen, but he doesn’t try to resist me. “I don’t know why I ran to him, except that he seemed familiar and—”

  Seb interrupts me. “It’s a side effect of the drug. Sometimes, when a memory is triggered the circumstances can be distorted which can lead you to believe things that aren’t true. That man was familiar to you because you witnessed him killing Charlie and the two women he mentioned. He’s been stalking you.”

  “He tried to kill me, and Charles died saving my life.” Jax takes over explaining when Seb trails off. “Unfortunately, he was able to shoot my receptionist and your day nurse, Belinda, before we could stop him.”

  Holy mother of pearl. My life is like a storyline from daytime television. No wonder my memories are staying lost.

  Who’d want them back?

  “I’m so very sorry.” I offer my apologies again. Although, they don’t feel like enough in the current circumstances. “Is there any way I can help keep him behind bars? If you tell me what to say, I can tell the police that I remember enough to corroborate your story. Would that help?”

  A sharp intake of breath comes from Seb’s direction. Jax smiles at me, the black depths of his gaze warming exponentially. “Baby, that would be a big help.”

  The door opens. The man in the suit pokes his head in. He looks harried, a little red-faced and flustered.