by Toni Aleo
She shakes her head quickly, squeezing my hand. “No, not at all. It’s me and my internal struggle.”
I chuckle softly. “Internal struggle?”
“Yeah, I like you, but I don’t want to like you because I know you’ll distract the hell out of me.”
My whole face lights up. “This is true for me too, which I think is good. We understand what the other wants, and we can respect that.”
She brings her brows in, a sexy little V returning to tease me. “So you just want sex?”
I blink. “Jeez, you bring up sex a lot.”
Her face fills with color, and she shrugs. “I don’t understand what you want.”
“You,” I answer softly. “I just want a chance to see what this could be.”
“This?”
“Yeah, this pull between us. I know you feel it.”
“I do,” she answers hesitantly, and then she shakes her head. “Which is so bad.”
I lean toward her, my lips only a breath from hers. “Or really good.”
I don’t give her a chance to answer. I press my lips to hers, wanting to do more but knowing I can’t. I feel like something has happened to her or she’s been done wrong, and all I want is the chance to show her I am better than that.
She just has to give me a chance.
Chapter Eighteen
Sofia
I’m in a daze.
The whole way back to the house, Amelia goes on and on about how incredible Moon is, but all I’m doing is imagining Ryan’s lips on mine.
Good Lord, they’re better than I thought.
“His real name is Chandler! Isn’t that amazing? Like from Friends. You’ve watched that, right? Crap, you probably haven’t. Adding that to the list,” she rambles on, pulling her phone out to add to the list of stuff I haven’t seen. Meanwhile, I don’t give two shits about Moon or Chandler; I’m fully focused on Ryan Justice. He kissed the shit out of me, and it wasn’t gentle like I thought my first kiss would be.
Or even sweet.
It was insanely fucking hot.
I don’t know if I’ll recover.
Honestly, I don’t know what happened. I was under some sort of spell. It had to be his hips or his hands or…shit, it was him. And next thing I know, I’m up on a rooftop, looking out at the beautiful Tennessee sky, spilling my life story to the one person I was trying my hardest to ignore. Obviously, that isn’t going to happen, so I might want to accept it.
Accept that I might be dating Ryan.
Shit.
“He was so funny. You should have seen him. I just sat on his lap like it was nothing, and it actually wasn’t. I couldn’t find anywhere to sit, and I don’t get how my aunt walks in these fucking shoes all the time. I can’t wait for you to meet my aunt. She’s funny and spunky and oh so fashionable. You’d never know Posey was her kid. That girl is the epitome of a tomboy,” she laughs, while I can’t help but grin like a fool as I’m terrified at the same exact time.
What the hell am I going to do? Do I have a choice? I don’t know!
“Anyway, his eyes were like quarters when I sat down, giving him my come-get-me grin, and he was done for. He’s so amazing, so funny, and I want to get him naked so damn bad.”
I wouldn’t dare judge her. So she wants to have loads of sex? Her body, her choice. Unlike me, who has been clinging to her V-card like a damn life preserver. But then again, that’s not true. I just didn’t have time. Problem is, do I have time now?
“So where were you?”
My mouth goes dry.
“I saw you with Ryan, dancing it up, both of you guys grinning and enjoying it very much, and then you were just gone. I was too busy finding out what Moon was majoring in and admiring his sexy lips. Then stupid Willy ruined it all. It pissed Moon off, and then he left, and then I was pissed, but then you found me, and here we are! So yeah, where did y’all go?”
I bite my lip, crossing my arms and tucking my hands under them as we head up the stairs to our room. “On the roof.”
“On the roof? Of the house?”
“Yeah, he had this little setup, chairs and Oreos. Oh, and coffee.”
“Really?” she giggles, shaking her head. “That’s sorta romantic.”
“Yeah, it was.”
She leans into me, waggling her brows at me. “So, what happened?”
My face burns as I shrug. “I don’t know… We talked and ate Oreos. It was sweet.”
“What did y’all talk about?” she asks as she puts in the key, pushing the door open and letting me in. When she kicks off her shoes, she grins over at me. “Did he like your hair?”
“Eh, not really. I think he wants to see it curly.”
“Aw, I love your hair. I was gonna offer to do it more often.”
I make a face. “You burned my scalp twice.”
“You have baby hairs! I had to get them.”
I shake my head, knowing damn well there will not be a meeting between me, Amelia, and her hair straightener in my future. “Whatever,” I say, falling back on my bed before toeing out of my shoes, my mind returning to the little quirk in Ryan’s jaw when he smiled. Or how his eyes seemed to get darker right before he kissed me. Wow, he kissed me.
And I really liked it.
I hadn’t given much thought to my first kiss, but I never pictured it being on a rooftop with someone like Ryan Justice. He’s so hot, and while I’m aware I’m pretty, I’m muscular. Guys don’t want girls who are stronger than they are, but Ryan doesn’t seem to see that. He sees me, and he’s so easy to talk to. Oh, I’m in trouble.
When Amelia falls onto my bed with me, in only a T-shirt and panties—this girl has no modesty whatsoever—she leans on her hands. “So, what did y’all talk about?”
I roll my eyes, moving my hair out of my face. “I don’t know. Stuff. He’s so easy to talk to.”
“He is,” she agrees. “He’s got that talk-to-me face. Even when I wanted to shut down and hide, he was there, and I just had to talk to him.”
“Yeah, but he’s your brother.”
“I know, and Shelli is basically my sister, yet I couldn’t talk to her when my dad died. She loved my daddy, and she was in as much pain as I was, but Ryan was honestly the only person I could talk to. When he would come in the room, he didn’t want to talk about anything but what made us happy. I don’t know, that probably doesn’t make sense, but he just knows how to be there for someone.”
“No, I get it,” I say softly. “When my mom first got diagnosed, I couldn’t talk to anyone, not even her, and I think that messed me up a bit.”
“Oh, I’m sure,” she sympathizes, shaking her head. “I wish I had been there.”
“Me too,” I answer, leaning my head into hers. “It would have been a lot easier, and it would have been really nice to have someone like you on my side.”
We share a long look, but then she says, “Though, I don’t think we’d have been friends. You were probably too focused.”
I grin. “I was favored to beat Gabby Douglas for a spot on the team.”
“Yeah, that sucks,” she says, inhaling before letting it out in a whoosh. “I just wanted a scholarship and a banging body. Check, done.” I giggle as she laughs from her gut. “But you know, I think things happen for a reason. You needed a best friend—done, me. You need fun—done, college. And you need someone to make you smile—boom, Ryan.”
I smile even harder. “I don’t know.”
“Did you not have fun?”
I can’t wipe this grin off my face. “I did.”
She eyes me. “Did something happen, Sofia Castilleja?”
My blush deepens. “Maybe. I don’t know.”
“You don’t know!” she laughs, and I can’t hold back my own laughter. I feel like a little girl, swooning over some One Direction guy.
“I just don’t know, Amelia, honestly. He makes me feel weird, and I swear, he tells me I’m beautiful at every turn. It’s insane.”
She beams, her eyes
sparkling. “Aww. That’s so sweet.”
“And he just listens and, like I said, is so easy to talk to… Ugh, I don’t know.”
She’s still grinning at me. “What do you feel?”
I groan loudly. “Like a crazy person.”
She laughs. “Someone likes my brother.”
I close my eyes, covering my face. “He kissed me.”
Her sudden shriek scares the hell out of me. Wide-eyed, I hold out my hands. “What in the world!”
“I’m so excited!” she says, shaking me. “Was it amazing?”
I smile shyly, groaning more. “I mean, for my first, yeah, it was pretty spectacular.”
More shrieking comes my way before she starts wiggling as she shakes me violently. “No way! That was your first?”
“Yes, crazypants, stop shaking me!” I smack her hands, but she ignores me.
“Oh. My. God! Did you tell him that?”
“No!”
She laughs. “Oh my God. That is so sweet. Did you cry?”
I make a face. “Do I look like the kind of person to cry after a kiss?”
She pauses and then shrugs. “I cried.”
“Because you’re a glass box of emotion.”
She pauses once more. “Touché.” Then she grins down at me. “Tell me everything.”
So I do, and it’s amazing. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to explain how important this friendship I have with Amelia is. While she’s a little spunky and doesn’t know how to control her shrieking, she’s fun to talk to about this. I didn’t even know what I was missing, but now that I have girl talk, I don’t ever want to go back to what I had before.
Which was nothing.
Now, I feel like I’ve got it all.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this?”
“Totally,” she answers right away, leaning on her elbows. “He has never ever dated any of my friends. I found out he slept with Drew’s sister, but that’s the closest he’s ever come to anyone I know. He just never wanted to mix a relationship with someone I cared for. So that has to mean something since we all know how close we are.”
I think that over. “But if it goes south?”
“Then it does, but you’ll always be my best friend. Plus, he’s going into the NHL, so really, we won’t be seeing him but at family things.”
I shake my head. “No big, right?”
She shrugs. “He’ll be kind, that’s for sure. And if you want, we can be so awful to him. Shelli would join!”
I laugh out loud. “You’re so mean.”
She giggles. “He’d know I was doing it for you because, no matter what, I love my brother.”
I press my lips together. “But what if I hurt him?”
She flashes me a quick grin. “Then my cousins and I will kill you. We have hockey sticks, and we know how to use them. Kneecaps. It’s all about the kneecaps.”
My eyes widen in shock. That escalated quickly! “But I love my kneecaps.”
“Then don’t hurt my brother.”
With that, she jumps off my bed and onto hers, leaving me scared of my five-foot-nothing roommate and her incredibly hot brother. I want to say I know she’s joking, but I don’t. That alone should warn me to steer clear of Ryan Justice, but I don’t think I can now. I let my head fall back just as my phone vibrates in my bra. When I pull it out, it’s a message from Amelia.
Amelia: Love you!
Along with Ryan’s number.
So I guess I know how Amelia feels.
And I know how Ryan feels.
Now, it’s all up to me.
Chapter Nineteen
Sofia
“So, have you texted him?”
I shake my leg nervously as I look out on the ice. Amelia won’t like my answer, which is why I’m stalling. “Not yet.”
When Amelia groans, I don’t even look at her. Instead, my eyes are on the ice as the Zamboni moves along it, cleaning the surface after warm-ups. It’s my first college hockey game—well, first hockey game ever—and this place is packed with people. The rink is buzzing with excitement, and I have to admit, I sort of dig it. With the way this crowd acted, screaming and cheering on the Bullies as they warmed up, I’m curious to see how the game will go. It’s a rivalry matchup, against Lipsome, and according to Amelia, it’s sure to be a chippy game.
Not sure what that means, but she insists I’ll enjoy it.
“And why not?”
I bite the inside of my lip as I lean back, crossing my legs as my foot continues to tap. I’m not sure why I’m nervous. I don’t know if the reason I haven’t texted Ryan is because I haven’t seen him since the party, which was only two days ago. Or if it’s because I really wanted to and I don’t want to sound dumb. I don’t know what to say. Hi may seem like the right choice, but then, what do I do after that? I don’t know, and not knowing is really fucking with me. I feel like an idiot, completely clueless.
I wish I could be more like Amelia.
“I don’t know. It’s weird. Like, what do I say?”
She gives me a blank look. “‘Hey, it’s Sofia’ is a wonderful start.”
I roll my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. It’s freaking cold in here. “Well, I know that, but then what?”
“Have you never texted a guy before?”
“I’ve only texted my mom. And now, I text you.”
She doesn’t seem surprised by that, which should embarrass me, but it doesn’t. “Okay, so just talk the way you would with us.”
I press my lips together. “I don’t know. It seems silly. Like, I’d rather just speak to him.”
“That’s understandable, but when you can’t, you text.”
I think that over, pressing my fingers into my ribs. “I don’t know.”
She seems frustrated by me, but she doesn’t say so. Instead, she puts her feet on the ledge by the glass, lacing her fingers together. Looking around the rink, I notice a lot of the student body is around the top, but we’re at the bottom with teachers and people in suits. “Why aren’t we sitting up there?”
“These are my uncle Shea’s seats. He buys season tickets to support the team. Usually, Shelli and I or my mom take them when he can’t come, but I asked for them for us.”
“Oh, that’s nice.”
She flashes me a wide grin, her eyes dancing with excitement. “Yeah, I wanted you to have a front-row seat to your first game.”
She waggles her brows, but I’m still thinking about Ryan. It’s weird, and I feel so off. I’ve never done this, but ever since that kiss, the ripple of his muscles under my fingers, and then all the rest of him… Yeah, there is no getting that guy out of my head. “Does he even want me to text him?”
I meet her annoyed gaze, and she doesn’t answer me. She looks down at her phone, tapping a few things before holding it up for me. Leaning forward, I see it’s a text thread between Ryan and Amelia.
Bubba: Did you give her my number?
Me: Yes. Leave me alone.
Bubba: Why hasn’t she texted me, then?
Me: Maybe she doesn’t like you.
Bubba: Yes, she does. Tell her to text me. OR give me her number.
Me: I’m not disrespecting my friend like that. You’re gonna have to wait.
Bubba: UGH! I’m dying here.
Bubba: Please tell her to text me.
Me: Jeez, you’re so dramatic. Be patient.
Bubba: But I want to talk to her.
“So, I think he may want to talk to you.”
I look up from her phone to meet her gaze, and every nerve in my body is firing off like crazy. He wants to talk to me. A small little satisfied grin pulls at my lips before I shrug. “Yeah, I guess.”
“So text him.”
My phone feels like a hundred-pound weight in my hand as I gaze down at it. “I can’t right now.”
“Why not? You can wish him good luck. He has his phone.”
I furrow my brow. “He does?”
“Oh yeah. Before the
coach talks, all the guys just sit with their phones.”
“Oh,” I say, and I don’t know if I agree with that. It’s a distraction. They should be focusing on the game they’re about to play, not their phones. Within seconds, I can hear Amelia in my head. Whoa, calm down, Sofia. Not everyone trains and plays like a robot. And she’d be right. To each their own, but I don’t want to bother him.
“Do it.”
I try to ignore Amelia, but it’s hard because I want to text him. Tapping my forefinger to the top of my phone, I let out a long breath. What the hell? Opening a message with his number, I text him quickly.
Me: Hey, it’s Sofia. I wanted to wish you luck.
A text bubble comes up almost immediately.
Ryan: Hey! Thanks! Are you here?
Me: I am.
Ryan: Cool, now I have to make sure we win for you. Maybe I can score a goal for you.
He makes me feel like I just stuck a double layout off the bars.
Me: Since I’ve never seen anyone score a goal, much less the guy who is trying to date me, I think I might enjoy that.
Ryan: Trying? Accept it, Sofia, we’re dating.
A small laugh leaves my lips, and I roll my eyes. His cockiness drives me wild, and his eagerness for me leaves me breathless. Obviously, I haven’t ever felt this way, but it’s amazing.
Me: You haven’t taken me on a date.
Ryan: Don’t worry. That’s coming.
Man, I hate how excited I am for that.
Ryan: Will you wait for me after the game?
Me: Sure.
Ryan: Cool. Thanks again.
Me: Good luck.
When he sends me the kissy emoji, I’m grinning from ear to ear as my heart pounds in my chest.
“Well, that went perfectly.”
I give Amelia a side-eye, shaking my head and trying to calm my heart. It’s doing its own thing and leaving me completely out of sorts. I don’t know how to feel about it, but I just feel good. Which I guess is what you want when you’re dating someone. I can’t believe I’m dating Ryan. “So…question?”
Amelia leans on her legs, her face held in her hands she looks at me. “Yes?”