by Toni Aleo
“He says we’re dating, so does that mean we’re boyfriend/girlfriend?”
She shakes her head, and I’m glad she isn’t judging me too much. I know I sound stupid. “No, when things are really good and you want to be exclusive, then y’all will discuss it and be only with each other.”
I look down at my phone. “So he could be with someone else?”
“He isn’t,” she insists quickly. “But yes.”
The thought of anyone else seeing those strong legs and the way he holds his shoulders back in such a sexy, confident way has me in knots. I want to be the only one to ogle him and to smell that mix of cologne and his own scent. This is all so much to take in.
“Don’t worry, Sofia, he isn’t seeing anyone else. I can promise you that.”
I nod. “I know, but it just…” I press my lips together, unsure what I feel.
“Makes you crazy to think of him with someone else? Welcome to dating.”
When she laughs, I send her a fast grin. “So it doesn’t get better?”
“Nope, not even kinda. Wait until you two are together.”
I cover my face. “This is all so confusing.”
“But sometimes, it’s worth it. Drew was worth it.”
I peek through my fingers at her. “You miss him?”
She shrugs, recrossing her legs. “Yeah, but he’s too far away, and then there’s Moon.”
Letting my hands slide down my face, I ask, “Do you not want to try long-distance?”
She shakes her head. “Nope. No point. We’ll never be in the same place again. But I do miss him.”
“Do you still love him?”
She thinks that over for a moment and then glances back at me. “I don’t think you ever stop loving your first love or remembering your first time.”
Her words hit me right in the chest. That will be me after Ryan, if I do what I want to do. Amelia doesn’t look miserable, but I know she misses Drew. That scares me. I don’t want to dwell on some guy, not when I have so much to do, but Ryan wouldn’t be so bad to dwell on. We are on two different paths, so I don’t know why I’m worried about this now. We haven’t even gone on a first date, and I’m already missing the guy.
What the hell is wrong with me?
A month ago, all I cared about was getting my education and kicking ass on the mat. Now, I want more. I want Ryan, and I want to experience all the things I missed as a teenager. But the fear of the unknown freaks me out. It isn’t controllable, and that has me on edge. I can control my education and how to move my body to meet the skills I need to get points, but I can’t control what I feel for someone or even what they feel for me.
Is that why I’ve never put myself out there before?
I don’t know, but before I can stress anymore over my inner struggles, the announcer is on the PA, introducing the Bullies to the ice. The place loses its mind, and when Amelia shoots out of her seat, screaming her butt off, I’m left wide-eyed.
And I stay like that through the whole first period.
I have never in my life been to something so extreme. I thought gymnastics was intense, but the fans are nothing like these people. They’re loud, they’re rambunctious, and apparently, at every turn, the referees are complete idiots. I have never been around spectators who hate another team or a group of refs as much as these people do. Don’t get me wrong, my mom has silently cursed a judge before, but she’d never scream the way Amelia does in between trying to explain the game to me.
“That’s a hold! Are you blind? Get your head out of your ass, ref!”
Leaning toward her, I ask, “Can he hear you?”
She shrugs quickly. “I don’t care. He needs to know.”
“Oh, of course,” I mutter as I sit back, still wide-eyed.
Even in my state of complete shock, I can’t keep my eyes off Ryan. He’s the largest guy out there. So tall and so big. His shoulders look wider than usual, and I’m told it’s from his pads. When he slams some dude into the wall, I’m thankful for those pads. I’m sure he is too. His blue eyes shine through the cage that covers his face, and even from my seat, I can see how quickly they move, assessing the situation before he passes the puck to his teammates.
He’s absolutely fascinating.
Even though I have no clue what is going on, despite Amelia’s attempts to explain, I’m too caught up in everything Ryan. The way he moves. His speed, his readiness… I am in awe. If I thought I was digging him off the ice, seeing him knock grown men on their asses and swinging a stick so hard before sending a puck flying toward a goal have me more than a little infatuated with him. I am completely blown away. As I watch him move, his voice carrying over the ice as he yells around his mouthguard, I realize all this game is doing is making me want to spend more time with him.
So much more.
“Oh my God, my brother is kicking ass!” Amelia yells then as Ryan shoves some guy into the boards.
“So that’s good?”
She nods quickly. “So damn good! He is killing it tonight!” I smile proudly as she asks, “Are you having fun?”
“Yeah, just wish I knew more.”
She grins. “You’ll learn. It’s fascinating though, right?”
“Oh yeah!” I yell right as I look up to see that Ryan has the puck. His eyes dart from side to side as he moves the puck with ease. He must not have seen anything problematic because, within seconds, he lines up and lets his stick go. The puck goes flying toward the net, leaving me to hold my breath as I try to watch it move, but I lose it the moment it’s off his stick.
When the crowd loses its ever-loving mind, I realize he has scored.
Amelia is on her feet, screaming and tapping the glass. I do the same since I don’t want Ryan to think I’m not impressed. I am. I just wish I knew what was going on. I wonder if there is a book, Hockey for Dummies or something, because I am pretty sure I am a complete idiot when it comes to this sport. I don’t like that. I want to be involved in this, and I want to know more.
I want Ryan to know I care.
I wait for the freak-out. The something that will hold me back. But when he meets my gaze before bending down for what I think Amelia said is the face-off, his lips curve and my heart kicks up into my throat.
Oh. I’m in more trouble than I could ever fathom.
Chapter Twenty
Ryan
I scored.
I scored in a game that not only matters to my career but also a game Sofia attended.
I fucking murdered that game.
I was awesome, I was confident, and I was loud. All the things Coach wants. All the things I want. Man, I feel good. I feel really good, and part of it, I think, is because of Sofia. Seeing her up behind the glass, her brow furrowed and looking crazy confused, I wanted nothing more than to impress her. Amelia is loud and knows when to cheer, but Sofia was reserved. She didn’t follow suit; she observed. I don’t know why that turns me on, but it does. I love it. I loved watching her face. I was so worried she’d be a distraction, especially since I’ve been dying for her to text me for the last couple days, but she didn’t. She fueled me. I wanted to be the best, like her.
I can’t wait to see her.
As I sit in my locker, I lean on my legs as Coach goes on and on about how great we played. We lost to Lipsome last season, so beating them this time is badass. They have a lot of skill on their team, but ours is over and above theirs. We are going to go all the way; I can feel it. In the end, that will look great as I try to go into the draft. For the first time in a while, I feel good. I’m ready.
“As everyone knows, we lost Ackerman,” Coach starts. A few of my teammates nod their heads, but my heart stops. Is he about to announce who the captain is? “Playing a game like this without a captain could have taken down a team. I wanted to talk more with Baylor and discuss who we should replace Ackerman with. After tonight’s game, though, I know who should be captain.”
A hush falls over the locker room as I scoot to the edge of
my locker. Moon does the same, his eyes intent on Coach while I hold my breath. “So put your hands together for the new captain of the Bellevue Bullies, Chandler Moon.”
My heart drops.
Damn it.
Moon stands as the room erupts with approval, the guys all letting out whoops and clapping loudly. Meanwhile, I just sit there, racking my brain for what I did wrong. When Moon looks down at me, I stand immediately, shaking his hand and giving him a manly hug. “Attaboy, Moon.”
He flashes me a quick grin before walking up to Coach and shaking his hand. I hadn’t realized how bad I wanted the captain spot until Coach hands Moon his new jersey with the “C” on it. I bite the inside of my cheek and clap along with my teammates, but I’m not here. I’m in my head, going over and over everything, trying to figure out where I went wrong. Was I not vocal enough? Did I not lead the guys the way they needed to be led? Moon is a natural. He yells and he directs, but I don’t like to use my voice like that. I want to guide, I want to lift, and while Moon is going to be a great captain, I really thought I would be better.
Guess I’m wrong.
When we’re released, everyone wants to go out to celebrate Moon, but I somehow get out of it with the excuse of getting my sister home. I think Moon knows I’m bummed, so he doesn’t push, thank God. Once I’m away from them, I pull out my phone to call Shea, but then I’m locked in the gaze of the girl who has been starring in all my dreams. As I tuck my phone into my pocket, a slow grin comes over my face no matter that I feel like I’ve just failed once again. Sofia walks with such confidence, wearing leggings and an oversized sweatshirt that hangs past her thighs. Her hair is down, still bone straight, and her lips are glossed to perfection.
Man, I’m hooked on this girl.
“Hey, you,” I call to her, and her little grin grows.
“Hey,” she says as she stops in front of me.
“You look amazing,” I say softly, leaning toward her and kissing her cheek. “I like teal on you.”
Her cheeks warm as she waves me off. “I’m a bum. I was working on a paper when I realized what time it was, and Amelia was rushing me out of the room.”
I reach out, taking her hand in mine. Her eyes darken as I lace our fingers together. I love the feel of her callused hands, and I want nothing more than to pull her into my arms and take that mouth with mine to forget what just happened in the locker room.
Her eyes search mine as she takes a step toward me. “Are you okay?”
I nod quickly. “I’m good. Did you enjoy the game?”
Her eyes widen while her thumb moves along mine. “Are you sure?”
I squeeze her hand, plastering a huge grin on my face. I refuse to admit to her that I’m a failure, that I couldn’t even land the captain position when I’ve been on the team for four years and Moon has only been here going on two. My heart feels like a vise grip is around it, and I can’t breathe. Am I wasting my time? Why do I even care, if I can’t succeed? I won’t say that, though, not to the girl who is the best at everything she does. No way.
“I’m great now. So tell me, are you now a hockey fan?”
She doesn’t seem convinced. “Well, I have no clue what was going on, but it looked super cool, and you’re badass.”
If I were badass, I would have made captain. I don’t say that, though. Instead, I give her a bashful grin. “Aw, thanks.”
She beams up at me, her fingers squeezing mine. “I need you to teach me this sport. It’s awesome.”
“It is, and it’s a date.”
Her lips purse, her gaze narrowing. “You’ve been waiting to say that.”
“Since the moment I met you,” I say as I step closer to her. Her breath catches audibly as I lean in, my lips coming to her ear. “How embarrassed would you be if I kissed you right now? My sister is coming, so answer quickly.”
I feel her smile. “You can kiss me as soon as you tell me what’s wrong.”
“Nothing.”
“You’re a liar. Tell me.”
Amelia stops in her tracks, a silly grin coming on her face before she points to where the bathrooms are. I don’t know what she is trying to tell me, but one thing is for sure, I’m getting drunk off Sofia’s sweet scent. It’s a mix of flowers and maybe apple. I don’t know, but I don’t want to move. I sure do want to kiss her, though. “How about we agree that something is bothering me and kiss anyway?”
She giggles lightly. “Or you can tell me.”
My eyes drift shut as I draw in a deep breath, taking in her scent. I feel fuzzy, a little light-headed, but in a good way. “I thought I would get captain, but I didn’t.” She pulls back, her face concerned, but I bring her back in, wrapping my arms around her waist. God, she feels so good. “Don’t move.”
She presses her hands into my chest, but not to push me away as she leans her cheek to mine. “Okay. Did you want it?”
“I did.”
She smiles gently. “So why didn’t you get it?”
I shrug. “I’m not sure. I guess I’m not as vocal as Moon.”
“Do you need it? For the draft, I mean.”
“I don’t think so, but it would look good.”
“So, it isn’t necessary?”
“No.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
I hesitate for only a second. “I guess I wanted it. I wanted to feel like I was doing something good to further my career. Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck.”
I can feel her face move, and I imagine she’s confused. “Stuck? How?”
“I should have gone into the draft, but no one wants me yet. They want me to get some college under me or they want to send me to the EHL, which is one step up from recreational hockey. I want more. I want the NHL. I want to be just like my uncle.”
Wow, I hadn’t meant to unload like that. She stills in my arms, and she moves her hands over my chest to grip my biceps. Our breathing is in tune, and I can feel her heartbeat soothing my uneasiness. I didn’t want to admit all that to her, but in her arms, feeling her heart against mine, it doesn’t seem as awful as it had when I found out I didn’t make captain.
“Don’t they pick captain at the beginning of the season?” she asks.
I move my cheek up and down against hers. “Yeah, but our captain failed his drug test, so they are replacing him.”
“And you thought you’d get it.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, here is what I’m thinking.” She steps back some, and I almost pull her back in, but her hazel gaze captures mine. “This position wasn’t yours from the rip. So don’t let this get you down. This way, you don’t have to worry about leading a whole team. You can focus on you, get your game how you want it, and dominate. Don’t let this get you down, because I believe in you. I may not know shit about this sport, but I saw the passion on your face. You’re gonna make it.”
I move my hand up to her cheek as I stare into her sweet eyes, my heart throbbing in my chest. She’s absolutely right, and the funny thing is, she doesn’t even know this damn sport. But she does know how to be the best. “Thank you.”
Her lips quirk as she gazes up at me, her fingers wrapping around my arms the best they can. “You’re welcome.”
I lean in closer. “Let me take you out.”
Sofia’s lashes fall a bit. “You’re taking me to a game, remember?”
“Before that.”
She pulls her lip between her teeth, her eyes dark as she nods hesitantly. “A cup of coffee?”
“No, I think we’ve moved on from that.”
Her eyes sparkle. “True.”
“Tonight? Now?”
I sound eager, and I guess I am. I can see she wants to say yes, yet she says, “I can’t. I have that dumb paper to finish—”
“When is your next free day?”
Sofia bites her lip as she thinks that over. “I have Thursday morning open. I have the gym, but—”
“Can I take you after?”
She doesn’t hesitat
e. “Yes.”
Licking my lips, I lean in, my eyes searching hers as I say, “Can I kiss you now?”
“Are people watching?” she asks, though her eyes don’t leave mine, and I don’t think she really cares. I know I don’t.
“I hope so. I want everyone to know I’m kissing the most gorgeous girl on campus.”
Her lips curve even more, but she doesn’t say anything. Instead, she goes to her tippy-toes, pressing her lips to mine, and I swear, I’m flying.
Other than the “C” for my jersey, I’ve got all I want in my arms right now.
Sofia.
Chapter Twenty-One
Ryan
“So you’re gonna let me adopt you, right?”
I don’t think my mom has let Sofia have a free moment since we arrived at the office party she’s putting on at the Fontanel Mansion. Though, my mom has changed it into a festive wonderland of lights and ice sculptures. There were over five hundred people who showed up, and like always, my mom killed it. She wasn’t kidding when she said it would take more than me to move that damn swan. I was thankful I brought a few of the guys and Moon. But I don’t think my mom noticed them. Usually, she gushes over my friends, makes a huge deal about them. But tonight, it’s all about Amelia’s friend.
Mom loves Sofia.
With a shy grin, Sofia shrugs as she moves a piece of hair behind her ear. “I think my mom might have something to say about that.”
Mom just waves her off. “We’ll discuss it when she comes. Do you have the date yet?”
Sofia shakes her head, a strained smile on her face. It was her first night working ever, and when she texted me that she was nervous, I assured her she would be great. I wasn’t wrong. She moved around this room like she owned it, and everyone was very pleased. Unlike my sister, who was flirting with Moon most of the night and didn’t deliver the wine to table three fast enough.
“Not yet. We’re working it out.”
“You let me know. She has a place to stay.”
Mom has always been very inviting. My dad would hate it, but she’s a natural entertainer and loves fussing over people in her house. Lately, it’s been a little overbearing, her asking everyone to come stay with her. It leads me to believe she is lonely, and that bums me out. “I really appreciate that, Mrs. Justice.”