by Toni Aleo
He nods slowly as he unloads the basket. “Yeah, she and my dad were a lot alike. The classic father-daughter relationship. I was jealous of how much he loved her—she was his baby—which I think is why I idolize my uncle so much. Though, now I feel guilty for that.”
My heart constricts in my chest. “Why?”
“Because I should have idolized my dad.” He hands me a plate, and I take it before he leans back in the pillows, holding his plate. But he doesn’t look at me. He’s lost in his own thoughts. “My dad was amazing, a really good man, but he didn’t push me the way I wanted to be pushed when it came to hockey. He wanted me to do what made me happy, but he didn’t want me to kill myself. Not when I had a job with him and security.”
I tilt my head in question. “What do you mean?”
“My dad had this insanely successful real estate business that my mom now runs. It is supposed to go to Amelia or me. We think Amelia will take it since I’m going into the NHL and all, but my dad wanted me to start there as soon as I graduated high school. Instead, I went to college to study to be an athletic trainer. I don’t want to do real estate. I want to do hockey. Only hockey. And if I can’t play, I want to help players rehab and be ready for the ice.”
His eyes are bright and his face full of such beautiful passion. It knocks the air out of me as I watch him. “I didn’t know that was your major.”
He nods. “Yeah, not to toot my own horn, but I’m the best in my field in our graduating class. It’s natural to me, and I love the way the body works.”
I know he didn’t mean that sexually, but boy, did my mind wander there.
I swallow hard as I fork a few pieces of pasta salad. “So was your dad mad you chose training and hockey?”
He shrugs, and I hate that he won’t look at me. “He wasn’t happy, and it was the first time I ever saw him and Shea get into it. The fight was so bad, and I took my uncle’s side. So did my mom. Dad didn’t talk to any of us for a couple days, and I regret that the most.”
“Yeah, fights suck.”
He shakes his head, swallowing hard. “It wasn’t only that, though they do, and fights in a family that is so close like ours really suck. But a week later, we found out about the cancer.”
My heart jerks in my chest. “Oh. That’s awful.”
“Yeah, cancer is a fucking bitch. I shouldn’t have been mad at him. It was stupid. He was my dad, and I know he wanted what was best for me. Before I could show him that hockey is what’s best for me, the fucking cancer took him so quickly.”
“Oh, Ryan—”
He waves me off. “We had no clue. We didn’t even have time to prepare. He went from being my dad, strong and tough, to being my dad in a wheelchair, unable to move. We watched him wither away for a year. It sucked so damn bad. It was extremely hard on my mom and Amelia. Even my cousins were a mess. We all were, and I felt like it was my job to carry all their pain and ignore mine. You can imagine how that ended.”
“Not good?”
“Nope, I was a mess, but I’m doing way better now. Thanks to grief counseling.”
I feel like something is lodged in my throat. I’m unsure what to say, so I whisper, “It was his colon, right?”
He nods grimly. “Yeah, but it moved all over the fucking place so quickly.”
My heart can’t handle it. Putting my plate down, I stand up, and he looks up at me, confused, but I can’t take it. Stepping over the basket, I sit down beside him, taking his plate from him and setting it down. His eyes are wide until I wrap my arms around his neck, climbing into his lap. It doesn’t take long before he is hugging me tightly. “I’m so sorry.”
He moves his face into my neck, inhaling deeply, his whole body moving with the motion. “Thanks.”
“But I think your dad knew you loved him, and we all know he loved you. All the stories Amelia tells me, he just seems like such a great dad.”
He smiles against my neck. “He was the best. Always there for me, but I was such a dick to him.”
“You wanted your dreams, and he just wanted you to be happy.”
He nods. “I wish I could take it all back.”
“I know. I wish you could too.”
He pulls back, and his eyes are dark, unlike the stunning blue they usually are. He doesn’t have tears in his eyes, but the emotion is there. He runs his hand down my legs, and he smiles as he hugs my legs close to his ribs. “My dad proposed to my mom here.”
My heart thrums in my chest. “Really?”
“Yeah, it’s a funny story, actually,” he says with a soft chuckle. “My mom was in it for the sex—I know, gag,” he says, adding in the gagging motion, and I laugh. He smiles up at me, and instantly, my heart jumps in my throat. “But my dad loved her from the moment he met her. He knocked her up, with me, and we always joked he did it on purpose to keep her. Though he never copped to it, we all knew how much he loved my mom. Well, I must have been cooking for about four months, and she tried so hard to shake him, but he wasn’t going anywhere. He brought her out here—the pergola wasn’t here yet, it was just a field. They added this when my dad bought her this land as a ten-year anniversary gift—”
“Aw! That’s so sweet,” I gush, completely engrossed in his story.
He smiles. “He said this was the spot where he knew she fell for him. He had bought the ring for her the day he met her, and he always carried it. So they were here, and he was telling her how gorgeous she was and how he couldn’t get enough of her, and he said her eyes just changed, and he knew right then that he was proposing.”
“Oh my God,” I say softly, and he nods.
“She said no.”
“No!” I laugh, and he laughs with me.
“Oh yeah, she was such a jerk.” He shakes his head. “So for the next twenty-seven days, he asked every day. Finally, after another date out here, she said yes.”
My eyes search his as he grins up at me, cupping my face in his hands. “That sounds oddly familiar, but with us.”
He flashes me a devastating smile. “Now you know why I was so persistent. I know what I want, and it’s you.”
I just gawk at him. “Me?”
“Yeah, and listen, I know we’re busy, I get it. But that doesn’t mean we can’t spend the time we do have together.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah,” he laughs before squeezing my jaw in his fingers. “You look spooked.”
I try to smile, but I think it’s more of a grimace. “I’m not. Well, I am, but it’s just I don’t…um. What exactly do you mean?” I’m such an idiot, and when he starts to laugh, I feel even more foolish.
When I don’t laugh along with him, he stops laughing and presses his lips together. “Oh, you’re serious?”
I know my face is burning, and I probably look two seconds from belonging in a mental ward, especially when my hands start moving with each word that leaves my lips. “Yeah. I mean, I’m not really good at this dating thing, and I just want to know where your head is.”
He blinks, and he looks utterly confused. “Oh—”
“Yeah, like, I thought you just wanted to have fun because we’re both so busy. But then again, I don’t know if I’m made for fun, and I’m not sure I really know what fun is, so I’m a little confused. And these feelings I have inside of me aren’t easy to ignore.”
My heart is knocking in my chest and my skin is tingling as I look down into his perplexed gaze. God, he probably wants to run the other way.
“What do you want?”
I shake my head violently. “Don’t put that evil on me. I have no clue.” I look down at my hands, taking in a deep breath. “I just don’t want us to go into this without the same expectations.”
He pauses for a moment, and I can feel his gaze on me. “I don’t want to hurt you. That’s not my plan—”
“No, I know that,” I interject quickly. “I just want to be on the same page. Like, if we’re just hanging around and doing stuff when we can, cool. And if we’re dating other people
, cool, though I don’t know if I’ll date anyone because it’s hard enough to date one guy, let alone two—”
“No, no dating other people.”
Our gazes meet. “No?”
“No, you’re mine.”
“Oh, I am?”
“And I’m only yours.”
I can’t breathe. My eyes are wide, searching his as I whisper, “Well, that’s good to know because you make me feel something, and I don’t know if I should ignore it or not.” He goes to say something, but I throw my hands up in the air. “I’m awful at this, and I don’t know what I’m saying. I just want to be honest.”
He takes my face in his hands, a little grin tugging at his lips. “I think we should just let it happen because I feel something too, and there is no ignoring it. Which is why I’ve been chasing after you so persistently.”
I’m sure he can feel my heart going insane in my chest. “What if feelings get caught up in it? Are we allowed to do that?”
He laughs. “Have you never had a boyfriend?” But I don’t laugh. I just stare at him, and I can see the realization come over his face ever so slowly. “Oh.”
“Yeah, don’t laugh. It’s embarrassing, but I was legit in the gym all the time, and I didn’t have time for guys, and yeah… No, oh my God, don’t look at me like that.”
His face changes, turning into a full grin. “I’m sorry, I’m just a little taken aback.”
“Yeah.” I look away, scrunching up my face. “I feel stupid.”
“Don’t. So you’ve never had a boyfriend. Doesn’t change anything.”
It doesn’t? Okay. But will it when he finds out I’m clinging to my V-card like a fat kid to chocolate in a candy store? That was an awful analogy! I’m shaking in my skin, and I hate that feeling. It doesn’t happen often, but it is affecting me now as I stare into Ryan’s gaze.
“Man, I bet you broke some hearts.”
My brows shoot up to my hairline. “How so?”
“I’m sure all the guys were all over you, and you just wouldn’t give them your heart. That excites me.”
I laugh nervously. “Ha, not really.”
“Whatever. You don’t have to lie, babe,” he says, laughing as he shakes his head. “Don’t be embarrassed, really.”
“No?”
He laughs some more. “I’m not trying to sound cocky, but you bring it out in me—”
“I do?”
“Yeah,” he says, flashing me that smile that hits me square in the gut. “But just know I’m about to ruin you for the rest of the male gender. And all those guys before me, well, they’ll never hold up.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Ryan
Sofia really loves everything I created in the field. I was worried. I hadn’t ever done something like this for a girl. When I asked my mom to help me last night, she was all for it, but I was still nervous. Sofia isn’t like most girls. She’s driven and knows what she wants. I worried that I would have to do something more to impress her, but that wasn’t the case.
She loves it.
Her eyes have been sparkling the whole time, and boy, they’re breathtaking. Looking into her eyes, feeling her hand in mine, I feel as if I’m taking a billion pucks to the chest. She blows me away. I thought when I spilled my guts earlier she’d run the other way, but she comforted me. Like she did after the game, something else I hadn’t expected. Usually, I have to call Shea or my mom for reassurance, but Sofia had me.
It’s so easy with her. I don’t have to choose my words or overthink anything. I just am with her. It’s an amazing feeling, and I can’t get enough. I don’t want to be anywhere but with her, and the thought that we can’t spend every waking moment together has me on edge. I knew it going in, but finding out she has feelings she can’t ignore changes everything. I’ve had the same feelings and thoughts for a while now. I just didn’t know how to tell her.
I stroke my fingers along her arm, and she lies in the nook between my chest and arm, breathing evenly. As I feel her heartbeat, her breath against my neck, my body shivers with want for her. I’ve never wanted a girl the way I want her. I move my head, looking down at her as she looks up at me, a small grin pulling at her lips. “What time do you need to be back?”
She shrugs. “I don’t want to think about it right now.”
I eye her. “You’ve already checked the time?”
She fights back a grin. “Yeah, I have an hour before we need to leave. I have my math class at three, and then I gotta be at the bus by six.”
I glide my hand along her cheek, pushing her curls out of her eyes. “Are you excited?”
“I am,” she answers with an exhale. “Gotta beat my scores from last time.”
I scoff. “How do you beat a ten?”
“Get another one,” she says with a wink, and I grin down at her.
“Only you can do it.”
She shakes her head. “Amelia could.”
My heart clenches. “I’d probably faint if she did.”
“She will. I believe in her.”
God, Sofia’s amazing. I search her eyes as I move my thumb along her jaw. “Thanks for being so good to my sister.”
She shakes her head, her lips pursed. “Ryan, that girl saved me. I owe her my life.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I didn’t want to be her friend. I just wanted to get done and kick ass, but she wouldn’t leave me alone. Now that I have her, I can’t picture my life without her.”
I smile affectionately. “She’s pretty great.”
“She is, but then so are you,” she whispers, leaning into my hand. “You Justice people don’t play when you want something, huh?”
I laugh softly. “Nope, not at all. It’s not in our blood to fail.”
“I love that,” she says, her eyes darkening. “Because if you hadn’t persisted, I don’t think I would be this happy.”
I grin. “So, you’re happy?”
“I am. Scared out of my mind but happy.”
“Scared?”
She gives me a sheepish grin. “Amelia said if I hurt you, she’ll break my kneecaps.”
Of course she did. I snort with laughter as she giggles along with me. “She’s insane.”
“I don’t know if she was joking.”
“She wasn’t. She’s a nut,” I laugh, shaking my head. “But you know what?”
“What?”
“I’m not the least bit worried, and you shouldn’t be either.”
“No?”
“No, ’cause I’d never hurt you, and we both know going into this what could happen.”
She blinks, looking every bit confused.
“I’m going into the draft, and I’ll have to leave,” I explain, and she nods.
“And we’d break up.”
Her words sound so sad, smashing my heart to pieces. “I don’t know. I don’t want to think about that,” I say. “I never said that. Jeez.”
She grins, her eyes burning into mine, but her smile doesn’t reach her eyes. “You brought it up.”
“I did. I suck,” I decide. The thought of leaving her just hurts. How in the hell that happened is beyond me, but thinking about it sucks. When she purses her lips at me, her eyes so dark, I can’t handle it. I move my lips and press them ever so softly to hers as my heart pounds in my chest. Moving my hand into her hair, I tangle my fingers the way I’ve been dreaming they would, leaving me tight everywhere. Turning to my side, I wrap my arm around her, holding her to my chest as I kiss her sweet mouth. Drawing the kisses out of her and needing so damn much more.
When she pulls back, her eyes are hooded as she gazes into mine. I can feel her heart beating in time to mine, but I feel so much more. I don’t know what that is, but the fact that I only have an hour left with this girl before she leaves for her meet and then works all weekend has me battling with myself to beg her not to do any of it.
To stay with me.
But that would be selfish.
Problem is, she make
s me want to be just that.
“This is nice,” she whispers, her lips moving against mine. “It’s something out of a movie.”
“It is,” I agree, moving my other hand up to cup her face. Her eyes widen a bit, and it drives me wild. I feel like she doesn’t expect me to want her the way I do, but I do, and she’s going to have to get used to it. “You’re so beautiful.”
Her lashes fall slightly as she looks up at me through them. “You’re pretty damn hot yourself.” She then pushes my glasses up my nose with her forefinger. “This is amazing, Ryan. Honestly.”
“Just think, I’m only getting started.”
Her breath catches. “I don’t know if I can handle more.”
“You can, so much more,” I say before capturing her mouth with mine once again. She melts against me, as I do her. Even though she’s so much smaller than me, she fits in my arms, against me, perfectly. I crave it.
I crave her.
I move my hand down her ribs before I grab her by the back of her knee and bring it over my hip, wanting to be closer. I slide my hand along her perfect ass, and I want to grab more, but she stills in my arms.
Opening one eye, I find she’s gawking at me. I pull back, eyeing her. She moves her legs back down, biting her lip and looking completely unsure of herself. “What are you doing?”
I thought it was pretty obvious what I was doing. “Getting closer? Is that not okay?”
She seems a little freaked, her eyes are so wide, and her mouth is parted. She shakes her head. “Um, yeah, I don’t know.”
It’s like cold water splashed on me. Man, I’m a fucking dick. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t—”
“No, it’s not your fault,” she insists quickly. “It’s me.”
“Um, okay,” I say slowly, unsure what to say or even how to proceed. She doesn’t move, so I don’t either. We just gaze into each other’s eyes. I swear she’s holding something back. She blinks twice and then brings her lip between her teeth. She almost looks as if she’s about to cry. Girl tears freak me out, so I ask quickly, “Sofia, what’s wrong?”
Her eyes divert to my jaw as she draws in a deep breath. “I don’t know.”