by Toni Aleo
“It’s okay if you don’t want to get close like that. I’m sorry for doing that—”
“Please don’t apologize,” she pleads, her eyes still looking everywhere but at me. “We were getting hot and heavy, making out. It’s what was expected. I mean, you went out of your way to do this for me. It’s only right that I put out. But I’m just a weirdo—”
“Whoa,” I say sternly before pulling back and lifting her face to look at mine. I gaze into her eyes, sorta offended by what she thinks of me. “I did not do this to get in your pants. I did this so you can see I care.”
She presses her lips together, and now tears are gathering in her eyes. Fuck.
“I’m not that guy, Sofia.”
“No, I know. I’m just freaking out,” she says, moving her face out of my hand and sitting up. She leans on her legs, her face in her hands. When her voice breaks, so does my heart. “I’m sorry.”
I sit up, wrapping my arms around her middle and pressing my chin on top of her shoulder. She’s completely still except for the deep breaths she’s bringing in. “Sofia, what’s going on?” She shakes her head, so I hold her tighter. “You can talk to me.”
She turns her head, glancing up at me. When a tear runs down her cheek, I move my finger, catching it to wipe it away. “I feel stupid.”
“Why?” I ask sincerely, catching another tear.
She doesn’t answer me, and as I stare at her, I replay everything that just happened. It’s obvious she’s struggling with this, and if I knew why, maybe I could make it better. When she looks away, closing her eyes, color filling her cheeks, it hits me.
Oh shit.
“You’ve never had a boyfriend.”
She shakes her head. “No.”
Reaching her for her jaw, I turn her face to look at me, but she looks at my lips instead, drawing in deep breaths. “Have you ever been with someone, Sofia?”
And when she closes her eyes once more, I know the answer. “I should have told—”
This time, it’s ice water being thrown on me, but even so, I don’t want her to feel embarrassed or even bad for this. “Why? It’s not my business until you want to tell me.”
She opens her eyes, her cheeks still a dark red as she gazes up at me. “I feel pathetic.”
She is far from pathetic. I mean, yeah, it’s a little surprising that someone as gorgeous as she is hasn’t been with someone. But then it sort of excites me. Will she let me be her first? Do I want to be her first? Shit. That’s a load of pressure. But none of that matters. It’s about her, not me. Stop being a dick, Justice. “You’re not, Sofia, not even kinda.”
She is moving her hands again. “It’s just I didn’t get the opportunity that other girls got. I was training—”
“You don’t have to explain yourself.”
She presses her lips together, her eyes searching mine. “You’re not freaked out?”
I hold her gaze. “No, I’m just glad I know. I don’t want to disrespect you.”
She shakes her head violently. “No, you’ve been very respectful and very gentle. Dammit!”
“Sofia, it’s not a big deal.”
She gives me a disbelieving look. “It’s huge. We all know you’re no virgin.”
I shrug. “I’m not.”
Her face is so red as she speaks. “So you probably want someone who is experienced and knows what she’s doing. Someone who won’t freak when you touch her butt—”
“I want you.”
Her words trail off, her eyes widening. “You do? Still?”
“Still. Always,” I whisper, moving my head up to press my lips to her jaw. “It’s you, Sofia. No one else but you.”
Her eyes glaze over as she leans into my lips. “Really?”
“Really. You’re a virgin, but everything isn’t about sex.”
She rolls her eyes. “They make songs about drugs, sex, and alcohol. Not sweet kisses and holding hands.”
I roll my eyes in return. “But to me, it’s not a big deal. I just want to be with you.”
Sofia swallows. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. Just know that when you’re ready, I will definitely be ready.”
She chances a grin. “Oh yeah?”
I scoff. “Sofia, I could take you right now, but I don’t think I’m mentally ready to be gentle.”
She smirks. “You weren’t gentle for my first kiss either.”
My heart drops into my stomach. “No shit?”
“No shit.”
My lips quirk. “Wow. Was it good enough?”
“It was perfect,” she says breathlessly. “Everything I wanted.”
Oh, heart. We aren’t gonna make it with her. Cupping her sweet face, I press my nose into hers. “Good, because it was more than everything I wanted.”
Her eyes soften before she kisses the side of my mouth. Meeting my gaze once more, she whispers, “You really are gonna ruin me for the male gender, aren’t you?”
“Totally,” I whisper, moving my lips to hers. “But then, I’m sure you’ve already ruined me for the female gender.”
And she has.
Yet, even though I’m acting cool as a cucumber, I’m freaking the fuck out. She’s a virgin, and if by chance I’m lucky enough to be her first, I know I won’t be her last. No one stays with their first time. They’re a distant thought, a happy memory you talk about when you find the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. I have a feeling that at the end of this, I’ll be only a memory for her. And damn it, I’m gonna be the best fucking memory she’ll ever have.
And she’ll be mine.
But there is no way in hell I’m letting her go.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Sofia
I grin at my phone, when I should be paying attention to the movie Amelia is making me watch. I’m not, but I’m all giddy. That’s how it’s been ever since I met Ryan. He continues to surprise me, and my very first date was something I’ll never forget. I doubt anyone will ever come close to it either. I’m starting to think that’s how all my firsts with Ryan will be.
I pull the blanket up on to my neck since Amelia keeps stealing it, and I lean my head against the pillow we share as I watch Ryan’s text bubble.
Ryan: So you gonna get the all-around?
Me: Duh.
Ryan: For me?
My lips purse as I shake my head.
Me: I guess I do owe you since you got me a goal.
Ryan: Exactly. Get me the all-around.
Me: Surprised you’re not asking for a 10.
Ryan: You’re already a 10 in my eyes.
Sigh. Swoon. Ah. Ryan…
God, he so dreamy.
Me: Such a suck-up.
Ryan: Is it really sucking up if I’m speaking the truth about my amazing, gorgeous, and fucking talented girlfriend?
His girlfriend.
I’m Ryan Justice’s girlfriend.
I never thought this would happen, especially not with someone like Ryan. He’s so driven, just like me, and I always thought I’d be attracted to someone who would be fine just being around me. Who wouldn’t have dreams ’cause mine are so big. Honestly, I saw myself alone, but Ryan messes with that.
Completely.
Me: I guess not.
Ryan: That’s right. I wish I could have seen you before you left.
Ryan: I need a kiss.
Me: I kissed you when you dropped me off!
Ryan: Yeah, but then I had a shitty practice, and when I was done, you were gone.
Me: What happened?
Ryan: I missed a shot, and my coach lit into me for it.
Me: It happens.
Ryan: Yeah, but I missed four.
Me: Why?
Me: You’re too good for that.
Ryan: I wasn’t focused.
Me: Well, that’s not okay. Get focused, Justice!
Ryan: Well hell, I will now!
I giggle softly as his next text comes through.
Ryan: I just wa
nt to see you.
Me: Tomorrow?
Ryan: When do you get in?
Biting my lip, I put my phone down. “Hey, Amelia, when are we getting back tomorrow?”
She peeks her head over the pillow. Her hair is in a crazy bun, and she has a face mask on like most of the girls do. She shrugs. “I think ten. Meet starts at six, two-hour drive, so yeah, ten-ish.” She leans back, and I lift my phone, but when she peeks back over at me, I put it in my lap. “Why? Is Ryyyyannnn asking?” she asks, drawing out his name and making me narrow my gaze.
“Maybe.”
She clicks her tongue. “You still didn’t tell me what happened on y’all’s date.”
I bite my lip. To me, it’s private. I don’t know if I want to tell her, but I will. “It was perfection.”
Her eyes dance with excitement. “Yeah?”
“Yeah, we went out to your parents’ pergola—”
She sighs audibly. “Wow, he pulled out the big guns.”
I grin. “He did, and he had blankets and pillows, a beautiful lunch—”
“Pillows and blankets?” she asks, sitting up and looking down at me. “For lying down?”
My face burns. “Well, yes, we did lie down.”
“Did you do more than lie there?” she asks, her voice dropping.
“No,” I say softly, giving her a serious look.
She nods. “I didn’t think so.”
“But I told him,” I confess.
Her eyes widen. “You did?” When I nod, she leans into me. “What did he say?”
“That we’ll go at my speed. He just wants to be with me.”
Her lips quirk. “I told you he’d be good for you.”
I nod. “Too good.”
She smacks my thigh. “I’m happy for you, and I love that grin on your face.”
My cheeks deepen with color as she lies back, cuddling with our pillow. I lift my phone again, and I see he has sent a few texts.
Ryan: Are you not answering?
Ryan: How rude.
Ryan: If you don’t want to see me, just say so.
Ryan: But we both know I don’t care. I’ll find you, Sofia Castilleja, and I will make you like it!
Ryan: Okay, that sounded really creepy and stalkerish. That isn’t me. You know that, right?
Ryan: I suck.
I giggle to myself, and my lips curve into a big grin when he sends me a picture of himself with his lip pouting out. The text over the photo says, “Not a Stalker.” He’s not wearing a shirt, so he must still be in the locker room. I see his hockey equipment hanging above him. His hair is a tousled mess, and he’s glasses-free. He hasn’t shaved. His face is covered with a shadow of hair, but it’s the dimples that have me completely sprung.
As I text him back, my face hurts from smiling.
Me: Sorry, Amelia was talking to me. We get in at ten.
Ryan: LOL, I’m pathetic.
Me: Why?
Ryan: I was worried I really scared you away.
Ryan: Crossed the line. Man, maybe I am a dork.
Me: You are.
I snort as I wait for him to answer me.
Ryan: Please, don’t worry about my ego.
Me: It’s fine. Steady and strong.
Ryan: It is. I could really say something sexual there.
Her heart kicks up in speed.
Me: Really?
Ryan: Yeah.
Me: What?
His text bubble comes up, and then it disappears, which happens two more times before his text comes through.
Ryan: Some would say the same about my cock.
I flush deep red, but then I giggle out of control.
Ryan: Maybe that wasn’t that sexual.
Me: Nope, but it was funny. Dork. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!
Amelia peeks over at me, and I can’t stop laughing. “He’s such a dork.”
She nods in agreement before lying back in her seat. I’m still snorting as I look down again, his next text coming through.
Ryan: You’re killing me tonight.
Me: I’m sorry. Do you want me to tell you how hot it makes me to know your cock is steady and strong?
Ryan: Ugh, stop.
Ryan: It didn’t work.
Me: Not even kinda.
Me: But good try.
Ryan: I wanted to make you blush, get all hot, maybe get you to squeeze those thighs together the way you do.
My mouth goes dry.
Me: You notice that?
Ryan: I notice everything.
I swallow hard.
Me: See, that’s hot.
Ryan: No, you’re hot.
My lips curl as I hold back my laughter.
Me: LOLOLOL So bad.
Ryan: I know, I suck at texting.
Me: Yeah, but so do I. At least we’re great face-to-face.
Ryan: That we are.
“Can you stop giggling and moving so much? Let’s watch the movie!” Amelia complains, and I peek over at her.
“First boyfriend. Can you cut me some slack?” I ask, waving my phone at her.
She points to herself, an annoyed look on her face. “Haven’t gotten laid in, like, three months. Angry and horny.”
I point to myself. “But I haven’t gotten laid ever—”
“By choice,” she says matter-of-factly. “Can’t use that.”
I press my lips together. “Well, that’s unfair.”
“Yup,” she snaps at me, and I slowly lean back, picking my phone up so I can see it. As soon as I go to text Ryan, though, my mom calls.
I answer immediately.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Hey, honey, how are you?”
“I’m good. We’re riding to Kentucky. Our meet is tomorrow.”
“Oh, good. How are your classes?”
We chitchat about my classes and how Amelia is. I feel like something is off, but I don’t dare bring it up. One of the things I learned in the Daughters of MS club I was in back home was never to make them feel like they aren’t completely normal. It scares the shit out of me because, to me, my mom is my mom. There is nothing different about her. But the reality is that each day is a struggle for her. Because of that, I usually wait for her to tell me when something is wrong. But I feel it in my gut. “So yeah, we’ll be back tomorrow night. The ride hasn’t been awful.”
“Oh, good. Anything new?”
Oh yeah, something is wrong. She’s stalling.
I take a breath. “Actually, I met someone.”
She lets out a small gasp. “Like a boy?”
I smile to myself. “Yeah.”
“That’s surprising. I honestly didn’t think boys interested you.”
I laugh. “They’re everywhere here.”
She laughs along with me. “Well, it’s a different environment, for sure. Who is he? What’s his name?”
“Um, it’s Amelia’s brother, Ryan.”
“Oh! Well, that’s something. Is he nice?”
I can’t contain my grin. “He’s dreamy and so fun. He’s a hockey player.”
“Oh, that’s interesting. Can you send me a picture of you two?”
I think for a second. “We’ve only been official for like a day,” I laugh, and Amelia shakes her head. “But I can take one when I see him next. We’re both so busy.”
Mom pauses for a second and then says, “Well, don’t get distracted. I don’t want you to lose your scholarship.”
I scoff. “Never. He knows how important my education is. He has to stay focused too. He’s trying to get into the NHL.”
“NHL?”
I pause and then whisper to Amelia. “What’s NHL stand for?”
She gives me the most incredulous look I’ve ever seen. “National Hockey League.”
“Oh yeah. Mom, it’s the National Hockey League.”
I’m pretty sure my best friend just called me a dumbass, but Mom says, “Oh! That’s good.” She lets out a long sigh. “Okay, well, I have something to tell you.”
I swallow hard. “Okay?”
“I had to quit the hotel.”
As happy as that makes me, I know something had to have happened for her to leave. “All right, why?”
“They say I’m too slow. And lately, I have been.”
“Are you okay?”
“I am. I’m fine,” she insists. “But I am having to use my walker more than not.”
My heart stutters to a stop. “Do you need me to come home—”
“Absolutely not,” she demands, and I tense with worry. “I am thinking about moving in with Tia. You know, Michele just moved out, and she has that extra room.”
I tremble. It’s worse than she’s letting on. “Well, if you think that’s best.”
“I do. Michele and Rosco said they’ll put all our stuff in storage for me since I won’t need it.”
“I can try to come home and help.”
“No, my bella. You stay there, you live your dreams. You don’t want to leave that boyfriend of yours. I promise, I’m fine.”
I feel like I’m going to bite a hole through my lip. I want to stress how much she means to me, but I know she knows already. I hope like hell she isn’t lying to me. “Okay.”
“I do love you so, my bella.”
My heart clenches in my chest. “I love you, Mom.”
When we hang up, Amelia sits up and looks at me. “Is she okay?”
I explain about the job, and she looks as worried as I do. “But she’s okay?”
I shrug. “She says so. I think her MS is flaring up more, and she is moving in with my aunt. It makes me nervous about how bad it could be.”
She grips my hand. “I’m sorry.”
I squeeze her hand back. “Thanks.”
She gives me a smacking kiss and then leans her head on the pillow, though she doesn’t let go of my hand. Looking down at my phone, I see Ryan has texted me once more.
Ryan: I feel in my soul that I live with pigs.
Even drowning in worry, I can’t stop the grin. Hitting his name, I call him.
“Hey, I like this a lot better.”
“I just got off the phone with my mom. I needed to hear your voice.”
“Is she okay?”
I retell him what I told Amelia, and he listens intently.
“But she is okay, right? Like, we don’t need to go out there?”
My heart skips a beat. “We?”
“Yeah, if you think I’m letting you go by yourself, you’re crazy. I want to be there for you. For her.”