Ronnie let herself breathe in the smell of Amy's perfume until Amy pushed her away. “You need to leave before I change my mind and make you stay with me forever.”
“Okay.” Ronnie sniffed and wiped her eyes. She started to turn and walk away, but before she could take more than a few steps, Amy pulled her back and kissed her again.
“I need you to promise me that we will still be friends,” Amy pleaded, cupping Ronnie's chin in her hand. “I can't lose you, Ronnie.”
Ronnie nodded, but she didn't say anything back. She didn't know if she could really do that－be Amy's friend knowing that they both felt the way that they did.
Ronnie leaned in and gave Amy a final kiss before turning on her heel and walking out of the house as quickly as she could. She was sick to her stomach: it was taking all of her willpower not to throw up in the hallway of Amy's home. She could hear Amy moving behind her as she stormed out.
She went to her car and got in before she could talk herself out of throwing caution to the wind and staying. Sure, Andrea might be Tommy and Morrison's mother, but Ronnie couldn't help but think she could be a better mom to those little kids than Andrea could. She wouldn't leave if Tommy got sick again, or if Morrison fell ill, or if something happened to Amy. She would love Amy to the fullest of her abilities, and she would be a good partner for her.
Ronnie glanced up at the front porch as she started the car. Amy was standing in the doorway with her arms crossed and tears running down her cheeks. She gave Ronnie a small wave before lifting her hand and wiping away some of her tears.
Ronnie gave Amy a tight smile and pulled away from the house, forcing herself not to look back.
Ronnie had barely made it halfway down the street when her phone started ringing. Her heart stopped and she could barely breathe as she grabbed it, unlocking the screen and hitting “answer” without checking the screen. “Hello?” she said, her voice coming out breathless as her eyes widened.
“Good evening, Veronica.”
Ronnie’s shoulders dropped as her heart shattered again. “Hey, mom.” She put the phone on speaker and put it down on her lap. She sniffed and blinked rapidly, turning onto the main street. She took a deep breath and tried to keep her voice steady as she asked, “How are you tonight, mom?”
“I’m fine. Veronica, I just called to let you know how disappointed I am that you ended your engagement with Kenneth. He was such a good looking man, and you aren’t getting any younger. You’re almost thirty, I doubt you will get another man after this－”
“What if I don’t want another man?” Ronnie interrupted, digging her nails into the steering wheel. She clenched her jaw and looked around the road, thankful for the lack of traffic.
Patricia scoffed. “Of course you do, Veronica. You will get married and raise a proper family like Natasha did. I didn’t raise a daughter who－”
Ronnie sniffed and interrupted her again, the stinging in her eyes coming back full-force. “I don’t need this right now, Mom. I’m going through enough as it is.”
Patricia laughed, her arrogant cackle coming through the phone speakers like nails on a chalkboard. “If you hadn’t ended your engagement, you wouldn’t be struggling right now.” She paused, but when Ronnie didn’t respond, she continued. “You know I’m right, Veronica. Another year or two and you’ll end up like your cousin, living all alone with six birds and three cats. Then what will you do? I won’t be always be around, and you will die all alone, with no one to remember you and no family to speak of.”
Ronnie resisted the urge to snap before biting the bullet and saying, “Mom, Kenny and I split up because we are both in love with other women. It would never have worked out between us, and I’m glad that we figured it out now rather than years down the line like you and dad.”
Now Patricia was the one who was silent. She was quiet for so long that Ronnie was about to check to see if the phone was disconnected before she murmured, “Well, is this girl of yours well-off, at least?”
Ronnie rolled her eyes. “Goodbye, mother.” She hung up the phone and tossed it on the passenger seat.
Now with only the silence to keep her company, Ronnie struggled to keep her feelings from overwhelming her. She passed the park and slowed down, observing the way that they kids played. Andrea didn't seem too overly concerned with what her children were doing－she was sitting on a park bench with Tadpole and staring at her phone. Tommy was on the swings with another child, and Morrison was testing her jumping skills as she launched off a balance beam that was almost as tall as she was.
Ronnie had to fight the urge to stop when she saw Morrison fall and burst into tears. The little girl toddled over to her mom and grabbed on to her pant leg, burying her face in her knee. Andrea said something to Morrison but she didn't acknowledge her otherwise, not even looking up to see if the girl was okay before waving her away. Morrison looked at her mom sadly before going over to her brother. When Tommy saw his sister crying, her got down off the swing and pulled her into a hug before sitting her down and looking at her knee. He glanced over his shoulder before shaking his head and looking back at his sister, wiping off her pants before leaning down and kissing her knee.
Ronnie couldn't watch anymore. She wiped away the tears that had started to fall and continued her drive, even more desperate now to get home. She managed to make every light and got home in record time, pulling in to her normal spot barely fifteen minutes after leaving Amy's house.
When Ronnie turned the car off, her emotions hit her hard. Suddenly, she was crying so hard that she couldn't breathe, her throat closing up and the mucus in her nose so thick that not a single thread of air could get through. She buried her face in her hands and let the feeling take over, letting herself cry until she felt like she was dissolving into nothing but liquid.
Once the crying had finally slowed down, Ronnie couldn't help but pull her phone out and make the pain worse. She went to her "images" folder and scrolled through the pictures until she found her favorite. It was a candid picture she had taken of Amy a few weeks prior, when a surprisingly warm late February day made it possible for Ronnie and Amy to take the kids on a picnic and a short hike at a nearby state park. Amy was laughing, her hair blowing in the wind and the sunlight streaming down on the right side of her face, making one of her cerulean eyes incredibly clear and bright, and the other a dark-navy in the shade. Ronnie could remember taking the picture－Morrison and Tommy had been dancing in the field next to the picnic blanket, and Amy was laughing at the faces her daughter made while she tried to copy her brother's moves.
With pictures like that, Ronnie wasn't sure how she didn't know how strongly she felt about Amy before everything had happened. Laci had been right all along－Ronnie was absolutely, 100 percent crazy about her, a feeling she had never had before. Her feelings for Kenny were a blip compared to how she felt about Amy.
Boy, was she screwed.
18
A little over a month passed by, and Ronnie was still busy at work. She went over to the nurses station and put her clipboards away before grabbing one for the overflow patients that had been transferred up from another floor.
She looked over the information as she walked to the medicine room. She worked with the patient, a sixteen-year-old girl named Alexandria, the day before, but she had learned over the years that one night away from a patient could change their entire care plan. She typed in her code in the small square keypad next to the medicine room and went in, finding Alexandria's bag. She verified all of the information before taking out the six packets of medication the young girl was supposed to be taking. She grabbed two disposable cups off a shelf near the door and made her way down the hall to the room.
Alexandria was sitting cross-legged on her bed with a comic book, a pen in her hand as she traced one of the images. She looked up when she saw Ronnie, pushing her dark-brown hair out of her face and putting the comic book on the table next to her. “Is it time for me to take my meds again?” she asked, swingi
ng her legs over the side of the bed and moving to sit in the chair in the corner of the room.
“It sure is!” Ronnie smiled at her and separated the cups, putting the pills in one and filling the other one up with water. She set the cups on the table next to the bed.
Alexandria pulled her feet up under herself and groaned, putting her chin on her hand. “I feel a lot better than I did last night, though.”
“I'm sure you do, but if you don't keep taking the antibiotics, then your infection will come back.” Ronnie took her stethoscope off her neck and moved over to her. “Lean forward and let me take a listen to your lungs.”
Alexandria complied, coughing at Ronnie's command and letting her do her work. Once Ronnie was done, Alexandria sat back up. “Can't you just put it in my IV or something? There has to be a liquid form, right?”
“There is, but if we stop this antibiotic and switch to something new, we will have to start from scratch, and you don't want to do that, do you?” Alexandria groaned again, but took the cups from Ronnie and took her medicine. Ronnie smiled at her before pointing to a vase of tropical flowers near the window. “Those are new, did your boyfriend bring those?”
Alexandria looked over at the flowers, her cheeks turning red. She started to fiddle with a loose thread on the arm of the chair, purposely avoiding Ronnie's eyes. “No, my best friend brought them when she brought my homework.”
“Well, your best friend has good taste.”
Alexandria nodded and stared at the ground before looking back at Ronnie. “Have they figured out when I can go home yet?”
Ronnie shook her head. “If they have, they haven't said anything about it to me yet. You have another breathing treatment in a hour, and another one before bed tonight. If you respond well to those, you might be able to go home in the next day or two. Are your parents coming up today?”
Alexandria shrugged. “If they get off work on time, maybe. My friend is coming up after school, though.”
“Make sure to behave yourself.” Ronnie winked and laughed as Alexandria sputtered and turned even more red. She wrote down a few more notes and then left the room, still laughing.
Ronnie went to the nurses station and put her clipboard away before glancing up at the clock, surprised to see that she only had twenty minutes left in her shift. She had no idea that it was so late already. She looked out the window at the end of the hall, entranced by the sight and sound of rain splattering against the window pane, the clouds so thick that not a single star could be seen through the downpour. She could hear the whirring of the wind, a few stray leaves slamming against the window as they got caught in the storm.
Suddenly, Ronnie's attention was pulled away from the weather by smell so strong that it made her nauseous. She wrinkled up her nose, turning in the direction of the smell's source. Laci was the only person around, so it had to be coming from her. It smelled like the scent of every flower in existence, combined with the stink of decaying matter.
Ronnie held her hand up under her nose, blocking her nostrils. “Ugh, what is that perfume you are wearing?” she asked Laci, fighting the urge to gag as the other woman walked closer to the counter.
Laci tilted her head to the side, her brows furrowing. “I'm not wearing any perfume. Sprays make my skin break out, remember?”
Ronnie shook her head. “No, you have to be wearing something. It's very, very strong today.” She gagged when Laci came up to her side, the over-abundance of floral aromas and something sour attacking Ronnie's nostrils. “It's making me nauseous. What is that? One of the death plants? Those corpse flowers?” She gagged again.
“Bethany put on some sweet pea spay this morning, but I made sure to stay out of the spray. Maybe some rubbed off on my scrubs.” Laci took another step forward before taking a few steps back and holding her hands up when Ronnie slid down in her seat, her skin breaking out into a cold and clammy sweat. “Okay, okay, I surrender.” She took another few steps away.
Ronnie held her breath until the smell was manageable before putting her head on her arms. “I must be getting sick,” she said. “I tried to drink some coffee earlier, and I could only make it through a few sips before I was nauseous. It must be that stupid stomach bug that Annalyn and Thomas' patients came in with earlier this week. Oh, my God, that smell is still awful.” She lifted her head, groaning at the rolling feeling in her stomach.
Laci raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms. She reached out and pulled one of the chairs around the desk before sitting down, backing almost to the wall in an effort to stay away from Ronnie. “You know what I'd be telling you if you were one of our patients right now.”
Ronnie stared at her in confusion before snorting and shaking her head. “Not possible, Laci. Amy's a lady, remember? She's the last person I had sex with.”
“Well, what about before that? You and Kenny have only been broken up for a few weeks, you know. When did you two last bump uglies?”
Ronnie had to think about it before she paled, remembering her and Kenny's anniversary. “Oh, fuck. The night before we broke up.”
Laci gave her a pointed look. “Okay, so what, seven, eight weeks? You might want to take a test.”
Ronnie sunk down even further in her chair, her neck nearly hitting the seat. “I haven't shown any other signs, though, and I didn't miss my period. It was light, but it's like that more often than not.”
“Well, if you're not pregnant, then we can assume you're getting sick. I'd take a test, if I were you.”
Ronnie worried her lip before moving her hand up to her mouth and biting down on her thumbnail. “I will go get a test tonight.”
“Why wait? We have more than enough here. Wouldn't you rather know now, so you aren't freaking out until you take the test?”
Ronnie groaned. Laci was right. “I'll be right back.”
“I'll be here when you get back,” Laci said, pulling her legs up under herself and sitting cross-legged in the office chair. She spun back and forth and moved the mouse around, clicking on a few of the files on the screen and rearranging the desktop.
Ronnie stalled and watched her for a moment before forcing her lead feet to move in the direction of the supply closet. She grabbed a test without looking at it as well as grabbing a pack of nausea pills to ease the waves in her stomach. She opened the packet and threw the pills in her mouth, grimacing at the chalky texture and artificial fruit flavor that coated her taste buds. She choked the powder down and prayed that they would kick in quickly before shoving the test box in her pocket and leaving the supply room.
She kept her eyes forward as she walked passed Laci towards the bathroom. Her heart was pounding, and the nausea was getting worse the closer to the door that she got.
Ronnie emerged back into the hallway a few minutes later, the test box heavy in her pocket. She chewed on her bottom lip and went over to Laci, leaning against the edge of the counter and holding the box out to her.
Laci raised an eyebrow at her. “Well, what does it say?”
Ronnie held it closer to Laci, her hand quivering. “I haven't looked at it yet,” she admitted. She shook the box gently. Laci looked at it before looking back at Ronnie. “Can you look at it for me?”
Laci looked back and forth between Ronnie and the box a few times before letting out a loud sigh. She took the box from Ronnie before asking, “Is it capped?”
“Of course it is.”
Laci put the box under the desk to where Ronnie wouldn't be able to see it. She grabbed a tissue and pulled it out of the box, angling it so that the light hit the screen. When it did, her eyes went wide. “Well, fuck. You're pregnant, Ronnie.”
Ronnie's knees went weak. She gripped the side of the counter to keep her balance before scooting further down and collapsing in the chair. She took the test from Laci and stared at it, her hand trembling as she took in the little pink plus sign. She couldn't believe it. Kenny and she had been together so few times in the last year that she didn't ever expect something like this to happen
.
She leaned forward and propped her elbows on the counter, holding the test out in front of her. “I have to get some prenatals,” she murmured, lowering her arms and looking over at Laci. “I need to start eating healthier, and I’ve got to stop laying around on my days off.”
“We have prenatals in the supply room,“ Laci reminded her, gesturing with her thumb down the hall. “Do you want me to go get you some?”
Ronnie shook her head. “No. I want to look at different brands, and weigh the pros and cons of each one. We only have one brand in the supply room.” She glanced down at her watch, analyzing the numbers before putting the test in her pocket. She made sure it was secure and stood up, her legs still feeling like jelly. “I'm going to go and update Katie on our patients, and then I'll head out. I'll see you tomorrow.”
“Okay. Call me if you need to talk about it, all right?”
“Yeah. Okay.”
Ronnie felt like she was in a daze as she walked away from the nurses station and went to hunt down her replacement. She found her in the employee lounge and filled her in on the patients without thinking about what she was saying.
By the time Ronnie had started to come back into herself, she had changed into a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt and was on her way to the closest big-box store.
She pulled into a parking spot a few minutes later. She grabbed her umbrella and ventured out into the storm, ducking her head as the wind tried to force the rain up into her face. She made her way up to the front door, rubbing her stomach as she walked. She hadn't noticed any change, but if she was doing her math right, she was about eight weeks along, and just knowing that her child was there was enough to make her conscious of even the slightest bump.
Ronnie walked into the store, stopping just beyond the automatic doors and shaking her umbrella out. Water splattered all over the linoleum, adding to the puddles that already formed in the grooves in the floor. She wiped the water off her face with her sleeve and made sure that her phone wasn't too wet before grabbing a plastic bag from the dispenser next to the door to store her umbrella in. She grabbed a cart and started to head towards the produce section. Normally, fruit and vegetables were one of her last stops, but growing a human inside of her seemed like a pretty good time to switch her diet.
In Her Hands Page 13