She spent a solid half hour selecting the best fruits, vegetables, grains, and dairy products before she finally made her way to the vitamin aisle. It took her a few minutes to find the prenatal vitamins, and when she did, she was overwhelmed by the sheer variety of choices. There were gummy ones and chalky ones, liquid ones and pill ones. There were some with flavor. There were some that she could mix into her drinks. Some required food, some had to be taken on an empty stomach. Any option Ronnie could think of, a pill was there.
Eventually, Ronnie made a decision, and she turned around to put it in her cart. Before she could put the bottle down, however, she froze in place, her eyes catching on two women at the other end of the aisle.
Andrea was scoping out different kinds of weight-loss pills, but Amy's gaze was locked on the bottle in Ronnie's hand. Her eyes were wide, and her mouth had dropped open in surprise. When she noticed Ronnie looking back at her, she waved, but the startled look on her face didn't lessen. "Honey, go pay," she murmured, tapping Andrea on the arm. Andrea gave Amy a confused look before following Amy’s eyes. When she saw Ronnie, her gaze hardened. She pulled Amy into a heated kiss, keeping her eyes firmly locked on Ronnie's the entire time. When Amy barely responded Andrea pulled away, glaring at Ronnie. Ronnie glared right back as Andrea turned on her heel and stormed away with the cart.
Ronnie waited until she couldn't see Andrea anymore before clearing her throat and saying, “So, how have you been?”
“I've been good. The kids are doing good, too.”
“Good. That's good.” Ronnie rubbed the back of her neck uncomfortably. “Are you glad to have Andrea back?”
Amy's lips formed a tight line. “Yeah, I am.”
“Good.”
“Yeah. Good.” Amy crossed her arms and rocked back on her heels. “So, you're . . . ” She waved her hand at the bottle again before looking at Ronnie's stomach.
Ronnie's mouth went dry. “Yeah. I am.” She put the bottle in her cart and shoved her hands in her pockets. As much as she missed Amy, she couldn't wait to be away from her. Being so close to her and knowing that she lost her chance with Amy hurt. She glanced over her shoulder. “I, uhm, have some groceries to get, so . . . ”
Amy nodded. “Yeah, I should go, too.”
Ronnie pursed her lips and gave Amy a small wave before turning around. She only made it halfway down the aisle when Amy called out, “Are you over it yet?”
Ronnie stopped walking. Amy's words felt like they were stabbing her chest. She turned around slowly, choosing her words carefully. “Are you?”
Amy hesitated before shaking her head. “I know we said we weren't going to see each other until this didn't hurt so much, but do you think we could try to spend some time together, as friends? Please?” She took a few steps towards Ronnie. “Maybe we could go out for drinks or dinner this weekend? Take the kids to the park?”
Ronnie shook her head. “Amy, I can't. That's not fair to either of us.”
Amy walked closer, her eyes shining. “Please. Ronnie. I really, really miss you.”
“I miss you, too, Ames, but being around you when I feel like this, now that I know what its like being with you? I can't do that. It hurts too much.” She looked up at the ceiling, blinking rapidly. “You're happy with your wife, Amy. Go be happy with her.”
“Ex-wife.”
“That doesn't matter anymore, Amy! You're with her now!” Ronnie closed her eyes and took a minute to calm her breathing down before opening her eyes and looking at Amy. “Maybe we shouldn't try to be friends.”
Amy's eyes widened. “Ronnie, what are you talking about? Of course we should try to be friends, you're my best friend－”
Ronnie shook her head. “I don't think I'm going to get over how I feel about you any time soon, and now that I have a baby to think about . . . I don't think seeing you with Andrea is good for me, or for you.” She reached out and squeezed Amy's hand. “Tell the kids goodbye for me, will you? I don't want them to just think that I've disappeared.”
The tears in Amy's eyes started to fall. “No, Ronnie, you promised－”
“Goodbye, Amy.”
Ronnie let go of Amy's hand and turned away, leaving her groceries in the cart where she was standing. She could hear Amy calling her name, but she did her best to tune it out, ignoring the way that her chest ached at the heartbroken way that the other woman's voice broke. She fought back the tears and grit her teeth. She could see Andrea glaring at her as she passed the checkout, but she ignored that, too, racing through the doors and through the drizzling rain to get to the safety of her car.
There, at least, she could be alone.
19
When Ronnie finally reached her car, she let out a breath and leaned her head against the steering wheel. She blinked a few times and sniffed before sitting back up, her mouth dry. She raised her fist up to her mouth and began to chew on her nails. She wasn't sure where to go next. She didn't want to go home and mope, but going out in her current state didn't seem like that great of an idea, either.
She looked back up towards the store, her heart clenching. Amy and Andrea were coming out, and Andrea looked like she was furious with her wife. Amy had her arms around her stomach and her face was downcast. When she saw Ronnie's car still sitting in the lot, she took a step toward her. Andrea followed her gaze and shook her head, grabbing Amy's hand and pulling her in the opposite direction with a hard look on her face.
Ronnie flexed her hand around the steering wheel and grit her teeth, shifting the back of her thighs against the car seat before starting her car and looking around. Once she was sure that the coast was clear, she pulled out of the spot and made her way out onto the street in the direction of her apartment.
When Ronnie reached her street, she paused for a moment before continuing on to Laci's neighborhood, which was only a few miles away. Ronnie and she had an open door policy－she wouldn't care if Ronnie showed up unannounced.
Ronnie chewed on her thumbnail as she finished driving, pulling in to Laci's lot only a few minutes later. Neither her car nor Bethany's were there, so Ronnie parked the car and grabbed the spare key from her glove box.
She grabbed her purse and went up to Laci's door, letting herself in and shushing Laci's Pomeranian as the dog excitedly ran up to greet her. “Yes, hi, Bullet, I'm happy to see you, too,” she said, scratching the dog on the head and crouching down to give it a kiss on the nose. Bullet licked her face before running away, going back into her crate in the corner of the living room and chewing on one of her toys.
Ronnie stood back up and locked the door before going into the kitchen and putting her purse on the counter. She had a few pairs of clothes in Laci's spare bedroom (they had crashed at each other's homes enough that they both had spare clothes readily available), so she went in and changed into a pair of sweatpants and tee-shirt before going back into the kitchen.
She grabbed a bowl out of the cabinet and pulled a box of cereal out of the cabinet. She got out the milk and filled the bowl before adding in her cereal. She grabbed a banana from the cabinet, as well, cutting that up and adding it to her cereal for a little extra nutrition.
Ronnie had just sat down on the couch to eat when Laci's door jiggled. She leaned her head against the back of the couch and looked over, giving Laci a sad smile when she furrowed her brows at Ronnie in concern.
“I saw your car outside,” Laci said, coming over and sitting down next to Ronnie. She put the bag she was holding on the table beside her. “Is everything okay? I was just taking Bethany her phone charger . . . I would have picked something up for us to way if I knew you were coming. I grabbed McDonalds for me, but we can share that if you want.”
“No, it's fine. Go ahead and eat.” Ronnie shook her head before shrugging. “It was spur of the moment. I was going home, and just chose not to stop.” She took a bite of her cereal, making a face at the texture of the wet banana. “I ran into Amy and Andrea at the store.”
Laci kicked off her shoes and
threw her jacket over the back of the couch. Bullet ran out of her crate and launched herself into the jacket, sliding across the hardwood floor into the bathroom. Laci shook her head and glanced at the dog before looking back at Ronnie. “How did that go? Was Andrea a royal bitch to you again?”
Ronnie took another bite of her cereal before putting the bowl down, her stomach suddenly sour. “She had to mark her territory before she'd let Amy talk to me, Amy found out that I'm pregnant, and I told Amy I didn't think it would be a good idea if I ever saw her again.”
Laci's eyes widened, and her mouth dropped. “What? Why?”
“She told me that she misses me, and that she wants to get together soon.” Ronnie sighed and leaned forward, linking her hands between her knees. “I can't spend time with her knowing we both want each other. I miss her, too, so much, but I can't put my body through that right now. That stress isn't good for the baby.”
Ronnie bounced her knees anxiously. Laci watched her for almost a full minute before putting her hand on Ronnie's leg to still her. Ronnie gave her an apologetic look. “I told her that we would both be better off if we didn't try to be friends, and to tell the kids goodbye for me.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” Laci pulled Ronnie into a hug, holding her close as Ronnie began to shake, her tears beginning to fall as the stinging in her eyes became too much to bear.
Ronnie cried for several minutes, her face pressed against Laci's chest. Bullet jumped up on the couch and comforted her from behind, resting her head on Ronnie's hip and snuggling against her.
Once Ronnie was all cried out, she stayed still until she felt her phone vibrate against her hip. She sat up from Laci and warily pulled the device out, biting her lip when she saw that she had two new messages from Amy.
Laci glanced over Ronnie's shoulder before changing how they were sitting, taking Ronnie's phone out of her hand. “Do you want me to open them for you?”
Ronnie hesitated for a moment before shaking her head, taking her phone back from Laci. She opened the messages warily, her shoulders sagging as she read what Amy had to say.
[Received 04/12/2020. 21:26. From: Amy] I'm sorry I put you on the spot like that. If you really want to stop being friends, then I'll listen to you. I won't be happy about it, but I'll do it. If you change your mind, you know where to find me. I'll always want to hear from you, morning or night. You're still the best friend I've ever had, even if I've lost you.
[Received 04/12/2020. 21:27. From: Amy] For what it's worth, I'm happy for you. You're going to be a great mom, Ronnie.
Ronnie tapped her thumb against her phone, unsure of how, or if, to respond. She hit her phone so many times, in fact, that she managed to open so many different applications that her phone froze completely.
Laci stared at Ronnie before taking the phone from her again. She put it on the table beside her before standing up, pulling Ronnie with her. “Come on. Let's get you to bed. You've had a long day.” She started to lead Ronnie to the spare bedroom. “We are off tomorrow. You can sleep as much as you need.”
Ronnie shook her head, pulling her arm out of Laci's grip. Laci gave her a look before taking her hand again. “I'm fine, Laci, really. I can just head home.”
Laci rolled her eyes. “Do it for my sake, then. I'd rather know for myself that you're okay then have to track you down tomorrow.” She moved so that she was behind Ronnie and pushed her. “Now go lay down. If you can't sleep, I'll make you some tea or something.”
Ronnie fought Laci for a millisecond before letting her shoulders sag. “All right, fine.” She glanced over her shoulder. “Come on, Bullet, come lay down with me.”
Bullet popped her head up over the side of the couch and jumped down, running past Ronnie and diving into the guest bed. Ronnie followed her and pulled back the covers, rolling over to face the wall. Laci came up behind her and pulled the covers up over her, making sure that she was tucked in before leaning down and kissing her temple.
“Thank you for taking care of me,” Ronnie said, rubbing her face against the pillow while Bullet moved to snuggle against her chest.
“You're welcome. Now get some rest. I'll be right here if you need me.”
Ronnie was asleep before Laci left the room.
20
Almost five weeks went by before Ronnie heard from Amy again. She started the day like any other, spending her morning with various patients and working on her charts.
She sat on the bed of a patient, a little boy named Luke, as she explained to his parents, Nathan and Laura, what all his third surgery for his congenital heart defect would entail. The three-year-old was sitting next to Ronnie without a care in the world as he pulled on her stethoscope. He unwound it from around her neck and put it on his own, his face lighting up.
Luke took the sensor end of the stethoscope and leaned forward, his grin fading as he pressed the bell against Laura's chest. “I don't hear nothing,” he complained, sitting back and crossing his arms.
Ronnie chuckled. She took the stethoscope from the boy and put it properly in his ears. Luke tried again, his eyes going wide when he could hear Laura's heartbeat. “Mommy! I can hear your heart talking!” he exclaimed, giggling as he listened.
Luke's mom smiled, although it didn't reach her eyes. “That's right, sweetheart.“ He held the bell out to his father and listened to his heart beat before moving the bell to his own chest. When he heard his heart beating, his eyes got wide. “My heart is happy, too! It's happy to get fixed!”
Laura nodded and put her hand on Luke's knee. “That's right, sweetheart, it is. How about you go ahead and give the nice nurse her stethoscope back, hmm? She needs it for other patients.” Luke pouted but did as he was asked. Laura squeezed his knee again. “Now what do you say?”
Luke leaned forward and gave Ronnie a hug, giving the stethoscope another sneaky tug. “Thank you for sharing your toys with me.”
Ronnie ruffled his hair. “You're welcome sweetheart. I have another surprise for you.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small stuffed animal that she had found in her car earlier that morning. She handed it to Luke with a smile.
Luke let out a gasp and hugged the stuffed frog against his chest, snuggling his cheek against it. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
“You're welcome, buddy.” Ronnie got off the bed and looked over at Laura and Nathan. “Do you guys have any questions before I go and see my next patient?” They both shook their heads. “Okay. The surgeon will be in soon to talk to you. If you need anything, my extension is on the dry erase board over there.” She pointed to the patient-information board on the adjacent wall.
Ronnie ruffled Luke's hair a final time before she walked out of the room, scribbling a few more notes on her charts before putting the pen back in her pocket. She started to walk towards her next patient's room, but she froze halfway down the hall when she heard someone calling her name. She looked around, but she didn't see anyone other than the janitor. She shrugged and went back to what she was doing, rearranging her clipboards and beginning her forms.
Ronnie had almost completed the “date” and “time” sections when she heard her name being called a second time. She looked down the hallway again, only this time, she saw one of the daycare workers walking towards her with a distraught Morrison in her arms.
Ronnie's eyes widened. She dropped her clipboards on the nurses station before hurrying towards Allison, who looked just as distressed as Morrison did. As soon as Morrison saw Ronnie, she held her arms out and called her name, getting more and more upset until she was finally in Ronnie's arms.
“What's wrong, sweetheart?” Ronnie asked the toddler, wiping her tears away with the pads of her thumbs and straightening her clothes. Morrison wrapped her arms tightly around Ronnie's neck and buried her face in her hair, soaking the end of Ronnie's ponytail in tears and mucus.
Allison wrapped her arms around her stomach and looked at Ronnie guiltily. “I know we aren't supposed to take the children from the daycare, b
ut Morrison has been our only one all day, and she's been alternating between calling for you and her mother ever since she got here at nine.”
Ronnie's eyes widened. “She was calling for me?”
Allison nodded. “She must have recognized where you worked.” She shifted her weight, twisting her lips up to the side. “Listen, I know that Ms. Vascar normally keeps Morrison with her when her son is here, but . . . she was really upset this morning. It could be nothing, but I thought I'd let you know.”
Ronnie nodded, putting her hand on Morrison's back and rubbing it in comforting circles. The toddler hiccuped, turning her face to the side and sticking her thumb in her mouth. “I appreciate you letting me know.” She keened her head and looked at Morrison before looking back at Allison. “I'm going to keep Morrison with me, at least until I know what's going on.”
Allison nodded before turning around and walking away, her face tight as she further disobeyed protocol. Ronnie almost felt bad, but making sure that Morrison was right was more important to her than making sure every rule was followed. Besides, Ronnie was one of Morrison's emergency contacts . . . or, at least she had been before Amy and she had their falling out. If Allison got in trouble, Ronnie would take the blame.
She glanced around, trying to see if her supervisor was around. She didn't see her at any of the nurses stations or in the hallway, but when she looked in the direction of a cluster of rooms, she saw Yvonne walking out of a consultation.
“Yvonne!” she called, shushing Morrison when she whimpered at the level of Ronnie's voice. She kissed the side of her head in apology.
Yvonne looked up, her brows furrowing in concern at the worried expression on Ronnie's face and at the distressed child in her arms. Ronnie walked quickly towards her, the bouncing action soothing some of Morrison's cries.
In Her Hands Page 14