by K Carr
“Ok, see you at the restaurant, sweetie,” The abundance of cheer in her tone as she bent to kiss Megan goodbye was a deliberate effort of her ignoring him. When she turned and started towards her parked car without a word to him, he shook his head, unable to stop the quick grin that flashed across his face.
“Right,” Connor tilted his head at his daughter. “Let’s go get some food.” Holding her hand in his, they walked to a pedestrian crossing and hurried across the road to where he had parked his work van.
“Daddy,” Megan scrunched her nose up. “You need to wash the van.”
“I know,” he said as he opened it up and gestured for her to climb in. “Shall we take it through the car wash after we get something to eat?”
Megan climbed into the seat and Connor quickly buckled her in. He closed the door and hurried over to the driver’s side. He had just spotted Jen’s car driving past. Damn. Stubborn little minx. He had told her to follow him. Now behind the wheel, he buckled up and started the van.
“Daddy,” Megan was tapping her hand against the dashboard. “Do you think Grandma should get a kitten? I keep telling her she should but she said it’s a lot of responsibility.”
Connor chuckled. “Do you want Grandma to get a kitten because you want a kitten?”
“Me? No,” Megan exclaimed. “I just want Grandma to have one. Kittens are so cute,” She started twisting about in the seat. “And cuddly.”
“Sit still, sweetie,” Connor gently admonished as he keyed in the restaurant’s address into the gps. Once the route had been set, he pulled off, wondering if Jen had set the directions on her gps or whether she was just using her cell phone. “And Grandma is right, having a pet is a lot of responsibility.”
The short trip to the restaurant was filled with Megan trying to get Connor’s pledge he would help convince her Grandma that cat ownership was the way of the future. He missed these sort of conversations with his daughter. The restaurant had customer parking, but Connor couldn’t spot his wife’s car. He reversed into the last parent and child space and turned the engine off.
“Just a moment, sweetie,” Connor gently interrupted Megan’s chatter. “Let me call Mommy to find out where she is.”
“She’s lost,” Megan pronounced cheerily. “She always gets lost, doesn’t she?”
Connor grinned, nodding conspiratorially and pulling his phone out. “Yes, she does.” Then he quickly added, “Sometimes, not all the times. Don’t go telling Mommy she has no sense of direction, Meggie.”
She giggled and pointed towards the road. “We’ll see her when she drives by.”
“Mhmm,” Connor had already dialled Jen’s phone, he was just waiting for her to pick up. “Hey, where are you? We’re at the restaurant-”
“Stuck behind a truck,” she sounded irritated.
“Mom,” Megan leaned in to shout at his phone. “Dad said you got lost again.”
Connor shot Megan an incredulous look even as he hastily said, “I didn’t say it like that, Jen. I meant-”
“I’ll be there in about five minutes.” Jen ended the call.
Connor folded his arms and slowly turned sideways to look at his grinning daughter. “Meggie,”
“You said it, Daddy,”
He couldn’t help but return her smile. “You said it first.” He unfolded his arms and reached up to tweak her nose. “Imp.”
It was only another five minutes before they saw Jen’s car pulling into the parking. Connor’s temperament gently swung between contentment and annoyance. He was pleased to have these moments with Megan, while simultaneously feeling resentful he no longer had full parental access to her. Tucking her in at night. Hearing her try to sneak down the hallway whenever she thought she had awoken before them. Walking into her room and having to carefully manoeuvre around toys messily strewn around. He even missed the tantrums, the shouts when she felt she wasn’t getting her own way, the tears when she was upset and would only stop crying when he hugged her tight and told her he would make everything better.
She had refused his comfort at the party though, outright spurned his attempt to console her. He couldn’t recall that ever happening before, even when she was angry with him. She would still, begrudgingly mind you, drag herself over for a hug; and they would talk it out with everything eventually ending in smiles and giggles. Was it just the passage of her growing up? Her refusing his comfort. Or was it due to him no longer being around her the way she was used to? Fuck. He and Jen needed to fix this shit. He would be damned if he allowed this separation from his wife result in a strained relationship with his daughter. No, Connor had been too lax with Jen. He had told her over the weekend he wasn’t going to enable her behaviour and he was going to stick to his words. He hadn’t been able to do what his attorney had asked, to get Jen to a state where they could negotiate – in fact after the mess of his party over the weekend he was certain she was even more determined to get sole custody. But he would be damned if he allowed that to happen. He was not going to let it happen, even if it meant ending up in the Family Courts. Nonetheless, he was going to avoid the toxic fighting on the way there. He wasn’t going to make this mess any worse. He could simultaneously fight for his right to be in Megan’s life, foolishly remain in love his wife, and try his best to get them on the other side of this storm. He could juggle it all and hopefully emerge on the other side without any more scars. They had all been through enough as a family.
“Come on, Daddy,” Meggie had already unbuckled her seatbelt and her hand was on the door handle. “Mommy’s parking up.”
“Ok,” He unbuckled his seatbelt as Meggie opened the door and started sliding out. “You wait right there,” Connor warned. Quickly jumping out the van and slamming the door shut. He checked he had his wallet then slid his phone and keys into his pocket.
“Mom,” Megan yelled across the parking lot.
Connor hurried around the front of the van to get to her side. The tight knot of fear in the pit of his stomach was understandable. Perhaps he had grabbed her hand a touch too tightly. Her small grimace and the following tug to loosen his grip on her hand indicated Connor had been rougher than he thought.
“I’m sorry, darling,” he blurted out. “Did I hold your hand too tight? We just have to be careful around cars. Ok?” Connor felt like an ass. He hoped he hadn’t actually hurt her. “I’m sorry.”
Meggie nodded then beamed at him. “It’s ok. Mommy holds my hand real tight too. Sometimes I have to tell her to let go but she doesn’t. I know I have to be careful. They teach us that at school too. Look both ways before crossing the street. Always wait for the green man.”
Connor nodded and reluctantly loosened his grip on her hand. He swallowed the anxiousness. His grip was almost non-existent, so easy for her to slip free – “That’s great, Meggie. Are you hungry?”
“Yep,” she chirped. Her attention was on her mother, who was now exiting the car.
“Does your tummy still hurt?” Connor asked. Meggie had perked up considerably since leaving the psychiatrist.
“Um,” She swung one foot back and forth, definitely scuffing the front of her sneaker. “No, it’s not hurting anymore.”
Connor grinned to himself. “That’s great, sweetie. I’m glad you’re feeling better.” If ever there was proof him spending time with his daughter was good for her, he had it. “Oh, I’m getting hungry myself. I think I can eat a whole bear!”
“Dad,” Meggie giggled. “We don’t eat bears. That’s silly.”
“Erm, who are you calling silly?” Connor teased in a gruff voice. He spied Jen hurrying over to them. “Can’t be me.”
“Mom,” Meggie tugged free from his loose grip and was about to run over to Jen but froze immediately when Jen held her hand up in the universal sign for stop. Obviously impatient, but heeding Jen’s wordless command, Meggie said loudly, “Hurry up, Mommy!”
Four large steps and Jen was in front of them, reaching for Meggie’s hand. “I’m here,”
&nb
sp; “Finally,” Meggie exclaimed. Was it cheeky? Definitely, but Connor didn’t reprimand her, neither did Jen. “Daddy said he can eat a whole bear.”
“We don’t eat bears,” Jen murmured distractedly.
“I said that too, Mommy.” Megan said with a knowing nod. “Daddy’s being silly.”
“Mhmm,” Jen agreed, making sure she avoided his gaze while doing so.
Connor snorted, happy his wife was playing along with their daughter but also uncertain if there was any hidden mal-intent. His amused snort ended with a tired sigh. He hated this uncertainty with her…he missed the ease they once shared. Jen and Megan started walking towards the restaurant’s entrance. Connor fell into step behind them. Their chatter washed over him and he reminded himself there would be no more fighting – at least not from his side, and it took two to fight. He sidestepped Jen to reach the door first and open it. She sent him a narrowed look and huffed under her breath.
“You’re welcome,” he muttered sarcastically without thinking.
“I could’ve gotten it myself,” she shot back as she bundled Megan through the door.
“You look nice today,” Connor said, kicking himself over his previous snarky comment. It had just slipped out. Being nice was harder than it should be, understandable though, the last few months had been fraught between them. “I’ve always liked how this green dress looks on you.”
Jen stopped in her tracks and squinted at him before shaking her head and following their daughter into the restaurant. Connor closed the door behind them and angled his head at the member of staff who rushed up to them.
“Can we get a table for three?” he asked, eyes scanning the space and noting there were quite a lot of diners.
The staff member nodded with a wide smile. “Yes, follow me please.”
Five minutes later they were seated at a small table and placing an order for drinks while opening the menus. Luckily Megan had forgotten all about the coca cola.
“I want meatballs,” Megan reminded them.
Jen glanced over her menu at their daughter then resumed perusing the menu.
“What are you having, Daddy?”
Connor shrugged. “Don’t know as yet, Meggie. I might have the chicken and mushroom fettuccine.” He gestured to his wife. “Have you decided on what you’re having?”
Jen snapped her menu shut and looked around the restaurant as she answered, “I’ll have the same as Meg,”
“Good choice, Mommy.”
A waiter came over with their drinks, took their orders and the menus, and also placed a colouring sheet with some crayons in front of Megan.
“Great, more colouring,” Megan picked up a crayon and busied herself while Connor stared at Jen across the table.
“You ok?” he asked. She’d been staring listlessly in the direction of the large glass frontage of the restaurant. He scrutinized her face, Jen looked exhausted.
“I’m fine,” she murmured before taking a sip from her drink.
He left it at that, knowing if he pried any further she would become irritable…shit. She already seemed irritable. Leaning over slightly, Connor made a sound to signify his pride in Megan’s colouring. It was silly. She was seven years old now, almost eight, and colouring had been mastered by her years ago, but still, he wanted her to know he took joy in anything she did.
“That looks nice, Meggie,” he said.
“Hmm,” She barely paid him any attention as she reached for her drink and distractedly took a sip from her straw.
“It is very pretty,”
Both Jen and himself, twisted their heads towards the person making the comment. The owner of the voice was a tall, straight-backed blonde woman – around 50 maybe 60, the lines on her face implied that age range – who was seated close enough to their table that she could see Megan’s picture.
“Just like you,” the woman continued with a friendly smile.
Jen’s whole demeanour had changed into one of high alert. Connor could see her silently judging the distance between Megan and the woman. He couldn’t deny he had tensed up too.
The woman looked over at them both and said, “She’s beautiful.”
“Thanks,” Connor murmured while Jen forced a smile to her lips and inclined her head in acknowledgement.
“And how old are you, honey?” The woman asked Megan who finally raised her head to pay the stranger some attention.
Megan glanced at Jen immediately, then Connor. He gave her a small nod, enough movement to let her know it was ok to respond.
“I’m seven, I’ll be eight soon.” Megan smiled politely then asked. “How old are you?”
“Sweetie,” Connor mumbled, slightly embarrassed over Megan’s blunt question.
The woman laughed. “Oh, I’m much older than you, honey.” She flashed Connor a grin. “Much, much older.” The woman chuckled again as she looked at Jen. “She’s absolutely adorable and her hair! Oh, so lovely and curly. She’s just a cutie pie.”
“Yes, she is. Thanks.” The tight smile hadn’t left Jen’s lips and her gaze darted to him then landed on Megan before returning to his face.
He understood. It was the reason they had both instinctively tensed up when the lady mentioned how pretty Megan was. People always wanted to touch her hair, or her cheeks…especially her hair. Connor remembered the first time he had seen someone try to stick their hand in Jen’s hair during the early days of their relationship. It was jarring, and very intrusive. And he couldn’t imagine how tiring it must be to just have random people ask to touch your hair, but Jen was used to it. She would simply jerk back, it was a skill he admired, and stare them down until they sheepishly moved away.
It was worse with Megan. People, mainly older women, would see her curls and want to touch it with no regards to her personal space. Connor knew they didn’t see it as a problem. In fact they thought they were perfectly within their rights to touch her hair as they were verbalizing how much they loved it. Jen never tolerated it. He wasn’t as cold as Jen when blocking unwanted attempts to stroke Megan’s hair, but he was firm in politely saying not to touch his young daughter. Like Jen, he didn’t want Megan growing up thinking it was ok for anyone to just touch her hair because they thought it was cute.
“Is she your only child?” the woman asked, smiling away at Megan, and thinking her conversation was welcomed. “You should have another if she is. I’m sure she’d like a little sister or brother, especially if they end up being as beautiful as she is.” She beckoned conspiratorially to Megan. “Wouldn’t you love a sibling? A little sister or a brother?” Chuckling, she turned her attention back to him and Jen. “Children are such a joy and they grow up so fast. You have to cherish the time when they’re little.”
Jen’s face had shut down. Not cold, not angry, just emotionless. She stared blankly at the woman.
Megan tilted her head and said with a nonchalance only a child could possess, “I already have a little brother, but he’s dead now. A car ran him over last year.” Connor choked on the air which had chosen at that moment to get stuck in his throat. He coughed as the woman’s uncertain gaze swung from him to Jen. Megan dropped the crayon and reached for her drink as she continued, “He’s in heaven. I’m sure he likes it there. I’m going to see him in heaven one day. My Nanny and Poppy said we’ll all meet up in heaven.”
The woman’s face had turned an embarrassed shade of red as she stammered out, “Oh, oh no. I’m – are you – I’m so sorry. I had no idea-”
“Why would you?” Jen still had that impassive look on her face. “You don’t know us.”
“I’m sorry,” the woman repeated. “I didn’t mean to – I’m so sorry.”
“Why is she sorry, Daddy?” Megan had taken her sips of drink and was now tugging on the sleeve of his shirt to get his attention. “Did she do something bad?”
“No, sweetie,” Connor found his voice. He took pity on the women who was floundering on what to say in order to extricate herself from such a touchy issue. Flash
ing her a small smile, he murmured, “It’s fine.”
“Maybe next time you’ll think twice before commenting on the number of children a person has. It really isn’t any of your business.” Jen stated without blinking once.
The woman looked away from Jen’s unflinching stare. Connor winced but didn’t dare give any verbal indication he felt Jen’s harshness was unwarranted.
“I’m sorry.” the woman muttered and turned back towards her table.
Megan returned to her colouring, oblivious to the tense undercurrents between Connor and Jen. He checked Megan’s attention was definitely on the page in front of her before looking over at Jen and mouthing, ‘You ok?’
She gave him a curt nod and turned her head away. Connor sighed, praying their food came quickly, and knowing his hopes that they would be able to have a nice time together were foolish now. Jen was clenching her jaw and he noticed the rise and fall of her chest had quickened. Her breathing had quickened, and she was furiously chewing the corner of her lower lip. Shit.
“I’ll be right back.” Jen murmured while rising out her seat.
“Where are you going, Mom?” Megan was already looking around inquisitively. “Can I come with you?”
“I’m just going to the bathroom, Meg,”
Megan started pushing back her chair so she could get off it. “I want to go too.”
Jen scratched her right eyebrow then sent Connor a pleading look. It shocked him, but also caused a spurt of warmth inside him. She needed him.
“What?” Connor gasped and playfully reached for Megan’s arm. “You’re going to leave your Daddy all alone?”
Megan frowned slightly, her gaze jumped between them and the rest of the restaurant. He could see her weighing up which was more interesting. Then she grinned and patted his shoulder. “We’ll be right back, Daddy. Don’t worry. We won’t be long.”
With a rueful half-smile, Connor shrugged his shoulders at Jen in defeat. She sighed in resignation as she held a hand out for their daughter.
“Come on then,” Jen said when Megan grabbed her hand. She inclined her head at him. “We won’t be long.”