Through the Wooden Door

by K Carr

  “I’m glad you could make it today.” he said into the silence which had sprung up between us. Connor reached over to lightly squeeze my hand.

  “It’s no problem,” I murmured. “Erm, how are things at the office?” I thought it was a safe topic to have while we waited for the server to come back with the drinks and ask us for our orders. The unintentional grimace that flittered across Connor’s face made me think differently.

  “Good,” he replied. “How has Meggie been this week? When does she break up for Christmas holidays again? I’m sure I have it written down somewhere.”

  The brush off was less than elegant, which was why I immediately asked, “What’s happening with that big job you mentioned?”

  “The guys are handling it,” Connor assured me. “Angela’s holding things down in the office this week,”

  I tried not to frown. Angela hated office work. She was an electrician, a damned good one too, and being behind a desk usually made her irritable. “Why would you make Angela do office duties? Ben’s a better choice-”

  “Ben’s off,” Connor explained. “It was supposed to be until last Friday, but then he came down with the flu and,” He waved a dismissive hand through the air. “Don’t worry, it’s all under control.”

  I bit my tongue and worried silently. It wasn’t my place to judge how he was running the business now, so much time had passed since I’d even been to our warehouse. My attention went to the server who had returned to our table and was carefully placing our drinks in front of us.

  “Are you two ready to order?” he asked.

  Connor looked at the menu then at me. “Do you know what you want, sweetheart?”

  What did I want? To not be conflicted where it concerned my husband? To go back in time? To know how to fix myself and by default fix my daughter?

  “I think I’ll have one pepperoni slice and one meat feast slice,” I handed the menu over to the guy. “Oh, big slices, not those teeny wafer thin ones,” I stopped when Connor chuckled and the server nodded with a grin.

  “And you, sir?” he asked Connor.

  “The same,” Connor handed over his menu.

  “It won’t be too long,” the server quickly eyed the table, perhaps to check everything was in its appropriate place. “I’ll be right over there if you need anything else.”

  We both murmured a ‘thank you’ as the server sauntered away. Our eyes met and Connor grinned. He shook his head. “This feels kind of weird, doesn’t it? Like a first date or something.”

  I nodded and begun to smile myself. “It does feel weird.”

  “Do you remember our first date?” he teased. “You asked me out then tried to convince me to sleep with you.”

  I gave him the look he deserved then drawled, “Colonizers and their historical revisionism. Typical.”

  Connor’s grin widened and he said in a very low voice, “I’ll colonize something alright.”

  “Excuse me?” I asked, having heard every word he had mumbled. “What did you say?”

  “I’m glad you’re here.” he replied.

  Was this the second or third time he had said that? I glanced at my ring-less hand and softly admitted, “Me too.” And just like that something shifted between us.

  Our pizza came, we talked about inconsequential things, we ate, we smiled at each other a lot. I had forgotten what this felt like, spending time with him and not fighting. It was better than nice, a gentle reminder of how things used to be.

  “Shall we go now?” Connor asked as he picked up his glass and drained the remnants of juice. I wiped my mouth with my napkin and nodded. Connor waved the server over and asked for our bill. “I’m stuffed.” he said as he passed a hand over his stomach.

  “Erm,” I had to ask. “Do you want me to get this? Or maybe we should split the bill?” It was the polite thing to do, even though the voice in the back of my head chanted it’s longstanding litany of ‘he invited you, you don’t pay for dates’.

  The slight scowl building across his face was answer enough, then with a raised eyebrow he drawled, “Jen, you’re not working,” A little sound of shock fell from my parted lips and Connor grinned as he shrugged at me. “What? It’s the truth.”

  Begrudgingly, I returned his grin as the server hurried over with the bill. Connor paid, we got our stuff and walked out the little pizza restaurant holding hands. I turned back to catch the name as we walked off. Nicco’s might earn a special place in my heart.

  “Ok,” I checked my watch. “Let’s get something for your parents first, then we can sort my mom out. You’ll also need to get something for Dara, she’s a couple of weeks old now so a soft toy should be fine.” The next thing was embarrassing to admit it but I continued. “I got Lala and Derek a few gifts and I didn’t put your name on the card. Sorry.”

  Connor didn’t make a fuss. He simply nodded and tugged me forward as we hurried to cross the busy street. It didn’t take us long to walk to the nearby mall. As expected there were large numbers of shoppers with it being this close to Christmas. Shit. What should I get him?

  The first store we entered was manic and Connor quickly steered me out before anything caught my eye. The second store was much calmer. “How about these?” he asked, holding up a pair of intricate candle sticks.

  I made a face and he put them back where he found them as I ran my hand over the surface of a sideboard. The wood was smooth underhand, too smooth for my liking. I edged over to the next one and let out a sigh of delight when my fingertips trailed the top. The textured roughness, the markings of the wood, the design; all these things called to me. It was a lovely sideboard.

  “No,” Connor called in warning. He had sauntered over to my side. Reaching out he picked up the price-tag and tried to hide a grimace. “Dad will be pissed if we get them furniture, Jen.”

  “But your mom will love it,” I cajoled and grabbed his free hand. “Feel this.” With my hand covering his, I guided his over the surface of the sideboard. “Nice, right?”

  Connor dropped the price-tag, his mouth twisted into a lukewarm smile. “It’s alright, I guess. Let’s look at something else.” He gently tugged his hand out from under mine.

  Was it the price? I checked the price-tag. It wasn’t that bad, actually for the quality of wood it was a suitable price. We could afford it. I thought about the look on his face when he had picked up the tag. Could we afford it?

  “It’s a great piece, isn’t it?” A cheery voice came from behind us.

  We turned around. A young, smiling black woman wearing the store’s uniform gestured to the sideboard. “It’s 100% oak, best quality and we also offer a slightly smaller version.”

  I glanced at her name tag. Sherice. “We’re just looking at the moment. Thank you.”

  She hesitated and Connor exhaled softly. He hated store assistants who hovered, I think most people did. Sherice glanced over her shoulder a few times, it was all very cloak and dagger and Connor exchanged a bemused look with me.

  In a voice barely above a whisper, she leaned in closer and said, “You can get it cheaper online from our competitors and they have a faster delivery system.”

  Connor’s eyebrows shot up, mine did too. What was she doing? Spotting our expressions, Sherice shrugged and straightened up. “They won’t authorize my Christmas vacation even though I always come in on my days off if they ask me. Screw them.”

  I tried not to burst out laughing at her righteous indignation. “Shame on them.”

  “Yeah, assholes.” she muttered then caught a sight of someone behind us and beamed widely. In a voice that carried she said, “And we also have a wide selection of soft furnishings to brighten up any home.” Her eyes narrowed in disgust and she whispered to me, “There’s cheaper and better stuff online to be honest,”

  “Thank you,” Connor said as he grabbed my hand. “We’ll take that on board.”

  “Wait,” I tugged my hand free when he tried to move us away from the disgruntled woman. Connor gave me an exasp
erated look. I knew he was uncomfortable and wanted to get on with our shopping, but I couldn’t not reward Sherice’s defiance to ‘the corporate man’. How many times had I come across tweets where people found themselves in surreal situations and wondered what I would do in their place? Well, this was my moment. I quickly dug in my bag and plucked a twenty out from my wallet. “Here,” I presented the folded bill with flourish.

  “I can’t take that,” Sherice didn’t react the way I expected.

  Connor’s expression was an unreadable one.

  “Of course you can,” I whispered while glancing around. Was that her manager looking over here or another member of staff?

  “No, really,” she protested, apparently embarrassed by what I thought was a great show of altruism on my part. “I don’t need it.”

  “Sweetheart,” Connor called in a tight voice. He was also looking around as if expecting someone to swoop down on us.

  “Nonsense,” I insisted and pushed the twenty at her hand. “You can and you must. Think of it as a small commission on what you’ve saved us.”

  “No, I couldn’t,” she said.

  “I insist,” I stated firmly, staring her down until she reluctantly took the money. Feeling pleased with myself I wished her a Merry Christmas and let Connor rush me out the store.

  “That was weird,” he muttered. “And why are you giving strangers money?”

  “It was just a twenty,” I scoffed.

  “Yeah but,” Then he muttered something too low for me to decipher and changed the subject. “So we’ll check online to get my parents a gift? Will it arrive on time do you think? Let’s go to that store over there. They’ve got some nice stuff in the window.”

  I didn’t voice the question I really wanted to ask him, which was: why are you bugging about a twenty? I had my suspicions and they were starting to stress me out. It felt like Connor was mindful of every dollar. How bad were things at the company? Were we haemorrhaging money like before? I remembered how bad things had gotten right after –

  “Is everything ok, Connor?” I lightly squeezed his hand which held mine as we walked and avoided the people on the sidewalk.

  Connor grinned and spared me a glance. “Everything’s fine. Hey, maybe we should try the mall a few blocks down. Up for the walk?”

  I nodded, pushing my worries aside and determined to try and act normal – or whatever normal was for us now. “You look nice today by the way.”

  My compliment changed his whole demeanour and I didn’t think he even realized it. Like the raising of a veil, his playful swagger revealed itself by the smug air surrounding around him. I snorted and swung our entwined hands.

  “Thanks,” he replied.

  “You’re welcome,” I said.

  We grinned at each other for the whole two blocks it took us to walk to the nearby mall. Then we spent an inordinate amount of time window shopping instead of doing any actual shopping, and I loved every second. Connor kept me giggling over his ridiculous jokes and between the hand holding, him buying me churros with my favourite sauce and the steadily building desire inside me – the other night had made me realize how much I sorely missed sex – I felt…good. I hadn’t felt this way around him in a long while. I shared my last churro with him and made the executive decision to stop our enjoyable but aimless wandering. Today was supposed to be about shopping for Christmas presents and we were failing abysmally.

  “Come on,” I tugged on his arm and pointed to an electronics store. “Maybe we can get something for your dad in there.”

  He perked up at the suggestion as we outpaced a group of dawdling teenagers. Why weren’t they in school at this time? I thought the high schools still had another week before breaking up for Christmas.

  “Connor?”

  We both turned around in the direction of the incredulous tone. I didn’t know the person but Connor’s face split into a soft smile.

  “Riley? Hey!” he said as the woman beamed at him.

  “Hi,” she gushed, stepping closer to him with her arms wide open.

  Connor reciprocated. His arms opened before they both hugged. I stood aside, watching them embrace and wondering who the hell was Riley.

  “Oh my god,” Riley leaned back with her arms still wrapped around my husband. “I can’t believe we’ve bumped into each other! It’s so good to see you.” She went back in for another hug.

  Connor sent me a sheepish gaze and he hugged her once more then quickly tried to extricate himself from her embrace. I stood there with a polite smile on my face as Connor went about making the introductions.

  “Riley, this is Jen,” He gestured to me.

  Before he could complete the introduction, Riley’s eyes widened and she said, “Oh, you’re Jennifer.”

  There was a whiff of alcohol coming from Riley. I nodded once as my gaze noted her windswept brunette tresses framing a heart-shaped face with red-rimmed green eyes. I stole an uncertain glance at Connor before saying, “Yes, I’m Jennifer.” I didn’t like the fact she knew my name. And why had she said it like that? You’re Jennifer. Who the hell was she?

  Connor was peering intently at her. Concern started to build in his eyes as he took in her flushed face. She didn’t look dishevelled, clothes wise, but there was an unkempt air about her…and I could definitely hear the slightest slurring at the end of her words.

  “Are you ok?” Connor was suddenly holding her arm, gently of course; but the action made my eyebrows shoot high up.

  How familiar was he with this Riley? I knew all his friends, at least I did before our separation. Had he been making new friends? I hadn’t the energy or urge to make any new friends since…let’s just say I was grateful for a bestie who put up with me. How many new people had he invited into his life after the breakdown of our marriage? Who the hell was this woman?

  “I’m fine,” Riley waved a dismissive hand through the air. Suddenly her gaze swung around and she actually twisted sideways before turning back to us. “Is Megan not with you? What a shame. I would’ve loved to see her.”

  I was now quite uneasy. How did she know my Megan? Had she met her before? How would she have met my daughter? Who the hell was this woman? I opened my mouth to subtly try and get some more information by way of friendly questioning, but my intended inquisition was halted before it began by the next words out her mouth.

  “You really should let Connor see her more often,” Riley stated.

  “Excuse me?” My tone was high-pitched, disbelief made it so. Connor’s face underwent a transformation from concern to shock.

  Riley nodded vehemently. “It’s not right what you’re doing-”

  “Riley,” Connor hissed, interrupting her tirade. “Have you been drinking? Are you drunk?”

  She squinted at him. “I may have had a few drinks, but I’m fine. Trust me, I am a-ok.” Turning back to me she continued, “You have no right to keep his daughter away from him. He confides in me,” The ends of her words were slurring much more now as she rushed to complete her tirade. “You have no idea what he’s been going through and-”

  “Riley,” Connor stepped in front of her, both his hands were on her arms as he glared down at her upturned face. “Stop.”

  “What?” She shrugged free and poked her head around his body in order to see me. “I’m just telling Jennifer the truth. She needs to know the truth. She’s being selfish, just like Vince.” Riley laid her hand on Connor’s chest.

  Her hand on his chest. Their familiarity. The fact she knew about me, my daughter – whatever the fuck this was, I was done with it.

  “Don’t you see?” she said to Connor, now staring beseechingly at him. “They’re cruel to us. It’s unfair. How much do they want us to suffer? How much more must we suffer?”

  “How much have you had to drink?” Connor asked sternly. “Did you drive here? Are you here with someone? Is Vincent here?”

  He was asking her all these questions while I had my own questions that needed to be answered. Confused and
pissed off, I cocked my head sideways and asked, “Who the fuck are you, bitch?”

  “Jen,” Connor turned so he could send me a reproachful look. “Please. I’ll explain in a minute-”

  “Fuck you,” I spat. Explain? He had stood there while this friend of his chastised me about something that was none of her damned business and said nothing.

  “Jen, hon,” Connor held out a placating hand towards me. “Ok, look, Riley is a friend of mine from-”

  “I don’t give a fuck where you know her from,” I cut him off, incensed at the boldness of this stranger to talk to me as if she knew me.

  “See,” Riley muttered. “Just like Vince. Never listens. Never lets you explain – I’m so tired. I miss them.” She jabbed a finger in my direction. “You can’t blame him for Cory’s death. It was an accident. Why won’t you forgive us?” Riley sudden grabbed Connor’s t-shirt. “He won’t forgive me, Connor. He acts like he has but I know deep down he hasn’t. Why won’t he forgive me?” Then she crumbled against Connor and started crying in earnest.

  Connor’s arms instinctively went around her perhaps to stop her from crumpling to the floor, perhaps to comfort her. I stood there, speechless and hearing a building roar between my ears. I could see Connor’s lips moving as he murmured something to Riley, then he turned to me and said something. I honestly couldn’t hear what he said. My chest felt tight and my nails were digging into my palms as I stood there watching this woman seek comfort from my husband. She had said my son’s name. She had commented about my son.

  I took two steps forward, close enough for her to hear my voice which was hoarse with rage. “Don’t you ever talk about my son. Don’t you fucking dare.” I stepped back, glaring at them both before spinning on my heels.

  “Jen, wait,” Connor grabbed my arm before I could storm off. His other hand was still around his friend Riley. “I swear I’ll explain everything but you have to let me take care of this. Ok, Jen?” I yanked my arm free and he tried to grab the sleeve of my coat again, as he anxiously tried to reason with me. “Jennifer, you don’t understand. I know Riley from group,” He spared her a quick glance. “She’s obviously having a hard time right now-”