by K Carr
I nodded. I used to be able to do that…in the past. Then the accident had happened and our ability to have any form of constructive conversation imploded.
“I’m right here for you, Jen,” he reminded me. “I’m not going anywhere, not now, not ever. Whatever you want to tell me, even if it’s bad,” Connor gave me a pointed look of assurance. “I’m right here.”
“I’d prefer if you were down there,” I drawled back with a leery wink. I laid my hand against his cheek and upped my performance level. “But thanks for the offer.”
Tomorrow, I would be braver tomorrow, but for now I wanted simplicity. No more heavy discussions, no more focusing on the fact we desperately needed couples therapy; I wanted no reminders that although we were ‘officially’ back together, there was a mountain of unresolved issues between us which I needed to face. Shit. Therapy better work this time around – I mean, I would actually give it a chance this time around.
Connor’s blue gaze got more intense and I widened my eyes before wriggling my lower body beneath his. Reluctantly a smile started growing across his face yet the glint of worry in the depths of his eyes remained. He had seen through my act but he didn’t press it. “Ok. I’ll get to work then.”
My eyebrows shot up, still pushing a relaxed demeanour, I called him out. “Work? You’re calling it work?”
He shook his head as a chuckle rumbled in his chest, tugging the covers off completely as he said, “We’ve got a lot of catching up to do, eventually we might get bored-”
“Just shut up and lick my clit,” I added a sweet, “Please,” to my demand.
“As you wish, m’lady,” Connor teased and resumed the required position to fulfil the command.
I closed my eyes and tried my damnedest to clear my mind and give myself over to his touch. He couldn’t grant me my wish, no one could. I wished time could be controlled, manipulated, conquered. My only wish was to blot out one day, just snap my fingers and remove it from existence. I wished I could turn back time.
Chapter 12
Connor couldn’t focus on his wife’s words. They washed over him as his gaze remained transfixed on her. It couldn’t be, could it?
“And Mom, of course,” Jen rolled her eyes then chuckled. “Gave it to Megan. She spoils her so much.”
There was only one specific period of time when his wife tolerated that particular fruit. Realizing he’d unconsciously been holding his breath, he exhaled sharply.
Jen shot him a quizzical look as she picked up another spoonful of fruit. “Are you ok?” she asked before popping the fruit into her mouth and chomping down.
Connor nodded slowly. It couldn’t be. The sound of Megan running into the kitchen had him turning his attention to her. “What’s up, Meggie?”
“Nothing,” she said, running straight to the fridge to open it up and peer in.
“Did you want something?” Connor asked, ready to hop off the stool and head over to her.
“Nope,” Megan slammed the fridge door then skipped over to the centre island where they were. She half-climbed onto the stool next to Jen and licked her lips. “Can I have some of that, Mom?”
“Please,” Connor prompted absent-mindedly, his gaze was back on Jen.
“Please,” Megan added sweetly.
Jen swallowed and told Megan to get a bowl, which she hastened to do, then she spooned out some of the fruit salad from her bowl into Megan’s. “There you go, Meg. Get a spoon for yourself. Are you eating in here with-”
“Nope,” Megan chirped as she held her bowl of fruit salad and went to get a spoon. “I’m watching my show.” She grabbed a spoon from the cutlery drawer and spun around to make her way out the kitchen.
“Meg, close the drawer,” Jen called out but Megan had already disappeared out the kitchen.
Connor slid off the stool and went over to close the drawer. He walked back over to Jen’s side instead of the stool he’d just vacated. Trying his best not to smile, he watched as she shovelled another spoonful of fruit into her mouth.
“Nice, is it?”
Jen nodded enthusiastically and made a sound of delight.
Connor leaned his elbows onto the counter and rested his chin over his interlaced hands. “Are you going to eat the whole bowl?”
Jen nodded. It was a large bowl.
Connor looked at the glass bowl then back to her face. With raised eyebrows, he pointed out, “You didn’t pick out the kiwi,” Jen’s chewing slowed down and she frowned as she glanced at the bowl of fruit in front of her. Connor continued, “I’ve been watching you gobble up everything, including the kiwi, for the past five minutes, Jen.”
Her eyes were wide as she swallowed hard and put the spoon aside. “I,”
“You never eat kiwi,” Connor said softly. “Well, the only time you can stomach the taste of kiwi is when you’re pregnant, other than that you hate the taste.”
Jen blinked a few times then covered her mouth as she whispered a shaky, “Fuck.”
Connor nodded.
“I can’t be.” she hissed and hopped off the stool.
Connor straightened up. “Maybe you’ve grown to love kiwi,” He knew it was a dry half-mocking, half-amused comment. “I don’t know, Jen. The fact is you’ve just been eating sliced kiwi without gagging once.”
“I’m not,” she denied the possibility and darted over to grab her cell phone from the countertop nearest the door. Tapping across the screen she returned to where he stood. “Shit.” she hissed. Connor spotted the open calendar app on the screen of her phone. Frantically flicking through the months, Jen exhaled in frustration and turned anxious eyes towards him. “I haven’t been logging my dates for months, not since I left-” she stopped and put her phone down. “There wasn’t a need because we weren’t together and I – fuck – I can’t believe I haven’t been logging my dates since we’ve started having sex again,” she sighed long and hard. “I can’t be.”
Connor reached out to place a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “You might be.” At her vehement shake of head, Connor made sure his tone was an audibly soothing one. “Or you might not be, either way it’s ok. I’m sure you’ve had one since you’ve been back. We’ve just been busy with getting back into the groove of things, and you’re working so hard in the office. Didn’t you send me to the store last month to get pads and tampons? Or have you gone back to your cup? I might be misremembering.” He could feel the slight tremor of her body under his hand and he pulled her into a tight hug. Pressing his face into her hair, he sought to ease the stark terror he saw on her face. “Look, I’ll go buy a test now, until then,” He stroked her chin and then tilted her head up so she could look at him. “Until then don’t worry about. Ok?”
“Ok,” she mumbled.
He lowered his mouth to hers, pressing a much needed kiss on its softness. When he lifted his head to peer at her, she didn’t look as worried as before. He winked at her and delivered a quick peck to her forehead. “Do you want me take Meg with me?”
Jen slowly shook her head. “No, she’s watching her show and – no, it’s fine.” Rubbing her temple, she picked up her phone and edged back from his nearness. “You know what? I’ll go,”
“Are you sure?” He could see the worry shining from her dark brown eyes.
“Yeah.” Jen kissed the edge of his mouth and pulled away from his loose hold. “I won’t be too long.” She didn’t run out the kitchen, but it was faster than a leisurely pace.
Connor glanced at the innocuous bowl of fruit, frowning slightly as he really thought about what this could mean for them. Jen and Megan had only been back in their family home for a couple of months now. Things were getting to a state of a new normal for them, and he didn’t want anything to upset this new family life they were creating for themselves.
But if she was…
No, he wasn’t going to let his emotions run riot. Squashing down his building excitement he exited the kitchen and slowly made his way to the living room. He couldn’t be certain, b
ut his mind did throw up a memory of Jen having a period last month…earlier this month? No, the dates didn’t correlate to her usual cycle, and Jen’s cycle was fairly regular. She was also very attuned to her fertile days, always had been and he’d been in awe of the way she accurately practiced the rhythm method. When they first started going out it was 100% condoms, no deviations no matter how much he begged, no matter the physical medical proof they were both STI free…Jen would not have sex without a condom, she refused to risk a pregnancy at that time. And it had been frustrating as hell when he knew he was all in their relationship. Frustrating to the stage he had accused her of not being committed to their relationship. Connor snorted to himself, remembering his youthful angst, but once their relationship had progressed and they got married, his condom usage had dropped right off and he got right on board with Jen’s natural birth control method.
She must’ve had one last month. Definitely the month before, right? Connor scratched his neck, trying his best to remember. Sex was frequent between them since her homecoming. Frequent, ha, almost constant it seemed, they were definitely trying to make up for the missed time. He smiled to himself as thought about this morning. She had woken up feeling frisky and he’d been more than happy to oblige. He was glad to have his wife back. Of course, he knew things would eventually return to their normal, but the current ‘feels like almost every day’ binge they were on was fantastic. It took him back to their early dating days. She must’ve had a period since coming back home.
“Dad, I’m thirsty,” Megan declared as soon as he rounded the open door into the living room.
Connor fought his smile as he folded his arms and raised an eyebrow at her. She was sprawled out on the couch and there was a mess of candy wrappers on the floor. The bowl of fruit she had gotten from Jen was also on the floor, and empty. She was probably going through another growth spurt.
“You were just in the kitchen,” he reminded her. “Why didn’t you get something to drink?”
“Wasn’t thirsty then,” she quipped and turned her attention back to the television.
“What are you watching?” Connor hovered in the doorway.
“Shhh,” Megan hushed him with a wave of hand.
Connor cleared his throat loudly. “Excuse me?” He turned around as Jen came striding down the hallway. “Are you sure you don’t want me-” his words came to a stop when she waved a distracted hand in his direction. First Meg, now Jen.
“I’m going now,” Jen had a bag slung over one shoulder. She stopped to give him a quick peck goodbye. “Do you want me to get anything while I’m out?”
“No,” He squeezed her shoulder. “Don’t be long,”
“I won’t be,” she assured him, but her expression was one of worry and she didn’t look back once as she hurried towards the front door and snatched her keys off the little table.
“Is Mom going out?” Meg jumped off the couch at the sound of the front door slamming. She scurried over to where Connor stood in the doorway. “Where did Mom go?” she asked. “She left me? She didn’t even say she was going somewhere.”
“What did you want to drink?” His attempt at a distraction was met with a pout, he upped the game. “Want me to do some popcorn for you also? Mom picked some up at the store last week.”
“The sweet kind?” Megan asked before running back into the living room to pause the show. She returned to his side, grinning up at him. “I want sweet and salty popcorn.”
Smiling, Connor held a hand out to her but she brushed past it in her haste to get to the kitchen. He followed at a more sedate pace and when he entered the kitchen a few cupboard doors were already flung open.
“Where’s the popcorn, Dad?” Meg asked. “It’s not in the cupboard next to the potato chips. There’s no potato chips either. I’ll go with Mom next time we need groceries. She’s not bought loads of stuff! We’ve only got two packs of Oreo’s left, Dad.”
Connor walked over to her and managed to nab the elasticated hair band which was about to fall out her hair from all the head shaking she was doing. “Stand still,” he ordered as he put the band between his teeth then began to gather up her curls. Meg kept up a stream of chatter as he tried his best to smooth her hair together so he could neaten it into a pony-tail. Fifteen seconds later he surveyed her ponytail with pride. Jen was the one who handled Meg’s mass of curls on a daily basis, but Connor believed himself to be skilful when it came to his daughter’s hair. He could manage plaits, never mind that was when Meg was much younger and her hair wasn’t quite as long.
“And Poppy said I have to wait until I’m ten,” Meg patted the top of her ponytail, frowned a bit, then wiggled it around until she was satisfied. It looked exactly the same to Connor. “I’m only eight! Ten is so far away.”
“Almost eight and a half, sweetie.” Connor reminded her. “That’s less than two whole years,”
“Yeah but that’s not fair-”
“Safety is fair,” Connor did add a touch of sternness to his tone. After watching a show about scuba diving at his parents’ place, Megan had been going on and on about doing it for the past three weeks. He raised an eyebrow at her. “And most scuba diving places have rules about these things. You just have to accept it, Meggie.”
“Why?” she asked.
Connor narrowed his eyes, but she was sporting a sweet smile even though her light brown eyes flashed with defiance. God. She was growing up so fast, too fast. He wanted to keep her safe forever, but life didn’t work like that. She would grow up and forge a life for herself where he and Jen no longer played the central role. She was fast getting to the stage where time with her friends mattered more than family time. He was praying the inevitable could be staved off for a few more years.
“Hey,” He flicked her under the chin. “Don’t grow up too fast. Ok?”
“I’m not going to get old like you, Daddy. I just want to be ten already.”
Connor huffed then he laughed. She was such an imp. “Ok. Popcorn.”
“Popcorn.” Meg cheered.
When Jen returned an hour later, all the popcorn had been eaten and Meg was quizzing Connor’s knowledge about the kid’s show she was currently obsessing over. The drama of competing dance teams and who sabotaged who was enough to make his eyes glaze over.
“Mom, you left me,” Meg declared the moment Jen walked into the living room. “Where did you go? Did you bring me anything?”
Connor stood up and stretched, then his gaze landed on his wife’s face. She didn’t look happy at all.
“No, sorry, sweetie. I’ll pick you up something the next time I go out.” Jen sent them a distracted smile before walking off.
He scratched his chin, gaze narrowed and focused on the empty doorway where Jen had stood seconds ago. “I’ll be right back, Meggie.”
“Where are you going?” Meg dropped her feet to the floor. “You’ll miss the best part, Dad. Julia is going to tell Candace how mean she is,”
“How many times have you seen this episode?” Connor asked as he stood up.
“Loads,” Meg admitted with a wide grin. “I’ve watched the whole season already.”
Connor sent her a mock glare then grinned. “Alright, pumpkin. I’ll be right back.”
“Get me some cookies,”
He arched an eyebrow.
Meg wisely restructured her request. “Can you please bring me a cookie?”
“I will but I’ve got to have a quick word with Mom, give me five – ten minutes. Ok?”
She didn’t look pleased about the wait time but Megan nodded in agreement. Connor shook his head and hurried out the living room. Kids. Entitled little creatures.
“Jen,” he called out loudly as he walked down the hallway. “Jennifer.” He heard a faint reply coming from the direction of the kitchen so he headed straight there. “Hey,” he said as he entered the space. “What’s up? You got the test, yeah?”
She nodded slowly, drinking water from a bottle and peering at him over it.
Jen glugged a bit more water from the bottle then lowered it and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “Took it already.”
“What?” Connor had heard her gruff words, but he wasn’t sure he had heard her correctly. “You took it?”
She nodded and started to raise the bottle back to her lips.
“Woah, wait,” Connor quickly put a hand on the bottom of the bottle, stopping her action of raising it to her mouth. “When? Just now?” he asked in disbelief. There was no way she could’ve – the exasperated look he got confirmed she couldn’t have just taken the test.
“I used the restroom at the pharmacy.” she explained.
“And?” he asked anxiously. “What did it say, Jen?”
She stared at him in silence and with wide eyes, then she tilted the bottle back to her lips and drank until the water was all gone.
“Yes?” he asked incredulously. “No. You can’t be – are you?”
“I am.” Jen shook the empty bottle, still wearing a disconcerted expression on her face. “According to the test.”
“Let me see it,” Connor started looking around for her bag. “Where is it? You didn’t throw it away, did you?” He spotted her bag on the table right before she pointed to it with the empty bottle. Striding over to the table, he continued their conversation. “Why didn’t you wait until you got back home?” Connor unzipped her bag then open the paper bag shoved inside. “I thought we would do it together.” He pulled out the small box and shook the plastic test out. Squinting at the little window on the test, he checked the images on the back of the box to confirm what the lines meant. “Oh.” Then he looked over at his wife. “Ok.”
“Yeah,” she replied dryly. “There’s another one. I bought two different brands in case one was a bad batch.”
Connor slipped the test into its box and stuck it back into her bag. He quickly dug around in the space and pulled out another test, this one was out it’s box and there was no need for instructions. The test was a digital one and the word in the small window was clear. Pregnant. Oh shit.