by K Carr
“Dad,”
Connor shoved the second test back into Jen’s bag and spun around to see Megan strolling into the kitchen.
“You said you’d bring me a cookie.” she reminded him.
“I said give me five to ten minutes,” he replied as he zipped Jen’s bag close. “It’s not even been five minutes yet.”
Megan shuffled over to her mother and pouted. Jen wrapped her arms around Megan and hugged her tightly while Connor went searching for the cookies.
“Your ponytail looks weird,” Jen said.
“Dad did it,” Megan wriggled away from Jen’s embrace.
“Here you go,” Connor pulled out a small box of cookies and handed it over to Megan. “Now go watch your silly show.”
“It’s not silly,” she complained.
“Ok,” Connor agreed. “It’s great, now go.”
Megan stuck her tongue out at him then ran out the kitchen, leaving them both staring at each other in bemusement. He walked over to Jen and held his arms wide open.
“I don’t want a hug right now,” she said before sidestepping him.
His arms dropped to his sides as he watched her put the empty water bottle into the recycling bin. “Maybe I needed one,” he retorted.
Jen turned with a frown on her face. Then she inhaled deeply and stepped back into his personal space. Peering up at him she wrapped her hands around his waist and asked, “Happy?”
Connor shook his head. “Not if you’re unhappy.”
“I’m not unhappy,” Jen murmured. “I’m just annoyed with myself for not paying better attention.” She levelled him with an accusatory stare. “And what happened to your pull out game? It used to be flawless.”
He bent his head until their foreheads touched. “I’m older now.” he scoffed. “Maybe my reactionary response is slower than I think.” Connor’s mouth curled into a supportive grin. “Listen, it’ll be ok.”
“I’ll need to go and get it confirmed,” she grumbled. “There’s still a small chance it’s a false positive.”
Two separate tests? She was definitely pregnant, but Connor didn’t point out the obvious, he took the pragmatic approach instead. “I can handle the office on Monday if you manage to get an appointment then,” Connor offered, then he snorted in disbelief. “Doesn’t this remind you of when you got pregnant with Meggie?”
Jen let out a mocking chuckle. “Oh, you mean how we were staring down the barrel of financial doom and seriously considering signing up for medical experiments to source cash?”
Connor chuckled himself. The medical experiment thing had been a running joke between them back then. “Yeah, it was a stressful time but we made it through.” His tone got softer as he spoke. “Do you remember how different it was with Cory? With him you had terrible morning sickness from the get-go and you were always constipated – what?” he asked, stopping his previous comment due to her expression. “Why are you looking like that?”
“It is exactly like then,” Jen declared with wide eyes. “Think about it.”
Connor’s own eyes widened. “Exactly like then. Oh my god. It’s a girl.”
Jen’s whole demeanour changed as she beamed at him. “Wasn’t I complaining about - heartburn the other night,”
“- Heartburn the other night,” he finished simultaneously with her. “You only got the bad heartburn with your first pregnancy.” They grinned at each other. Connor then saw his chance and took it. “I call dibs on naming her.”
“What?” Jen dropped her arms and took a step back from him.
Connor shrugged with an impish smirk on his face. “I called it.”
“You can’t do that,”
“You did,” he reminded her. “Both times.” Another shrug. “I call dibs and we’re naming her Violet.”
Jen rolled her eyes. “Violet my ass.”
“Your ass isn’t violet,” he retorted in a low voice. “It’s a pretty shade of brown and I like the name. I wanted to call-”
“Megan Violet, yes, I know.” she drawled.
“But you called dibs and I respected the rule,” Connor said. “I wanted to call Cory-”
“Cody,” Jen butted in again with a glossy shine to her eyes. “So I compromised. The D became an R,” She inhaled deeply and fanned the air in front her eyes as if trying to stem potential tears. “Cory sounded much better.”
Connor nodded, also taking a few deep breaths as he reminded himself to be strong but not rigid. There was space for vulnerability. “It did. He was definitely a Cory.” They shared a sad smile and Jen looked away for a few seconds. Connor swallowed the lump in his throat and touched her arm. Following the advice of their therapist, he verbally acknowledged their shared nostalgia, “I appreciate you talking about him with me.”
Jen’s mouth quivered and she swiped a hand under her eye. Quick, almost ruthless. Straightening her shoulders she widened her smile. “It’s nice,” she cleared her throat. “Talking about him with you.”
They stared at each other in silence, both lost in their memories, both hoping the recently repaired bond between them would withstand the weight of Cory’s loss.
“Violet isn’t that bad,” Connor tried to joke. He put his hands on her shoulders. “Shit. I’ll be outnumbered three to one.”
“Yup.” Jen laughed, but it was a shaky one and she wiped under her eye again. “This is crazy. I can’t be.”
Connor raised both his eyebrows. “I think you are, sweetheart.”
“Well,” She dipped her shoulders in one smooth movement and stepped away. “I’ll get an appointment on Monday to confirm if it’s real or not.”
His eyebrows, which he had just lowered, shot back up as he followed her. “Jen, the kiwi. The kiwi never lies.”
She spun around. “Let’s not tell anyone. At least not until we’re sure. Ok?”
“Of course,” Connor agreed immediately. He folded his arms and observed the uneasiness on her face which she was trying to hide behind a half-smile. Wanting to see a real smile, he joked, “Seriously though, what do you think happened to my pull out game?”
Jen rolled her eyes, that half-smile grew a touch wider.
He cocked his head, chewed his bottom lip, then added, “What’s next? Huh? Impotence?”
She snorted.
Connor unfolded his arms, noting the genuine amusement growing on her face, he persisted, “That’s how it starts when you get old like us. Your reaction time slows down, then boom, the next thing you know you have to pop pills to get it up.”
“Shut up,” Jen chuckled. “And you’re a long way off needing pills.”
He sent her a lecherous smirk and she laughed again. “Are you flirting with me, Mrs Oakes?”
“No,” She was properly grinning now.
“Because it sounds like you are,” he teased.
“Go read your bible,” She stuck her tongue out and walked off chuckling under her breath.
“I might,” he called after her, feeling pleased with himself for chasing away the worry on her face. When she disappeared through the doorway, Connor let out a shaky breath. Fuck. She was pregnant. He hadn’t been expecting this, but if God saw fit to bless them in this way he was happy to accept it. The tentative return to his faith since getting his family back had been gradual. He wasn’t as angry at God anymore. If this was God’s way of saying sorry then he would gladly take it. They were going to have another baby girl and the future looked even rosier.
Chapter 13
Connor was doing his best to contain his excitement. He thought he was doing a great job until he caught a glimpse of his face on the reflexive glass walls as they walked down the hallway. He was grinning like a psychotic maniac! Lifting his free hand, he physically tried to wipe the smile of his face.
“Are you ok?” Jen glanced up from her phone. She’d been texting her mom to remind her of the time Megan’s swim classes ended.
“Yes,” He forced his mouth into a normal shape. At least he hoped it looked normal. Gently
swinging their entwined hands, he asked, “Is Rose taking Meggie back to hers or bringing her home?”
Clutching her phone, she shrugged. “Who knows? Megan will probably sweet-talk Mom into cooking her dinner or something, especially since she’s off school tomorrow due to that teachers conference thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if she begs Mom for a sleepover. Erm, what time is the appointment?” Jen tugged her hand free from his and grabbed the bag at her side. Slipping her phone into an internal pocket, she rifled through it and pulled out a piece of paper. “It says,”
“4:55,” Connor finished for her.
She stuffed the paper back in and gave him a rueful shake of head. “Ok. It’s 4:58 now. We’re late.”
Connor reclaimed possession of her hand as they approached the end of the hallway. “It’s this one, right?”
Jen bit her lip. “Yes?”
Unsure, they walked up to the door without any identifiable signage on it and he knocked three times. Connor grabbed the handle and opened the door. “Dr Wales?”
The woman was already on her way over, obviously responding to his curt knock. “Yes, hello,” Her smile of greeting widened when Connor opened the door fully and she spotted Jen. “Jennifer Oakes?”
“Yes,” Connor returned her smile as he placed a hand behind Jen and guided her into the office. “Sorry we’re slightly late.” His gaze quickly travelled the small room, taking in the necessary medical equipment for Jen’s scan. Space was definitely at a premium.
Jen handed him her bag and started shrugging off her blazer. “Do you want me up on the bed now?”
“Please,” Dr Wales said, walking back to her seat and quickly looking through the notes on the small table. “Right, so this is just a normal ultrasound to check on baby’s growth and get a clearer gestational age,” She beamed at them. “You’ve already done your genetic screening, yes?”
Jen handed him her blazer, practically dumping it in his arms. “I had a blood test done earlier this week to confirm the pregnancy, they checked my iron levels and a couple of other things, but I don’t think they ran a fully comprehensive one.”
“No problem,” Dr Wales said. “We can get that scheduled for you.” She pointed to the only other chair in the room on the other side of the small bed. “You can sit there if you like, Mr Oakes, or stand, some people prefer to stand.”
Connor elected to stand, the chair did serve a useful purpose though, a resting place for Jen’s stuff. Five minutes later Jen’s lower abdomen was covered in gel, the room was in darkness with the only light shining from the screen which would soon show pictures on inside Jen’s womb. He could feel the wide grin on his face once more as he held her hand and stared at the screen. Jen was shaking her head at him with a sardonic quirk of lips.
‘What?’ he mouthed and she just twisted her head to look at the doctor performing the scan.
“Okay then,” Dr Wales said after a few minutes of moving the scanning attachment over Jen’s stomach and staring at the screen in front of her. She took a few still shots while Connor squinted at the screen, trying to figure out which part was which. “Lovely. Going off these images, I’d say you’re approximately 14 weeks.”
Connor beamed and touched her shoulder. “14 weeks, darling.” Then he asked Dr Wales, “Is everything ok with the baby? Everything looks ok?”
“Yes,” Dr Wales confirmed. “The foetus looks perfectly fine at this point and the positioning of Jennifer’s placenta is ideal. Do you see right here? That’s the heart. Baby’s heart rate is nice and steady, lovely amount of amniotic fluid also. Everything is looking great.” Dr Wales nodded to herself then turned to them. “Would you like to know the sex?”
Connor shrugged and smirked at Jen as she said, “We know it’s a girl. Everything is exactly like it was when I was pregnant with my daughter.”
“Yeah,” he explained. “The heartburn, the lack of morning sickness, no constipation,” He snorted, nostalgic and amused. “She was always constipated when she was pregnant with our son. Never had any problem, except the heartburn, with our daughter; and it’s exactly the same now.”
“Would you like me to officially confirm the sex?” Dr Wales asked as she put down the scanner applicator and handed Jen some tissue to clean up the gel from her lower abdomen.
“Sure, I mean, you’re the doc,” Connor joked.
“Well,” Dr Wales grinned and leaned over to flick at a switch and the room was bathed in light. “I’m sorry to contradict the traits of your past pregnancies but you’re actually having a boy.” Dr Wales chuckled lightly. “Surprise.”
“What?” Connor choked out. “A boy?”
“Are you sure?” Jen was slowly wiping her tummy clean. “Are you certain?”
“Yes,” Dr Wales confirmed.
“Because there are instances where they get the sex wrong,” Jen pointed out. “It happens more often than people think.”
Dr Wales chuckled again. “I’m fully aware of those instances, Jennifer, and I would definitely say successful gender identification in the first trimester can be around 75%, which leaves what a lot of prospective parents would call a large margin for error,” She paused as the machinery whirred loudly. “But after 14 weeks gestation, success rates increase to above 95%,”
“So there’s still a small margin of error,” Jen persisted.
“Yes, even though we’ve made massive improvements with the technology,” Dr Wales admitted, “There is always the possibility that the assessed gender might be wrong, but I must advise these instances are rare and your images today were extremely clear.”
Connor looked over at his wife then back to the doctor. As they had explained to the doctor, Jen’s previous pregnancies had led them to believe they were having a girl. “Oh, well that’s - we weren’t expecting that.”
Dr Wales smiled at them both and advised, “Now I’m not sure if you’re aware but there is an additional cost if you wanted a copy of your ultrasound pictures.”
“Everything should be covered by our insurance,” Connor said. “And yes, we would definitely like some copies.” He watched Jen finish wiping her abdomen clean and immediately offered to dispose of the tissues for her. She handed it over without meeting his eyes as a murmured ‘thanks’ came from her. A short while later they were in possession of their ultrasound photos and walking out the building. Luckily they had managed to get one of the last available parking spots in front the building and Connor quickly unlocked the car so they could get in and be on their way. Clearing his throat, Connor glanced quizzically at Jen. She hadn’t said anything since leaving the ultrasound room. He buckled up, watching her do the same, then reached over to gently squeeze her knee. “You ok, hon?”
Jen twisted her head around to look at him.
“Hey,” Connor immediately reached up to cup her cheek. The expression on her face was one of distress. “What’s wrong? Are you in pain? Wha-”
“I don’t want it.” she interrupted him with a shaky whisper.
“Don’t want what, darling?” Connor was confused, alarmed to be more specific. She looked distraught. “Tell me what’s going on and I’ll fix it.”
Jen tugged his hand down from her cheek and her dark brown eyes shone as they filled with tears. If Connor was alarmed seconds ago, he was now freaking out. He hadn’t seen her this upset since-
“I don’t want this baby.” Jen clarified with a defiant lift of chin as Connor felt his jaw drop in disbelief. “I don’t want it. I don’t want another son. I don’t. I don’t want it, Connor.”
“Jen,” He rubbed a hand over his lower face, shocked at her blunt statements. “What – why would – I don’t understand, darling.”
“There’s nothing to understand,” She turned away from his dazed gaze and stared out the window. “I am not having this baby.”
The finality in her tone left him speechless. An unbearable silence filled the car. Connor was trying to process her incredulous words, staring at the back of her head as she remained fi
xated on looking out the window. A minute passed, then two, then a third before Connor had to shake himself out of his stupor.
What the fuck did she mean?
Connor started the car. It was obvious what she meant. Jen had been quite clear in what she said. And she had said she was not having their baby! The car jerked into movement as he pulled away from the curb and merged with the light traffic. It was a silent drive back home, an incredibly tense drive. When he parked up Jen was out the car and striding up to the front door before he had turned the engine off. He stayed in the car, dumbfounded and distraught. She couldn’t be serious, but there was no misunderstanding her words. She had explicitly said she wasn’t having this baby. Still stuck in a state of disbelief he got out the car, locked it, then made his way into the house. The silence which met him downstairs led him to believe Jen was upstairs. Connor went straight to the kitchen and got himself a glass of water. What the hell? He drained the glass of water then made his way out the kitchen and up the stairs.
“Jennifer,” Connor walked into Megan’s bedroom where Jen was calmly folding the clean clothes she had dumped on the bed earlier in their haste to get to the doctor’s appointment. “Can we talk?”
She neatly placed the folded t-shirt on a stacked pile and looked over the bed at him. “About?”
Connor sent her an incredulous stare. Was she serious? “About what you said in the car.”
“What about it?” Jen picked up a pair of leggings, shook it out and deftly folded it before Connor could even phrase his words.
“Jen,” Connor rubbed his chin pensively. “What you said in the car, hon, I don’t – are you telling me you’re-”
“Not having this baby,” she cut him off tersely. “Look, I don’t want to talk about this right now, Connor.”
“Jen,” He interlocked his hands behind his head as he scrutinized her. “Sweetheart-”
“Leave me the fuck alone.”
Connor heard the pure venom in her tone and he slowly lowered his arms to his sides. In that very moment he felt as if he had been transported back to that day at Cory’s graveside. She was looking at him the exact same way. Animosity simmered in her eyes before she dropped her gaze.