The Condemned

by Claire Jolliff

  She snapped her head quickly to the door. It was dim in the room, but her vision was starting to adjust and she could see that the chair was still in place. Nobody had come in that way.

  She relaxed a little but she couldn’t stop her skin crawling as though a hundred spiders were creeping over it, couldn’t ignore what her instincts were telling her, they weren’t often wrong, had served her fairly well in the past.

  She stayed in her corner, her palms pressed against the wall as she turned her head, slowly taking in the room.

  The only shadowy and uncertain area seemed to be the hump of the mattress with the sheet crumpled on top of it.

  Somebody could be hiding there...

  Very slowly, she moved towards it, one hand reaching out in front of her, ready to tug away the blanket and reveal the intruder- She grabbed a fistful and yanked- and felt really stupid.

  She must be more worked up about this whole deal than she was letting on, even to herself, if she were starting to imagi-

  Leci’s scream was stifled as the hand slipped deftly around her face from behind and covered her mouth, an arm around her chest hugged her against her attacker and then he spun her around quickly to face him and she found herself looking into his eyes.

  Amato.

  He pulled his hand away slowly when he knew she had recognised him and wouldn’t scream. She saw the table behind him. In the darkness she hadn’t noticed him squatting beneath it.

  Stupid.

  But she was secretly pleased and rather impressed that he had found her.

  ‘How did you get in here?’ She whispered.

  For some reason it seemed fitting to whisper.

  He pointed to the window and it occurred to her that the closeness of the metal escape ladder had been as much her foe as it had been her friend.

  Still, how had he found her? How had he known which room to come to? She opened her mouth to ask him but he spoke first.

  ‘How did you pay for the room Alecia?’ His voice was low, almost dangerous and he had called her Alecia... ooh, he was annoyed with her. She frowned slightly.

  He had no right to be annoyed, she had been doing this for them, for him and she knew that he knew that, so he could at least have the good grace to sound just a little grateful.

  ‘How do you think I paid for it?’ She replied evasively, whatever magic the moment had held was gone and neither of them was whispering anymore. She caught a flicker of something like hurt in his eyes and she looked away, didn’t want to see it.

  ‘Please tell me you didn’t... My girl didn’t do that...’

  She pulled away from him, scowling now when she looked at him, he reached out and touched her arm, not roughly, his grip was gentle and she didn’t pull away again.

  Really though?

  He was going to make her feel guilty, really? His girl? She didn’t like the look in his eyes; it was some sort of mix of disappointment, repulsion and anguish.

  She didn’t like it because it mirrored her own feelings so well. Still, that didn’t stop her from being angry. She was allowed to feel that way, why should he get to judge her aswell?

  ‘Your girl? Amato, I did what I had to; it’s none of your business.’

  ‘The hell it isn’t.’ He looked angry. ‘You’re mine Leci, why would you do that, and with that... that thing down there?’He pushed away from her like he couldn’t bear to touch her and she felt a surge of resentment towards him.

  ‘I’m yours? What is it? I fucked you and so I belong to you? What kind of shitty logic is that Amato? And I can tell you right now it doesn’t make you my fucking keeper, it makes you a small percentage shareholder.’

  Amato raised an eyebrow questioningly and Leci paused, took a moment to think about what she’d just said.

  ‘Ok, you know, that sounded a lot less trampy in my head...’

  It broke the ice a little and he smiled. She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear shyly, kind of embarrassed and tried to smile back.

  ‘What are you doing here Leci?’

  The change of subject was refreshing it and took her off a hotspot she hadn’t liked being stood on. The new line of questioning might be uncomfortable too but it couldn’t be as bad as feeling like she’d betrayed him somehow.

  Because she did feel like she had. Now that he had brought the issue to light, she was able to give a name to the strange feeling that had disturbed her since she’d lain with the apartment owner.

  She had betrayed Amato.

  But she wasn’t going to admit that to him. Pft.

  ‘I thought you knew what I was doing here?’

  He frowned and shook his head slowly.

  ‘I thought I did too. But then I got here and I didn’t find what I was expecting. I found you here instead, asleep.’

  She was confused, tilted her head slightly, watching him.

  ‘What were you expecting?’

  ‘If I was too late? I was expecting you to be dead already.’

  Wow, ok, nice and blunt. She chewed on her lower lip, considering his reply.

  ‘When I rode in I figured you must’ve skipped this place at first, there was no sign of anything going on. I thought there’d be crowds, Officials everywhere, people whispering.’ He shook his head. ‘None of that. I almost passed through and just carried on but it didn’t make no sense. This place seemed perfect.’

  She didn’t interrupt him, was very interested to hear exactly what was going through his mind.

  ‘So I took a little time to scout the area, found that nag wandering not far from town. Clever, by the way, switching ponies like that.’

  She couldn’t help feeling a swell of pride at the compliment.

  ‘I had a look around, couldn’t find you hiding in any of the alleyways or behind buildings or anywhere. It didn’t make any sense to me that you’d bother getting a room, but I figured it might be worth checking it out.’

  He was frowning again, like he was struggling to understand why she would go to such measures. She’d maybe be able to explain things to him when he let her know just exactly what he had thought she had been planning.

  ‘So I spoke to that fucking pile of shit downstairs. Asked him if you were here. Paid him for the info.’

  He laughed, somewhat bitterly, shook his head again and looked at her in a way that made her cringe and look away.

  ‘You know a dick like that will trade for just about anything, don’t you, Leci? He’s like a fucking human roach, he’s vermin. His type, they’ll take whatever they can. You didn’t have to...’

  His voice caught and she looked back up at him, was alarmed at the emotion on his face, at how upset he looked. He composed himself quickly and looked up, holding her gaze. She wanted to look away but couldn’t, the fury in his eyes held her like a vice.

  ‘You didn’t even offer anything else, did you? Just gave yourself to him without even batting an eyelash. You’re a fucking whore. And if you’re interested, he sold you out for a box of ammo.’

  Leci reeled, stung.

  Her chest felt tight and she couldn’t pull in any air. His words were like a knife to her heart, cutting her as painfully as a physical wound might have done.

  She couldn’t understand why it hurt so much that he thought so little of her. She’d been called far worse things many, many times. It just didn’t seem logical that she should be having such a substantial reaction to the harsh words of this one man.

  Did she really rely on his approval so much?

  And that fucking bastard downstairs! A box of ammo? That was all she had been worth?

  Ok, she couldn’t realistically be annoyed about that. She would have done the same if their positions had been reversed.

  ‘I’m not a whore...’ She defended herself weakly, with barely any conviction to her words at all.

  ‘What else does selling your body make you, Leci?’ He asked sneeringly.

  She shook her head. She tried to feel angry again, tried to claw back some of her earlier resen
tment and ask herself why he was in any position to condemn her but her shame stopped her from being able to.

  He was right.

  She was desperate to change the subject, wasn’t exactly sure how they’d come back around to it again.

  ‘So, he told you where I was?’ She urged.

  Amato was sullen, he glared at her briefly as though he was considering not answering her, just getting up and leaving, she wouldn’t blame him if he did.

  He seemed to decide against doing that and though he still looked pretty pissed off, some of his rage seemed to evaporate as he nodded.

  ‘Yeah. Showed me where you were. Only when I tried to open the door I couldn’t get in and I figured you’d found some way to lock it, so I went down a floor and broke into the room under this one. Some drunk fuck thought he was hallucinating or some shit. I climbed out of his window, got onto the fire escape and climbed up. Simple.’

  ‘Wow, someone needs to have a word with that guy about his security.’ She attempted a joke but his stony glance shut her up pretty quickly.

  She supposed it really wasn’t all that funny.

  She cleared her throat.

  ‘Ok, so, you got in here and you found me asleep. Why is that all such a big surprise? What were you expectin’ me to be doing?’

  ‘I thought that you’d come here to kill yourself.’

  He looked around the room.

  ‘But why would you bother taking a nap if that was the case? I don’t think it really matters to a dead gal how tired she is.’

  ‘You think I fought so hard to stay alive in that place just to get out and kill myself a few days later?’ She laughed softly, though the thought had, of course, occurred to her.

  Amato nodded.

  ‘Yeah. I thought that after what I’d told you about them not giving up, that you were gonna go down publicly, in a blaze of glory, so to speak, stop them searching, free the rest of us.’ He paused, a nasty look on his face. ‘I guess I’m good at giving you more credit than you deserve, thinking you might be trying to do something noble, or some shit like that.’

  Ouch.

  That stung almost as much as being called a whore.

  ‘You’re on a role today, wanna go for the hat trick and ask me if I’m really a man or something?’

  There was only so much she could take before she started lashing back, and maybe it wasn’t wise to rile him up but that one had been unjustified. She was here trying to do the right thing by the others. Just because she wasn’t going about it the way he expected didn’t mean she wasn’t doing the right thing.

  Because she was.

  Or, she had been trying to.

  But here he was, just busting in right in the middle of everything, ruining it all and then acting like he was the one who was all high and mighty, like he was the one on some moral crusade, like he was ok to point out all her flaws and the wrong things she’d done.

  Like he was so fucking perfect.

  Besides, hadn’t he come here to stop her? Hadn’t he come here expecting to be her knight in fucking shining armour, wanting to save the day? So... what? Now he was pissed that she hadn’t been planning on killing herself? Upset that he wasn’t going to get to save the day?

  Seriously?

  Deep down she knew that this wasn’t him, that he wasn’t meaning to cause her this pain. He was hurt himself by what she had done and this was his way of retaliating, but just because on some level she understood it, didn’t mean she had to like or accept it. She could give as good as she got if she needed to.

  He ignored her comment and continued on his own line instead.

  ‘So, if that wasn’t it, if that wasn’t why you left, ran away... I can only think that you so badly didn’t wanna be around us, me, Bitsy, Beriael.’ He tilted his head and conceded slightly.

  ‘Ok, Beriael I can let slide, makes sense you wouldn’t be all too comfy sticking around him after everything, but Bits and me?’ It wasn’t a curious tone, it wasn’t a genuine question. He had made his mind up and he was scathing.

  He was pushing and pushing and it was almost as though he were inviting her to hit back. She didn’t have enough restraint to resist.

  ‘You? Why the fuck would I want to stay around you Amato? Hm? The guy who was the whole fucking reason that they got me. You were the one who put me in there. You stole four years of my life and then you were the one who brought Beriael to me, let me torture and kill him over and over and over again for eight months. Really? You can’t see why I wouldn’t want you anywhere near me? What are you, stupid?’

  Yeah... that was mean, uncalled for, very harsh and was in no way at all a true reflection of the way she really felt, but hell, if he was going to keep on dealing the low blows then why shouldn’t she?

  He flinched as though she’d actually struck him and she was instantly sorry, wanted to wrap her arms around him and cover his face with kisses.

  She stayed where she was.

  She was afraid to try to touch him.

  ‘I didn’t mean that.’ She was back to whispering.

  He didn’t answer her. He had walked to the window and was standing with his hands on the sill, staring out at nothing. She waited, watching him. He gave no sign that he’d even heard her and she had no idea what to do. After a few minutes she turned to the door, removed the chair that was blocking it and pushed it to one side, if he wasn’t going to talk to her, she may aswell just leave.

  ‘Alecia.’

  She turned back when he spoke. He stood with his back to the window, leaning against the wall, watching her with his arms folded across his chest.

  ‘Alecia.’ He repeated and pushed himself away from the wall, walked towards her. She thought for a second that he was going to take her in his arms and all would be forgiven but he stopped in front of her, leaving a gap between them. She considered taking a step forward to bridge it but determined that he’d stayed where he was for a reason.

  ‘You need to tell me why you came here.’

  He took the chair and sat on it, getting comfortable as though he expected that they would be here for some time. He knew that there was more to this, knew that she wasn’t running to escape him or Beriael and he wanted to know. She didn’t know whether or not she ought to tell him but she felt sort of cornered. He had positioned himself between her and the doorway, blocking that exit. She contemplated making a run for the window but was a little bit worried that in his current mood he’d not hesitate to shoot her if that was the only way to stop her. Along with the rifle she’d also noticed the bulge of a pistol tucked down his waistband, and given the training he had, he would undoubtedly be quicker on the draw than she was on her feet.

  Leci sighed and retrieved the other chair. If she explained things to him, if she made him understand, maybe he’d stop hating her.

  ‘I came here to finish it. To give you guys a way out, and you’re right, it was the things you told me that gave me the idea. But I’m not stupid, and I wasn’t gonna kill myself to get it done. I had somethin’ better planned.’ She looked at him and he gestured for her to go on.

  ‘You were right about most of it. Find some busy place crawling with Officials, give ‘em somethin’ to look at...’

  She proceeded to tell him her idea, her plan, the whole reason she had come here in the first place.

  Whether she was trying to prove something to him or not, perhaps attempt to reassert his faith in her good intentions, she told him everything. She expected him to interrupt her, stop her and tell her the whole thing was ridiculous, that it never would’ve worked, and that she was a fool for even thinking it might. He didn’t, he merely sat in silence as he listened to everything she had to say, his face gave away no clue as to what he might be thinking.

  When she was done she gave a mild, almost apologetic, shrug and sat back in her chair, studying him closely, because there it was, her master plan, out in the open.

  It sounded kind of childish when she said it out loud but the look that was s
tarting to blossom on Amato’s face told her that he maybe didn’t agree, maybe thought there was something in it after all.

  ‘That almost sounds too easy.’ He finally commented. ‘But I dunno, maybe just simple enough to actually work.’

  ‘Easy? I was gonna have to kill someone.’

  ‘So what? It’s not like you’ve never done that before.’

  She blinked, was he being mean on purpose?

  Probably.

  ‘I was gonna have to kill someone without setting them on fire. I haven’t done that before.’

  It didn’t seem to help her cause.

  ‘And then what?’ He asked.

  ‘Huh?’

  ‘And then, after that, what were you going to do? Come back?’

  His question surprised her, she wasn’t sure why, it was a perfectly logical question she supposed, but all the same, she hadn’t been expecting it. She shook her head slowly.

  ‘Why would you want me back? I’m a whore. You hate me.’

  She was aware there was a quality to her voice that verged on sulky childishness but she couldn’t help it.

  Amato remained stoic, giving nothing away in his expression.

  ‘I don’t hate you Leci. Love doesn’t work that way. I... I’m disappointed in myself. I thought that telling you how I felt would mean something to you; I thought that what happened between us was as special to you as it was to me. I’m mad at myself for being wrong, for expecting too much of you. Not mad at you for being who you are.’

  Perhaps that was supposed to make her feel better but it really didn’t. For being who she was? So, he really did see her as a whore?

  He sighed, breaking her thoughts and she turned her attention back to him, she didn’t know what to say, fortunately he wasn’t finished and so she didn’t need to worry about filling the silence.

  ‘But no, baby. It doesn’t matter anyway. Why would I want you back? I already told you. When you love someone, it doesn’t matter. I’ll always take you back.’

  He looked slightly uncomfortable and she suspected that this wasn’t easy for him. He was such a man’s man... Ex prison guard, all muscle, rugged and handsome, fierce, wild. Showing her this side of him wasn’t something he did with just anyone, and she was smart enough to see that she was being let in on something rare here.