“I know what you’re up to,” Blaine says.
I lean back out of the car and twist around to look at him. “What?”
When he glares at me, all the wrinkles in his forehead jump out from the leather-like surface of his skin. He swipes a hand through his blond hair. “You’re up to something. I might not know exactly what it is, but I know you’re doing something behind my back. And that’s bullshit. I’m the star—the priority. So whatever you’re doing, it stops now.”
Instinctively my stomach drops; then dread follows. But I hold my ground. I don’t flinch or look away. I’ve spent enough years in this industry working alongside men with overinflated egos, just like Blaine. I used to let them intimidate me. I used to clam up and nod along with whatever they were saying because I was young and inexperienced.
It took me years to train myself out of that automatic response. But I finally realized that some men act this way because they have nothing else to stand on. They’re often terrible at their jobs or insecure and want to take it out on the nearest person, which sometimes happens to be me. They simply think that because they exist, they’re better than me and can talk to me like I’m their unworthy underling.
I’ve seen people like Blaine coast through life because they just happen to be connected to the right powerful guy who keeps giving them chance after chance, while the rest of us work years for a shot at our dreams.
And I’m sick of it.
I can’t revolutionize the entire outdoor TV industry, but I can stand up to the one entitled jerk who’s hell-bent on making this shoot a living nightmare for my crew.
“You know something, Blaine? I’ve done more than enough to accommodate your rude and entitled behavior. This entire crew has.”
His brow lifts—he’s clearly shocked that I’ve taken such a tone with him. I’m guessing not a lot of people dare to.
“Almost every day of shooting, you’ve derailed things by throwing a temper tantrum or coming to set hours late or showing up high out of your mind. And I’m sick of it. All I’m doing is trying to produce a series for the network, despite you trying to ruin it every chance you get. If you can’t see that, then that’s your problem. Not mine.”
Blaine blinks and stares for a second, as if he’s processing what I’ve said. Then he squares his shoulders and puffs his chest out before glaring at me once more.
“You should be on your knees thanking me for being on your pathetic little show. It’s pure garbage, and the only reason anyone is going to watch it is because I’m the host.”
I take a breath and pull the same move of straightening up and squaring my shoulders before I take a step into his space.
“You have no idea who you’re dealing with, Alia.”
“You haven’t got the first clue what I’m capable of. I’ve got more footage on you than you even know—stuff that could ruin you. So don’t test me, Blaine. You’ll be sorry.”
We stand for a tense second staring daggers at each other before Joe’s voice interrupts.
“Everything okay here?”
I turn to him standing there with a bag of gear in each hand. His tone is pleasant, but the concern in his eyes is clear.
“Whatever,” Blaine mumbles before stomping across the parking lot to sit in the back of the black SUV that he arrived in today. Colton scurries from helping Rylan to the car.
Joe steps closer to me. “What was all that about?”
“Blaine knows something’s up.”
I quietly explain that Blaine has figured out that we’re plotting something without him.
“I don’t think he realizes what, though.”
Joe shakes his head. “You’d think with all the heavy drugs and the drinking, he’d be oblivious to this. He’s oblivious to so much else. What’d you say to him?”
I sigh. “I went off on him about professionalism and decency, then made a thinly veiled threat that if he doesn’t back off, I’ll leak all of the compromising footage we have of him. That seemed to shut him up.”
He chuckles. “Better than what I would have done, which would be stammer, then offer him some shrooms to distract him.”
I wince and rub a fist against my forehead. “Maybe that wasn’t the best thing to do. It’s just . . . it’s getting harder and harder to just sit there and endure him, you know? I’m sick of him throwing his weight around. He deserves to be told off.”
Joe shakes his head and pats my shoulder. “I honestly can’t think of a better way to deal with that guy than what you did.”
I glance around at the rest of the crew. “Can you quietly pass on to everyone later tonight that we need to be extra careful about keeping things under wraps so Blaine doesn’t find out more?”
“Consider it done.”
“Thanks, Joe.”
He walks off to continue packing up. I lean against the car and take a moment to collect myself.
“Hey.”
I straighten up and see Drew’s face twisted in concern.
“You okay?”
I shrug. “Kind of. Not really.”
The nerves spinning inside me ease the slightest bit at just the sight of Drew. A cuddle session later tonight should be good enough to rid myself of the remaining stress from arguing with Blaine.
I explain to Drew how Blaine confronted me just minutes ago, and how I pushed back.
Drew rubs his hand over his face. “Shit.”
I’m about to ask if he’d be up for meeting tonight, but when I focus on his expression, I’m thrown at how annoyed he looks.
“What exactly did you say to Blaine?” he asks.
“I just told him that he has no right to question anything we’re doing because everyone except for him is just trying to do their job. But then he called the series ‘stupid’ and ‘pure garbage,’ said we were lucky to have him as host, so I told him he needs to watch his attitude or I’ll ruin him with all the footage we have of him taking insane amounts of illegal drugs or berating Colton.”
I flinch at how harsh it all comes out when I retell it.
Drew’s eyes widen, and I hold up a hand. “Okay, I know that sounds bad, but it seemed to make him back off. I honestly don’t think he’s going to bring it up again.”
For a few seconds, Drew says nothing. He just takes a breath and runs a hand through his hair.
“Jesus, Alia. Way to make things worse.”
“What? How exactly did I make things worse?”
“We’re already on thin ice with Blaine as it is. His replacement is taking his job right in front of him. If he can tell something is up with us, then maybe we need to just ease his concerns rather than threaten him.”
His pointed tone doesn’t sit well with me. I suddenly feel like I’m a PA being talked down to by a higher-ranking crew member.
“Ease his concerns?”
“Maybe if you told him he had nothing to worry about or fed him some BS about what a great job he’s doing and how irreplaceable he is, he wouldn’t be so suspicious.”
“Drew, Blaine called this series garbage. That’s insulting to me and you and everyone else who’s been working so hard. I’m not going to coddle someone who’s going to openly insult me and everyone I work with.”
Drew rolls his eyes. “Come on, Dunn. You should know better than to let a ridiculous insult like that rile you up. You know Blaine doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”
My skin heats. I can’t believe Drew is being so dismissive.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I mutter.
Drew closes his eyes and takes a breath before addressing me once more. “Look, we’re doing something unprecedented here. We’re changing hosts without the network’s permission. We’re pulling a Hail Mary when we don’t have the authority to. We need to be careful with how we handle things if we want this to work.”
; I cross my arms. “You’re right. I should just stand there and allow entitled douchebags to say whatever they like, to disrespect and degrade me and my coworkers. It’s always better just to sit there and take it instead of standing up for myself.”
“That’s not at all what I mean, and you know that.”
“Do you know how many times over the years I’ve had to just sit there and take it from people like Blaine? Self-important jerks who think that their mere presence is a gift from God and that everyone should kiss the ground they walk on even though they treat everyone like crap, with zero consequences?”
Drew starts to speak, but I cut him off.
“You know, Joe came up to me when he saw how upset Blaine made me. And when I told him what happened and how I dealt with it, he didn’t criticize me. He supported me—unlike you.”
“That’s not fair. Of course I support you.”
“It doesn’t feel like it,” I mutter while yanking my hair into a ponytail. “I’m not even asking you to do anything. All I want is your support in this shitty moment. And you can’t even give me that.”
He tugs a hand through his hair. “Alia—”
“Your attitude is exactly why guys like Blaine get away with being assholes. Because every time someone like you appeases them, you’re essentially saying it’s okay for them to continue acting like total jerks, mistreating everyone around them. Maybe if guys like you called out guys like Blaine, it would help put a stop to this disrespectful and toxic work culture. Because seriously, Drew, it’s exhausting working like this. It’s fucking exhausting being told constantly that I need to just smile and endure endless bullshit in order to do my job. And what’s even more fucked up is that you—someone who I thought understood me—would rather appease someone like Blaine instead of standing up for what’s decent.”
When I finish speaking, I take a breath and spin away in the direction of the rest of the crew, ignoring Drew’s calls after me.
I thought Drew understood me. I thought he was on my side. I was wrong.
Behind me I hear the shuffle of footsteps. Drew grabs me gently by the arm and stops me, spinning me to face him. “Can we please talk about this?”
I shake my head and yank out of his grip. “I have nothing else to say to you.”
I grab random gear bags, chuck them over my shoulder, and load them into my car. Then I jump into the passenger seat. Haley jumps into the driver’s seat and does a double take when she sees me sitting there.
“You’re not riding back with Drew?” she asks.
“Nope.” I fiddle with my seat belt, struggling to buckle it.
“It looks like he wants to talk to you,” she says.
I cut my stare to her. “I’m done talking to him.”
Haley presses her lips together, clearly shocked by my hard tone. “Okay.”
When Rylan hops in the back seat, Haley backs out of the parking spot and heads back to the highway. Rylan starts chattering about a cute thing Colton did. All I can offer is a weak smile. Thankfully Haley keeps Rylan engaged in conversation.
All the while I stare down at my phone, pretending to be focused on something super important while I try my hardest not to cry.
18
Great work today, guys. We’re done for the day,” I holler at the crew after we finish filming the sunset shot at Sunset Point in Bryce.
I take in the landscape one last time. At eight thousand feet of elevation, this lookout point offers views of the endless hoodoos that line the canyon below. I smile to myself when I remember how Apong Lita took so many photos of this spot on her camera that she went through an entire roll of film, then ran back to the car so she could load more and take another full roll.
That memory is a needed distraction from how hurt I still am from yesterday’s argument with Drew. We didn’t speak the entire night or at all during today’s shoot.
Rylan waves to me while standing next to Joe. She sets down the light stand she just finished folding and walks over.
She holds her hands in front of her, fidgeting. “I know you’re so busy right now, but I was wondering if you have some time, can you take a look at that online featurette I put together about Upheaval Dome?”
“I’d love to.”
Rylan beams. “Great! I’ll run and grab the tablet from my bag and show you.”
I pull out my phone and check the messages I missed while I’m waiting for Rylan.
“Hey.”
I whip my head up at the sound of Drew’s voice.
“Can we talk about . . . yesterday?” The knit of his eyebrows and the softness of his tone have my chest aching.
“It’s not necessary.” I look back down at my phone. I’m not in the mood to rehash things. “Let’s just focus on work, okay?”
I don’t wait for him to answer. I turn around and walk toward Rylan. I take the tablet out of her hand and review the video she’s put together.
“Wow, Rylan.” I smile at her. “That’s really slick.”
“Really? I was nervous if the music would sound too over-the-top.”
“Not at all. It sets the mood so well. Who’s the artist? Did you have any trouble licensing the music?”
She shakes her head. “Colton’s cousin’s band. A lot less expensive than the music we normally license for videos.”
“Seriously amazing work, Rylan. You have such a skill for this.”
Still grinning, she thanks me. Haley calls to her from a few feet away, asking for help finding something in the car.
Rylan turns back to me as she walks off. “Oh, would you mind showing that video to Drew? He asked me earlier if he could take a look at it, but we got busy and I forgot. I figured since you guys are riding back to the condo together you could show it to him.”
She spins away, and I try my best to rein in my annoyed sigh. I need to be professional, even if I’m still reeling from our argument.
I spot him standing by his truck talking to Joe. Joe turns away to walk back over to Wyatt to help him finish loading up the van. Drew’s brow lifts when he sees me. I blink and can swear I see a hopeful gleam in his eyes.
I hand him the tablet. “Rylan wanted your opinion on the Upheaval Dome featurette she put together for the Expedition website.”
“Oh. Sure.” His shoulders fall the slightest bit. Then he glances up at the sky, where a wall of gray clouds is slowing inching across the sky. “Looks like it’s gonna rain.” He glances over at me. “Do you mind sitting in the car while I watch this?”
“Fine.”
We hop in the car. I wave at Wyatt, Joe, Haley, and Rylan as they pull out of their parking spots and drive away.
I spend a few seconds staring out the window with my arms crossed until I register the silence in the car. I turn to ask Drew why he’s not playing the video.
“I fucked up. I’m sorry, Alia,” he says. I open my mouth, but he shakes his head. “Just please let me get this out, okay? Please?”
“Okay.”
“I was out of line yesterday. I thought about what you said . . . about how the things I said about Blaine’s behavior and appeasing him perpetuates shitty behavior from guys like him . . . You’re right. I was in the wrong. Instead of arguing with you, I should have listened to you so I could better understand things.”
Drew runs a hand over his face. He glances briefly out the window before pivoting his body to me. He rests his hand on the center console next to where my hand rests. His fingers twitch, like he wants to touch me, but he doesn’t. His gaze cuts to me once more.
“I hate that I hurt you. And I hate that I was ‘that guy.’ ”
“That guy?”
“The kind of guy who lets a shitty guy’s behavior slide just because it’s easier than calling him out. My older sisters would get on me about that growing up. How much it pissed them off to see that happ
en over and over at work and in their personal lives. I vowed to myself I wouldn’t ever be ‘that guy.’ But I realize I’ve done that a lot in my life—in my career. I mean, I like to think I stand up for what’s right and that I step in when someone crosses the line.”
My mind flashes back to that first day of shooting at the Delicate Arch when Blaine made that blondie comment to Rylan. Drew called him out immediately.
“But that’s not enough. I need to be better,” he says, holding my gaze. “I should have been better for you yesterday. I’m sorry that I wasn’t.”
Inside I soften at the conviction in his voice, at how his gaze doesn’t waver. I’ve noticed that when other people apologize, they can barely look me in the eye. Not Drew. It’s like everything in him—his body, his eyes, his words—is working together to demonstrate his sincerity, to show me just how sorry he is. And I believe him. He wants to be better. And that’s good enough for me to forgive him.
“I just want to do everything I can to make this series—your dream—come true,” he says softly. “Even if it meant putting up with Blaine’s BS every now and then, I thought it would be worth it. But I realize now that was the wrong approach.”
I clear my throat. “This series means everything to me, and I want to do everything in my power to make it happen, but on the right terms. If I have to compromise my integrity and my self-respect or the crew’s feelings for someone like Blaine, I don’t think it would be worth it.”
“I get that now.”
I slide my hand over his. Drew’s mouth twitches upward as he looks at our touching hands. Then I lean over and pull him into a hug. Burying my face against his chest, I breathe in his minty scent, which I craved all last night. He wraps his arms around me. A low hum of satisfaction emanates from his throat above me. I feel vibrations against my chest as he holds me tight.
“Thanks,” I whisper into his chest. Then I lean back to look at him. “I’m sorry for giving you the cold shoulder all of last night and today. It wasn’t the mature way to handle this.”
“It’s okay. I understand why you did it. I’m not eager to chat with people who hurt my feelings either. However you want to handle things when it comes to Blaine, I’m behind you one hundred percent. But more than that, you’re my—”
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