Hollywood Hills

by Joseph Wambaugh

  "Come on, sweetie, take bigger bites," he said. "And chew, chew, chew."

  She had a momentary fantasy of picking up a kitchen knife and cutting his throat.

  Raleigh's panic had subsided before the ambulance arrived, and after they'd loaded Marty Brueger in and taken him to Cedars-Sinai, he went into the main house and took a shower. He had the old man's piss on his clothes and he wanted to stand under hot water for a long time. The paramedics had verified that it looked like a stroke, and they had wasted no time in getting their patient out of there, so now Raleigh was alone for the first time in Casa Brueger. He needed to think, but first he needed the shower.

  When he finally was out and had toweled off, Raleigh stood before the mirror and thought about all the things he had planned to do with his fifty thousand tax-free dollars. He was going to be physically transformed, easily losing ten years from his appearance, thanks to the cosmetic magicians on the west side of Los Angeles. He had also planned to purchase a modest condo, his own home at long last. And there was the dream of hooking up with an older wealthy woman, like the kind he'd met through his catering business. And why not? He could cook and he knew food and wine. He could manage a house and he could drive. And he was, if he did say so himself, a presentable companion who could converse with anyone. But what was going to happen now that Marty Brueger had suffered a stroke? Was this yet another act of providence, or fate, or destiny? If so, what did it mean?

  Then again, if he did go forward with Nigel Wickland, it would make it all far easier and less stressful with Marty Brueger off the property and in the hospital, wouldn't it? Things would be simpler and safer in many ways. But he didn't dare keep the fact of Marty Brueger's hospitalization from Marty's sister-in-law, Leona Brueger. He had to phone Tuscany. That much was certain. But what would she say and do?

  Ten minutes later Raleigh made a call, but he did not phone Leona Brueger in Tuscany. He phoned Nigel Wickland's cell phone.

  When Nigel answered, Raleigh said, "The old guy's had a stroke. He's at Cedars."

  Nigel Wickland did not speak for several seconds and then said, "All right, that doesn't change anything."

  Raleigh said, "Doesn't change anything? What if she decides to come home? He's an old man in poor health. He might die at any time."

  "She doesn't care about him any more than she cared about his brother," Nigel said. "Tell her it's a stroke but downplay it. Let her know that you think he'll be fine and that they should continue with their long holiday and you'll let them know if something untoward happens."

  Untoward, Raleigh thought. The supercilious asshole always had to use his boarding school vocabulary. "What if they still decide to come home right away?"

  "They won't, I promise you," Nigel said. "She'll be happy if the old bastard dies. So calm yourself."

  "I'll talk to you later," Raleigh said.

  "You'll see me later," Nigel said. "Nothing has changed."

  When Raleigh finished the call, his bowels began rumbling again and he ran to the bathroom.

  An hour later, after more dithering, Raleigh called Tuscany and got Leona's voice mail. He said, "Mrs. Brueger, it's Raleigh Dibble. Please call me as soon as you get this message."

  At 12:30 P. M., thirty minutes before Nigel Wickland was due to arrive at the Brueger house, Raleigh was stunned to hear a vehicle in the driveway. He ran to the main door, opened it, and saw the gardener's truck parked on the faux-cobblestone driveway. The electric gate was wide open as was always the case when the crew was there tending to all greenery on the outside as well as the inside of the garden walls.

  Raleigh ran out and said to the first worker he saw, "What're you doing here today?"

  The Mexican shrugged and said, "No Eeng-lish."

  In utter frustration, Raleigh dashed around the property, looking for the boss, a burro of a man named Angel.

  When he found him he said, "Angel, what're you doing here today?"

  "Mee-sus say to come today to reseed all the grass," the gardener said. He took a pocket calendar from his back pocket and showed Raleigh that the date had been circled.

  "Oh, shit!" Raleigh said. "Can't you do it some other day?"

  The gardener looked at his crew of five men, who were already, pruning and trimming as well as scalping the lawn, and he said, "No, sir. Sorry. Thees ees the day I can be here."

  Raleigh said, "Okay, please try to hurry."

  He went out to the street, looking at his watch. He didn't see the van from Wickland Gallery yet, so he hurried back to the house, picked up his cell phone, and dialed Nigel's cell number.

  He got voice mail and felt like throwing the goddamn phone through the window. He ran back out to the street and trotted fifty yards down the winding road until he had to stop to catch his breath. He was standing there panting when he saw the cargo van make the turn in the road and climb the street toward him.

  Raleigh stepped into the middle of the road and waved his arms. The van came to a sudden stop and Nigel Wickland said, "What the hell are you doing?"

  "The gardeners are here!" Raleigh said. "There're Mexicans all over the place. I couldn't stop them."

  "You said the gardeners came on another day. Not today," Nigel said.

  "I know, but this is something special that Mrs. Brueger set up. She didn't tell me about it. It's not my fault."

  "Not his fault," Nigel said, looking away.

  Raleigh said, "First Mr. Brueger has a stroke, and now this. Maybe fate's trying to tell us something."

  "Don't you lose your nerve!" Nigel said. "I've planned this and spent a lot of money, and worked on this without proper sleep or rest. I've got two perfect pictures in this van that are identical to the originals. And we're going through with it, Raleigh."

  "With the gardeners here?"

  "How long will they be here?"

  "I don't know. Usually only a few hours, but this is a special job." "Shit!" Nigel said. "Did you phone Leona about her brother-in-law's stroke?"

  "Yes, but I only got her voice mail. I left a message for her to call me."

  "Christ!" Nigel said. "Call me the minute you find out when the gardeners are leaving."

  "I will," Raleigh said. "If you'll turn on your cell phone."

  Nigel reached into his pocket and took out his cell phone, looked at it, and said, "Right."

  Then he pulled into a neighbor's driveway, turned around, and drove back down toward the flatland.

  Raleigh was surprised at how much satisfaction he'd gotten in demonstrating to Nigel Wickland that his cell had been turned off and he wasn't so fucking perfect. He hurried back to the house, but the way the lawns were being scalped, it didn't look like this would be a quick job. When he got inside the house, he checked the answering machine. He distinctly remembered giving Leona Brueger his cell number as well. He wondered if she'd lost it. He turned on the TV just for the noise it made.

  That lovely day in early autumn was the longest day in the life of Raleigh Dibble. Leona Brueger never called. At 4:50 P. M., the gardeners finished their work and Raleigh notified Nigel Wickland that they were gone. Then he went into the bathroom and threw up.

  Nigel Wickland rang the gate bell at 5:30 P. M., and Raleigh buzzed him into the Brueger compound. Raleigh walked outside and watched Nigel turn his cargo van all the way around and park it facing the gate.

  When Nigel got out of the van, Raleigh said to him, "What's the three-sixty for? A quick getaway?"

  Nigel ignored that and said, "Help me with the material."

  He was wearing white coveralls with "Wickland Gallery" embroidered over a breast pocket. He opened the side door and put his ring of keys on the van roof temporarily, in order to free up both hands. He picked up his toolbox and handed it to Raleigh. Then he removed the two photographs on poster board, each individually wrapped in a furniture mover's blanket. He leaned them carefully against the garage door and went back to the van for a floodlight and a light stand.

  "What's that for?" Raleigh asked. />
  "I want good lighting in that dark corridor when I do the switch," Niegel said. Then he handed the floodlight and light stand to Raleigh and said, "Take all of this inside. I'll carry the pictures."

  While Raleigh was walking into the house, Nigel closed the door of the van and picked up the photo reproductions.

  After they carried everything across the Mexican-tile floor in the foyer, Nigel rested the blanket-covered pictures against a wall and said, "I could use a cold drink. Get me a Perrier, will you?"

  With an edge to his voice, Raleigh said, "You'll settle for another brand if I can't find Perrier, won't you?"

  "Yes, yes," Nigel said with a dismissive toss of his head. "Any mineral water will do."

  "Does it have to be carbonated?"

  "For heaven's sake, Raleigh, no! It need not be carbonated."

  Raleigh left Nigel to his work and walked into the butler's pantry, muttering. He scooped a few little cubes from the ice maker into a tumbler and filled it with water from the faucet.

  When he came back, Nigel was adjusting the floodlight, and he took the glass, drank half of it, and said, "Thanks. I was thirsty."

  Raleigh said, "That's Vichy Catalan mineral water. I hope it's okay."

  "Yes, perfect," Nigel said. "Put these on." He removed a pair of latex gloves from the back pocket of his coveralls and gave them to Raleigh. Pulling a second pair onto his own graceful hands, he said, "Now, carefully remove a blanket from one of my pictures and spread the blanket on the tile floor. Be very careful in handling them."

  Raleigh obeyed while Nigel got the floodlight shining down onto the mover's blanket that Raleigh had spread. Then Nigel carefully removed The Woman by the Water from its place on the wall and, carrying the painting to the blanket, placed it facedown.

  "Bring me my toolbox," he said to Raleigh.

  Raleigh did as he was told and was putting the toolbox on the floor next to Nigel just as the house phone rang.

  "Is that the gate?" Nigel asked.

  "No, the gate has a special ring," Raleigh said, and he ran to the kitchen to answer it.

  When he picked it up, he heard the grating voice of Rudy Ressler, who said, "Raleigh? This is Mr. Ressler. We got back last night from a couple of days in Rome and were so tired we crashed. I just got up to go to the bathroom and noticed your voice mail. What's up?"

  Raleigh said, "Mr. Ressler, I'm sorry to say that Mr. Brueger has had a minor stroke. At least I think it's minor. He's in Cedars-Sinai. I wanted Mrs. Brueger to know right away."

  The line was quiet for a moment and then the director said, "Leona's dead to the world. It's three o'clock in the morning here. I'll tell her when we get up. I gotta go back to bed now. This whole scene over here is supposed to be restful, but don't believe it. Every fucking thing that could go wrong with this villa has gone wrong. I'll call you when we get outta bed."

  "Okay, Mr. Ressler," Raleigh said. "When you tell Mrs. Brueger about it, please say that there's no cause for alarm. I'm sure he'll be fine. He's a tough old man."

  "Yeah, okay, Raleigh," the director said. "I'll call you in a few hours."

  Raleigh hung up and returned to the foyer, where Nigel Wickland had The Woman by the Water removed from the frame and leaning against the wall under the light stand.

  "That was Rudy Ressler," Raleigh said. "They've been away from the villa for a couple of days. I told him about Mr. Brueger." Nigel stopped working. "And?"

  "He said he'd talk to Mrs. Brueger when they get up in the morning and then get back to me."

  "Did you tell him it wasn't serious?" Nigel asked petulantly.

  "Yes, I told him," Raleigh said, thinking he'd give a sizable piece of his share of the money just to never see this bastard again or hear his flutey voice.

  Next, Nigel took down Flowers on the Hillside and carefully placed the framed painting on the mover's blanket. He began painstakingly removing the fasteners from the stretcher bars while Raleigh looked at his watch. That exercise took nearly fifteen minutes. This wasn't supposed to be such a lengthy ordeal.

  When Nigel was finished, he gingerly lifted the smaller painting from the frame, brushed some dust and wood residue from the edges of the canvas, and leaned it against the wall by the larger painting.

  "That's a million dollars resting against the wall, Raleigh," Nigel said.

  Raleigh looked at him, at his narrow patrician nose looking as though it wanted to sniff the paintings like a dog. The man was actually leering. His greed had completely overcome any normal fear factor. And that made Raleigh Dibble even more frightened of this entire goddamn scheme.

  Megan Burke was feeling better now that the watsons had kicked in. At least the pain in her knees and other joints had diminished. They had almost attempted entry at five separate houses, but each time something had happened. At one of them, the Hispanic housekeeper answered the door after they were positive that nobody was at home, just as Jonas was ready to attempt entry through a window. At another one, a newspaper in the driveway convinced Jonas that the residents were at work, but then a yappy dog ran out, and Jonas dashed back to their car and said, "Fucking dogs! I wish all the goddamn bucket heads in this town would eat them like they do in their fucked-up countries. You don't see dogs running all over the yards in China, I bet."

  Something happened to frustrate Jonas at every residence that looked likely. Megan was afraid the pain would return and she was thirsty and tired. She'd always liked the sky over Hollywood at twilight, and there was a beautiful sky up there now, with red and gold and violet splashing across the heavens as the sun was sinking into the Pacific Ocean. Back when she felt healthy and hopeful, she'd had a fantasy of trying to paint the twilight sky over Hollywood. That seemed like a lifetime ago, back when she felt healthy and hopeful.

  Jonas parked for a moment off Woodrow Wilson Drive near Mulholland and said, "Let's cruise a little ways down and have a look at that big place again."

  "What big place?" Megan asked.

  "The Spanish-style place with the wall around it and the big house with a guesthouse? That one. Remember we peeked through the trees at it?"

  "We've looked at so many, I don't remember," Megan said.

  "All you gotta do is trust me," Jonas said. "I got a memory like a rhinoceros."

  "A rhinoceros," she muttered. "Oh, god!"

  Chapter Eighteen.

  THE MIDWATCH ROLL call was a bit subdued at first. It was always that way after an officer had been hurt. Although Snuffy Salcedo had not been seriously injured, he had gone through surgery that morning at the hands of a plastic surgeon who came recommended by the specialists at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. Hollywood Nate Weiss, who had not gotten much sleep after the incident at Goth House and the interrogation by Force Investigation Division, talked to Snuffy on the phone before coming to work. Snuffy had taken full responsibility for the "unintentional" baton blow to the face of the colossus as well as all other "unintentional" head strikes. And because baton head strikes generated nearly as much paperwork as officer-involved shootings in the closely monitored LAPD, he was officially removed from the field until FID was satisfied and a shrink from BSS as well as the bureau chief gave the okay for his return. And that was just fine with Snuffy, who needed time off to recuperate. He told Nate that his injuries made him look like a raccoon that got mauled by a grizzly.

  It had always been a matter of pride in a warrior culture to quickly return to duty after a battle, but Jetsam had to take a few sick days. He had been stricken with a muscle spasm in his neck that began when he was being questioned by FID and got worse after he went home to his apartment and tumbled into bed. When he woke up at 2 P. M. the next afternoon, he could not turn his head without great pain and had to see a doctor.

  The remaining combatants sitting at roll call, Hollywood Nate and Flotsam, had suffered hematomas, contusions, abrasions, with even a couple of lacerations--the whole ball of bash --and their movements were slow and painful, but each cop was serviceable. Oddly enough, the
only one with a genuine black eye was Britney Small, who sat next to Della Ravelle at roll call wearing a black eye patch for laughs, but she took it off when all the cops begged to see her shiner and wanted cell phone photos.

  Sergeant Murillo had to change the lineup and team Hollywood Nate with Flotsam in 6-X-32, since they were both missing a partner, and before dismissing roll call, he said to them, "If any citizens ask why you both have bumps and bruises, explain that they came from fighting a bad guy. We have enough of a PR problem around here without people thinking we're lumping up each other nowadays."

  As all the troops touched the photo of the Oracle before leaving the roll call room, Hollywood Nate Weiss wondered if maybe Snuffy Salcedo had failed to touch the picture yesterday. He couldn't remember seeing him do it.

  Twenty-five minutes after roll call ended and the midwatch was on the streets, Jonas Claymore, accompanied by Megan Burke, made a rolling stop on his way to a last pass up into the Hollywood Hills before darkness. So far, it had been another fruitless search for a residence to burgle. Jonas heard the toot of a horn behind him and looked in the mirror to see a black-and-white with lights oscillating.

  Georgie Adams was driving, with Viv Daley riding shotgun in 6-X-76, and they had just responded to a call far from their beat. They were up north in 6-A-15's area and complaining about it when they spotted the VW bug roll through the stop sign. They pulled over the old Volkswagen on Mulholland Drive.

  "You're up," Georgie said, and Viv grabbed her citation book.

  Jonas said to Megan, "Can anything more happen to me this fucking month?"

  Megan was trying to massage her knees and said, "Jonas, I'm in pain. We've got to at least get some norcos or perks."

  Viv approached on the driver's side and said, "Your license and registration, sir."

  Jonas took the registration from the glove box and handed it to Viv along with his driver's license, saying, "Look, Officer, I'm outta work and we're hurrying to a job opportunity in the Hills. Some rich people need a handyman around the house. See, we got a sick five-month-old baby at home and this job is important. Can't you give us a break?"