Eternal Love

by Max Howell

  CHAPTER 11.

  MURRAY THE SWIMMER

  From the time her baby was born Faith took him to the swimming pool in the nearby town of Casino, where an Olympic pool had been built. She took him in the pool with her when he was only three weeks old, holding him close to her, moving him around slowly in the water. It was summer when the baby was born, and he loved the cooling effect of the water during those hot northern days. He would smile and gurgle, and Faith would cuddle him in the water.

  Faith got hold of every book and article on swimming she could find, thanks to the help of the Municipal Librarian in Casino. She read about the success that some people were having teaching swimming to new-born babies, and was surprised to know that there was a glottal reflex, and you could take the very young underwater and they would not ingest the water.

  She tried it the first time with some trepidation, as the one thing all the books were consistent about was that you could do great damage to a child’s psyche if you frightened it. She took the baby under, and he kept his eyes open, and came up smiling. She repeated the exercise, and noticed he loved every second of it and found she could take her hands away and he would float and kick. She would only do it a few seconds at a time, but as he became more familiar with the water she would increase the time he could be left alone and she was amazed how comfortable he became under water. She would assist him gently, always reassuring him, and making everything about the experience a game.

  The baby became the love that had disappeared when Mark departed, and when he fed at her breast she could feel the waves of love she had felt for Mark. The baby, in a sense, became Mark. She could see the resemblance of the baby, almost from birth, to Mark, particularly in the body, but he also had Faith’s slightly upturned nose. His skin was like Mark’s, and when she exposed him slowly to the sun he tanned beautifully, just like his father. “My little Murray”, she would say softly, and under her breath would say, “My little Mark”.

  She sang her own little lullaby, and Murray would fall to sleep in her arms.

  “You are, my little one,

  You are the one,

  You are my little baby,

  You are the one …

  I love you.”

  And she would repeat the verse, softly and slowly.

  Toch fixed up the baby’s cot in Faith’s bedroom, and purchased rattles and all kinds of children’s toys for Murray. Toch seemed to love the child almost as much as Faith, and whenever he could would take him in his arms and play with him, the obvious delight showing in his face.

  One night, as he was cradling the baby, he turned to Faith and said: “I’ve never been so happy in my life.”

  “So am I, Toch, so am I.”

  “He is a beautiful baby, Faith.”

  “Yes, Toch, he certainly is.”

  “Now about this swimming business, Faith. It seems to me it will be a few years before he gets any real lessons, and anyhow you have already read just about every book on swimming there is. Well, I have often wondered what it would be like to have my own pool And we’ve got a bit of money left over from operating the farm last year. Not that I am not much of a swimmer myself, the little one is better than me already. What do you think about that, Faith?”

  “Toch, it would be absolutely marvellous.”

  “I thought you might think that, so I’ve been sort of writing off to get designs of pools, and I have talked to the architects who designed the Casino pool. It will not be as large as that, mind you, but we must look to the future. I reckon 20 yards should be about right. We are fortunate that the Council have brought water out this far now. A few years ago we could not have contemplated it. Anyhow, at dinner tonight we can go over what I have found out. A few of the boys from the neighbouring stations have volunteered to help out.”

  “Oh, it sounds wonderful, Toch.”

  That night, and for the next week, they planned their pool. Toch had already done his homework, and they soon agreed on the basic design. Building started in two weeks, and the pool was finished in a month.

  From then on, Faith would take Murray into the pool from five to ten times a day. Toch, who could not swim a stroke when he started, learned to swim as well, and he would often play with Murray in the water. By the time he was two, Murray could swim the length of the pool in a dog-paddle fashion, pulling his head out to get air when he needed it. Toch and Faith never left him alone, because Murray had no idea of distance and his own physical limitations, and would just jump in the pool and keep swimming until he became exhausted. They would laugh at him, his little head bobbing up and down, and they would take him underwater, where he could watch them with open eyes. Everyone who saw him stated they had never seen such a young child so relaxed and proficient in the water.

  They kept Murray out of competition swimming until he was a little older than seven, when Faith and Toch would take him in for additional swim lessons twice a week, and for the competitions at the Casino Swim Club on Saturdays. From the time he started, Murray dominated the local age-group swimming. Faith, with all her reading, had refined his stroke, but even allowing for that, Murray was a natural in the water. He was just like his father.

  It was about that time that Faith was sent a new clipping from Sydney.

  Sydney Morning Herald

  FORMER SWIM STAR STAYS IN U.S.A.

  It was learned yesterday that former swim great Mark Jamieson has become an American citizen by a special Act of Congress. A double gold medallist at the 1956 Games and world record holder in the 100 metres freestyle, Jamieson went to the University of California to study and recently completed his PhD degree. The University offered him the position of Head Swim Coach, and he takes up his post in September. Mark Jamieson was one of the host of swimmers at the 1956 Olympic Games who propelled Australia into the forefront of world swimming, along with Murray Rose, and Dawn Fraser. His former coach, Terry Somerville, contacted at Coogee Aquarium Baths, said: “Mark was the finest sprinter Australia has ever produced. It is a great pity that Australian education could not find him a job in this country. We cannot afford to lose people like him.

  Faith felt a lump in her throat as she read the newspaper report. She now knew that Mark would never come back to Australia. In the back of her mind she had always dreamed that he would finish his studies, and would somehow return to claim her. That dream had now vanished.

  She then rationalised, in her own heart, that Mark had his career - and she had his baby. Murray could never be taken away from her.

  A few days after the realisation that she would never see Mark again, she and Toch were having lunch on their large verandah. Murray was at school. Faith looked at Toch, drew in her breath, and said, “Toch, I - I’m going to have difficulty saying this, but … but I think we should … we should sleep in the same room.”

  A surge of excitement swept through Toch. He loved Faith deeply, and this was a moment he had hoped for but thought would never come. He said nothing for a while, and then moved his hand over to cover hers, and patted it reassuringly. In a measured soft tone, he said, “Are you certain this is what you want, Faith? You must be sure.”

  “I am certain, Toch. It has been seven years, and Mark has his career and is not coming back to Australia. Now I must get on with my life. I do not know how you have put up with me all these years.”

  “There was nothing to put up with, Faith. Oh, sure, there were times when I wanted you desperately, I admit to that. But the friendship we had was more important than anything else. I can hardly wait to see you and Murray each day. I am so terribly happy. As for Murray, I just never think of Mark as the father. He is like my own, and the experience of watching him grow up is the most personally rewarding experience of my life. And as for you, well, you, Faith, are the best friend I have ever had. I know you will never love me like you did Mark, and what I do not want to do is destroy the wonderful relationship we presently have.” He covered her hands with his again.

  She looked at him intently.
“I’m frightened, Toch, terribly frightened. I never thought I would suggest this step, but I realise, now, that Mark will never be back, that it is not fair to you otherwise. I am very frightened, Toch. Will you please be gentle with me?” She buried her head in her hands, the tears flowing.

  Toch let her cry, and then stood beside her, his hand patting her back, reassuring her. “It is all right, Faith, don’t worry about it. We have waited seven years, we can wait a little longer.”

  She stood up and faced him, and wiped away the tears. “No, Toch, we have waited long enough. It has to be now. I have made up my mind. I … I’ll try my very best, Toch.”

  “I know you will, Faith. I know, of all people, what a determined person you can be.”

  Toch slowly led Faith towards her bedroom, and lay her on the bed. Faith’s heart was thumping. It was a moment in her life she had secretly hoped would never come, that anyone else would ever possess her. Please God, she thought, don’t burst out crying. Please God, let me relax. “Please be gentle, Toch,” she repeated, “please don’t hurt me.”

  “Just relax, Faith, everything will be all right.”

  Toch took off her shoes and placed them on the floor, then stood beside the bed looking at her. He could see how distraught she was, and how it was necessary to handle her with great care and understanding. She reminded him of a baby lamb that had just lost its mother, lost and desperate.

  He lay down next to her, and brushed her hair back. It was straight, but had a silken quality. He had never touched her like that before, and the softness of her hair and skin aroused him. My God, he thought to himself, I am as frightened as she is.

  Toch felt her hand. It was shaking. He then slowly moved his body towards hers, and gently kissed her on the lips. He felt her body stiffen, and saw her eyes close, but he expected it and paid it no attention. He withdrew his mouth from hers and continued to fondle her hair. Toch felt her relax, and played with her hair for many minutes, his fingers then moving along her forehead and around her ears and neck and then ever so gently he would touch her lips, first with his fingers and then with his lips.

  Toch knew instinctively that he would do irreparable damage to their relationship if he hurried, and slowly felt the nape of her neck and shoulders. Every now and then he would touch her hands, and they were still trembling.

  “Maybe, Faith,” Toch said softly, “maybe we should leave it at this today.”

  “No, Toch, please go on,” she said entreatingly.

  He then understood that she had thought long and hard about what would happen, and had steeled herself for this day. Well, he thought, it is not how I would have wanted it, but in time I hope she loves me as fervently as she did Mark.

  So he brought her body towards him, and one by one undid the buttons on her blouse and took it off. She lay there with her skirt on, and he thought how beautiful she was. Her breasts, he thought, were small and delicate, her body almost like a child’s, her stomach flat and firm.

  Very slowly he undid the button on her skirt, and pulled it off, so she lay there on the bed in only her white panties. He was shaking himself as he took off his own clothes, and lay there nude beside her. She smiled at him reassuringly, though it was not a smile of love or commitment but more of resignation, and then closed her eyes.

  He then put his mouth over her breast. She gasped slightly, and then her body stiffened, but she did not reject him. He played with her breasts, kissing and fondling them, and then moved his hand towards her waist. He worked her panties off, and she elevated herself slightly to help him.

  There she now lay, her nude and white body almost merging with the sheets, her pubic hair and nipples contrasting markedly with her own whiteness. She lay there so very quietly, her eyes closed, her mind made up. But she was trembling inside, and was terrified that she would suddenly jump up and push him away, or burst into tears, which she could feel welling in her eyes. Please help me, God, please help me, and she thought of Mark. Oh, if only it were Mark.

  He put his hand between her legs, and separated them. Again he felt her stiffen, but he knew, like she did, that there was now no turning back. He guided his penis towards her vagina and found her opening, but he could not penetrate it, for it was so very dry.

  He quickly moved his hand towards his own mouth, and covered his penis with his own spit, and then his penis went inside her. She was trembling all over now, not from love but anxiety, and her body was rigid.

  “Please, Toch, please be gentle.”

  He moved inside her gently as she had asked, trying not to enter her too deeply, knowing the mental torture that she was going through. It was many years since he himself had sex, and he soon came to an orgasm, his seminal fluids relieving the dryness of her own sexual organs. He withdrew, and then lay next to her.

  “It is all over, now, Faith, it is all over. Did I hurt you?”

  “No … no Toch, you did not, and thanks, Toch, you were gentle, as I asked. You are the best friend I’ve ever had, Toch.”

  “I feel the same way about you, Faith. I could never do anything to hurt you.”

  “I know that, Toch and Toch, I know I’ll get better. Please try to understand.”

  “Faith, I understand perfectly, and I know the trust you have in me to want this to happen. We will just take everything nice and slow. Now I know how much this has taken out of you, so I am going to leave you now and let you have a bit of a nap before Murray comes home from school. So here, let me pull the sheet over you. Have a nice sleep.” He bent down and kissed her softly, dressed, and closed the door quietly behind him.

  She lay there under the sheet, utterly exhausted. Her hands were still shaking, and she felt sore where he had been inside her. She remembered how wet she was with Mark, and how she felt with him. With Toch she had felt no contractions, and experienced no orgasm.

  She heard Toch ride off, and she then burst into tears. She knew that what had happened was inevitable in the circumstances, and she knew she would have to do it again and again, but in a way she felt relieved, as if she had not broken the sacred trust between herself and Mark. It was sex without love, sex of necessity, sex of friendship. She could survive knowing that she was not giving completely of herself. If she ever did that it would erase the wonder of their original love. Despite her rationalisation, she burst into tears, and cried out again and again for Mark, before she fell to sleep, and dreamt only of him.

  Toch accepted the limitations of their love, and never complained or endeavoured to dominate her sexually more than the first time. Secretly he hoped she would change, but she never did. She was compliant, and accepted him whenever he wanted sex, but he knew she never had an orgasm and found that it was only possible to have sex with her with the use of a lubricant that he would place on himself.

  From that first day on they slept together, and that became more important than their sexual relations, which never achieved any emotional heights. When they were in bed together they were perfectly happy. They both lost some of their loneliness, and the warmth and proximity of the other’s body brought them closer together. Their friendship blossomed rather than waned.

  As Murray started to dominate the Country and local School Championships and loved competitive swimming so much, Faith embarked on a bold plan. There was nothing that she would hold back from Toch, and she soon informed him of her thoughts.

  “Toch,” she said, almost conspiratorially, “I’ve been thinking. I know you love Murray as much as I do, and I know the thrill you get out of watching him swim competitively.”

  “Yes, Faith, and I know you only too well. Just what is going on in that little mind of yours?”

  “Well, what I’ve been thinking is that we all need a holiday, and I think the three of us should go to Sydney.”

  “Something tells me there is a little more to this than meets the eye.”

  “You are right, Toch, and there is no way I would take the next step unless you, and Murray for that matter, completely agree.”
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  “Yes, come on, come on now, don’t just lead me on like you usually do.”

  “Well, I would love to see Randwick and Coogee and Sydney again, it has been over ten years, and you and Murray have never seen those places.”

  “Something tells me there is still a little more to all of this.”

  “There is, Toch, there is. If Murray just stays here at Casino all year long he will never get the coaching to get him to the top, that is if he has what it takes.”

  “That is probably true.”

  “So why don’t we take him for special coaching in Sydney, Toch?”

  Toch burst out laughing. “Faith, I can see right through you. You could not be devious if you tried. Come on, out with it! You would like him to get special tuition from Mark’s old coach. Is that was this is all about?”

  Faith was relieved. “Yes, Toch, it is!”

  “Well,” said Toch, smiling, “ordinarily I might not agree, but I guess we all need a holiday, and Randwick and Coogee sounds as good as any other place.”

  “Oh Toch,” laughed Faith, “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

  “Neither do I, Faith, neither do I. So that is settled. But how are you going to explain yourself and Murray to the coach, Terry? Is that his name? And would not Mark find out?”

  “Yes, Terry - Terry Somerville. Mark worshipped him. We were all very close. I think I know him well enough that he would never reveal Murray’s real identity to anyone. I will have to talk to Terry first, so we will not be able to tell Murray until it is all settled.”

  “If you are certain of Terry, then the plan is ideal. But it would hurt Murray a great deal if he somehow found out about Mark from someone else. Are you certain it is not best to tell him now?”

  “No, Toch. He loves you as his father, and there is no way I would disturb that; and you have been a wonderful father to him. I don’t know whether he should ever know. The circumstances would have to be right to do that. But I agree. The shock would be too much for him if he ever found out second-hand.