Jar of Hearts

by Molly Bryant

  I quickly finished my shower, did my hair and make up, and threw on a pair of yoga pants and a tank top with flip flops. I walked into the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee when Ethan stood from the couch and stretched. He eyed my chest, then my legs.

  “It's Sunday. Do not say shit about my ass pants,” I took a sip of my black coffee and eyed him carefully for any judgment.

  He smirked. “Ass pants, is that what you female's call those things?”

  “No, that is what I call them,” I smiled, walking into the living room.

  “I definitely see why you call yours that,”

  “Why?” I looked over my shoulder down to my ass. “Does my ass look big or something?”

  He shook his head. “No, not at all. Far from it,” he checked out my butt again, biting his lower lip.

  “You like them,” I wiggled my brows, bringing my coffee mug to my lips.

  “They're alright,” he shrugged. “You ready?”

  They are just alright? I knew better. “Can my coffee come, too?” I asked walking towards the front door.

  “As long as he stays in his cup, then yes,” he held the front door open for me.

  “What if he is a she?” I gape. “That is awfully sexist isn't it?” I held my cup of coffee close to my chest.

  “What? It's a cup of coffee,” he stared at me, his face totally unreadable. My eyes stayed glued to his. “Okay, fine... she can come,” he emphasized the word she.

  “Woman aren't my thing,” I shrugged. “I'd never put my mouth on one,” I was trying not to laugh. “So, I guess you're right. My coffee is a boy,”

  “Are you serious right now?” he stood in the doorway, I could sense his slight irritation.

  “Let's go,” I laughed, walking past him making sure to sway my hips ever so sexily. I felt his eyes on me as I walked down Vanessa's walkway then to Ethan's silver Audi. Sexist remark... forgiven. I smiled.

  As we drove to the flower shop, I wanted to start a conversation. I mean, we were friends too, right? “So, I've been meaning to tell you that I am sorry about what happened with Jackie,” He sighed roughly. Maybe that wasn't such a good conversation starter.

  “I'm not,” he shrugged. “It wasn't meant to be. If it was, she wouldn't have done that to me. I just hope she finds whatever it was that I couldn't give to her,”

  Ethan would say something like that. He cares more about her happiness than what she did to him. “That's nice of you, you know... to care about if she is happy or not, but, what about your happiness?”

  “What I want can't make me happy,” he stared out onto the road. I could tell he was deep in thought.

  “What makes you think that what you want can't make you happy?” I took another drink of my coffee.

  “Because that's what I was told,” he smiled. “I mean, how can it make me happy if I can't have it?”

  “Wait, someone told you what you want can't or won't make you happy?” Who in their right mind would be so non supportive.

  “Pretty much both,” his phone rang, interrupting our conversation.

  I watched him answer his phone with a smile on his face. “No, you aren't bothering me, it's okay. I'm not doing anything,”

  Nice. You aren't busy with me and your sister's wedding planning or anything. Talk about a slap in my face. It's not like we were in the middle of a conversation or anything. I rolled my eyes.

  “Tonight is fine,” he laughed aloud at something this other person was saying. I would assume it was of the female species. “I'll see you soon,” he hung up, tossing his phone in the middle console.

  “Woot, someone has a date,” I smiled, mentally kicking my ass as I really didn't want to know. We were just friends, and friends talk about these things.

  “Something like that,” he smiled at me.

  “Isn't it kind of soon after Jackie?” It should be.

  “Jackie and I had been growing a part for months before any of this happened. More or less, I didn't want to admit it at the time but I had mentally and emotionally moved on. I did right by her, though. I was faithful and I tried to make it work because I do love and care about her. Just not in the way that you should love and care for the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. To be honest, Jackie moving on was the best thing that happened. It made me see that we were both wasting our time.”

  “Do you miss her?” Do I really want to know the answer to that question?

  “Someday I will. I will miss her for the good person she was. Even though she did what she did to me, it doesn't make her a horrible human being. But no, I don't miss her the way you would think. I actually feel for the first time in a year and a half that I can breathe again,” he smiled genuinely. “It feels really good,”

  “I'm glad,” I smiled back at him. On the outside I was calm, but on the inside I was fist pumping the air knowing that the sex was by no means rebound. That thought had crossed my mind several times since last night. But, now I can stop thinking about it.

  “What's got you all smiley and shit?” he laughed. “You look all giddy,”

  “I am contemplating on ordering the wrong flowers at the same time ordering the right ones to mess with Nessy,” I smiled deviously.

  He high-fived me. “What flowers are you thinking?”

  “Hmm...” I put my finger to my mouth as I pursed my lips in thought. “Some Throatwort, and those Stink Currant thingy's that smell real bad,” I laughed aloud.

  “So bad, Maria,” he laughed, shaking his head back and forth.

  ~

  We spent over an hour in the flower shop picking out dozens of Akito white roses, and baby breath with a touch of white lilies. When we were done with the serious business, we had a little fun smelling the nasty flowers and decided on the ThroatWart and Stink Currant I brought up earlier, they smelled the worst and were hideous to the eye. The woman helping us out wrinkled her nose at our choice, but it didn't matter what she thought. Vanessa is going to have a shit fit. What type of friend would I be if I didn't mess with her a little bit on her wedding.

  Ethan and I decided to go out to lunch after the fun in the flower shop was over. He was actually very sweet opening doors for me and such, making me laugh, and talked a lot about how his internship was over at L&L Law and was trying to start his own Firm. I was excited inside for him seeing how his blue eyes got a little bluer when he talked about it. He was telling me his hopes and his dreams. With most people, the longer you sit and talk to them, the quicker their faults and insecurities surface. With Ethan, I still enjoyed everything about him. He smiled, a lot and I like the way he would say please and thank you to the people who waited on us. He was polite and very courteous.

  After lunch we took a walk in Central Park. It was warm, sunny, and full of life. We decided to stop and sit under a tall Maple tree in the shade. He sat down first, I gasped as he grabbed my hand and pulled me down with him. I landed beside him in the grass and I laid my head in his lap.

  I closed my eyes as he ran his fingers through my hair. “That feels nice,” I whispered, letting my body completely relax.

  “Good,” he said quietly as I felt his body move. I looked up at him to find him staring down at me thoughtfully with a smile. I then closed my eyes enjoying the feel of his hands running through my hair, his fingers tingling my scalp.

  “Hey, beautiful,” I felt Ethan shake my arm, trying to wake me up. I had fallen asleep, but was awake for the last few minutes. I had no clue how long I had slept for, but his hand was still in my hair.

  I smiled, then laughed aloud as I sat up from his lap. “How long was I out for?”

  “A little over an hour,” he looked at his phone. “It's after five now,”

  “Why did you let me sleep that long?” I tried to fix my hair the best I could.

  “You looked peaceful and I felt bad for my sister waking you up early. We were up pretty late last night,” he said nonchalantly.

  “That we were,” I giggled. That we were...
/>   “We should get going, I have plans tonight,” he held his hand out to help me get up.

  “Thanks,” I said dusting my butt off, then walking a little ahead of him. I didn't want to be rude but after last night, this morning, and hanging out with him all day, for the first time I was actually enjoying all of this time with someone of the opposite sex. I was used to a few hour date here or there, texting, booty calls... never this much time. He was starting to grow on me, and knowing he was going on a date made it that much more difficult to decipher exactly what I was feeling.

  “Hey, wait up,” he jogged, catching up to me. “Is something wrong?”

  “Nope, I'm peachy,” I kept walking.

  “I'm not sure, Maria.” he grabbed my arm, pulling me to a stop. I turned around to be an inch away from his face. “I thought everything was fine up until thirty seconds ago when you walked away from me,”

  “Don't read into it too much, handsome. I am still not feeling that well from all the wine that I drank and I have to pee really, really bad,” Was I upset? Yes. Upset that Ethan has a date tonight? Absolutely. Was I acting like a spoiled brat that didn't get her way? Unfortunately.

  “Okay,” he lightly kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes swallowing my jealousy. Maria Anderson never gets jealous. Stupid, stupid boy. I turned from his grip and walked toward his car. I am not good at this... the feelings, the neediness, and the want. I was confused, and pissed off at myself for feeling the way that I do inside over Ethan. I was being ridiculous, naive, and stupid just like my mom.

  The car ride to Vanessa's seemed way too long. With every wisp of wind that blew in through his window, his delicious scent smacked me in the face making dealing with all of this that much worse. I wanted to ask him why I felt this way and beg him to help me understand what it meant. I wanted to throw myself into his lap, hold onto him and not let him go. I want to sit on his foot, hold on for dear life and beg him not to go out and to stay with me.

  “Were here,” he said from the drivers seat making me jump. I looked around as he was already parked in Vanessa's driveway. I was so deep in thought that I hadn't noticed we were already here.

  “I can tell something is wrong,” he placed his hand on top of mine, staring at me waiting for my answer.

  “No,” I shook my head staring at his hand on mine in my lap.

  “You can tell me what is bothering you. I'm sure I'll understand, and if it is something I can fix then I will,” he leaned forward, brushing a wisp of hair from my eyes trying to make eye contact with me.

  “Ethan,” I threw his hand from my lap with a huff. Every time he touched me, the way I felt was that much more intense. The only way to think clearly is without him touching me. “I'm fine,” I got out of the car, left him sitting in the drivers seat completely baffled at my serious change in mood. He was more than likely curious as to if I am Bipolar.

  I walked into the house, Ben and Vanessa were sitting on the couch watching a movie. They both smiled when I walked in.

  “Where have you guys been?” Vanessa asked, I heard Ethan come in behind me. “Did the flowers go well?”

  “Yeah, we picked out the Akito ones you liked,” I smiled. “Even added a few white lilies to the dozens with baby Breath. Totally gorgeous,” I was trying very hard to hide my discomfort with Ethan now sitting right beside Ben. Ethan looked rather perplexed, sitting there completely silent.

  Vanessa clapped excitedly. “Yay! I am so excited!”

  “What else did you guys do? It's a quarter till six,” Ben eyed Ethan then me.

  “Did you guys have fun?” Vanessa looked over at Ethan.

  “Yeah, we did actually,” he looked up at me rather sullenly. “At least I thought we did,”

  ~

  I looked up from my comfy spot on the living room floor when Ethan came out of the bathroom a little after six thirty freshly showered in a nice black tailored suit and a red silk tie. His blonde hair was perfect, messy, and was extremely inviting... I wanted to run my hands through it.

  “Wow, Ethan! You look handsome. Hot date?” Vanessa wiggled her brows, sticking her tongue out.

  He grabbed his wallet and car keys from the counter with a smile on his face. “I have plans. I will be back later,” was all he said before walking past me then out the door leaving a trail of his cologne with me.

  “Isn't it too soon to date after what happened?” Vanessa asked Ben who was sitting next to her with his arms tightly around her waist.

  “Your brother is a man, babe. He is doing what he needs to do,” he kissed her temple.

  “I guess so,” she chuckled. I laid my head back on the pillow beneath me, pretending to watch the movie.

  “Why aren't you out with Marc or Keith?” Ben tossed me another pillow, pegging me in the back of the head. “Wait, Keith is the one with the pencil dick, right? My bad,”

  “Because you're an ass and I purposely stayed home to ruin your night,” I threw the pillow back at him.

  “Both of you, stop it,” Vanessa scolded. “I have enough stress with Ask Nessy, trying to hire a good model for the July issue coming out in two days and we still have yet to do a photo shoot for it, and the wedding is in a week,” she took a deep breath.

  “Sorry, Vanessa,” I frowned. “Oh, and what cake did you decide on?”

  “Red Velvet,” Ben laughed.

  I glared at him. “It's your guests,” I shrugged. “I told you it gives me gas,”

  “He is kidding. It is a french silk marble,” she elbowed Ben in the ribs. “God, Benjamin you are so mean,”

  “Hey, I would have been fine with the red velvet,” I grinned.

  “So, the rehearsal dinner is on Saturday at my parents house, and we would really like it if you and Ethan could get together and say something to the family. You both are our best friends so it is important,” she smiled at Ben, squeezing his hand tightly. “So make sure you both find time to talk about it...I'm going to the bathroom, I'll be right back,”

  “So you and Ethan need to play nice,” Ben winked at me.

  “Why do you do that?” I asked him, smacking my palm onto the coffee table.

  “Do what?” he laughed.

  “When you talk about me and Ethan, you constantly throw subtle hints in my face that no one else understands but me,”

  “Well, you saying that pretty much confirms what I have thought for a long time now,” he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “What is up between you and Ethan, Maria? Honestly... when he hears your name his reaction is the same as yours,”

  “It is?” I smiled. “What has he said?”

  Ben laughed. “Nothing, he hasn't said a word. But neither did you and I figured it out on my own. I know him and I know you, so tell me about it before Vanessa comes back,”

  “Two years ago we slept together and-”

  “Ben?” Vanessa came out from the hallway. Ben's eyes were wide totally not expecting me to start the story out that way.

  “Yeah,” he said still staring at me with wide eyes.

  “Do you want some ice cream?” she was standing in front of the open freezer.

  “Chocolate!” he then leaned closer. “You guys what!?”

  “Shh, we slept together two years ago. He came to my apartment after their dads birthday party. Nessy doesn't know...” I pointed at him. “You don't know shit,”

  “I know nothing...” he shook his head then looked quickly over his shoulder. “But what happened then? He obviously was with Jackie after wards,”

  “I told him that I didn't do relationships and he left my house pretty upset,” I frowned.

  “What is going on now? He picked you up last night didn't he?”

  “How did you know about that?” I asked.

  “Just, whatever... what is going on now?”

  “We have had sex twice since last night,” I squirmed under Ben's stare.

  “Oh, wow...” he laughed quietly.

  “Can I have some too, Nessy? Please?” I c
alled from the living room trying to keep her busy for another few minutes.

  “Yeah, Choco or Nilla?” I heard her open the freezer again. Nice timing.

  “Choco!”

  “So... what now?” Ben asked quickly.

  “All I know is I feel things and I have no idea what they mean or why I feel them,” I slumped my shoulders.

  “You have the Nessy syndrome,” he smiled. “You are going through what Vanessa did before she realized that she was in love with me,” he pointed at me.