He locks eyes with mine, determined. “I love you too, Nyx. I always have,” he confesses with a smile.
I am beaming. Silas loves me! Inside, I’m jumping up and down, clapping like Ianna. We keep kissing and exploring each other until Kai walks in on us making out for the second time today.
“Seriously, guys? I'm starving here and you two are making out? I could have died!” Kai says dramatically.
Laughing, Silas chucks a bag of chips at him saying, “Shut up and eat your damn chips.”
We grab the rest of the snacks, curl up, and spend the rest of the night kissing, laughing, and kissing some more. I must have fallen asleep in their room because I wake up as Silas is placing me in my own bed, tucking me in sweetly. Then, kissing me on the forehead, he whispers those glorious words that lift my soul before I drift off into dreamland, “I love you, Nyx.”
Chapter Fourteen
Silas and I have been hot and heavy for weeks. Every time we are alone together for five minutes, we are pawing at each other, clothes flying. I crave his touch every second of every day; skin on skin, lips on lips, his hands on my body, our bodies wrapped around each other. I really need a cold shower... Or some sex. Sex, it has become my all-consuming thought.
We haven't spoken about it, but if he thinks about it half as much as I do, we are in serious trouble. Do I want to have hot sex with Silas? Yes, yes, a hundred times yes... in theory. I've had sex before, lots of it, but it was drunken, ‘don't want to know you in the daylight’ kind of sex. Except with Asher—I cringe at the name.
So many questions, so much hurt. I don’t even know where he is or if he’s alive. I push it away. He packed a bag and left in the night. These are not the actions of someone who loves you, he didn’t love me. I deserve someone who won't sneak out on me in the middle of the night like a coward. With Silas, it's different. I love him.
Love is something I know only one thing about; love is pain. Sex with love requires a sacrifice of my heart. Putting myself out there again, being someone’s girlfriend requires a certain set of skills I do not have.
In a mild state of panic, I find myself sitting in Dr. Grey’s familiar, comfy leather chair. She sits across from me, making her constant notes. I haven't even spoken yet and, apparently, she has a lot to write on the matter. I lean forward, squinting, trying to see what she is writing, sensing my intrusion on her quiet opinion of me, she quirks a well-manicured eyebrow at me.
My scowl grows as I sit back in my chair. I'm about to freak out, something she has seen many times before. I start venting to her, my stress about sex, the dilemma of wanting and not wanting Silas, and the fact that I will never be good enough for him. Everything is spewing out of me all over her expensive rug in an incoherent rant of epic proportions. She stops writing when I stop talking to take a breath.
“So, you're anxious about starting a physical relationship with Silas. You care for him and this is something scary for you. It's normal to feel apprehensive about sharing part of yourself with someone,” she states calmly, almost bored.
I sigh at her complete calmness. “That’s the problem; I've shared myself with plenty,” I mumble.
“Everyone makes mistakes, Phoenyx. You need to leave them in the past. If you love Silas and you are both responsible, I see no reason why you can't pursue this relationship. Give yourself a chance to enjoy being in love. This is normal. I'm glad you are developing relationships and building a life here. These are all wonderful things,” she assures me, and I leave her office feeling better about the whole Silas situation.
Everyone else is packing for winter break, going home to their families and happy lives outside of here. I avoid them all by going for a swim; I said my goodbyes last night. I am going nowhere, ever, and I don’t want to see the pity in their eyes.
Water relaxes me; I am floating here in pure bliss. Silas’ voice snaps me out of my daydreaming. “Looking good, Nyx,” he observes with a bright smile.
“What are you doing here? I thought you left this morning,” I ask.
“Change of plans,” he states. “I realized there was nowhere else in the world I want to be.”
“Well, the water is nice; care to join me?” I ask.
He shakes his head and smiles. “Are you sure you’re not really a water chaser in disguise?”
I roll my eyes at him. “No one is watching, Silas...” Trailing off, I look side to side. “No roommates, no classes, no one to interrupt us; the campus is empty,” I point out with a wicked smile, curling my finger, calling him over.
His smile gleams in response, challenge accepted. “Oh, so it's fun you’re after.” He peels off his shirt and pants in a matter of seconds and leaps into the pool screaming, “CANNONBALL!”
I laugh at his playful nature; this is going to be the best break ever. We have three weeks together, and I plan on enjoying every moment. We have a wonderful afternoon frolicking in the pool before having a nice dinner, Silas, always the gentleman, dropped me off at my door with a heart stopping good night kiss.
Okay, it’s all planned—tonight we will be alone, no interruptions. Tonight, Silas and I, we are going to... do it like bunnies? Make love? I don't know. All I know is I love him and we will see where the night takes us. No pressure.
That is until this afternoon when I once again spouted my mouth off and blurted it out at lunch with Silas. “I think we should have sex tonight.”
Silas immediately spit water across the table, staring at me with huge eyes. “What? I mean… Um... I, or we... Um... Damn... Um, wow, thanks?”
I burst out laughing. He looks at me like I just kicked his puppy but I keep laughing. “That was the worst reaction ever, Silas, seriously!” I say, shaking my head.
He composes himself. “Well, what the hell, Nyx? You just spring that on me. I could have choked to death!”
“I'm sorry. It's been the only sentence running through my head for days. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I mean, we’ve already done it. It's just you haven’t wanted to since. So, what do you think?” I ask shyly, suddenly terrified of his response.
“I think I love you,” he says to me before leaning across the table and kissing me soundly on the lips. “I wanted to make sure the next time we do this you were ready and sober. I don’t want you to regret anything you do with me. I know your history; I don’t want to be something you consider a mistake,” he insists.
“I could never regret being with you. Silas, you’re the one.”
That night we are a mesh of limbs pawing at each other again. Our clothes are being ripped off rapidly. I can feel his hard length pushing into my stomach.
He whispers against my lips, “Are you sure?”
I smile up at him and take in his intense eyes. “Shut up, Silas. I have loved you from the moment we met. I want this; I want you.” I pull him down for a kiss and position myself below him, waiting for him to make the move.
“You are so beautiful, Phoenyx. I love you so much.”
When I see that love shining through his deep green eyes, I believe him; I believe it all, the fairy tales and whispers of happy endings. I believe it because he believes it. I see the certainty; this… is love. He pushes into me. When I gasp at the fullness, he holds still, looking in my eyes. He gently brushes my hair out of my face, kissing me.
We dive into the rest of our lives, leaving the world behind us. This is real, this is love. For the first time in my life, someone loves me. I am never going to let him go.
If we were inseparable before, that night solidified us as one. Silas is the ray of joy in my lonely existence. He is everything to me. We make plans for our future; we daydream about the life we will lead. Life is perfect when I’m wrapped up in his arms. Nothing can take way that joy from me. Silas is so wonderful and honest and kind; so much more than I ever deserve. I hold onto that happiness with both hands, sure someone will snatch it away from me at any moment.
Chapter Fifteen
Silas and I have been having the same a
rgument for hours. It's pointless and he will never understand.
“Silas, I am never getting off this island unless I join the Titans,” holding up my wrists as proof, showing him the shackles trapping me in this life forever. “I should be dead; you know I should have been killed a long time ago,” I whisper, hanging my head. I am a murderer; it's a fact I can't change. “I am grateful for the life I have been given. I want so much more, but pretending we can lead this fantasy life outside of here doesn’t change anything,” I whisper, guilty for wanting a better life when I have taken others’ lives away. Wanting to live this dream life Silas has created in his head. “You deserve better than me. You can do anything, go anywhere in this world, Silas. You are free but I don't have that luxury, I never will,” I argue, shaking my head.
“I am free here with you. We will find a way; we can ask my father. There must be a way to get you free. You were a kid, Nyx. You’ve to stop punishing yourself for things that were out of your control. You have to believe we can change this.” He reaches for me, but I won't allow it. He isn't hearing me. Why can't he understand?
“People are dead, Silas! Four people lost their lives because of me. I will never stop punishing myself for that.” The tears fall down my cheeks. “Nothing I do will ever make up for that. There is no running away from this, no matter who your father is. There is only acceptance, mine and yours, or you might as well just walk away now.”
Praying both that he runs away from me and that he stays with me forever. His only answer is his warm arms wrapping around me tightly.
He whispers in my ear, “Everything will be okay, you'll see. We will get our happily ever after.” I hug him tighter, wishing it were true. Wishing I could keep pretending the world is a good and just place.
It is amazing how naive I was, that I would rip apart my whole world because I truly believed that murderers don't get a happily ever after; they burn in hell.
Walking through the halls on my way to class, I hear Silas’ voice before I see him. He sounds angry; I can tell he is seething. Who could have the usually peaceful Silas so upset? Getting as close as I can without being seen, he is standing with a man who looks vaguely familiar. Silas continues to yell at the other man. “You can't just wipe her mind and change her when she doesn’t behave the way you want, Marcus. She is a person, not your puppet.”
Remembering the name from my flashes, I strain to listen. Silas is freaking out and this Marcus doesn't back down one inch. He steps into Silas' space.
“I can make her into anything I want! I am in control here. She will do what I tell her to do, when I tell her to do it. She always has. I have plans for her,” Marcus interjects with a smirk. “And they don’t involve you, shield.”
Silas loses his temper. “You keep your hands off her! You can't wipe my mind, Marcus. I will find a way to keep her from you.”
Marcus finds this funny. He laughs in Silas' face, saying, “Just because I can’t wipe your mind doesn’t mean I can’t make you disappear. With a snap of my fingers, poof, you won't matter. Don't fuck with me, Silas. I'm sick of your shit, and I don't need to control your mind to make you disappear. I have her under my power; by next month, you will be a distant memory. I’ll get her a new plaything, or should I make her forget you? Implant a memory that you raped her? No, I think you watching her fall in love with someone else will be much more fun.”
Silas lunges at him. Marcus' blow sends Silas falling back on the ground. Silas' eyes grow wide with fear, as I rush to his side
“Phoenyx, NO! Get back.”
I feel a hand clamp down on my arm, pulling me back. Finding myself face to face, I slap him as hard as I can, he smiles in response.
“You never did have the sense to stay out of trouble.” He reaches up, brushing hair out of my face gently. “Sleep.”
I slip into a familiar blackness.
Chapter Sixteen
Marcus
I stare daggers at Silas. Stupid, horny bastards, always sniffing around my damn sister. My life would be a whole lot easier if I had only a brother. First Blaze, then every damn asshole with a cock and five minutes to tell her she’s pretty. Taking out my cell, I dial Mason, “Come to my office, now.” Hanging up, I pick Phee up off the floor.
“Swear to God, Silas, if you interfere with my family again, I will take her away from here and imprint her with nothing but fear and hatred at the mention of your name. I am not screwing around.”
“I won’t walk away from her, I love her.”
“I don’t care. She cannot live out there, you know that, so you filling her head with these dreams a better life will only damage her in the long run. She is going to be a Titan Elite.”
“She will never agree to that.”
Laughing, “You still don’t get it, do you?” I hate shields. Anyone I can’t control is of no use to me, “Go back to your privileged life Silas and forget about her, she isn’t yours, she never was. There is nothing left for you here but heartbreak.”
“She doesn’t belong to you, Marcus.”
“No, she doesn’t, she belongs to him.” pointing to Mason as he walks around the corner. Taking in the situation quickly he reaches out to take Phee from my arms.
“Mason? He’s just her trainer.” clearly outraged but clueless as always.
“For a smart guy, you are pretty fucking stupid. You are an outsider. You have no idea what you are interfering with kid.” We take Phee and walk away. Mason isn’t going to like my plan.
Once Phee’s memory of today’s events have been wiped and she is settled in bed we retreat Mason’s room. He’s pissed, his quiet rage always brewing under the surface.
“The situation has got messy, I can’t make him forget her; making her forget him is too messy, too dangerous. There has to be a way to get her away from Silas.” There is only one person who can do it, and it’s going to cost me to convince him to come back here.
“Blaze.”
“Last I heard Asher Blaze was living on the street. Trackers flagged him a year back, but I left him in peace. It was the least I could do after screwing with his life.”
“He touched her, Marcus. He’s lucky I didn’t kill him.”
“Then step up, man. You want the girl, take the girl. I’d rather you man up than that loser, but I need Asher back regardless of your feelings. He will be harder to control this time but a hell of a lot easier than that Shield.”
Asher was sent to help Phee train and become the best Demigod she can be, instead he seduced her. I nearly killed him myself, but their powers are hard to come by, and it’s always handy having a minion at your beck and call, and I’m about to make that call.
“He isn’t going to be happy about coming back here.”
“I am nothing if not persuasive. He will keep his distance; it was never about love for Asher; it was a job.”
“He if he touches her…,” Mason grumbles, his weakness has always been Phee, we both love her but she will always be my sister, but Mase has been in love with her from the first moment he saw her. Love is weakness, he will never learn. How he can watch her with other guys is beyond me. “That’s your problem; I have a fire chaser to catch.”
I pulled Asher’s ass out of the gutter and gave him a roof over his head and food to eat, I did not give him permission to touch Phee. I gave him an opportunity to train at the Academy to become one the greatest Titan ever. But no, Asher had all these ideas above his pay grade. He wanted to escape and live free, and take my sister with him! Fuck that. Someone with his talent should be working for me, not running free.
One call to the trackers and I have him pinned down to this location. Apparently, he has been doing some underground fighting to pay the bills. This makes my job that much easier, should he decide to decline my offer.
The room is filled with smoke and smells of blood and sweat. Cheering and booing are so loud it rumbles the floor. Standing back, I watch Asher dominate in the ring. He is a beast, a powerful, blood thirsty beast. Excellent
.
After the fight, I wait for the crowd to disperse to confront him—no need to make a scene. His back is to me as I approach.
“That was impressive, Blaze,” I say.
His shoulders slump and his head dips at the sound of my voice. “What do you want, Marcus?” he asks without looking at me.
“What? No ‘hey, old friend, how’ve you been?’” I answer with a smile.
He turns to face me. “I’m not your fucking friend, and I don’t care how you’ve been. What. Do. You. Want?” he seethes.
This is going well. “I need a favor.”
He laughs at this. “A favor, like last time? I don’t think so ‘old friend.’ I got a good thing going on here. I don’t need your help, your money, or your sister.”
“Watch your step, Blaze. After what you pulled with her, you're lucky I let you live. You owe me.”
He steps up to my face. “We’re square, Marcus. I don’t owe you shit! You locked me up there, told me to take care of her. I did, and then you didn’t like the way I was doing that so you removed me and left me on the streets to fucking die. Only I didn’t die, did I? I got stronger. I’m not the weak kid you took last time. I will fight you.” He has so much determination; I’ve got to give him credit, even if he is clueless.
“I need you, Blaze; this douchebag shield is all over her, man. He can’t be persuaded to piss off. He is filling her head with all kinds of crazy ideas. Remind her you were her first love so I can get this guy out of her life for good. Or just be her friend,” I explain.
“No. The answer is no, not a chance. Why would I give up my freedom to fake-love your sister again? Look, she’s a great girl, deserves better than the likes of us, that’s for damn sure, but I’m not playing that part anymore. I’m fighting to live out here; I don’t have time to babysit,” he states, like he has the choice. It amuses me that people keep thinking they can say no to me.
Phoenyx Rising (Demigods Duet Book 1) Page 9