Tears stain the paper I clutch in my hand like a lifeline. Remembering every kiss, every sweet word he spoke. In a perfect world, I could love Silas and he could love me, his steady grace soothing my rough edges. I would never have met Asher Blaze, never let him crawl his way into my life with his illusions of love. I’d be stronger and happy. It all play out in my mind. We would get married and live happily ever after. It's a beautiful dream, but it is a lie we whispered to each other. My reality is a world full of deceit, regrets, and pain.
Chapter Twenty-One
Every citizen on Earth watched the Titan Elite, and I was no exception. Their powers are legendary and the epic battles were breathtaking. Every Demigod child wanted to be a Titan. Out of the thousands of worthy prospects, one hundred will be accepted into the Titan Elite training program. As for the rest, a life of mediocrity was their consolation prize.
This was it, our last year as wards. After this, only the very best will be asked to return for Titan training. I used to think it was all a joke, that it was nothing more than over-publicized pageantry with costumes, makeup, theme songs, and public appearances. Being a violent puppet for the masses didn't suit me at all, but to be with Asher is to be a Titan. Of course, I had the skills to make it all the way, but my control was another story. I lose control, people die but I have spent years trying to master it. The Titan Elite was there for the taking, if I wanted it.
Asher was obsessed with the Titans; he guzzled their propaganda for scripture. His eyes would glaze over talking about the glory and fame of being one of the elite. He lived for the fight.
I played along; I lived the lie for as long as I could. I'll admit it was easy to get swept up in the glow of his eyes when he spoke of our future together, like nothing would tear it apart. Trained alongside him, I listened to him tell me how great it will be when we make it, but my heart isn’t never in it. I feel numb to everything he’s promising me, none of it feels real. The beautiful words I craved to hear felt empty, it was all lies. I couldn't seem to find my way back to the Asher I once loved. All I did was miss Silas and hate myself. A week before summer break ended, the powder keg finally detonated.
“What the hell is your problem? All you do is sulk and bitch at me!” He finally had enough of my sullen attitude.
“I don't want to fight for the Titans, or anyone for that matter. Sign my life away for something I don't believe in seems crazy. This fight has nothing to do with me,” I say, knowing he isn't going to take this calmly. As expected, the glare he is giving me is furious.
“This has everything to do with you! We aren't like other people; it is up to us to fight this war for all those who can't. Would you rather sit by and watch innocent people die because you couldn't be bothered to defend them? You may not have chosen this life, Nyx, but it is your life. You will not walk out on me now! We are a team; together we will be unstoppable as Titans. It is our duty, and I am proud to be chosen.”
He preaches the benefits of that life constantly, but I’ve stopped listening. As I turn to leave, his hand grabs my arm, spinning me, pinning me to the wall. His face is inches from mine.
“You will not fuck this up for me. I have sacrificed too much and worked too hard for this.”
“You're hurting me,” I protest, trying to pull away. He releases me, letting me walk away, this time.
The summer is winding to an end so I’m packing up my stuff from Asher's suite when he walks in, obviously still pissed at me. He takes one glance at my bag and stalks toward me.
“What is this? You're leaving? What, you’re going to do, go back to whoring yourself around campus? Is that what you’re doing? Screwing around on me? I know you sure as hell aren't spreading your legs for me!” He rips the bag out of my hand and throws it across the room.
I slap him across the face. “I hate you!”
We just stand there breathing heavy, waiting for the next angry word to spew out, but instead, he grabs me, kissing me, hard. All the anger, hatred, guilt, and pain rip through me as I tear at his clothes. I want him and I hate him. It's sick, but it's the only thing that makes the pain go away. So, we give into our angry, hate-filled sex. Using each other to dull the pain of this world.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Asher is a force of nature. The world bends to his will, me included. I am swallowed up in his gravity. I feel protected and safe from all the world’s evil in his arms, until he becomes the devil himself. It's amazing how easy it is to lose everything when you place all your hope in the wrong person. Mine and Asher's cycle of passion and pain was a recipe for disaster when we were alone, and adding the rest of campus was fuel to the fire.
Asher has our whole lives mapped out, and I’m not ready. So, I dropped out of the training program for next fall. Giving up on the dream Asher thought we shared was the final blow to our tumultuous relationship.
After all our history, all we've been through, it was still a shock when Asher jumped on the first skank who batted her eyelashes at him—an air chaser named, Imari.
Imari has been lurked around Asher, most girls do. It’s part of the rush of belonging to him. Knowing that every girl at the Academy wants him, but he’s all mine, or so I thought. Imari stalked him like a shark, smelling blood in the water. I had heard rumors that he was screwing around on me but I never took them seriously, until today.
I was walking home from class when I saw them in the courtyard gardens. His back was pressed against the wall, eyes closed while Imari, who is on her knees sucks his cock with vigor. I felt sick watching him with her, but I can't seem to look away. My sob catches Asher's attention. With his eyes locked on mine a slow smile comes over his face as he grabs her hair and starts pumping into her mouth, all the while watching my reaction.
Asher—the one person in this world I had left, who knew me better than I knew myself—pulled her from her knees to stick his tongue in her mouth, running his hands over her body, making her groan with pleasure. I was going to throw up if I stood there much longer, I truly believed we would move past all this fighting and we would find our way back to each other. Our connection like nothing else I had ever felt before.
Rage and betrayal ripped through my body as I watched. Slowly, I lifted both arms into the air and rained down a hell storm of fire on them, and ran away like a coward. I didn't want either of them to see how affected I was.
I ran so I wouldn't be tempted to do worse, I wanted to see her burn; the urge to incinerate and cause her pain plagued me. Flames danced impatiently under my skin, begging to come out and play.
They know it was me. I can hear her screaming as I run, refusing to face them, or the sound of his apologies and empty promises. Our once beautiful, young love will always be tainted.
Of course, I didn't do any real damage to them, sadly. Asher isn’t hurt due to our shared power, and the skank, well; she can go straight to hell. She will heal from the pain I gave her. But the pain she gave me will scar me for life. Imari had staked claim on him, he was no longer mine.
Imari reported my assault and it landed me in solitary for forty-eight hours. Nothing I couldn't handle, but still, I hate being in that cold, dark room again.
I tell myself to walk away from him and the chaos he creates in my life, to move on. He’s proven time and again that he is not the sweet, caring boy I remembered him to be. I knew, eventually I would walk back into the arms of the devil and hate myself a little more.
In desperate need for a run after being released from my stint locked in solitary. I walk downstairs to the gym to grab my iPod from my locker. A few groups of trainees have started filtering onto campus, returning from a fun-filled summer with their families.
In some lucid moments, I look at my life and wonder how I fell so far from those happy moments here before Asher. A smile spreads across my face as I walk into the gym, daydreaming about better days.
“Now that is the best thing I have seen all summer.” Mason stands across the gym, shirtless, sweaty. I can’t help looking
him up and down, and my heart flutters at the sight of him. Damn, he is fifty shades of hot. My eyes finally meet his and he is smirking, catching me looking. “You ogling me, Nyx?”
I try to look at him without staring at all the bare skin... Naked, rippling, muscular, beautiful skin. My core clenches and screams at my hand to touch him. I shake away the filthy thoughts running through my mind.
“Hey, Mase,” I say, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. “I thought I had the place to myself. And it's hard not to ogle you when you're walking around all sweaty and hot and almost naked,” I say, stammering. I feel a little out of sorts standing next to him while he’s half-naked. I've gotten sweaty with Mason lots while training, but this... My eyes watch him as he walks over to his locker, messing around inside. I watch each muscle contract and stretch as he moves. Damn! Snap out of it!
“I got in last night. You have a fun summer?” he asks with a smile.
“Yeah, same old same old. Asher was with me, though, so it wasn't... so bad,” I lie, trying not to let him see the pain in my eyes.
He nods his head. “Nice try. I heard all about that drama and your stint in solitary. You doing okay?” he asks, walking over to me. When I hold my hand up and shake my head he stops. “How about a run tomorrow morning, seven thirty?” he asks. I recognize the gleam in his eye as he continues. “You know I will beat your ass. You've gone soft over break, sitting in solitary like an old woman. Did you knit me a hat?” he asks with a challenging smirk.
“There isn't enough wool in the world, your heads too big,” I joke, throwing a towel at him.
“That's what she said,” he replies, grabbing himself, laughing.
“Oh, my God!” I yell, covering my eyes, he’s a pig but I missed having a laugh with Mason.
“I better hit the showers. Enjoy your run.” He leans in and gives me a quick hug. “See you seven thirty sharp; don't even think about being late.” He walks away into the guys’ shower room. He has always been a complete ass, but there is no denying it, he is also my best friend.
Pulling my hood over my head, I start my run, out toward the courtyard gardens, losing myself in the music and cold morning air. Dew is clinging to every blade of grass, every leaf in the trees. I wrestling with my choice; if I decided to sign up for training, going on tour could be fun. It would give me a chance to get off this island and see the world.
In a year, I’ll have to leave the Academy forever. Whether I become a Titan or not, my time here will be over. It’s the only home I have ever known. I shudder at the thought. I decide to focus on the next year and concentrate on my training. Asher and Imari out of my head, he never made me any promises.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Campus fills up quickly, beginning our final year here before starting the rest of our lives. I've already unpacked. A bonus of never leaving campus is I am always unpacked before everyone else arrives.
I hear Ianna before I see her. Jumping up to pull her into a hug; we are both squealing. She grabs my face, squishing it. “I missed your face!” We laugh and hug. I squeeze her tighter. Suddenly feeling so relieved she is here.
“I missed you so much. How was your summer?” I ask.
She waves it off as she always does; pretending being off the island isn't so great. “Oh, you know, waves, swimming, normal people everywhere. It's so weird out there. How was your summer with Asher?”
I chuckle, and shrug. “Good.” I am trying so hard to force this smile on my face. It's taking everything in me. Ianna knows better though. She sees through it in a second and my walls crash down. I burst into tears. I can’t hold it in anymore.
“It's all such a mess! Summer was a mess. I mean, we had some fun times when it was just the two of us, but it’s like he doesn’t care, and I can’t blame him because I don’t care either. He’s screwing around with at least one other girl, and now with everyone coming back from break, I just don't think I know it will get worse, I can't trust him anymore. Asher is so different now. He’s harder, angrier. He changed so much while he was gone, and maybe I did too. “
“Oh, Nyx. Why on earth haven’t you split up with him?” she insists.
“I have no idea, we fight and have sex, and it’s not exactly a relationship. Honestly, I love him, and I hate him, it’s twisted, but when it’s good, it’s amazing.
Ianna’s here, everything will be okay. “We are in our final year before becoming Titans. Our lives are going to get better and better from here on out!” She seems so convinced, and I want to believe her.
We spend the rest of the day helping her unpack and listening to her stories from summer bliss.
The last day before classes begins with the sun shining through Asher’s windows. I stretch out and stare at his sweet sleeping face. When he’s sleeping, he looks so much like that sweet boy I’d loved, I kiss the Phoenix tattoo on his shoulder, the tattoo he got for me, to show me his love, that he will love me forever. I run my fingertips over its feathers. He might not say the words, but I know, in his own way, he loves me, I can’t help but smile. Asher stirs under my fingertips.
He stretches and blinks awake, “Morning, beautiful.” Reaching for me, he pulls me back down to his side.
With a small giggle, I stare into his dark eyes and smile, “Good morning, handsome.”
He glances at the clock and cringes. “Jesus, what are you doing up this early?” He drops back onto his pillows, and I lean down to kiss him.
“I am going to grab breakfast and then train with Mason for the day. I should be back after lunch sometime.”
Asher sits up in bed suddenly. “What the hell? Why do you always have to hang out with that guy?”
He looks so angry; I try to think of something to calm him down. I hate when he is mad at me. “He got home last night; he's my friend, Ash, and a great trainer.” I lean into him and kiss the angry crease between his eyes, and then I kiss his soft lips. “Go back to sleep, babe. I will see you this afternoon. Love you.” I turn and leave, not giving him the chance to complain.
Not long after we start our warm up, he breaks the silence. “So, he cheated on you again?” he asks. I just groan. Why does everyone know my business? “Did you seriously watch him getting a BJ?” he asks with a smile.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake! How do you find this stuff out?” How humiliating!
“Oh shit!” he laughs. “It is true! Damn, that's hot. I'm getting a semi just thinking about it. Feel,” he says pretending to grab my hand.
I punch him in the arm as hard as I can. “Shut up! This is my life, Mason. It's not a punch line in a joke,” I complain as I stop running, glaring at him.
He walks over to me. “Aww, don’t get your panties in a twist. I was just trying to make you laugh. Come on, let's keep going. I promise to try to not be a dick.”
I mumble a “yeah right,” but keep going. I missed being around him, he creates this balance in me, I feel like I have known him my whole life. It just feels right spending time with him.
After only an hour of training, Mason declares we should cut it short because he has a meeting in an hour. I am a little sad; I thought we would have all day. We walk back through the north gate, across the courtyard to the West tower, down the steps into the locker room.
“I don't know how you can stand this place being empty its creepy,” he states.
“I love it empty. I feel like it’s all mine,” I reply with a greedy smile. I glance over at him and his pale green eyes are on mine, and a smile plays on his lips.
“I missed you.” he confesses, stepping closer to me, at arm’s length now.
“It was only a few months. I'm sure the girls back home were lined up around the block.” I turn to put my things away in my locker, grabbing a towel for the showers and slam it closed.
When I turn around, Mason is right there, inches from me. “You know there are no other girls, there’s only you.” His eyes flash the darkest green I have ever seen them, hungry. He clenches his jaw, and with panicked urgenc
y, he pulls me into a kiss. His incredibly soft lips are on mine. For a few brief moments, I am lost feeling him wrapped around me. My senses come slamming back to me, and I push him away, confused, touching my lips. I can't meet his eyes.
“Phoenyx, look at me,” he pleads. I shake my head. His hands cup my cheeks, gently brushing my cheeks. “Sorry. I just... You’re always so beautiful and sexy, I couldn't hold back anymore. Won't happen again, scouts honor.”
I finally meet his smile. “Like they'd let you be a scout. And don't do that! Seriously, my life is screwed up enough already,” I tease, smacking him on the arm.
“Okay! Don't hit me. God, you're such a girl, one kiss and you can’t keep your hands off me,” he laughs, pulling me into a hug.
A girl’s high-pitched squeal and giggle, draws my attention. Asher has his hands on the ass of a pretty blonde hanging off his neck, giggling.
As Asher's eyes lock onto us, pure fury flashes in them. He pushes the girl away, and with a flick of his hand, I am surrounded with flames, forcing Mason to jump back a step me. I quickly swipe my hand over the flames and they disappear.
Ash is on Mason before I can blink. They are face to face, noses nearly touching.
“You got some nerve,” Ash spits out with venom, but Mason doesn't back down.
“I have some nerve? You dick! Who's the girl, Blaze? Do you even know this one’s name?” Mason points toward the wide-eyed girl just inside the door way. “You don't deserve Phoenyx. You never have!”
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