Every Sunrise

by Tricia Goyer

  He walked to the window and looked outside. Big flakes fell on the road. The beeping of some large machine neared, and Sam realized it was a snowplow. He just hoped that people were keeping the road clear for travelers.

  “Did you try their cell phone?” he asked Maggie.

  “Yes, still busy.”

  “You gave my grandparents easy directions to get here, didn’t you?”

  “Of course. You’ve already asked me twice.” Maggie rose from the recliner and stood by him at the window.

  “Maggie,” Sam yawned wide. “Do you think my grandparents are going to be mad at me?”

  “Well, Sam, you know them better than I do. What do you think?”

  “I think they will—but they are probably more worried than anything.”

  “I bet you’re right.”

  “Do you think they’re going to let me see my dad? Or were they just saying that?”

  “Well, from everything you’ve told me, they seem like honest folks.”

  “Yeah, and they believe in keeping their word too.”

  Just then Sam noticed a familiar truck parking outside the center. Then his grandma climbed from the truck.

  He felt like running out and wrapping his arms around her neck, but held back.

  He hesitantly walked to the door and opened it.

  “Sam!” his grandmother exclaimed, rushing toward him with open arms.

  “Hi, Grandma. I—I’m sorry—for everything.” Sam couldn’t hold himself back any longer. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and squeezed hard. “I’m glad you made it okay.”

  His grandma pulled back, and he watched as she wiped tears from her face.

  His grandfather followed. “Sam.” It was all he said, and then he put his hand on Sam’s shoulder. Sam couldn’t read his emotions from his face. “So, I hear you’ve found Kevin Slater?”

  “Yes, I can go there, right? Today?”

  His grandma nodded. “Yes, but, well, Grandpa wants to talk about things first. To let you know how much we’d like you to stay with us, even if you do find your dad.”

  Sam scratched the top of his head. “I thought you’d want to kick me out after this.”

  “We are a little frustrated with the problems you’ve caused, but you can never do anything that will make us want to give up on you.”

  Sam glanced at the wall behind them and remembered his thoughts from earlier that day. “Yeah, I think a plan is good.”

  “Can we use the bathroom first to freshen up?”

  Sam introduced them to Maggie, and she led them toward the bathrooms.

  Sam scratched Abe’s ear. “Man, you have it easy being a dog. No family to deal with, just lots of walks and pats.” Sam curled back on the couch and used the remote to click off the television.

  Then again, Sam realized, families were work, but they were worth it. To be cared for was something he’d taken for granted.

  As he thought about what the next hour would bring, he realized that whatever the outcome, he’d always have some place to fall back to. Some place to go. Realizing that made him think of something else he could write on the wall:

  Sam.

  I can go home.

  Charlotte attempted to eat the nice lunch that Maggie had made for them—grilled-cheese sandwiches, sliced cucumber, and boiled eggs. Instead, she hardly could swallow a bite. She was worried about Bob, who had dark circles under his eyes. And she was frustrated with Sam, who acted as if today was the most exciting day of his life. In fact, he could hardly sit still as he ate, rising to check the weather outside, folding and refolding the slip of paper in his hand that had Kevin Slater’s address on it, petting the dog and whispering in its ear as if they had a secret of their own.

  Mostly, Charlotte was worried about coming face to face with Kevin Slater again. She was angry with the man for abandoning his family ten years ago. And although over the years she’d thought about him and prayed for him, she’d never expected there would come a day when she’d have to see him, speak to him. It made all the pain real, fresh.

  As the minutes ticked by, Charlotte could tell that Bob wanted to talk to Sam. Maggie must have realized it too. “I’m going to take Abe for a quick walk around the block. When I get back I’ll draw you a small map to lead you to that address you’re looking for.”

  Abe seemed almost reluctant to leave Sam, and Maggie had to use a dog treat to lead the lab out the door. When she left, Sam leaned back in his chair and folded his arms as if he was preparing himself for the lecture to come. And it did.

  “Sam, do you know how much you worried your grandmother and me?” Bob leaned forward in his chair and rested his arms on the table. “You lied to us. You stole from your grandmother. You put your life at risk.”

  “Yes, I know. I—I’m sorry.” Sam turned to Charlotte and she could see sincerity in his gaze.

  “You should have come to us,” Bob continued. “We would have made a plan. We would have come with you.”

  “Honestly?” Sam asked, pulling his hoodie over his head. “I thought you would have tried to talk me out of it.”

  “Maybe we would have. But we’ve always wanted what’s best for you, Sam.” Charlotte reached over and patted his hand. “We’re stubborn in our old age, but not heartless. We realize how hard all this has been on you.

  “But I just want you to know that no matter what happens today, you’re welcome back on the farm. Of course, you’ll be doing extra chores to make up for all the expenses, but you’ll always have a place with us.”

  “All right.” Sam nodded slowly. “Yeah, that makes sense. Thanks for, uh, going with me.” Then he stood and moved to the door where his sneakers were. He put them on and glanced back with a wince. “Now, can we just get this over with? I can’t handle the anxiety anymore.”

  Charlotte glanced at the lunch dishes and thought about insisting they help Maggie clean up before they left. But deep inside she felt the same way. She wanted it done. Over.

  “We can do the dishes when we get back.” She rose and slid on her jacket. “I’m with Sam, Bob. Let’s get this over with. And once we see Kevin we can discuss where to go from there.”

  Maggie got back from her walk and gave them directions. It was only a fifteen-minute drive before they were turning down a street lined with apartment complexes. The buildings had peeling paint and looked foreboding against the gray sky. Charlotte looked at the numbers and then glanced at the directions Maggie had given her. “There it is, the first building on the right.”

  Bob parked the truck in the visitor’s parking section, and Charlotte turned to Sam, who was wedged between her and Bob on the front seat.

  “Would you like us to walk up there with you?” she asked.

  “Actually, I feel as if it’s something I need to do myself. I’ll come back and get you in a few minutes—depending on what my dad says.”

  “Okay,” Charlotte opened the door and slid from the seat. “We’ll be waiting.”

  Then she climbed back in and watched as Sam reached the concrete steps that led to the second story. He took them slowly as if his body was too heavy to carry him upward. As she watched him, Charlotte’s heart felt heavy too.

  So much, Lord, for a young man to handle. Be with him. Help him. No matter what happens, give Sam the peace to know this is how things were meant to turn out …

  And, Lord, give me the same peace. No matter what comes of this moment.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Standing outside the door, Sam could hear the sound of the television playing inside. It sounded like cartoons—Scooby Doo. His stomach flipped as he realized that cartoon had been his dad’s favorite.

  He wanted to glance back at his grandparents, to see if they were watching, but then changed his mind because he knew they were. The air was cold and nipped at his nose. Sam breathed in a long breath and then let it out slowly. Then, gathering up enough nerve, he raised his fist and knocked hard.

  Two seconds later the door opened. He
’d been expecting his father’s face, but instead he saw a young boy with blond hair standing there.

  “Yeah?” the boy asked.

  “Trevor, who is it?” a woman’s voice called.

  “I don’t know.” He shouted back. “Who’re you?”

  Sam opened his mouth and then closed it again, wondering if this kid was his brother. He sort of looked like Christopher, but not really. Sam’s stomach rumbled, and he was sure he was going to throw up. He’d never considered the fact that his father might have a new family—a different wife. Different kids.

  “I’m sorry, can I help you?” A thin woman wearing a large Broncos sweatshirt approached the door. Her hair was short and dark. She looked nice enough. “If you’re selling something I’m afraid I can’t help you out.” She started to shut the door.

  “No.” Sam found his voice. “I’m not selling anything. I’m looking for someone. Kevin Slater.”

  The woman paused, and her brow furrowed. “What do you want with Kevin?”

  “To talk with him, that’s all.” Sam took a step back, hoping to show the woman he meant no harm.

  The woman patted the boy’s head. “Trevor, you can go back and watch cartoons now.” The boy did as he was directed and the woman stepped closer to Sam.

  “I’m sorry. You’re too late. Kevin hasn’t lived here for three months, at least. If he owes you money, then don’t come to me. I don’t have anything to do with that.”

  Sam felt himself sink into a dark cloud of disappointment. “Do you have any idea where he went?”

  She shrugged. “Sorry, can’t tell you that. All I know is we got into a big fight and he took off. He didn’t come back. Didn’t call. You’d think he’d treat me more decent than that after as long as we’d been together. You aren’t in trouble with the law, are you?”

  “No. I, uh—” Sam swallowed hard as he prepared to ask the next question, realizing that the kid was most likely his half brother.

  “And, uh, how long was that? How long were you together?”

  The woman eyed him again, studying his face. “Nosy, aren’t you? But I guess it doesn’t matter now. Almost a year. Just when my kid got used to having him around he’s gone. Just like they all do.” The woman’s shoulders sank.

  “And you’re sure you don’t know where he went?”

  The woman shook her head and began to close the door. “No, like I said before—”

  “Okay, we’ll, uh, thanks,” Sam said, turning. Three months? His dad could be anywhere. On the other side of town or halfway around the world. He thought about everything he’d done and all those he’d hurt in the process. And for what? For nothing. Absolutely nothing.

  Sam moved down the first two steps, and then he felt a hand on his shoulder.

  “Hey, young man, wait.”

  Sam turned.

  The woman stood there on the landing in slippers and studied his face again.

  “Are you Sam?”

  Sam’s hand gripped the rail. “Yes. How did you know?”

  “From your pictures. Come inside and we can talk. It’s too cold out here to go into everything.” It was Sam now who eyed the woman suspiciously.

  “Come on now, I don’t bite. I assume you came a long way. From San Diego?”

  “No, I, well I don’t live in San Diego anymore. And my grandparents. They are waiting for me in the car.”

  “Okay, yeah,” the woman stepped inside the house. “They can come in too. The house is a mess, but I have some things to show you. Things you’ll want to see.”

  “I’ll go get them.” Sam hurried down the steps again, the weight he’d been carrying around for the past few weeks lifted. His dad wasn’t here, and this woman didn’t know where he was. But the fact that he’d talked about Sam—that he’d showed this woman photos. Well, that meant something, didn’t it?

  Sam jogged to his grandpa’s truck, being careful not to slip on the ice. His grandma opened the door as she watched him approach.

  “My dad isn’t here, but his old, uh, girlfriend wants to talk to us. She says she has some things for me.”

  “Does she know where he is?” Grandpa asked.

  “No, he’s been gone for three months.”

  Sam looked at his grandma, sure he saw relief on her face.

  “Okay,” she said. “We’re here. We might as well talk to this woman.”

  Sam led the way through the snowy sidewalk and up the stairs. His father had left, but had not forgotten him. It was something to cling to, no matter how small it was.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Charlotte glanced around the small apartment, noting the young boy sitting in front of the television set. The apartment was sparsely furnished. The woman invited them to sit around the dining room table.

  “I’m Marla, by the way.”

  “Nice to meet you. I’m Charlotte, and this is my husband, Bob. And, of course, you’ve met our grandson, Sam.”

  The woman sat across from Charlotte, her hands clasped together. “Wow, I wasn’t expecting company today. I’m afraid I don’t have any snacks to offer you.”

  “No, that’s not necessary. We’ve just had lunch, and we’re getting on the road soon and heading back to Nebraska.” Charlotte glanced at Sam, wondering if that was his plan. They hadn’t talked about him returning home with them, but she hoped that he would.

  “I’m sorry I can’t be of more help. I have no idea where Kevin is. We got in a fight, you see, and he left. He always came back before, but not this time. He left most of his things, including the items I was going to show Sam.”

  “How long ago did he leave?” Bob asked. Charlotte knew her husband honestly didn’t care if they ever found Kevin Slater, but perhaps he was trying to show Sam that he was concerned and did want to help.

  “Three months ago. Right before Thanksgiving.”

  The young boy ran into the room. “Mommy, I’m thirsty.”

  “Just a minute. Can’t you see I’m talking?”

  “I can get him something.” Charlotte rose.

  “Sure, thanks. The glasses are in the first cupboard on the right. There is juice in the fridge.”

  Charlotte opened the cupboard and found a faded plastic Superman cup. In the refrigerator she saw a loaf of bread, a half-carton of juice, and little else.

  She poured juice for the boy and handed it to him with a smile. “Here you go. What’s your name?”

  “Trevor.”

  Charlotte extended her hand. “Nice to meet you, Trevor. I’m Grandma Charlotte.” She closed the refrigerator door and noticed a drawing.

  “Did you draw this?” Charlotte asked. In the dining room she could hear Marla talking to Bob and Sam about Kevin Slater, saying how they met working at a mini-mart together, and they dated for six months before moving in together.

  Trevor smiled, and he pulled the picture off the fridge. “That’s me and my mom and Daddy Kevin, but he left and my mom cried a lot.”

  Another family left in heartbreak.

  “I’m sorry to hear that, Trevor.” She kneeled before him. “Make sure and give your mommy lots of hugs, okay? I think it will help you both feel better.”

  Trevor nodded, and Charlotte returned to the dining room table.

  “Trevor had gotten attached to Kevin. I had too. I thought for sure he’d come back, especially for the things he left.” Marla rose. “Hold on. Let me show you.”

  Marla held a small shoe box. She set it before Sam.

  “Uh, thanks.” Sam looked at Bob and then at Charlotte.

  “Go ahead. Let’s see it.” Bob tapped the top of the box.

  Sam opened it, his fingers leaving imprints in the dust on the lid.

  “Mr. Cuddl—” Sam’s voice caught in his throat. He covered his face with his large hand, and then shrugged his shoulders as if trying to shrug off the emotion. “It’s my bear. I had it as a kid. I thought it was lost.”

  “There’s more. Underneath.” Marla scooted her chair closer to Sam as she peer
ed inside.

  Sam took out a small pile of papers. “Ticket stubs from a Padres game. A photo of me and Emily. And look, the newspaper clipping from Christopher’s birth announcement.” Sam held something else up and then paused. The color drained from his face.

  “Sam, are you okay?” Charlotte reached across the table and touched his arm.

  “It’s a photo of Mom.” Sam placed it on the table, and Charlotte felt the tears coming before she could stop them.

  “Look, her hair was still long. She cut it after you were born. I can’t tell from the way she’s standing, but I’d guess this was taken when she was pregnant with you. See—” Charlotte pointed to the waves cresting behind Denise. “It’s at the ocean. It must have been right after they arrived in California.”

  Marla tried to force a smile, and Charlotte realized it must be awkward for her to hear them talking this way about Kevin Slater’s ex-wife.

  “And where is your mom now?” Marla asked. “Is she still living in California?”

  Sam lowered his head. “No. She—”

  “She passed away last year. Sam’s living with us now, in Nebraska.” Charlotte wiped away a lone tear that pooled in the corner of her eye.

  “Oh, I see. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” Marla paused and turned to Sam. “And your dad didn’t know. He would have told me, I’m sure, if he did.”

  Sam shrugged. “It doesn’t matter now. Things are good.” He looked across the table to Charlotte. Then he looked at Bob. “My brother and sister and I, we’re doing okay. The whole thing has taken some getting used to, but Nebraska’s home.” His eyes met Charlotte’s. “It’s as good as it can be without my mom, I suppose.”

  Charlotte felt warmth filling her chest. They had their grandson back, and though he’d still have consequences to face for his actions, she knew everything would be all right. He’d called Nebraska home—which is more than she’d hoped for. She smiled at her grandson as she rose. “We should be heading out.”