A Lesson in Forgiveness

by Jennifer Connors

  The ceremony was the usual, maybe the words were changed around a bit, but the “I do's” were the same. Of course, that word was used again. “Obey.” What was the point? It wasn't like most women didn't do exactly what they wanted anyway.

  After the ceremony came the wedding breakfast. Then the endless number of well wishers. Many of Whitmore's tenants attended a small garden party after the breakfast. Ginny was introduced to dozens of people, many of whom she would have to call upon and work with to make sure everyone was benefited.

  By four o'clock, Ginny was already worn thin and she still had the ball that evening. It seemed incomprehensible to her all the duties that went along with a wedding. It wasn't much different in her time, many brides nearly going crazy from all the planning. It was a strange way to start a new life.

  Tabby undressed her, gave her a cold compress with lavender oil to put on her eyes and ordered her to lie down for a couple of hours until it was time to redress her in her ballgown for the next leg of her day. It wasn't a wedding, it was a marathon and Ginny was certain she wouldn't make it. She had only the last leg to look forward to, the wedding night. She supposed she could dance with a few men to get to have that at least.

  Tabby was in rare form, dressing and doing her hair. Ginny had to admit that she looked quite stunning, in her satin and lace ballgown and her hair done up. She looked elegant, befitting the new Countess Whitmore. Ginny could feel Bethany's cheers inside her head, surpassing all her hopes of a good match. Of course, it remained to be seen if it was a good match.

  Her parents met her at her door and walked down the staircase and to the doorway to the ballroom. It was there that she saw Colin again. She'd lost him during the garden party and barely spoke to him at the breakfast. She knew that they would be expected to dance once together, then she would be whisked off to dance with just about everyone else.

  Holding out his arm for her, he looked down and said rather staidly, “You look beautiful.”

  Gee, thanks, she thought at his lack of enthusiasm. Putting on her fake smile, she looked back up at him and replied, “And you look very handsome, husband.”

  There was a flash of something at her mention of the word husband, like he'd forgotten that part. He quirked his lips to a smile that was more creepy than reassuring. That familiar feeling was filling her again. The same one she'd had all week that warned her against marrying him. She took a deep breath and told herself that it would be alright.

  The doors were opened and Ginny met a magnificent sight. Hundreds of candles lit up the large ballroom, with dozens of guests lining up to view their entrance as man and wife. Colin led her forward, where she plastered her fake smile on her face and acknowledged those she knew. The quartet began to play a quadrille and before she could object, Colin lined her up for their one and only dance.

  Refusing to think, she let the music move her to the steps that Bethany had learned years before. Surprisingly, she got through it without hurting herself or others. Once complete, her husband took off, blending into the crowd so she wasn't able to locate him. Just as well, she thought, she was tired of feeling bad about what had happened.

  Ginny was forced to dance with several other men before she was able to escape to the terrace. There were a few others on the terrace, enjoying the cool breeze of the late July night. The stars shone brightly above and Ginny relished the alone time she had. It would not last.

  “I must say you make a beautiful bride, my lady.”

  “Thank you, Lord Clarendon.” Well, it just gets better and better.

  Coming to stand next to her, he stared up at the sky as she had. Watching him from the corner of her eye, he looked silly, like he was trying to solve the mystery of the universe.

  “I hope to see you in London more often. Perhaps you can save a few dances for me at the next ball we both attend.”

  “Perhaps.” What was he up to, she was searching her mind for a reason for the changed attitude.

  “Lady Whitmore, I owe you an apology. The wager was childish, to be sure. But you must know that I never meant for this to happen. I had been drinking and some of the other men made a comment about my monopolizing your time. It was truly poor judgment on my part. Please say you will forgive me and allow me to be your friend once again.”

  Ginny thought it was a nice speech and she didn't believe one damn word. Turning to look at him, she smiled and said, “Of course I forgive you, Miles. I'm sure we can remain friends despite your egregious lack of judgment.”

  Miles laughed. He knew she was on to him and loved the way she could turn it back on him. It was not the first time that night he felt he'd made a huge mistake in letting her go to Whitmore. He only hoped it would be the last and he could move on. Perhaps even still having her as a lover, rather than a friend.

  His stare was intense and spoke of carnal desire. Ginny didn't think it was right of him to be so openly appreciative of her on her wedding day. She wasn't the only one.

  “Bethany, it is time.” His terse tone was not missed by Clarendon.

  “Good evening, Whitmore. You certainly have a beautiful bride here.” Clarendon bowed to Ginny and started to walk toward the ballroom doors. Under his breath, so only Colin could hear, he said, “Don't do anything to ruin it. There are many who would take your place in a heartbeat.” With that, he was gone.

  Ginny was escorted through the ballroom, receiving well wishes from the crowd. The married or widowed guests gave her knowing looks. The single girls, especially Lavinia Slowden-Plough, stared daggers at her as she passed. Ginny kept her chin up and she smiled her way through. Through to what, she still wasn't sure.

  Chapter 13

  Colin escorted her right to a new door, her new room. This room was attached to his private bedroom. Bowing to her, he left her alone. She opened the door to a room twice the size as the one she had previously occupied.

  The opulence was overwhelming. Rich fabrics, the color indeterminable in the candlelight, covered every surface: chairs, bedspread, canopy and curtains. Deep Persian rugs covered the floor and the furniture, all a solid cherry wood, filled the remaining spaces. She had two large windows again, still facing the gardens. A door to the right opened and Tabby came in to assist her in undressing. Over her arm lay a satin nightgown, ordered special for her wedding night.

  After washing and changing, Ginny went to sit on the bed. The mattress was so comfortable, she almost fell asleep waiting for Colin to show up. Deciding that would put a damper on her “best sex ever,” she got up and began to pace around the new room. Going to the vanity, she opened an exquisite little box. Inside, there was jewelry: diamonds, emeralds, rubies and sapphires. The pieces were gorgeous, much more lavish than anything Ginny had ever owned, let alone Bethany. As she examined each piece, she didn't hear the adjoining door open and close.

  Feeling his presence before she heard him, Ginny turned and stared at her husband. Most of his body was still in shadow, but she could feel his intense gaze. Ginny closed the box and walked back to stand by the bed.

  Colin stood in only his dressing gown. He hated that he still wanted to punish her for her mistake. He removed the gown and folded it neatly over the chair by the hearth. Turning fully toward her, standing completely naked in order to embarrass her, he waited to see how she would react. Her response was only to stare, starting at his toes and working her way back to his eyes.

  Ginny noticed that her husband's body was much better than she had imagined. There was no fat on him, only broad shoulders, muscled chest and well toned legs. She'd caught sight of his butt when he turned and it looked model perfect. His chest had a smattering of hair that she found she wanted to touch. She was disappointed to see his penis flaccid, but she hoped she could change that.

  Wondering why women had special lingerie made for their wedding night when it only ended up as a pile on the floor, Ginny reached down and lifted the nightgown over her head and stood before him naked as well. She saw his careful perusal of her body, spen
ding a bit more time on her breasts. She saw that what was once flaccid was now a raging erection, big and demanding.

  When he still didn't move, Ginny walked to him, putting her hands on his chest and feeling the soft hair. She found his nipples and played with them for a moment, feeling them tense beneath her fingers. Moving closer, she began to kiss his neck and shoulder. When he still didn't move, she decided it was time to be more bold.

  Flattening her hands against this chest, Ginny moved them downward. She knelt down in front of him, coming face to face with his arousal. Her hands completed their journey by moving around the back and grabbing his firm buttocks. She could feel his unsteady breath and his impassioned stare, but still, he did not move.

  Pulling her hands to the front, she wrapped them around his erection, feeling the soft skin, the bulging veins and the bulbous head. While one hand caressed the shaft, the other cupped his sack. At her touch, she heard his quick intake of breath, knowing that what she was doing was affecting him. When he still made no move to touch her, she took him in her mouth, using her tongue to play with his sensitive tip.

  Colin watched his wife with awe. First, she seemed more curious than appalled by his display of nudity. Then, when he refused to move out of spite, she took matters into her own hands, quite literally. Now, she was using her mouth on him and it was nearly enough to drive him mad. As much as he would love to allow her to finish him right now, he had to consummate this marriage. And to do that, he needed her ready and willing.

  Pulling away from her, Colin knelt in front of his wife. When she moved to kiss him, he instead bent to kiss her breasts, lick the nipples he'd felt through her clothing, never in the flesh. She put her hands on his shoulders and when she leaned forward, he could feel her long hair on his back. He was aching for her so badly now it was like the most blissful torture. He stood up and held out a hand to her. She took it without question and followed him to her bed. Climbing up, Ginny laid back and Colin went back to kissing and tasting her breasts.

  As much as he was angry at her, he didn't want to hurt her physically. So he took his time, using his hands to explore her body, using his mouth to tease her breasts and nipples. Slowly he reached down between her legs and began to rub her gently. He felt her shudder from his invasion, felt her muscles tighten to the sensation.

  Ginny laid back and let him take control. His hands were not as adept as Ian's had been, but she was in a different body, so that may have had something to do with it. She opened herself up to him, allowed him to play with her nub, felt her body react to the sensitivity. Colin began to enter her with his finger and that was nearly her undoing. As he continued his assault, rhythmically moving his finger in and out, Ginny could feel the familiar budding of passion, the building of her orgasm.

  Suddenly, his tongue was there, teasing her clitoris and making her cry out in pleasure. She couldn't think, she could only feel. It was one of the few times her doubts were laid to rest. How could he not care when he was able to give her so much pleasure. And then, through a burst of light, she came with a shudder. Her body, her center, was racked with waves of titillation. Ginny could only remain still, enjoying the effects of his teasing.

  Colin felt her wetness, knew she was prepared. He surprised himself by using his mouth on her. It was more than he wanted to give her, more than she deserved. Although he wanted her wet, he hadn't considered giving her too much pleasure. He found he couldn't resist the urge to taste her, to know every part of her body.

  Kissing his way up her body, Ginny felt hypersensitive to his touch. The urge to have him inside her, born from the earliest time and bred over thousands of years, was making her beg him to come to her. She opened herself up, both physically and emotionally, letting him join with her, become one.

  Lifting her hips, he slid inside slowly, deliberately. Meeting her resistance, he pushed through as quickly as possible, embedding himself in her. Her walls were tightly clinging to him and he had to fight the urge to move. Instead, he waited for her to make the first move, to let him know she was ready. It was killing him. She was so hot and wet and willing. Colin had plenty of willing women before,

  but never someone so innocent, untrained. It was more than he could handle.

  Panting over his invasion, reveling in the pleasure, fighting against the pain, Ginny soon felt as if she couldn't take it anymore. She pulled her hips away, then pushed them back. Colin joined her in the tempo of lovemaking. He would pull out, then come rushing back in to fill her. Despite the soreness of her torn flesh, the pain was forgotten to the building thrill his erection was creating in her. The new orgasm that was being beckoned. Ginny wrapped her legs tightly around Colin's waist, anticipating the rushing feelings.

  The faster he rocked, the more desperate the feeling. It was a burning, a longing. The female orgasm is hard to describe, and harder to achieve. Ginny relished how easily she achieved such bliss in this world, the romance novel world. All at once, her release was found, exploding through her body. She gripped his shoulders, digging her nails into his skin. A moment later, Colin found his release, spilling his seed deep inside her. He grunted and scrunched his face, enjoying the waves that were washing over him.

  Opening her eyes, she stared at his face until he looked down at her. Ginny reached up and brushed his cheek, hoping he would lower himself and kiss her as he had done those few times before. Instead, he moved off her and rolled onto his back, leaving her cold and exposed. As she turned to snuggle to his side, he quickly rose and walked to the wash basin in the corner.

  Once there, he went about pouring water into the basin, grabbing a cloth and removing the proof of her virginity. Lying on her side, she watched him go about the task. When clean, he grabbed his robe, put in on, tied it in place and walked to their adjoining door.

  When the door closed, Ginny realized that the entire time Colin had been in her room, before, during and after their lovemaking, he had not spoken a word. No words of tenderness. No words asking if she was alright or if she had been pleased. No words of anger either. For that matter, he had not once kissed her on the lips. It was as if he had made the whole affair as impersonal as possible. She was simply a means to an end, nothing savored, nothing risked.

  Ginny wanted so much to walk through that door, scream at him over his callousness, but the thought scared her too much. Some people say that the opposite of love is hate. They're wrong. The opposite of love is apathy. And Ginny was too scared to think he was now apathetic to her. That was a tall hurdle to overcome. Not that she loved him, she didn't. But she did have to live with him until whoever saw fit to send her either to the next novel or home.

  Rising from the bed, Ginny walked over and washed herself up. Then, she picked up her new satin nightgown off the floor and put it back on. Without thinking, without feeling, she climbed back into bed and pulled up the covers. Sinking deep into the mattress, Ginny felt herself slipping into the oblivion that only sleep could provide. Before she could surrender completely, a thought occurred to her. Why would he have even bothered having sex with her if he didn't care? The answer was so simple, and so disturbing, that it brought tears to her eyes. Once consummated, the marriage could not be annulled. Ginny was stuck until death did one of them part.

  Ginny had a strange dream. Colin was standing over her, presumably staring at her, she couldn't quite tell in the dark. Then he was gone. It seemed the perfect metaphor for their relationship so far. She woke up at her usual time, but didn't have the energy or spirit to get up. Many of the guests were leaving early this morning and she should get up with Colin to bid them farewell, but couldn't face all the knowing smiles and jeers. Instead, she would let Colin do it, since it looked as if his life wouldn't change in the least.

  Late in the morning, Ginny could no longer ignore her screaming bladder. She got up, rang for her maid, and then went about taking care of business. By the time she left the water closet, Tabby was entering her room from the side door.

  “I have a bath be
ing made ready for you, my lady.”

  “Thank you, Tabby. Do you think you can call me Bethany?”

  Tabby walked back through the same door, with only her laughter left behind. As Ginny rounded the bed, heading for the door, she noticed something on the side table. It looked like a letter. She was almost certain it hadn't been there yesterday. Walking over tentatively, she picked it up as if it contained some incendiary device. Turning it in her hands, she saw it had her name on it.

  She opened the letter. Inside was only one thing: a banknote for fifty pounds. Ginny stared at the piece of paper for a long time. At first she didn't quite know what to make of it. Then she realized it was Colin giving her the winnings from the bet. He was paying her for services rendered.

  Before she could stop herself, Ginny flew through the side door. Tabby watched her pass as she slammed open the next door that led to Colin's dressing room. Then once more through the door that would lead to his bedroom. Knowing that he wasn't likely still there, she checked anyway, still clutching the banknote in her hand.

  Coming back into her own dressing room, Tabby stared at her with wide eyes. Ginny's look was murderous and there was only one person who deserved her anger. Muttering to herself, she re-entered her own bedroom and threw the banknote back on the side table. Ginny was no longer thinking clearly, she only wanted to hurt someone. Tears were streaming down her face and she was pacing like a caged animal.

  “My lady. Are you alright?” Tabby stood in the doorway, ready to bolt if necessary.

  “NO! That bastard!” Ginny crumpled to the floor and Tabby ran over to put her arms around her.

  “What happened?” asked the little maid, trying to offer comfort.

  Looking at her maid, speaking in a deceptively calm voice, Ginny said, “I'll tell you what happened. I made the biggest mistake of my life. I married a man I thought was honorable and it turns out he's just a huge prick.”