Angels at War

by Freda Lightfoot

  He gave her hand a comforting squeeze. ‘I’m sure it is as you say, nothing more than silly shop girl gossip.’

  ‘Then why mention it?’ Fury was rushing through her veins, hot and fierce. She refused to believe it. Mercy would never do such a thing, not after the way they’d grown so close in prison. But then Livia recalled how that brief warming of relations between them had quickly cooled. Was this the reason? But Mercy with Jack? ‘You still haven’t shown me any proof. Have you seen them together?’

  Matthew was mentally kicking himself for ever having started along this road. That first careless remark had led him into a mire from which he couldn’t seem to extricate himself. Admittedly he didn’t care for Jack Flint, didn’t think him good enough for Livvy. But although he freely admitted that he wanted her for himself, he’d not intended using underhand methods. Now he’d managed to offend her. He sighed, giving up all hope of a tête-à-tête later in his steam yacht. ‘I saw him enter the premises where she lives.’

  ‘So what does that prove, except that they are friends? Mercy has looked upon Jack as some sort of honorary brother for as long as I’ve known them.’

  ‘I’m sure you are right and I am wrong.’

  Livia glared at him in cold fury, hating the fact that he was agreeing with her now. ‘Take me home. At once! I refuse to listen to tittle-tattle.’

  ‘As you wish, Livia. If I was wrong to tell you, then I’m sorry. Like I say, I just want you to be happy. Would that I could be the man to make you so.’

  Livia woke before dawn the next morning with but one thing on her mind. She must speak to Mercy. Difficult as this half-sister of hers might be, not for a moment did she believe her capable of such scandalous behaviour. Nor would she believe it of Jack. Livia didn’t ask herself why it mattered so much. She and Jack hadn’t been getting along well in ages, and yes, it was another man who held her heart, but she still cared about him. He was her husband, and the thought that he hadn’t loved her, after all, was too dreadful to contemplate.

  Livia didn’t linger in her bed. She had planned to spend the morning assembling and checking her kit as she expected to receive her posting any day now. Instead, without even pausing for a morning cup of tea, she walked into town determined to catch Mercy before she started work. The girl had just come out of breakfast when Livia accosted her on the stairs.

  ‘Can we have a word?’ Livia thought her cheeks paled slightly, but it might simply be the dim light in this part of the building.

  ‘I’ve got to report to work. You know what the old dragon is like if you’re late.’

  ‘It won’t take a moment. We’ll step outside, shall we? Find a bit of privacy.’

  Livia led the way down the stairs and out into the yard at the back of the store. It was quiet at this time of day, most deliveries arriving later. She thought of a time years ago when a much younger Mercy must have come in through this very door seeking a father who was a stranger to her, hoping he would save her from certain starvation by at least offering her a job. Instead he’d had her incarcerated in the workhouse. Livia understood the source of the girl’s bitterness, realised she’d hated Joshua Angel from that day forward, for his treatment of herself, his illegitimate daughter, as well as his callous neglect of her dying mother. And she’d found many ways of taking revenge on Ella and Livia, even though they too were victims of Joshua’s cruelty. Yet it was hard to imagine she would sink to such depths.

  Livia wasted no time in coming straight to the point. ‘I’ve been hearing some unpleasant gossip about you, Mercy. I thought you should know of it.’

  ‘Oh?’ The younger girl met Livia’s enquiring smile with defiance in her stance. She stood, arms folded, head on one side, foot tapping impatiently on the stone flags, and cool indifference on her face.

  ‘Do you know what I’m talking about?’

  Mercy rolled her eyes. ‘I haven’t the faintest idea. I don’t listen to gossip. I like to keep meself to meself.’

  ‘I’m sure that you do, but …’ Now that she was face to face with the girl, Livia was feeling increasingly uncomfortable. Her manner was neither forthcoming nor friendly. ‘But on this occasion you are the subject of it. Can you think why that might be?’

  ‘Why don’t you tell me. You’re clearly dying to do so,’ Mercy sneered.

  Livia took a breath, striving to sound dismissive and unconcerned, as if it were of no account. ‘Well, I’m sure there can be nothing in it, and I for one don’t believe a word of it, but a tale is going around that you … that you are having some sort of fling with my husband.’

  Mercy blinked, then widened her eyes, a picture of innocence. ‘What, me and Jack?’

  Livia smiled on a sigh of relief. ‘I knew it was all nonsense. I gave absolutely no credence to it. I blame those silly shop girls, proper gossips they are.’

  ‘Credence. Fling. You’re as bad as Ella, you, for using fancy words. Why don’t you use the right ones?’ Mercy laughed, her face contorted with venom. ‘Aren’t you supposed to be a “modern” woman who likes to call a spade a spade. We’re having an affair. Isn’t that a nicer word? Much sexier. I’m sleeping with your husband. Oh, didn’t you know? Didn’t he bother to tell you? But I assure you that it’s much, much more than a torrid fling. He loves me. Me! Not you, you silly cow.’

  By the time she’d run out of breath, Livia felt as if all the life had drained from her body. She was struck dumb, speechless in the face of this blunt speech. They’d made a fool of her, both of them. Jack had pushed her into marrying him because he’d wanted a family, and had now betrayed her, with her own half-sister of all people, when she’d failed to provide one for him.

  ‘It’s your fault for neglecting him,’ Mercy spat out her contempt. ‘He’s a man who needs a wife, and the comfort of coming first in her life, not a woman who ditches him in favour of her so-called career and worthy projects.’

  ‘Oh, Mercy, I’ve devoted my life to Jack these last two years. I’ve tried to make up for my neglect of him, for losing our child, I have really.’

  ‘It’s not enough, and it’s too late. What have you ever done for Jack? You’ve been a hopeless wife. You don’t even love him, not properly. I know where your heart lies and it isn’t with your husband. It hasn’t for some long while. I’m the one who really loves him, and he loves me. So go on, what are you going to do about it? Tell me that, why don’t you?’

  Livia looked at the other girl, humbled into silence. After several long moments in which she searched her mind for some sort of defence to offer and found none, Livia took a deep breath and resolutely stiffened her spine.

  ‘Whatever you might think of me, Mercy, I never meant to hurt him. I did love Jack once, and I do still care about him. But you are probably correct when you say I’ve been a hopeless wife.’ Livia felt utterly wretched having to admit this, her throat thick with unshed tears. ‘I had hoped, you see, that we’d work things out, get back to the way we once were. But I can see now that was just a pipe dream. Too much has happened, too much pain, too many mistakes. Thank you, Mercy, for at least being honest with me and admitting it. At least I know the truth now. I hope you mean it when you say you love him.’

  ‘I always have,’ Mercy said, surprised and somewhat chastened by Livia’s reaction.

  ‘Then I hope you’ll be good to him. He deserves some happiness. When this war is over, you must marry and give him lots of children. That’s what he wants more than anything, and I couldn’t even give him one.’ Tears slid down her cheeks and Livia rubbed them away with the flat of her hand. ‘Now I must let you get back to work. I, too, have preparations to make. I’ve joined the VADs, and expect to receive my posting any day now.’

  Livia walked away in a daze of pain before Mercy had time to say anything further. The conversation hadn’t gone at all as she’d planned or expected. Mercy hadn’t laughed off the gossip as complete nonsense but frankly admitted that it was all true. Her words had struck home hard and Livia felt betrayed and u
sed. Yet a part of her was also happy for Jack, that he’d found some sort of happiness at last.

  She passed through the big mahogany doors into the main part of the store without noticing the nods and smiles of the staff, let alone responding to them. She was half aware of Mrs Dee starting to approach her, and then seeming to think better of it and melting away again.

  Livia felt as if she’d lost everything. She’d forfeited all hope of happiness with the man she really loved for the sake of the child she’d later lost, and for Jack’s alleged love and need of her, which she’d lost too. As for her long-held dream of a career at the store, she’d abandoned that in a vain effort to salvage a failing marriage. She’d become involved with the WSPU because she’d failed to save her darling Maggie from a despair that had robbed her of life, yet they hadn’t been granted the franchise, despite what they’d endured in prison. It seemed that her best efforts had failed in every direction, her many sacrifices all for nothing.

  And tomorrow, Friday, Matthew would be leaving to join the war in France. She’d lost him, too. Livia suddenly turned on her heel and walked quickly back the way she had come. By the time she reached his office she was almost running, and quite out of breath.

  Without even pausing to knock, she flung open the door. There he was, seated at his desk, as conscientious as ever, despite what he faced on the morrow, and every bit as dear to her.

  ‘May I see you tonight? You could give me a glass of that Madeira you promised me.’

  His face lit up with joy. ‘I’ll pick you up the minute I’ve locked up.’

  They strolled by the lake, the sound of the gentle lapping of the waves almost soporific on this warm August evening. Soon it would be September, leaves would die and fall from the trees, and who knew where either of them would be by then. The thought brought a beat of fear to her heart.

  ‘You will take care, won’t you, out there at the front in France? You won’t catch any stray bullets.’

  ‘I will do my very best to avoid them,’ he assured her, linking her arm with his. ‘Would you mind very much if I failed in my efforts?’

  ‘Of course I would mind.’ Livia stopped walking to gaze up at him in shock that he should even ask such a question. He was so dear to her it pained her just to look at him, let alone imagine him at the front, under fire. ‘I can’t bear to think of anything happening to you – or to Jack either, to anyone I know.’

  ‘You’re a very tender-hearted girl beneath all that grit and determination. Perhaps that’s why I love you.’

  His words so startled her that Livia did not anticipate what he was about to do. He captured her chin between his finger and thumb and kissed her. It was not a light kiss, not in any way that of a friend and work colleague, and she made no effort to prevent it, allowing the kiss to deepen further, her tongue dancing with his.

  When the kiss broke she gazed up into his eyes, transfixed. She had never seen him look more serious. ‘I think I must be mad to come here.’

  ‘If so, then it’s a delicious sort of madness, one that I welcome. I love you, Livvy. I believe I have loved you from the moment you walked into the solicitor’s office on the day of your wedding. I can’t go off to fight a war in France without telling you that. I’m sorry I didn’t make it crystal clear how I felt about you much, much earlier.’

  ‘So am I, although in truth I doubt I needed telling. I think I knew it already, in my heart. I just stubbornly refused to accept it.’

  He smiled. ‘Too bound up in your campaign for freedom and independence?’

  ‘Something of the sort.’

  A silence fell between them while they both digested the honesty of this statement.

  He took her to his steam yacht then, but they both forgot all about the Madeira wine as he pulled the crimson cushions from the seats and fashioned them into a make-shift mattress on the floor.

  Livia thought his body beautiful as he quickly shrugged off the smart suit and cravat he’d worn specially to please her. She helped him with stubborn buttons, kissed his bare chest as she pushed his shirt from his shoulders. She could hardly breathe as he set about removing her blouse and shift, teasing and nuzzling her breasts; peeling off her stockings one by one, quickly followed by her skirt.

  Livia was no coy, blushing maiden and she loved this man. He was going off to war and she might not see him again for months. Or he might be killed and never return. She surely owed nothing to Jack now. Their marriage was all but over, and she returned Matthew’s love gladly, with all her heart. By turn tender, loving and passionate, they came together as two people might who had been kept apart too long by fate, and circumstance, and stubborn pride. It was the most romantic, beautiful experience of her life. If they never had anything else, at least they would have this night.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Livia’s first posting was at a military hospital in the north-east. She was able to travel free in her uniform, but the train was so crowded she could only sit perched on her case in the corridor. The starched collar felt stiff and uncomfortable, rubbing against her neck. It was just like a man’s, complete with black tie. The thick overcoat was suffocatingly warm on this mild September day, as was the wide brimmed felt hat. Most unbecoming. Yet fashion wouldn’t be a priority and warmth vital in the coming winter months.

  The station platform had been crowded with soldiers and sailors being seen off by their loved ones, and a lump came into her throat now at the memory of saying goodbye to Matthew only days before. They’d clung to each other for one last time, oblivious to the curious gaze of anyone who might know that she was actually married to another man, far too caught up with the pain of losing each other.

  Oh, but after he’d gone Livia had been overwhelmed with guilt. What had she been thinking of? Was it wounded pride at hearing how her husband had betrayed her that had made her behave like some wanton trollop? Matthew’s mother had accused her of being a woman of loose morals. Perhaps she was right.

  Yet it had been the most perfect night. How could she ever regret showing Matthew how much she loved him when they might not be together again for months? At least he would have some sweet memories to cherish as he lay in the mud of the trenches. And one day, God willing, he’d be back in her arms for good.

  Ella had seen her off today, weeping and worrying, bestowing many food parcels upon her and plenty of advice about keeping warm and eating her vegetables.

  ‘I love you, dearest. Do take care,’ she’d cried as the train had pulled out of the station.

  Her sister’s concern had made Livia feel vulnerable and cherished all at the same time. But she was young and strong and intended to look upon this as an adventure. All that mattered was that Matthew come home safe and well. Jack too. It was too soon to consider what would happen to them all after that. For now, they had a war to win, and personal feelings, hopes and dreams didn’t come into it. Livia knew she’d made many mistakes in her life, albeit with the best of intentions, but she intended to put her heart and soul into this enterprise and try to at least make a success of it. Lifting her hand to brush away a stray tear she accidentally nudged the passenger beside her.

  ‘Oh, I do beg your pardon.’

  ‘Don’t mention it,’ came the reply, followed by a stifled giggle.

  ‘Mercy? What on earth …?’ Livia stared in disbelief as her sister set down a suitcase and squashed in beside her.

  ‘I’ve volunteered for the VADs too. I did the same first aid course, remember, and I thought you might need someone on your side when the going gets tough. We survived prison together, so happen we can help each other get through this war. We are still sisters, or were last time I looked.’

  ‘I don’t believe this. You are the most irritating, the most vexatious, the most confusing and surprising person I know.’

  Mercy shrugged, looking somewhat shamefaced. ‘Perverse, my mam used to call me. Look, I wish I could say I was sorry – you know, about me and Jack – but I can’t. I love him, so that’s t
hat.’ Her cheeks suffused with pink. ‘I didn’t think I’d get over losing my George, but then I realised that it had been Jack I really loved all along. So there it is.’

  ‘I understand.’

  ‘Aye, I think you do. It knocked me sideways that you were so generous and forgiving. I don’t really deserve that.’

  ‘Yes, you do. You’ve had a hard time of it, Mercy, and underneath all that bluster and obstinate quest for vengeance, I think there’s a warm, loving heart hidden in there somewhere. I’m sure you inherited it from your mother. You certainly didn’t get it from our father.’

  Mercy managed a smile. ‘You might be right there. It’s being so needy that makes me mean. I don’t want to be that way, but I suppose that’s what I am. I want to belong to someone, d’you see? To be loved.’

  ‘We all want that, Mercy, it’s human nature. But don’t feel bad about loving Jack. I always knew, deep down, that you loved him, and that I butted in. Jack and I – well – let’s just say he was there for me when my father was making life impossible. Maybe I was too needy at that time, and mistook the emotion for love. Much of what you said hit home, and I’m not in any position to throw stones.’ The pair exchanged a look that was both frank and revealing.

  ‘Anyroad, I thought happen you and me could try again with this sister lark, what do you reckon?’

  Livia smiled. ‘I’m willing if you are. Welcome aboard.’

  Livia had had no idea what a hospital might be like, never having been inside one before. She imagined it as a haven of peace and quiet, faultless organisation, and white-walled sterility. The reality came as something of a shock.

  It was certainly the latter, but far bigger than she’d expected, with long echoing corridors and huge wards with absolutely no hope of privacy for the patients. Not that there were many of those yet, a mere handful occupied the long rows of beds that stood largely empty, which was all rather disappointing.