Doctor, Mommy...Wife?

by Dianne Drake

  “I’m not looking for the right woman right now. Did that once and that was enough for this part of my life.”

  Del laughed. “Never say never.”

  “Well, I’m about as close to never as you can get.”

  “Don’t be so pessimistic. You never know what’s going to happen in your life.”

  “True. But I’ve pretty well put myself into the no-relationship category for now. And what about you?”

  “I think I’m sitting right there next to you. I’m not really interested in finding someone right now. Charlie’s enough for me.”

  “You’re lucky to have him.”

  “I know I am. Which is why I don’t want to mess things up and bring in someone else. We’re good the way we are.”

  “But what if you met the one?”

  “What if you met the one?”

  He thought about it for a minute. “I suppose that’s one of those bridges you cross when you get there.”

  “And keep your fingers crossed you don’t get there.”

  “Come on now, it’s not that bad.”

  “Oh, it was that bad. And toward the end it got worse when he was cheating on me. It caught me off guard.”

  “You never expected it?”

  “At the time I didn’t. But later, when I thought about it, I realized he’d been playing me for a fool for quite a while. Then talk about feeling stupid.”

  “I guess that’s the way I felt, too. Pretty damned dumb. She didn’t cheat on me but she sure had another life going. Lied about it, and went through my bank account to do it. But in her defense I was busy looking the other way so I can’t blame her for that.”

  “You’d think they’d be honest about it, though. If you don’t want to be in the marriage get out, don’t bully your way through it like Eric did our relationship. He could have simply left.”

  Simon shrugged. “Who knows what goes on with people and why they do what they do?”

  “One thing’s for sure. I’m going to teach Charlie to be better.”

  “With you as his mother, Charlie’s going to turn out fine.”

  Del blushed. “I appreciate the compliment. I hope I do well with him.” She hoped to heaven she did well. Charlie deserved that from her.

  CHAPTER SIX

  “I’M GOING TO see Charlie in a couple hours or so. Care to tag along and have lunch with us?” she asked the next day. “He sure does like you.”

  “Can’t,” Simon practically snarled. “Too busy.”

  Where did that come from? “Fine. But if you change your mind...good. I’ll call you when I’m ready to go over.” She glanced at the clock on the wall. “Charlie eats between eleven and twelve.”

  “And when do you eat?” he asked.

  “Hardly ever when I’m on duty. Don’t have enough time.”

  “Don’t wait on my account. I have a lot to do.” The sacrifices you make for your kids, he thought to himself. He remembered all the sacrifices he’d made for Amy—the missed meals, the days off work, adjusting his schedule to fit to hers as she got older—none of which had been appreciated by Yvette, yet he hadn’t begrudged the child anything.

  * * *

  Charlie held his arms up to his momma and she picked him up and cradled him. As it turned out Simon wasn’t able to make it, he was so busy. “He’s fixed on something and I don’t know what it is, but it’s work, and you know that work comes first.” Charlie giggled then burped. “And you, of course. You’re always first.”

  She did wish there were something...anything she could do to help Simon, though. She felt so bad for him and she could understand what it would be like ripping your child from your arms because she had Charlie.

  Charlie snuggled his head against his mother’s shoulder, which indicated to Del that it was time for a nap. “I’ll see you after work,” she promised him, “or before if I can catch a break for fifteen or twenty minutes.”

  “He’s doing splendidly,” Mrs. Rogers said as she watched Del put Charlie down in his designated crib. “Plays with the other babies his age as much as a six-month-old can play, and he’s caught on to his routine easily. No separation anxiety. He’s really a good little boy, so there’s really nothing to worry about.”

  Del breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m the one who has separation anxiety,” she said. “And while you say there’s nothing to worry about, I still worry.”

  “Because you’re a good mother.”

  Maybe she was, but that didn’t stop the pit in her stomach from growing every time she saw Charlie in day care. She wanted so badly to stay home with him it hurt. But there was nothing she could do. This was her life and she had to make all the pieces fit together. “Thank you,” she said humbly. “But that doesn’t make it any easier.”

  “Well, for what it’s worth, it will get easier over time, once you’ve adjusted to your new routine. I’ve seen too many parents come in here and drop off their kids and be glad to get rid of them. It’s refreshing to see a parent who frets so much. But I promise you, he’s getting good care, as good as we can give him without being his mother.”

  “I appreciate that,” Del said, bending over the crib to give Charlie a kiss on his chubby cheek even though he was already fast asleep. “And if I get in your way or start making a nuisance of myself, please let me know. I don’t want to disrupt things here.”

  “We have fifty children, half that many workers and volunteer grandmas, and the presence of one more person here isn’t going to disrupt a thing. In fact, it’s good seeing a parent who wants to be so involved. Currently, we have only about a dozen or so parents who make an effort to have lunch with their children.”

  “That’s surprising,” Del said, quite stunned at the low percentage. How could a parent not want to spend as much time with his or her child as possible? “Look, I’ve got to be going,” Del said, giving Charlie one last kiss. “I’ll see you later, big boy,” she whispered in his ear, then went off to find Simon, who was simply standing in the clinic hall, looking at the patient board.

  “So many children, so little time.” He gave her a sideways glance. “So how was your lunch with Charlie?”

  “He slept through most of it. Seems he had a big morning.”

  “I’m glad someone did. I spent my lunch hour on the phone with the lawyer fighting for Amy. It seems like that’s all I do lately.”

  “Any progress?”

  “He said we can start from the beginning again but he wasn’t very optimistic that anything would change. He said I’d need more evidence that Amy’s being neglected or mistreated—something new that they haven’t seen before.”

  “Is there anything new?”

  “Not that I’m aware of. And since I never get to see her...” He shrugged. “It’s hard to tell.”

  “Would Amy ever call you?”

  “If she had access to a phone she might, but they make sure she doesn’t have access.”

  “So you can’t just call her?”

  He shook his head. “That would only make it worse on her and I don’t want to do that.”

  “Do you want to chat about it?” she said. “I’ve got fifteen minutes.”

  * * *

  They went to the doctors’ cafeteria, where they found a secluded corner and sat down, he with his coffee, she with her tea. “Let me make this long story short. Yvette took everything I had—my car, my money, my house. Everything. It was for Amy, she told me. She needed a way to support her, and I let her do it. But like an idiot I discovered she took it all for her new boyfriend. He was a gambler and he was tapped out at the time. I felt so stupid giving up everything, but that’s what I did and when I came here I barely had enough money to start over. The condo isn’t even mine—it’s a rental. My life is practically a rental because I wanted to take car
e of Amy and as it turned out I was left with nothing. Talk about being stupid.”

  “That’s not being stupid. That’s loving someone more than you love yourself and you can’t fault a person for that.” She took hold of his hand. “If you need more hours...”

  “More hours aren’t going to fix what ails me, I’m afraid. And it’s not the money. It’s being gullible to my ex. I didn’t expect her to do what she did, especially since it involved Amy. If anything happens to her I don’t have the means to take care of her properly.”

  “I’m so sorry, Simon. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through.”

  “I moved back to Chicago, because I love it here, but I was perfectly happy in Boston and would be happy anywhere Amy was. But Yvette and Amy are here now, and I’d hoped...well, let’s just say I’d hoped she’d come to her senses one of these days and give me visitation rights.”

  “And there’s nothing else you can do?”

  He shook his head. “Not a damned thing. The court has spoken and I suppose I could appeal again but I really don’t have a legal leg to stand on since she’s not my daughter and Yvette would never allow me to adopt her for fear she’d lose child support from Amy’s real father.”

  “Does he have visitation rights?”

  Simon shrugged. “I suppose he does, but all he is to Amy is a name attached to a bad connotation. To Yvette he’s a monthly check in the mail, and that’s it.”

  “Maybe her new stepfather is good? Although the fact he’s a heavy gambler doesn’t really put him in a very good light.”

  “I’m not judging him, because I haven’t met the man, but it’s hard for me to picture.”

  “Maybe if you talked to him he might come around.”

  “Like he did when he took everything I owned before.”

  Del sighed heavily. “Would either one of them listen to me?”

  “I doubt it. Unless you ante up and pay them. Nothing comes cheap or free wherever they’re concerned.”

  “So they wouldn’t be amenable to a civil chat from one of your friends?”

  “Nope. It’s all about what they can get out of any deal and they know they can’t get any more out of me...and there’s no reason for you to be involved in this mess.”

  “And in the meantime?”

  “I get by.”

  “Does this explain your mood?”

  “I hope so. Because nothing else does. I was on the phone with my lawyer earlier looking for another way in and he wasn’t encouraging. Told me straight up that he’d send me a bill first of the month so we could settle up and call it quits.”

  Del couldn’t even imagine what she’d do if someone usurped her rights with Charlie and took him from her. Someone such as the sperm donor who had changed his mind and wanted visitation or, worse yet, custody. The thought of that made her queasy and she pushed her cup of tea away. “You’ve got to be kidding!”

  “I’m afraid I’m not. He fired me.”

  “Can he do that?”

  “Apparently he can.”

  “Is there anything I can do?” she asked. “Give you a letter of recommendation or appear somewhere on your behalf?”

  “I’m afraid the fight is fought. As the judge so eloquently pointed out, I have no rights whatsoever when it comes to Amy. She’s not my child, I didn’t adopt her, and all I did was what any for-hire child-care worker would do for her.”

  “Seriously?” She was shocked by the judge’s lack of sympathy for a man who loved a child as if she were his own.

  “The hearing lasted ten minutes, the verdict came in instantly. Amy is lost to me forever.”

  “How old is she?”

  “Seven.”

  “Then she’ll have memories of you, so maybe someday...”

  “After Yvette does a number on me the way she did on Amy’s father, there’s not going to be any someday. She trashed Amy’s father every chance she could and Amy heard it. Yvette never took care to mind her words around her child and that has to have an effect. And I expect if I keep trying to get back into her life she’ll do the same to me. Kids that age are so impressionable, too.” He shrugged. “I’ve exhausted everything I know how to do without hurting Amy, or without involving her. Even my own attorney told me it was time to give up for the sake of the child.”

  “Why did you marry her if she’s so vindictive?”

  “I never saw that side of her until we’d been married awhile. Then when it came out, it came out ugly. She looked like a good mother. Amy had everything she needed, mostly thanks to me. But I wasn’t enough and she reminded me of that every day. I couldn’t provide the life she thought she deserved. And to be honest, I think she’d already set her sights on finding her next victim by the time we’d split, because she went directly into his arms three months later.”

  “With the man she married?”

  Simon nodded. “One and the same.”

  “Oh, I am sorry.”

  “So am I. Which is why I thought I’d better tell you the rest of the reason why I get so grumpy sometimes. I miss my daughter and there’s nothing I can do about it. I owed you that much. And I know all the psychology behind it, went to a shrink for a little while and got my head straightened around. But it still doesn’t take away the sting.” He shrugged. “Mixed moods is my diagnosis. The doctor said I’ll just have to put up with it because there’s nothing I can do to fight against it.”

  “And Yvette won’t even let Amy talk to you on the phone? I can’t believe that!”

  Simon shook his head. “No. It’s totally no contact.”

  “That’s cruel for both you and Amy.”

  “I can’t even imagine what Amy’s going through right now.”

  She let go of his hand. Let go of the smooth feel of his skin and hated to do so, but anyone looking on might misconstrue their hand-holding as something more than lending comfort in a bad situation. “Maybe things will change for you. Be patient. Something will work out. It just has to.”

  “That’s what I keep telling myself. But I’m not counting on it.”

  “Well, like I said, if there’s anything I can do...”

  “I appreciate that. But I’m afraid I’ve run out of options.”

  “You say they’re here in Chicago, though.”

  He nodded. “Which is one of the reasons I was desperate to come back home. First, because I love it here, but also because I felt more steady fighting for Amy here. And I’m closer in case...well, just in case.”

  Del glanced at her watch and stood. “I think it’s time we’d better be getting back. We’re already twenty minutes late. Oh, and, Simon—thanks for telling me. I know it can’t have been an easy thing to talk about.” Not easy at all, and her heart did go out to him. No wonder he didn’t want to get involved in a relationship. It was obvious his first marriage was horrible and he was now taking time out to sort things. That was something she understood well.

  * * *

  The afternoon was uneventful, with a waiting room full of sick kids, none of them serious. Some were the products of over-zealous mothers who thought sniffles equated to something bad, while others were sick with various colds, flu bugs and cuts and sprains. By all counts it was a nice afternoon—nice to not see anybody who was seriously ill, and Del was grateful for it as her mind was fixed on Simon and his mess of a life. Even after he’d told her, she still couldn’t believe that a caring mother would completely turn him away from her child. Which meant only one thing. Yvette wasn’t a very caring mother. She did everything out of her own selfish gain and didn’t care about her daughter enough to reunite her with someone who truly loved her.

  It was a very self-serving motive, especially since Simon had no financial obligation to the child. Yet Del bet that Simon had supported her for five years, glad to do so, and if he o
ffered to continue that support now, even though his circumstances were dire, she’d probably let him back in. So devious. “What a rotten thing to do,” she said to Charlie as she changed him out of his day-care clothes, gave him a bath and put him in his pajamas. “And there’s nothing I can do to help him.”

  She gave Charlie his dinner and spread his play blanket on the floor, but tonight he was being fussy. Wouldn’t eat, didn’t want to play. Only wanted to sleep. So she took his temperature to make sure he wasn’t coming down with anything, found it to be normal and simply sat in her antique Victorian rocker and rocked him to sleep. Just one of those fussy baby days and they did have them, as everybody did. So she didn’t worry as he pulled up his knees, stuck his thumb in his mouth and drifted off into a fitful sleep.

  After about fifteen minutes she put him down into his crib and leaned over to kiss him, but he shrugged away from her. “Tired from day care?” she asked. “Did you have a big day?”

  He didn’t respond to her voice, though. Instead, he simply shut his eyes and ignored her. So she checked him once again to make sure he wasn’t sick, but he showed no symptoms of anything serious except being extremely tired, so she turned on the night-light and turned off the overhead light and left the room, leaving his door open a crack lest he should start to cry.

  Her mother’s intuition was instantly on alert, as was her doctor’s intuition since Charlie wasn’t acting normal, but so far there was nothing to go on that pointed to him being sick. So she settled down on the living-room couch and picked up a medical journal to read. But for some reason, she was too antsy to stay down so she got back up to do some household chores like laundry and dusting—things she barely had time for these days. In fact, her time was so limited she was giving some thought to hiring a housekeeper to come in a couple days a week. She hadn’t decided one way or another, though, as she was still pretty adamant she could do it all. Even though all of it was not getting done as much as it had before she’d gone back to work.

  On impulse, she called Simon’s number and felt silly when he picked up on the second ring. “You OK?” she asked. “After our talk this afternoon I just thought you might be down in the dumps.”