Brazen Ecstasy

by Janelle Taylor

  Shalee caught her arm and held it tightly. “I want to know why you’re so afraid of him.”

  Leah pulled out all the stops, believing Shalee wouldn’t confront Gray Eagle with her lies. “He would kill me if I told you what… I can’t, Shalee. I must leave before they find me here.”

  “Whose safety concerns you more, Leah: mine or yours?”

  “Your life is in no danger! You’re Black Cloud’s daughter and Gray Eagle’s wife. I’m only a despised slave. I can be punished or sold if it suits them. Running Wolf is a savage, but he doesn’t abuse me if I work hard for him. I can’t risk being sold to a man who would… you know what I mean!” she breathlessly finished.

  “You sound as if you resent me. I thought you said we were friends.” Shalee wavered between sympathy and suspicion.

  “We are! The problem is you don’t remember that fact. All you know and feel are the colored words of your husband,” Leah sneered, mentioning the man with contempt and fear to inspire mistrust.

  “You’re saying he’s lying to me, deceiving me?” Shalee pressed.

  “How can I answer that? I have no idea what he’s told you.

  “Some things agree with your words; some do not. Tell me your side of this matter so I can understand,” Shalee beseeched the baneful Leah. What did Leah have to do with her? With Gray Eagle?

  “I can’t. You might tell him what I said, and he would… he would kill me,” Leah exclaimed in false panic, deliberating how far to press this first time. “How did you become a chief’s daughter?”

  “If I promise I won’t repeat anything you say, then will you tell me everything you know?” Shalee offered a compromise. How could they be good friends if Leah knew so little about her? Very odd…

  Leah gazed at her intently. “You aren’t the Shalee I know. I can’t decide if I can trust you,” she guilefully fenced.

  “You have my word, Leah. Whatever you say will remain between us, whether I believe it or not,” Shalee added, subtly telling the girl her words would not be instantly and rashly accepted.

  Leah hurriedly related the details of the precarious life of a white slave in an Indian camp. She told of her capture last year and her life in the Oglala camp. But she artfully wove a false tale of friendship and acceptance between them. “Many times we did our chores together. We washed clothes in the river; we filled water skins and gathered wood. We prepared food and skins for winter. I watched over Bright Arrow when you were busy. We shared many days together. We talked about our people, about lots of things women discuss. You were so kind to me, Shalee. I don’t know what I’ll do now. Now that he has you back, he’ll get rid of me.” She slyly dropped a false clue.

  “Why would my return encourage him to send you away?”

  “Are you blind, Shalee? Look at us. See how much we favor each other? If your husband died and another man who looked like him was within your reach, what would you do? How would you feel about him?” she suggested. That insinuation struck a raw nerve.

  “What are you trying to tell me, Leah?” Shalee felt compelled to ask, warily observing this complex girl.

  “You are such a naive woman, Shalee. Women are ruled by their hearts; men are ruled by their loins. Even sadness doesn’t halt the needs of their bodies.”

  “I’m still not sure I follow you,” Shalee murmured, her heart racing, her stomach knotting.

  “Gray Eagle assumed you were dead. He is a virile man, Shalee. He needed a woman to take care of Bright Arrow, to do his many chores, to… ease the hunger in his… body for a woman. He saw you in me. I am but a slave here; I cannot refuse any command.”

  “What was his command, Leah?” Shalee persisted, anger and jealousy mounting within her, unwillingly recalling the currents that had passed between Leah and Gray Eagle on her return.

  “There is only one way to ease such hungers, Shalee.”

  “Did you and Gray Eagle…” Shalee flushed, unable to complete her question. Had he lied to her, disarmed her?

  Careful, Leah cautioned herself. Don’t go too far. “When the word came of your survival, the timing couldn’t have been better, Shalee. In just a few more minutes, he would have… I need not finish.”

  “Then you didn’t sleep with him?” Shalee pressed in curious relief.

  Leah fumed at her rival’s vivid reaction to that fact. To wipe the pleasure from Shalee’s face, she declared, “He put on his clothes and shoved me aside as some suddenly repulsive whore! I hate him. I am not some mindless, unfeeling animal to be treated that way. You should be glad you don’t remember him and your life with him.”

  “I think you should leave now, Leah. It could cause trouble if they find you here. Perhaps we can talk another time. I’m still weak and I need some rest.”

  Leah smiled sadly. “I’m sorry, Shalee. I didn’t want to tell you such things. Please forgive me. I hope we can become friends again.”

  “We shall see, Leah. First, I must deal with more pressing matters. I have a son to consider.”

  “Don’t worry about Bright Arrow. He’s a wonderful child. You’ll adore him whether you remember him or not,” Leah happily exclaimed, needing to leave on a lighter note. “Call me if you need anything at all.” With that deceptive offer, she left.

  Shalee was tense and drained. What she needed was the peace of mind and optimism Leah had stolen. Innocently or intentionally? Shalee hadn’t missed the gleam that filled Leah’s green eyes at each mention of Gray Eagle’s name. Did it hint boldly of fierce hatred or carnal desire? Was Leah happy or sad at her return? If such a moment of weakness had taken place, who would have been the tempter and who the victim? Leah, Leah Winston… are you friend or foe? Another piece to a trying puzzle that was coming together slowly and perilously….

  Much later, Shining Light came to bring Shalee some nourishing soup. She smiled and stated, “Kokipi sni, Shalee. Koda,” she claimed, pointing to herself.

  Why should she be afraid of this amiable woman who offered her friendship? There was no reason. She smiled warmly and agreed, “Koda.”

  Shining Light wished she could speak with Shalee and ease her worries and doubts. Their language barrier made her solace and encouragement impossible. Only her actions could speak for her.

  When Shining Light left, Shalee was calmer. Surely Leah had exaggerated or was merely consumed with fear at her own precarious situation. Shalee couldn’t deny the warmth and affection in the eyes and manner of Shining Light, or the love in Bright Arrow’s twinkling eyes. Where was he? Why hadn’t he come to visit his own mother?

  As if she had actually called out to him, Bright Arrow excitedly burst into the quiet tepee. He ran to her and flung his arms around her neck. He chatted rapidly, holding out a necklace. She watched him in rising intrigue and pleasure. Her son… she caught his face between her hands and scanned it. He allowed her eyes to walk over his face, her touch warm and gentle.

  He was a small image of his father. She could detect none of her features in him. Perhaps that was a stroke of good luck, considering he would someday become an Indian chief. Her son, a kingly chief? How strange that sounded as it echoed through her mind. He appeared a happy child. His ebony eyes sparkled with life and mischief. His body was sturdy and healthy, tanned to a vibrant copper shade. His hair shone like the sun reflecting off a raven’s wing. He was a handsome and vivacious lad.

  She smiled and hugged him. “I am proud to have you for a son, Bright Arrow,” she murmured, her heart instinctively and helplessly reaching out to him.

  At her English words, he looked up at her. Puzzlement clouded his features. “Ia Oglala?”

  Tears misted her eyes. “I’m sorry, my son, but I don’t understand.” As she observed the distress upon his face, she wept. “God, how I hate hurting you and troubling you this way.” Her embrace tightened.

  The perceptive child smiled and hugged her fiercely in return. “Kokipa ikopa,” he offered in love.

  Shalee knew those words well by now; still, how could she not
be afraid? He nestled his head to her breast and held tightly to her as she rocked back and forth, weeping softly. Gray Eagle entered and halted abruptly, wondering at the agonizing sight before his eyes. He came forward and squatted before them.

  “Shalee? What troubles you?” the emotion-tinged voice asked.

  Bright Arrow’s head jerked around and he exclaimed, “Why is Mother crying, Father? Is she in pain?”

  He lovingly tousled the dark hair as he said, “She hurts because she cannot speak to her son or hear his words. We must be patient, my son, she is still very weak.”

  “But she is my mother!” he argued unnaturally, the situation tormenting his childish mind. He held up the necklace and declared, “I brought her a medicine wanapin to make her well.”

  “The Great Spirit will know when to make her well again,” Gray Eagle vowed.

  “But I want her well now,” the child stressed impatiently.

  Shalee asked what her son was saying. Gray Eagle met her teary gaze and explained about the necklace and his confusion. “He hears my words, Shalee, but he is too young to understand such matters.”

  Shalee lifted his chin and vowed earnestly, “Waste cedake, michenkshe.”

  Bright Arrow hugged her and shouted with glee, “See, Father! The wanapin has made her well!”

  “No, Bright Arrow. I taught her those words. You must help me teach her more.” He reminded the boy that he asked for help with this problem.

  Bright Arrow gazed at his mother and asked if she understood him. When her gaze shifted to his father’s face for translation, his heart lurched. “Why did the Great Spirit make her head white?” he demanded angrily.

  “Come, Bright Arrow, we will talk while Shalee rests,” Gray Eagle coaxed.

  Abnormally defiant, the child lifted his chin in rebellion. “No. I will remain here and make her well again.”

  “It will take time for the injury to heal, Bright Arrow. Your mother is weak. We must leave and talk quietly,” Gray Eagle stated sternly, his disapproving glare noticed by both people.

  “What’s wrong, Gray Eagle?” Shalee inquired in mounting concern.

  “He wishes to make you well this very moment. He refuses to believe his own mother cannot remember him or speak with him.”

  “Please tell him how sorry I am. What is happening to me?” she cried out in torturous frustration, forgetting Leah’s taxing visit.

  “Do not unsettle yourself, Shalee. I will make him understand. Come, Bright Arrow; we must not upset her,” he firmly ordered.

  Bright Arrow whirled to face Shalee. He flung his arms around her waist and clung tightly to her. Between sobs, he shouted over and over, “No! No! No! I will stay with my mother! She needs me!”

  Gray Eagle attempted forcefully to extract the child from her arms. His distress increased. “Leave him a few more minutes, Gray Eagle; I’ll try to calm him down. This must be frightening for him.”

  But the stalwart warrior realized her distress was quickly matching his son’s. He must end this agonizing confrontation. “Come, Bright Arrow!” he stated more firmly, a hint of impatience and harshness lining his voice.

  It required physical strength to break the child’s desperate hold around Shalee’s exhausted body. Gray Eagle imprisoned his son’s wrist in one powerful grip and lifted the squirming child. Gray Eagle spoke to him once more. Whatever he said, the child ceased his struggles. Large tears eased down his cheeks from sad eyes. The anguish upon his face ripped into Shalee’s body like thousands of sharp needles.

  She stood up, swaying with renewed weakness from her emotional upheavals. Distraught, she stroked the child’s hair and offered him her love and excuses. “Do not do this to him, Shalee! Do not entreat him to reach for what you cannot give! He is suffering enough; do not make the suffering greater. I must reason with him. Rest; I will return later.”

  “But Gray Eagle…” she began.

  “Silence! I know what is best here! Your white words fill him with defiance and pain! Must all suffer so greatly at your loss? Think of our son! He does not understand why your mind wishes to be white and not Oglala!” Gray Eagle irrationally vented his own frustration and anguish upon her head. It didn’t help matters any that one of his warriors, a close friend, had been brutally murdered and his body mangled by saber wounds that very morning. Shalee had no way of knowing the pain that knifed through her husband at that moment.

  His words rained upon her like harsh blows. She shuddered and paled. Wide-eyed and terrified, she backed away from his unleashed fury: fury and cruelty that matched Leah’s insinuations! His glare spoke far louder and more clearly than his previous words of love and tenderness. She gaped at this stunning facet of her alleged husband. Contact with a side-pole halted her instinctive retreat from such vehemence and coldness.

  In the middle of his exasperated outpouring of grief and tension, he witnessed a look and an action that instantly silenced him. Those were the responses he dreaded. “I did not mean to speak so harshly, Shalee,” he swiftly apologized. “My mind wars with my heart this day. When I have spoken with our son, I will come to speak with you.”

  “Don’t bother! We have nothing further to say. I would not force my disgusting English upon your Oglala ears. Do not concern yourself with the feelings of a selfish white girl. I don’t need your understanding or your help. Get out! I want to be alone.” Tears welled in her eyes, tears that she struggled to contain there. Her fatigued body trembled with anguish and weakness.

  “My tongue was swift and cruel, Shalee. I did not mean to say such things.”

  “I think you said exactly how you feel inside! You don’t care how I feel or what I think! All you care about is how it interferes with your life! It doesn’t matter that mine has been torn asunder. Just go away and leave me alone!”

  As Bright Arrow witnessed the tense scene that he could not comprehend, he whitened and shook. Gray Eagle glanced down at him. “I will return soon. Our words bring alarm and fear to our son.” He turned to leave. He must speak quickly with Bright Arrow and leave him in the care of Shining Light. He was panicked by the destructiveness of his words and behavior, unaware of the helping hand of Leah behind it.

  The moment the flap ceased to waver after his hasty departure, Shalee’s vision blackened and she slipped to the hard ground, yielding to its protective shroud.

  Chapter Ten

  Shalee was gradually aroused by the feel of a cool, wet cloth upon her face. She opened her eyes and looked up at Gray Eagle. “What happened?” she inquired, her look of concern suddenly deserting her eyes for a frostiness to fill them. She pushed his hand away and remarked, “I’m fine. You needn’t bother.”

  “I have hurt you deeply. My wits are slower than my tongue this moon. Much trouble has tormented me this day. It was cruel to cool my temper upon you. I ask your forgiveness.”

  She stared at him. “I do not understand you, Gray Eagle. You’re like two different men: one my friend and one my enemy. I never know who I will be facing each time we meet. If you hate the whites so fiercely, why did you marry me? You say one thing, then the opposite; you behave tenderly one moment, then brutally the next. I don’t know whether to fear you or to…” she didn’t complete her sentence.

  “To love me,” he supplied the correct ending. “Once you did both, then only love ruled your heart. There is no need to fear me, Shalee; I have enough fear for both of us. And I despise this fear and weakness.”

  She forced the challenge to his words back into her throat. “How is Bright Arrow?”

  “He is calm now. It is hard for him. But a child’s mind can be distracted from cares he does not grasp. Your injury is unreal to him except when he views it. That is why I have kept him away. There is no need to let him suffer as we are suffering.”

  “You blame me for this problem, don’t you?” she accused.

  “I blame the whites,” he parried.

  “But I’m white.” She instantly countered his attempt to answer without answering. �
��Who are you, Gray Eagle? Did I ever truly know you?”

  The words she spoke needed no explanation. “The same is true of you, Little One. Who are you? You are two women in one body. I see and speak with Alisha, but Shalee is there for a moment. Why do you imprison her within your mind?” he entreated earnestly.

  “Is that what you think, I’m doing this intentionally? I’m not! I don’t know what’s happened to me or why. Maybe there were things my mind needed to forget,” she declared unthinkingly.

  “What things would you wish to forget?” He pounced upon her words, piqued by that unexpected discovery.

  “How should I know? Are there?” She threw out another challenge.

  “Your words are strange, Shalee. We were happy. We shared much love. I do not understand these doubts and resistance.”

  He went on to relate why he had been so upset earlier. He pleaded for her understanding and forgiveness. He discussed the demands of this matter upon each of them. His gaze narrowed and hardened when she surprisingly asked if Leah was taking care of their son. “Our son stays in the tipi of Moon Gazer and Shining Light. Leah is Running Wolf’s slave, not mine.”

  Recalling her promise to Leah, she mastered her uncertainty in another way. “Who cared for you and him while I was thought dead?”

  “My father was gone; Shining Light and Little Flower had much work to do. Soon we return to the Plains. The white slave cared for our son and cooked for us. Why?” he asked, perceiving some odd tone and mood. Why all the interest and questions about Leah Winston?

  “How is Leah treated here?” She asked another question, ignoring his. She shifted uneasily beneath his discerning, piercing gaze.

  “She is a captive. She works. She is not punished for she does what is commanded of her,” he replied indifferently. “Why?”

  “What is commanded of her, Gray Eagle?” she persisted.

  “You wish to know her tasks?” he asked incredulously, suspiciously. Something foul was in the wind!

  “Yes,” she declared succinctly, eyes wide and searching.

  When he finished his description of the life and duties of a white slave, she asked in that same odd tone, “Is that all she does for you?”