Yes Chef, No Chef

by Willis, Susan

  Katie locked her car and stared at her in surprise. “And I was just going to ring you and see what you were doing tonight?”

  She opened the boot and lifted a small holdall out. “Well, Sarah and I both thought you’d be miserable on your own so I thought I’d come and stay until she gets back,” she said grinning. “Well, that’s if you want me to, of course?”

  Katie grinned at her and once again thought how fortunate she was to have such great friends. “Oh Lisa,” she said and felt tears prick the back of her eyes with their kindness. “That’ll be great, thanks. To tell you the truth I was dreading being on my own.”

  Lisa put an arm along her shoulders and gave it a squeeze. “Still no word?”

  “No, nothing. I’ve made my mind up now that he’s never going to get in touch…”

  “Come on,” she said slamming the boot closed. “Let’s get inside, open a bottle and make a plan.”

  Katie pulled together a scratch dinner, opened a bottle of wine and they ate ravenously for a few minutes without talking. “Gosh, I didn’t realise how hungry I was until I smelt the food.”

  Lisa licked at a stray piece of linguini from her chin. “Me too. I think it’s amazing how you can just pull something together like this with every day ingredients. Even with a dozen recipe books I wouldn’t be able to do this…”

  Katie smiled at her friend. “Hmm, I remember one night at your flat when Sarah teased you about your lack of cooking skills and had said that if feeding the three of us was left to you we'd live on pizza, bags of salad leaves and cherry yoghurts!”

  Lisa loved everything Katie cooked because she couldn't cook at all. In fact, she told everyone that the only thing she'd ever used her oven for was to warm her jumpers during the winter and she wasn't exaggerating.

  With a glint of mockery in her eyes Lisa said, “Well, I can’t be good at everything, now can I? I do have other skills that don’t necessarily take place in a kitchen…”

  Katie giggled and was really pleased Lisa was with her because she felt so lost and lonely in this alien situation without Tim and although she was still furious with him, she missed him and the apartment terribly.

  Lisa placed her spoon and fork into the empty pasta bowl and raised an eyebrow. “You, OK?”

  “Yes, of course,” she said trying to smile. “It’s just all very strange without him.”

  Lisa cleared the dishes and stood looking puzzled at the dishwasher controls. “Hmm, this looks tricky,” she said. “I don’t suppose we could just stack them in the sink for tonight?”

  Katie laughed and joined her. “I’ll see to that. You go through and open another bottle.”

  “Now that I can do. I’ve had plenty of practice with bottles,” she said smirking.

  Loading the dishwasher Katie thought of Lisa and how totally opposite she was to Sarah; in fact all three of them were different in their own ways and her mum often commented about the strange trio they made. Their backgrounds and careers were totally different and Lisa was eight years older than Sarah and Katie, so how or why they clicked together she wasn't quite sure but would always be eternally grateful that they did. She’d been overwhelmed by their love and support over the last couple of days and knew she couldn’t get through this without them.

  Katie wandered into the lounge just as Lisa read out a text from Sarah, “She sends her love and is hoping I’m looking after you properly.”

  Katie smiled. “She’s such a mother hen. I wish she could meet her Mr Right and have some babies,” she said, “but I have a feeling that even Mark isn’t him.”

  “I know, Katie, but the Prince Charming she’s waiting for probably doesn’t even exist,” she said and picked up a magazine to use like a fan wafting her face which was beginning to flush.

  As she held her arm up Katie noticed a circle of sweat on Lisa’s underarm which had stained into a damp patch on her white T-shirt and felt so sorry for her.

  “Shall I turn the heating down?” Katie offered.

  Lisa pulled a comical face. “No thanks, I’m OK. It’s just one of these bloody hot flushes. They only last a few minutes and if you turn it down then we’ll be chilly later.”

  Lisa always looked like what her mum would call a bit of a tart; she was tall and very slim with long blonde hair and carried herself with a forty year olds air of arrogance and confidence. She was a strong believer in making the most of ones assets and her strength lay in her open, gregarious personality. But Katie knew better. She knew most of Lisa’s appearance was a front which gave people the impression she was a hard nut to crack but underneath the facade and layers of make-up she was just as vulnerable as the rest of them.

  The minute Katie plopped down on the settee Lisa let rip. “You know, Katie, I’ve a good mind to go round to that restaurant and give him a piece of my mind for hurting you like this,” she said angrily. “And, who the bloody hell does he think he is ignoring you!”

  Katie sighed. “I know, I know,” she said feeling the sadness bubble-up into a choking mass of tears in the back of her throat.

  Her two friend’s different opinions had mirrored her own thoughts and the way she’d been feeling all day. One minute she felt tearful and upset and wanted to run and throw herself blindly into his arms like Sarah would do, and then ten minutes later she felt annoyed and angry like Lisa was now, knowing he should be the one contacting her because it was all his fault.

  She saw Lisa’s expression change from anger to pity. “I mean after all the weeks you’ve put up with his shitty behaviour he should be round here grovelling on his knees begging for your forgiveness not bloody ignoring you…”

  She turned her head away from Lisa struggling to keep control. “I know, and I’ve been making excuses for him all day thinking he could be lying in bed feeling terrible because I’ve walked out.”

  Katie could tell by the look on Lisa’s face that this wasn’t likely because suddenly she avoided eye contact and began to pick at the stitching down the seam of her trousers.

  “What?” Katie asked. “You know something, don’t you?”

  Lisa took her hand. “Oh honey, he’s not in the apartment grieving about you because I drove past him this morning turning into the restaurant car park,” she said and began to pat the back of her hand in a clumsy attempt at comforting her.

  It didn’t work and Katie swallowed down the tears that were more from embarrassment now than emotional upset. She felt such a fool thinking that he would be too upset to get on with his usual day-to-day life. “Oh God, Lisa, what a first class idiot I really am…”

  Lisa switched into full-support mode. “No, you’re not, you are just in utter turmoil so let’s try and get you sorted out,” she said. “I hate seeing you agitated like this and I think it’s time for some action?”

  Katie sighed heavily. “Yeah, I think you’re right. He’s had three days to sort himself out and still nothing, which probably means he still can’t see that he’s in the wrong. You know Lisa, if I could just see just a glimmer of my old sweet natured Tim…”

  “People change,” Lisa said gravely, “and not always for the better. Believe me I know, I’ve done the leg work.”

  Katie smiled shakily at the words. Lisa was working with an American woman and Sarah had been teasing her because she kept using some of her expressions.

  Lisa continued. “And you’re convinced this change in him started with the new head chef job? Because if so, then it’s obvious this is the way he reacts to stress. In my experience people usually behave in stressful jobs very differently but after a while they usually quit or find some other way of dealing with it.”

  Katie nodded dejectedly. “Yeah, well maybe Tim’s way of dealing with it is by taking it out on me?”

  “Hmm, it certainly looks like it. And if he’s not even prepared to talk about it then I suppose it’s up to you now?”

  Katie looked at her questioningly. “How come?”

  “Well, if it was me I’d start by asking myself
some questions,” Lisa said. “Like do I want to go back and try again with a guy who doesn’t even recognise he has a problem, let alone is willing to change? And am I prepared to carry on hoping that in time he’ll revert back to his old self because I still love him and will stick by him no matter what shit he throws at me? Or, do I decide if this is him now, then as much as I loved him, I really don’t want to be with him anymore?”

  “Phew!” Katie exclaimed. “I think you’ve just put everything that has been going round and round in my head since Sunday into three simple questions.”

  Lisa gulped at her wine and smiled. “It’s not easy. But if you don’t mind me saying I think it’s about time you started to think about yourself and what you really want.”

  Katie laid her head back onto the settee and felt the knot of emotion in the back of her throat tighten. “I know you’re right,” she said. “I think I’ve spent so much time worrying and dancing around his moods that I’ve forgotten about me in all of this.”

  “Very often the case,” Lisa sympathised. “Feeing confused never helps but at least now we’ve put the problems into some type of order, it might make you feel better?”

  “Yes, thanks, it does,” Katie said nodding gratefully. She could just imagine Lisa in her job as she took the emotion out of situations and directly solved problems with big teams of people – she was very impressive.

  Lisa refilled their glasses. “So, now we have the questions it’s up to you to take the time to think them through and later we can come up with a plan of action for whatever you decide.”

  Katie swallowed some wine. “Well,” she said anxiously, “I suppose if I decide to go back and hope he’ll change then I’ll have to make the move and ring him. But, if I decide I don’t want to go back, then…”

  Lisa butted in. “Then, you’ll still have to contact him to go and get the rest of your things and sort the money side out, right?”

  Heavens, Katie thought, what with all the upset since Sunday she’d never given a thought to money and the apartment. Lisa was right; she certainly had some decisions to make.

  Later that night as she lay on the bed she decided to email him from her mobile.

  To tim.davies from katie.charles

  Hi Tim, Not sure where to start with this email but as it’s three days with no contact I thought I’d see if you wanted to talk or try to sort things out? Or, if not I really do need to come and get some more of my clothes for work.

  Katie

  The email sat on the small screen for what seemed like ages while she changed it a few times, uncertain about what or how much to say. Did she end it with love, Katie or did she use the standard email jargon of best wishes, Katie. Surely she couldn’t use that because quite frankly she didn’t wish him all the best and changed it to simply read Katie, then gingerly pressed the send button.

  Snuggling down under the duvet she felt better than she had done for days because finally she’d taken some action and although she still wasn’t certain of the answers to Lisa’s questions, it was definitely a start to break the deadlock between them.

  Chapter Six

  With the questions creating chaos in her mind Katie couldn’t get to sleep and lay awake until three o’clock after which she must have dozed off through sheer exhaustion. Dressing for work, she decided whatever she was going to do would have to happen soon because she only had her grey suit at Sarah’s and not enough work shirts to last more than five days. Pulling the curtains open at the bedroom window that looked up onto street level she noticed Lisa’s car had gone and remembered she’d left early for a meeting.

  Pot of coffee for one then, she thought dropping two slices of bread into the toaster. If she decided not to go back to Tim then she’d be back to making single pots of coffee. But there again she sighed heavily, what would be the point of going back to the stress and strain of Sunday morning lie-ins and coffee pots for two when he wasn’t the man she’d fallen in love with? And, if she did try again and he didn’t change, the relationship would only deteriorate further and further until she’d have to leave and then go through the heartache all over again. Sighing with indecision she crunched and chewed the toast but it felt dry and unappetising in her mouth and she threw the second slice into the bin whilst drinking down the rest of the coffee.

  During the drive over to work she tried to rationalise her situation and had to face the fact that because it was four days since she’d seen him, and granted she had spent the time under the illusion that somehow it would work out all right, she had to accept that maybe it wasn’t going to. And, when she’d fled the apartment on Sunday night in temper it had never crossed her mind that it would be an indefinite separation. She found his silence hard to accept mainly because she’d always felt so confident about their love for each other. She’d known from their first week together that he was the one, the special love of her life that she’d read about in novels and heard other women describe from their relationship stories. And he’d said the same to her on many occasions that she was his special one, the love of his life, so how in God’s name had it all gone wrong - how had they lost their way? Or, she thought miserably, maybe he wanted to lose her and be alone to start again with someone else and was now delighted he’d been given the get-out-of-jail-free card. Was this how the last fourteen months of her life was really going to end?

  At lunch time she had a text from Sarah to say she’d had a brilliant night with Mark and had invited him on Saturday for dinner and hoped she would like him too when they met. This, she realised was something she simply couldn’t face. The thought of sitting with the two love birds for the whole evening would be heart breaking and suddenly she felt trapped with no escape route. She was a guest at Sarah’s which meant she didn’t have much choice in the matter and knew she should be grateful but she was just so used to her own independence.

  “Damn him!” she swore quietly, when she headed down the stairs towards the staff restaurant with Frances and explained the text to her.

  Frances moaned sympathetically. “That will be a killer,” she said. “Look, it’s nearly the weekend, why don’t you ring Tim? And at least try to talk to him?”

  “Me, ring him!” she said indignantly. “Why the hell should I ring him? I mean, why isn’t he ringing me?”

  Frances held up her hands in defence. “Whoa! It was only a suggestion.”

  “Frances, it’s his bloody fault I’m in this rotten mess and feeling in the way at a friend’s house,” she said angrily. “It’s OK for him sitting pretty in our apartment that I actually planned and spent hours decorating. Where’s the fairness in that?”

  Katie realised she was being unkind to Frances who was only trying to help. “Look I’m sorry,” she said, “I’m just…”

  “Angry?” Frances asked. “Yes, you’re angry now and it’ll do you good. Get this mess sorted out, Katie and don’t let him walk all over you. Lisa is right you need to be savvy about the apartment and especially about the money.”

  While they stood at the restaurant counter deciding what to choose for lunch she had a text from Lisa asking her if she would like to eat Indian food that evening rather than drinking more wine at Sarah’s, and furthermore she had free tickets for a play at the national theatre. Katie was delighted, this was just what she needed to keep her mind occupied and she readily agreed.

  Choosing a chicken salad while Frances opted for the daily special of mince and dumplings, one of the planning team called across for them to join their table.

  Katie moaned, “Frances, please don’t sit on their table. I can’t bear listening to all that rubbish about a sodding coffee mug being taken from a desk. They’re all so bloody anal it makes me want to scream at the trivia…”

  As Katie paid for her meal she saw Frances walk over to join another table where the sales team were seated and she inwardly groaned because this could turn out to be even worse than the planners but she had no choice than to follow and put her tray down opposite James, the head
of meat marketing. If there was anything that would make her head throb more it would be listening to him gloat about himself.

  She’d never liked James since her first month at the company when he’d made a pass at her on a works night out and because she’d been warned by Frances that he always tried it on with the new girl, she’d pushed him away. His dented ego had never let him forget it. It was common knowledge now that he was having an affair with one of the junior marketing girls who was a blonde nineteen year old bombshell while his wife, who Katie and Frances had met on numerous occasions and liked, was at home raising his three children.

  “Christ, if only it was so easy,” James groaned. “We’ve exhausted the two local restaurants, so according to her they aren’t special any more - well, not special enough for an anniversary dinner. So, it’s going to cost me a bloody fortune bringing her back into the city for a meal and then a taxi home again.”

  The poor woman, Katie thought while staring at his fat podgy hand gripping the knife and remembering how sick she’d felt when he’d tried to stroke her leg. “Well, how about fish & chips in a newspaper?” Katie commented sneering at him. “That way, she’ll know exactly how much she means to you.”

  He dropped his knife down with a clatter while everyone at the table sniggered and then his cheeks flushed red with embarrassment. “Yeah, good idea,” he smirked back at her. “But there again, it doesn’t matter what I give her to eat she’ll still be gagging for it as usual when we get home…”

  The other women at the table looked embarrassed and the men shuffled uncomfortably in their seats. Katie seethed at his revolting arrogance and was gearing herself up to fire another caustic comment at him when Terry, a divorcee from the planning department, stepped in as peacemaker and agreed it was hard to find good local places to eat.